Many people, both young and old, struggle with perfectionism. Notice I said “struggle with,” not “strive for.” That’s because a desire to be perfect is not always healthy and certainly not something people should strive for. Pursuing perfection typically focuses at looking for what’s WRONG. This can quickly put anyone in a negative state of mind. Additionally, the desire for perfectionism often results in negative physical symptoms. For example, nail biting may arise from perfectionism. The driving force behind nail biting may not be a nervous habit but instead anxiety in the form of perfectionism. Mounting evidence shows that people who bite their nails, pick their skin, or pull their hair are often perfectionists. Their action is an attempt help
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We all want successful relationships in our life. Whether that relationship is with a significant other, a child, a co-worker, or a friend. Successful relationships help make life more enjoyable. The key is how to keep those relationships from becoming stressors in your life. To help you navigate the many relationships you have, here are some tips for cultivating successful relationships. Logic prompts people to think, but emotion prompts them to act. Communicate on both levels. When someone upsets you, rather than talk about the person, focus on the behavior or comment that prompts upsetting or negative feelings. Share your feelings about the effects of what someone does or says. It’s healthy and aids relationships to say, “That comment really
READ MORE >>> →Chances are that at one point you’ve attempted to change another person. We’ve all done it. Unfortunately, most people try to prompt change in others the wrong way. Dr. William Glasser, the originator of “Reality Therapy” and “Choice Theory,” believed that attempts to change others by using “external control psychology” (including the common approaches of imposing punishments or rewarding to control) are eventually doomed to fail. He referred to such “external approaches” as the “seven deadly habits.” He listed them as: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control. To prove his point, just respond to the following: How do you feel when someone criticizes you? How do you feel when someone blames you? How do you feel when
READ MORE >>> →One of the most common questions people ask others is “why?” “Why did you do that?” “Why did you say that?” “Why is this happening?” Interestingly, the least effective question to ask in almost any situation is a “why” question. A few reasons that I do not ask “why” questions to a person, especially during times of conflict or irresponsible behavior are: The person may not know the motivation. He or she may not be able to articulate the motivation. The person may not want to tell you the real reason. The person may give an excuse, rather than take responsibility. There is no beneficial effect in asking, as it only satisfies curiosity. It takes the focus away from changing
READ MORE >>> →Fear is often negative self-talk about a perceived situation. You’ve probably heard that FEAR is actually an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. However, even knowing this, there are times when it is most difficult to think that a situation is not real. So rather than attempting to eradicate your fear, warm up to it. Too many people have the mindset of “If I’m afraid, I can’t do something.” But the truth is that you can do it even if you are afraid; it’s just less comfortable than doing something you are not afraid to do. But if you do it a couple of times, you won’t be afraid to do it anymore, and it will become more and more
READ MORE >>> →Collaboration is the key to lifelong success. In fact, if we want our children to succeed in school and later in life, we need to shift our mindset in how we educate them. Knowing this, here’s an important message for both parents and teachers: Just taking in information is not learning. Retention requires review, reflection, and (with a skill) practice. Force-feeding students more and more information at younger and younger ages is not the answer. Rather, we need to focus on understanding, mastery, and most important, collaboration. Why is Collaboration so Important for Learning? Outside of schooling, the importance of teamwork is absolute because people work collaboratively. It is ironic that in schools the emphasis is on performance of the
READ MORE >>> →I’ve written and spoken for decades about why it’s important to stay positive. Positivity is good for your health. Positivity lowers stress levels. It increases happiness. It prompts good relationships. The list goes on. However, sometimes, despite our best efforts, bad things happen to us, prompting us to dwell in negativity. Is it possible to stay positive during negative times? The answer is yes! Harold Kushner in his book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” writes that things do not happen to us for any good reason that would cause us to accept them willingly. But we can give them meaning; we can use tragedies by imposing meaning on them. Therefore, the question that we should be asking is
READ MORE >>> →Here is a marvelously successful idea to stop bullying. You can use this approach to prevent bullying in classrooms, reduce bullying school-wide, and even stop bullying behaviors in homes. The key is to approach the motivation of bullying that prompts people to bully others. Start with sharing the Levels of Development, which shows that choosing bullying behavior is operating on Level B—bothering/bullying. Here is the procedure I used as a teacher. You can use this procedure in any circumstance to reduce bullying behavior or even completely stop bullying. The Stop Bullying Procedure — Step One Use a ruler or book and hold it flat so viewers see only the thin edge. Announce that it is like a teeter-totter or seesaw,
READ MORE >>> →This website is filled with examples of how the Levels of Development work in the classroom. As such, many people assume that the system works in a classroom setting with average, everyday students, but that it has little application outside the classroom. Nothing could be further from the truth! The Levels of Development can be used in numerous scenarios, including at-risk youth. Consider the example of Frank Spino and how he uses the Levels of Development. Frank attended one of my seminars in Sacramento, California several years ago. He now uses the Levels of Development in various situations—including those when he assists the local police. I asked Frank to share how he uses the Levels of Development after arresting a
READ MORE >>> →Having good listening skills will make your life easier and your relationships less stressful. In fact, if you ask yourself how you know someone cares for you, one of your responses is likely to be that you know because the person listens to you. Without good listening skills, no relationship can flourish. Ask a husband about a good wife, and he is likely to say that he knows his wife cares for him because she listens to what he has to say. Ask a wife about a good husband, and she’ll respond that he listens to her. This is true with children too. When the parent says, “It’s about time you started listening to me,” chances are the youngster is
READ MORE >>> →When something sounds too good to be true, it’s natural for people to be skeptical about it. This is true for everything from weight loss products to money making opportunities to even my very own Levels of Development. People often wonder, “Can the Levels of Development and the Without Stress Methodology really change behavior and promote responsibility in youth?” After receiving countless testimonials and working with children and staff first hand, I can say without hesitation that it works. Consider this email I received recently: My name is Melissa Stuart. I was a teacher in California for 28 years and am now teaching in McKinney, TX. I used your program in CA. I loved it and believed in it. I even talked
READ MORE >>> →The glass is half full… Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist? In simple terms, an optimist focuses on hope. A pessimist focused on doubt. An optimist thinks about the good that can come from situations. A pessimist thinks about all the things that could go wrong. READ MORE
READ MORE >>> →Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist? In simple terms, an optimist focuses on hope. A pessimist focused on doubt. An optimist thinks about the good that can be in a situation. A pessimist thinks about all the things that could go wrong in a situation. Positivity (or what I call ‘conscious optimism’) promotes and induces responsibility in everyone, including children. A positive attitude, just like happiness, begins between the ears. Both are skills that anyone can develop. In fact, the most important thing people can control is their state of mind. Is your state of mind more like an optimist or a pessimist? You really do have a choice! A state of mind is something that one
READ MORE >>> →What’s the difference? When people, especially the young, learn the difference between external and internal motivation, they become empowered to resist bullying and victimhood thinking—and to make more responsible choices. The Levels of Development explains the difference between external motivation and internal motivation. Even very young children can understand these concepts. READ MORE
READ MORE >>> →When people, especially the young, learn the difference between external and internal motivation, they become empowered to resist bullying and victimhood thinking, and to make responsible choices. The Levels of Development explains the difference between external motivation and internal motivation. Even young children can understand these concepts. Although technically all motivation is internal, being able to articulate something outside of ourselves that prompts or motivates will help us make more responsible decisions. Keep in mind that it is the effect of the Levels of Development—how people grow—that makes learning the levels (concepts) so valuable. Think of the Levels of Development as rubric or reference for making decisions in life. Internal Motivation Prompts Change Additionally, when children learn both of the
READ MORE >>> →One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets. The fact is that your mindset and success are intimately intertwined. READ MORE
READ MORE >>> →One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets. The fact is that your mindset and success are intimately intertwined. For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone can easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 10 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank. Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success.
READ MORE >>> →It takes courage and finesse… We all have experienced a strained relationship from time to time. Whether it was with a spouse, child, or co-worker, dealing with a strained relationship can be a challenge. Taking the time to fix a strained relationship takes courage and finesse. Here are three suggestions for improving strained relationships with youth and adults alike. READ MORE
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