Effectiveness

I’m intrigued when I see two people engaged in similar tasks but provide different responses to helping others.

One bank teller smiles and says, “Hello, how can I help you?” Another says, “Next!”

One bank teller says, “I don’t have any two-dollar bills.” (I use two-dollar bills for tipping skycaps and bellmen.) Another says, “Although I don’t have any two-dollar bills, if you can wait a moment I’ll see if I can obtain some for you.”

One teller, working in a bank adjacent to a senior retirement community, sees an older person approaching and says to the visiting supervisor, “See how grumpy these old people are?” An adjacent teller waits patiently for the elderly senior citizen to approach her window … >>>

The brain thinks in pictures, not words. Not that you remember your last dream, but if you asked yourself whether you visualized the dream in words—as you are reading now—or you visualized in pictures (images), you will conclude that you dreamt in visuals. (Remember that in human history reading is a relevantly recent development, and only in very recent times has the printed word become available to the "common folk.") Being aware that people think in pictures—that they construct visuals in their minds—can help you become more effective. When in an airport recently, I  heard the gate agent say to a young boy, "Don't go down the ramp." I knew a problem had been created. Just a few minutes after … >>>

Before becoming the very successful football coach at Notre Dame, Lou Holtz brought his University of Arkansas team to the Orange Bowl in 1978 to play against heavily favored Oklahoma. Pundits gave Arkansas slight to no chance of winning.

Dejected players filed into a team meeting a few days before the game. Holtz picked up some newspapers and pointed out that papers have a front page for people who want the news, an editorial page for those who want opinions, and comics for people who want to be amused. He continued, “I’m amazed that you’re ready to roll over and die because you read your obituary in the newspapers.”

He warned them, “Don’t let other people tear you down and … >>>

A question was recently asked, “What’s responsible for feelings of self-confidence and of positive self-worth?”

The answer quickly came: “Being unafraid of failure.”

Truly confident people–from business leaders to politicians, from teachers to lawyers–simply are not intimidated by the possibility of failure. They do fail, but they don’t allow their future actions to be altered by this possibility.

Many people do not try to win; rather, they try not to lose. They don’t try to succeed; they try desperately not to fail. That is a sure route to nowhere, according to Alan Weiss, a fellow member of the National Speakers Association. He said, “I’d rather be going somewhere, even if I fail to get there, than assuredly going nowhere.”

This … >>>

As the years go by, I wonder why time seems to go more quickly. I think I have come upon the reason.

Think about it: When you were five years old, a year was one-fifth of your entire life. When you are fifty, it is but one-fiftieth—a mere fraction of the whole.

I would like to think that this may be part of the reason we learn some of the most important lessons in life during our fifth year. It is in kindergarten that socialization truly takes root.

In too many of today’s kindergarten classes, academic skills are emphasized—even though some, especially boys, may not be developmentally ready. Perhaps we should reflect that an emphasis on academics at too young … >>>

Question:

Many of the teachers and students at my high school are operating at the the higher levels. However, I  often operate at Level B. I became aware of this while listening to you. I will be working to change my approach. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

Response:

Dear High School Principal,

You have hit upon a significant point which needs to be brought to the attention of school administrators everywhere.

Every time you are about to TELL, ask yourself this question: “How can I say this in a POSITIVE and ENCOURAGING WAY? Example: “You are right on track. You may also want to consider. . . .”

Note that telling is not the same as … >>>

One of the most important factors that study after study have shown—in terms of what is important to students—is their feeling/belief that someone in school cares.

A significant factor in asking a question is that there is an assumption that you care about the person with whom your are conversing.

When communicating with others, therefore, instead of thinking of the right thing to say, think of a question to ask. The sooner you inculcate the mode of asking questions—instead of telling—the less stressful it will be for you and the more successful you will become.

Asking reflective questions prompts the other person towards evaluation of their actions. Here are three reflective questions which can assist you in influencing others:
—Is … >>>

Effective people persist. They don’t give up easily.

Persistence accounts for much of achievement. A major quality that classifies people as gifted is that they stick to a task.

What is it that allows a person to persevere? According to Art Costa of the Institute for Habits of the Mind,  they have a repertoire. These people have many different ways to solve a problem. If you only have one way to solve a problem and if you try it and if it doesn’t work, you will have a tendency to give up.

But people who persist will try a plan, and if that approach doesn’t work, they go to another plan. If that one doesn’t work, they create another … >>>

A young man on vacation was staring at the calm, blue sea thinking about lunch. A small boat laden with a large Yellowfin tuna docked near the pretty Mexican village. A lone fisherman jumped ashore.

“That’s a great catch,” said the tourist. “How long did it take you?” “Not so long,” said the fisherman. “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” “This one’s enough to keep my family provided for,” came the response.

“What do you do with the rest of your time?” inquired the visitor.

“I sleep late, I fish a little, I play with my children, then I have lunch, and take a siesta with my wife. We stroll into the village every evening. We … >>>

Winston Churchill once commented, “The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity.”

The pessimist allows problems to rent cognitive space. But why think of problems when you can fill your head with solutions?

How you respond to a new idea is an example of what you put in your head. Do you immediately dismiss it? Do you see it as foolishness? Or do you allow yourself to examine the idea, to try it on for size, and think, “It just might be worth trying?”

The positive person is open to the new, the different, and the innovative. How you respond to new ideas could be the difference between your learning and growing—or … >>>

QUESTION:
My youngest son has been particularly prickly recently. Even when I try to express my suggestions in a positive way, he interprets it as criticism. When he bridled at some comments I made about interrupting people, he really became upset.

Any suggestions?

RESPONSE:
Being positive is the first principle to practice. Now use the second, the empowerment of choice and the third, reflection. Ask him a reflective question where the options are stated. For example, ask him if he prefers to go on as he is doing, having people irritated with him, or if he prefers finding out how he can improve his social skills.

Then discuss some procedures and impulse control strategies that will help him.

… >>>

We’re all familiar with the Nike slogan, “Just do it.” If we apply this motto/suggestion/saying to anything that can be accomplished in two minutes or less, we will be using the “Two-Minute Rule.”

Here is how it works. If you decide that an action can be accomplished in two minutes or less—do it!––then and there, even if it is a low priority item.

The reason that this approach increases effectiveness is rather simple. If it takes two minutes or less to do something that you intend to do anyway, it will take you longer to stack and track, pull it back, and look at it again—than it would be to finish it the first time you encounter it.

I think … >>>

Cognition can not be separated from emotion.

What we think precedes what we feel, and often what we think triggers our emotions.

Thinking in terms of “right” or “wrong” is especially dangerous because people become emotionally involved with these concepts.

It is more helpful to think in terms of “more effective” or “less effective.” Think where you want to go and then ask  yourself, “Is this going to get me there?”… >>>

There are three time-tested approaches for putting your ideas across to arouse interest and enthusiasm.

The first is to use a fishing pole.

Since it is very difficult to ram a hook into a fish’s mouth, the fisherman casts his pole temptingly near the fish. The fish is then enticed to come to the baited hook. The point: Don’t appear too anxious to have your idea accepted; just bring it out where it can be seen. People will accept your idea—especially when they consider it their own. Say something like, "Have you considered this?" instead of, "This is the way."

Similarly, "You think this idea would work?" is better than, "Here’s what we should do!" Let the others sell themselves on your idea; then they will stay sold.

The second is … >>>

Epictetus (pronounced Epic-TEE-tus) lived and taught in both Rome and Greece in the first century. Like stoic philosophers that preceded him, he dealt with logic, physics, and ethics.

Epictetus taught that adversity introduces a person to oneself. On the occasion when a situation befalls you, remember to turn to yourself and inquire what power you have for turning it to your use.

There is only one form of security we can attain during our lives, and that is inner security—the kind that comes from courage, experience and the willingness to learn, to grow, and to attempt the unknown.

World War II Admiral William Halsey said that if you touch a thistle timidly, it pricks you. But if you grasp it … >>>

Do you compare crayons?

Comparing is such a natural activity that we become a victim of its effects. Every time you compare yourself with another and think lesser of yourself, you fall into the abyss of a useless activity. Your feelings fall with you, and you have gained nothing.

On the other hand, the opposite occurs when you feel better because you think you are better than the other person. Your feelings soar. But to what avail?

Does it add to your humanity to know that you are "better" than someone else?

We may never break the "comparing" habit, but a start would be to put some money in a jar every time you compare yourself with someone. You may … >>>