Relying on rewards to influence behavior changes the motivation in children. Teachers of upper elementary grades through high school know this truth by the most common questions students ask: “Will the material be on the test?” and “Will this count on the grade?” Rather than being motivated by curiosity, the challenge, or the enjoyment of learning, the students’ motivation turns toward the external reward—the grade. The motivation is to do well for the teacher’s evaluation, rather than for the learning itself. In addition, and this is rather obvious, the more emphasis placed upon the external reward of the grade, the more students look for the easiest way to obtain it. Here is a paradox. Many studies have shown that the
READ MORE >>> →Without Stress Blog
A young man was speeding along the highway in his new Mercedes when he missed a curve, flew over a cliff, and totaled his car. A passing motorist found him mangled and bleeding. “My Mercedes!” sobbed the man. “My beautiful car… my CD player… my cellular phone! Gone! All of them gone!” “Good grief, man!” said the motorist. “How can you cry over a silly car when your left arm has been severed above the elbow!” The injured man looked down. “My Rolex!’” he wailed, “my beautiful gold Rolex.”
READ MORE >>> →When you use reflective questions, you are directing the other person’s thinking. It is this questioning process that starts the thinking process, both for you and for the other person. This kind of question is a gift to the person being asked because it induces clarity of thought. Similarly, the answer can be a gift to the person asking because it is a quick way to obtain and understand the other person’s viewpoint. Asking reflective questions increases the parent’s awareness of a child’s perceptions, thereby significantly increasing the parent’s understanding of the child. This clarification leads to both increased effectiveness and improved relationships. A key purpose of all communications is to gain understanding, to get clarity of the other person’s
READ MORE >>> →The following poem about personal responsibility was posted on the wall of a third grade class. The students wrote it themselves and they recite it every day. Our Responsibility Poem I am responsible for how I feel and what I do. Nobody can make me feel anything. If I have a rotten day, I am the one who allowed it to be that way. If I have a great day, I am the one who deserves the credit for being positive. It is not the responsibility of other people to change so that I can feel better. I am the one who is in charge of my life.
READ MORE >>> →Thirty-five Atlanta public school educators and administrators were recently indicted in connection with alleged cheating on standardized tests. The alleged cheating is believed to date back to early 2001, according to the indictment, when standardized testing scores began to turn around in the 50,000-student school district. According to the indictment, the superintendent placed unreasonable goals on educators and protected and rewarded those who achieved targets by cheating. It also alleges she fired principals who failed to achieve goals and ignored suspicious test score gains throughout the school system. A state review determined that some cheating had occurred in more than half of the district’s elementary and middle schools. About 180 teachers were initially implicated in the scandal of what was
READ MORE >>> →As I reflect on my recent visit to France, a few bits of information stand out. The most striking is the results of a survey. The question posed to the French people was: “Whose responsibility is it to pick up dog droppings?” The responses indicated that most people think it is the government’s responsibility. In other words, the impression they have is that “responsibility” is put on the government, rather than on individual citizens. During my trip, I learned that France has a mandated 35-hour workweek, along with 12 holidays and five (5) weeks of paid vacation. Also, it is illegal in France to hold two jobs. Although France and the United States have much in common, the cultures have many
READ MORE >>> →Many parents struggle with getting younger children to sleep. Usually, children want to stay up as late as the adults, even though their tired bodies are yearning for sleep. This typically occurs because the youngster is curious about life and doesn’t want to miss out on anything. If your child is resisting bed time, try this approach. Have the youngster talk about what was enjoyed during the day. By reflecting on something good, the child will go to sleep in a pleasant mood. In addition, have the youngster talk while lying down because more effort will be exerted than if the youngster were sitting or standing up. After the child finishes, speak or read in a soft volume. Exerting effort
READ MORE >>> →Young children are cute and we feel comfortable empowering them; we find it easy and it feels natural to communicate with them in positive ways. But we often treat them differently when the same children become adolescents. Should we? If a youngster doesn’t know how to ride a bike, we teach. If a youngster doesn’t know how to mow the lawn, we teach. If a youngster doesn’t know how to demonstrate good manners, we teach. If an adolescent doesn’t know how to behave, we teach? Or do we punish? Few young people are maliciously non-compliant. Too often, instead of using a positive approach to promote responsible behavior, we resort to negative methods. Rather than resorting to punishing, we can create
READ MORE >>> →The couple was in love and had a very successful marriage. However, the wife was never successful in having her husband pick up his socks. She tried every idea she could think of, but none seemed to work. As time went on, she began to resent his habit. Suddenly, the husband died. The wife reported that she very much misses picking up his socks.
READ MORE >>> →Parents often deliver explicit messages unaware of sending implicit ones. “Explicit” refers to the actual words you state. “Implicit” refers to what the receiver of the message is learning by inference. For example, tickets for a movie theater are more expensive for a 13-yearold than for a 12-year-old. In order to save money, the parent tells the 13-year-old daughter to state her age as 12. The explicit message is that saving money is desirable; however, the implicit message is that being dishonest is acceptable. The teenager tells the parent, “I may be home late tonight.” The parent asks, “Will there be alcohol or drugs where you are going?” The response is, “I don’t know.” The parent responds by saying, “You’re
READ MORE >>> →When you stop and reflect about punishment, you will conclude that much of punishment is revenge. The child being punished interprets it as “I’m getting back at you for doing what you did—or did not do.” When imposed on young people, punishment is on the opposite side of the same coin as rewards used as bribes. This type of rewards asks, “What will I get if I do it?” and punishments state, “This is what will happen to you if you don’t.” Punishment for adults who commit a crime is justified to keep criminals away from society, or for retribution, or for justice. If you think that a youth is an adult, then you will use punishment because you believe
READ MORE >>> →Either momentarily or regularly, we experience circumstances that are beyond our control. Be it with family members, weather or other natural forces, inconveniences, unpleasant assignments, or unrewarding relationships, we all encounter situations we cannot change. However, we can choose our responses to these situations. How we choose to handle life’s challenges largely determines how we feel about ourselves. As Oseola McCarty, a washerwoman who donated $150,000 to the University of Southern Mississippi, once said, “If you want to be proud of yourself, you’ve got to do things you can be proud of.” Choosing to respond positively in any situation improves the feelings we have about ourselves. A friend describes the feeling this way: “I like to talk about self-pride. I
READ MORE >>> →I received the following request: “I’m looking for advice on helping a young man of 18 (he’s in first year university) who has trouble when under pressure (interviews, etc.) with stuttering. Thanks in advance for any input you can offer.” ========= My Response: Have him start singing. When he does, he will not stutter. Advise him not to fight his blockage. Have him look for a different word. A stutterer knows ahead of time when the stutter will occur. So the technique is to redirect attention away from the word he anticipates that will block his speech. Fighting the blockage does not work. Move around it. This is a long process, but the only way he will improve is if
READ MORE >>> →Regardless of the situation, the stimulus, or the impulse, people choose their responses. To do otherwise would be to operate from compulsion. This is the beauty of being human. Unlike animals, we humans need not succumb to our reflexes or emotions. Furthermore, the less we succumb, the less we are driven by tyrannical obsessions. Therefore, one of our most important tasks as parents is to teach and model choice-response thinking—that even young people can be in control of their choices. So as not to fall back on previous habits and approaches, it is necessary to become aware of our options. You can do this very simply by teaching your child a procedure. Have the youngsters say, “I am choosing to…”
READ MORE >>> →Bob Sullivan of Woodbury Connecticut poses some interesting questions for teachers who plan on giving rewards as bribes to influence behavior. 1. When you use reward, who does all the work? (The teacher or the student?) 2. What rewards will appeal to my students? 3. Can I assume every one of my students will be satisfied with my choice of rewards? 4. Where would I buy them and how much will they cost ? 5. Since rewards are more effective if they are given immediately, how will I handle presenting the rewards? 6. If the target (incentive) is too difficult for some students and they just give up, how will I handle this? 7. If some don’t achieve the objectives
READ MORE >>> →Telling and lecturing as discipline are generally ineffective with young people who are trying to assert their independence. Besides, when young people become adolescents, they become “experts” in everything. Just try telling a teenager something and see how far you get. This phenomenon is captured in a quotation attributed to Mark Twain: When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished how much he had learned in seven years. You can visualize the scene. You are talking to your teenage son and attempting to inform him of the disadvantages of what he wants to do. You make your
READ MORE >>> →Although there are things in life that are out of our control, it is how we perceive them that is critical. This understanding is not new; it’s just not common. Centuries ago, the Greek philosopher Epictetus (55-135) proposed that we are disturbed not by events but by the views we take of them. In other words, it is not the event itself that is the problem; it is our perception of the event that creates our suffering. Is it a problem or a challenge? “Victimhood thinking” is a perception and the opposite of choice-response thinking. Besides creating unhappiness, victimhood thinking is also counterproductive to developing responsibility. A cartoon shows a young boy explaining his report card to his parents, as
READ MORE >>> →I had previously referred to the Alexander Technique, and have since been asked to explain more about it. The Alexander Technique (named after its creator Frederick Matthias Alexander) is a psychophysical re-education of the body and the brain. What we think affects the body; similarly, the body affects the brain. Alexander taught that a person has to control thinking in order for the body to act at its optimum. In essence, the technique has to do with the development of conscious learning to affect the body. Alexander started his movement because he felt that what he was doing with his body was incorrect. By studying his posture and movement before speaking, he discovered that his sense or feeling was unreliable.
READ MORE >>> →