Discipline

North Carolina and PBIS (Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports)

On June 24, 2013   /   Discipline, Learning  

The North Carolina Positive Behavioral Support Initiative is part of the North Carolina State Improvement Program funded through the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Although the initiative is aimed at helping individuals with disabilities, it is now mandated in many classrooms. In my last series of public seminars conducted in Phoenix, Denver, Billings, Portland, and Salt Lake City in April of 2013, almost every teacher in attendance indicated that PBIS was mandated.

The state’ mandate reads, “All schools in North Carolina will implement Positive Behavior Support as an effective and proactive process for improving social competence and academic achievement for all students.” 

Here is an example from Carlette Jackson Hardin’s book, “Effective Classroom Management,” pages 142-143:
 

The … >>>

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Discipline and Theatre of the Mind

On June 24, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

The “theatre of the mind” is very successful for facilitating vivid mental pictures in many areas—including discipline.

This type of visual mental rehearsal has become a key strategy in the field of sports psychology. Rehearsing what one had previously visualized is not only stress-reducing, but it also significantly assists in focusing on the task at hand. This is the reason why so many professional athletes state that their success comes in large part from their ability to concentrate.

In relation to discipline, when young people focus on responsible behavior by visualizing appropriate behavior and rehearsing it in their “theatre of the mind,” they find it easier to manage irresponsible impulses and … >>>

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Discipline in South Africa

On June 23, 2013   /   Discipline, Relationships  

When I spoke in South Africa about Discipline Without Stress, I saw how the country was undergoing the most radical changes of any modern country.

The country’s political system and culture were moving away from complete separateness (apartheid) of its various groups of people to one of open democracy. The traditional African approach of dealing with discipline problems through consultation, bargaining, and resolving disputes through negotiation was quite refreshing. The approach of collaboration, rather than confrontation—even in handling discipline problems—appeared more effective, less coercive, and less stressful than confrontational approaches.… >>>

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Mindsets and Discipline

On June 22, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

How one views a situation has a significant effect on how one understands the situation. Our viewpoints are determined by our experiences and our thinking. This explains how different people can view the same discipline problem differently. We see through different lenses.

I attempted to explain this in the opening paragraph of my education book. Here is the opening paragraph:

“Life is a conversation. Interestingly, the most influential person we talk with all day is ourself, and what we tell ourself has a direct bearing on our behavior, our performance, and our influence on others. In fact, a good case can be made that our self-talk creates our reality.” After writing this, I became more acutely aware of my … >>>

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Aim for Clarification in Discipline Problems

On June 21, 2013   /   Discipline, Relationships  

You may be familiar with the children’s book, “The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs” “ by A. Wolf. The book, as the title indicates, explains the story from the viewpoint of the wolf. What does this have to do with discipline?

Understanding that everyone has a point of view can have a significant impact on solving discipline problems. The reason is that by listening to each person’s viewpoint—by wearing someone else’s moccasins—understanding increases and often reveals the reason for the discipline problem.

Reaching clarity is also the key to improving relationships. Optimal relationships—as well as resolving discipline and behavior problems—can often start with clarity because it leads to understanding of the other person’s reference frame. … >>>

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Discipline vs. Chaos in the Classroom

On June 21, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Disruptive discipline problems in public school classrooms are increasing across the country.

In St. Louis last week, a high school teacher and a 16-year-old girl created chaos in the classroom. The video showed the student standing up, cursing the teacher, and ready to leave the classroom. Apparently, the incident pushed the teacher over the edge, prompting him to be very abusive to the teenager.

There is no doubt that kids today are acting differently than they did a generation ago. We can easily articulate a number of factors as to why—but none will solve the problem.

In Los Angeles the school board recently passed a resolution amounting to giving students … >>>

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Discipline for Smart People

On June 19, 2013   /   Discipline, Relationships  

This site is often referred to as “discipline for smart people” because this type of person understands that no one can coerce another person into changing one’s mind and that the most effective approach for influencing a person to change behavior is to induce the person to influence her/himself.

The approach has two fundamental characteristics. The first is that stress—oftentimes associated with discipline—is significantly reduced. The second is that external manipulators, such as rewards for appropriate behavior, are not necessary because they are counterproductive to promoting responsibility. Similarly, threats and punishments are not necessary either. Imposed punishments are based on the theory that a person needs to be harmed to be taught—to be hurt in order to learn.

Most people … >>>

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How Discipline without Stress Differs from Other Discipline Approaches

On June 19, 2013   /   Discipline  

Here are four main differences between the Discipline without Stress Teaching Model and other approaches:

(1) The approach is proactive by teaching the Hierarchy of Social Development before problems occur. It implements Stephen Covey’s first habit of highly effective people. Other approaches are reactive in that the adult responds after disruptive behavior or discipline problems occur.

(2) Consequences are elicited, rather than imposed. Many approaches refer to “logical” or “natural” consequences. They are both are imposed. Discipline without Stress does not use them. Anything that is imposed lacks ownership—an essential characteristic for long-term change. Eliciting a consequence or a procedure is much more effective than any imposed discipline approach.

(3) Emphasis … >>>

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A Powerful Phrase for Effectiveness

On June 17, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Some people’s ego deprives them of the benefit that comes from one of the most powerful approaches ever devised: asking for help. 

We see this play out every day, such as when someone refuses to ask for directions, fails to accept assistance on a project, or prefers to struggle through a situation alone.

One of the most powerful phrases in all of life is “I wonder if you could help me with something….”  This phrase breaks down barriers. In sales, it turns icy gatekeepers into warm and friendly allies. It turns busy and mighty executives into unhurried conversationalists happy to share their secrets and contacts.

Why does such a simple phrase … >>>

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Violence and Lack of Discipline in Philadelphia Schools

On June 5, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

The media has recently been showing a video of violence in a Philadelphia high school. The news program I watched had two people of opposite political viewpoints sharing what they believed were  the reasons for the violence in the school. 

From my perspective, all the reasons were excuses.

Violent situations in schools will decrease when teachers are taught how to teach responsibility and impulse control. There is a way to reduce violence, and it is not through coercion or aiming at obedience, which is the approach usually employed. 

Implementing the Discipline Without Stress® Teaching Model can make a significant difference in reducing discipline problems and violence in schools.… >>>

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Bullying and Discipline

On June 4, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

I read an article today that a town in Wisconsin is going to attempt to reduce the number of bullying incidences by imposing fines on the parents of reported bullies. According the article, parents will be fined $114 within 90 days following a written notice about their child’s bullying; the fine will increase to $177 for each repeated instance of bullying within a year of the first violation. The goal is that once the parents are fined, they will discipline their bullying child, which will then stop the bullying.

Of course, bullying is wrong and needs to stop at all levels. However, I doubt this approach will work for three key reasons: 1) It is putting the responsibility not to … >>>

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Discipline Is a Wonderful Word

On June 3, 2013   /   Discipline, Learning  

Although discipline is often referred to as punishment, this is only one of many interpretations of the word. In fact, Dr. Lee Salk, the author of eight books on family relationships and a former popular commentator on social change, domestic strife, and changing family patterns, stated in Familyhood: Nurturing the Values that Matter (p.47), “What discipline is not is punishment.”  

He continued, “Discipline isn’t a dirty word. Far from it! Discipline is the one thing that separates us from chaos and anarchy. It’s the precursor to good behavior, and it never comes from bad behavior. People who associate discipline with punishment have a shortsighted view of discipline. With … >>>

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Changing Others Or Oursevles

On May 31, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

This is an old story about the U.S.S. Enterprise. One evening while traveling along the Eastern seaboard, the captain saw a light in front of them and thought they were going to collide with the other ship. So the Enterprise sent a signal for the other ship to travel in a different direction. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise and you are on our course. Please go south.”

A message came back, “We cannot move.”

A second message was sent. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise. If you do not move, we will collide.”

Another message came back. “Sorry, we will and cannot move.”

A last message was sent. “We are the mighty … >>>

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Use Contingencies, not Consequences, to Discipline

On May 30, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Although consequences can be either positive or negative, when parents refer to “consequences” for discipline purposes, these are often in terms of threats or punishments that are imposed. Using an imposed consequence to discipline only works when a young person finds value in the relationship or when the person sees value in what he is being asked to do. Otherwise, people perceive an imposed consequence in negative terms because of the inference, “Do this—or else!” It threatens pain or discomfort should the young person fail to comply with the demand.

Such is the case when the adult says, “If you continue to do that, then this is what is going to happen to you.” Additionally, telling a youngster, “You … >>>

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Parents, Grandparents, and Discipline

On May 29, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting, Responsibility  

Many reports have been in the news recently about adults having such poor self-discipline and impulse control that, when at a public sports event, they have cursed at and attacked the coach—and even the umpire. You may enjoy this commentary on the subject.

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? Do you know what a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”

The little boy nodded “Yes.”

The coach continued, “I’m sure you know that when … >>>

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Self-Discipline is the Best Discipline

On May 24, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

By using rewards and imposed punishments as discipline strategies, we give children the easy way out—at the expense of their development and maturation. Rather than empowering them with responsibility and the gift of self-discipline, they quickly learn that temporary compliance will get them off the hook, either in the form of accepting a loss of privileges or writing apology notes that will right all wrongs. Many children would rather take the pain of imposed punishment than take the time to make difficult decisions and exert self-control.

When we use rewards and imposed punishments as motivational strategies, we are teaching kids to make their decisions based on someone else’s reaction. We reinforce the practice of people making their decisions based on … >>>

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Why Programs Can’t Fix Discipline Problems

On May 22, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Every few years a new program aimed at improving behavior and learning while reducing discipline problems is introduced and becomes the silver bullet for “fixing” schools. For example, at one time open classrooms were the magic cure-all. Next, large group lectures, small group discussions, and independent study were the “fix” for high schools. Then “Teaching by Objectives” was the rage. Where are these programs now?

A current fashion is Positive Behavioral Interventions and Support (PBIS or PBS), based on the old Skinnerian erroneous premise that rewarding desired behavior externally is the most effective way to reinforce the behavior and cure discipline issues. PBIS is an outgrowth of working with students who have special needs and where something tangible … >>>

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The Best Discipline for Older Youth

On May 20, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting  

When it comes to discipline approaches for older youth, many parents are unsure what to do. If they’ve relied on rewards, punishments, and telling (the things I don’t recommend), they quickly learn that these discipline approaches are ineffective and don’t promote responsibility. So what’s the best way to discipline a teenager?

Realize that by the time children are 13 to 14 years old, you should be through telling them what to do. Of course, youth still need guidance, but it should be accomplished by persuasion—not coercion. Teenagers want to cut the umbilical cord, but at the same time they still want security. This is a challenge for both the teenager and the parent.

Implementing the three practices of positivity, … >>>

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