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Persuading A Daughter Not to Tattoo

On September 27, 2007   /   Responsibility  

A writer for Best Life Magazine asked me how to respond to the following question: "My daughter wants to get a tattoo. How can I persuade her she'll live to regret it?"

I responded that the most effective approach is to induce the daughter to influence herself. The key to this approach is asking reflective questions and prompting the daughter to evaluate. I gave the following suggestions:

"Project ahead five years. Is the short term fun worth the long-term frustration when you want it removed?"

"How about making a list of all the advantages and the disadvantages and then comparing them!"

"Remembering that the emotion of making the decision will not outlast the emotion of being sorry if you … >>>

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The Falsehood of Business and Government Leaders to Education

On September 26, 2007   /   Learning  

For U.S. business leaders to convince legislators that they have the answers to educational challenges is not only inaccurate, it can even be considered dishonest. To assume that all children can be treated as cars going down an assembly line is false and naive.

The root causes for problems in government, business, and education are all different. Yet, one often hears that if education were run more like a business, many of the problems of education would be eliminated. This infers that business does everything right and education has it wrong. The numerous examples where businesses display poor practices are simply too numerous to fill an entire book. The proof of this statement is the plethora of business books … >>>

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Growth, Confidence, and Self-esteem Come from the Inside Out

On September 25, 2007   /   Responsibility  

To change behavior of a young person, treat the youngster as if the person were already what you want the person to become.

For example, if your daughter is shy, rather than sending messages of her difficulties with her own social needs, respond to her as if she were verbal, popular, and socially confident. Some children need the confidence of others in themselves before their own confidence grows. If you communicate that the person has the power to encounter the situation—instead of trying to solve it for the youngster—the person will learn effective ways to do so with her or his own resources.

Parents cannot fix problems they don’t own. The problem invariably resides with the person’s self-talk to the … >>>

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Consciously Create A Memory

On September 24, 2007   /   Relationships  

When I was growing up in Hollywood, California, the radio station I listened to most often was KFWB where Al Jarvis was a disk jockey. I quote what he would say very often, “It’s the little things in life that mean the most to all of us.”

As I grew older, I continually wondered at the truth of this wisdom. Although the brain conceives ideas, it is the small personal things that we have a tendency to think about most often. A small gesture on our part can make a lasting effect. On more than one occasion people have told me how they felt welcomed to a new group which they were joining simply because one member of the … >>>

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Public Seminars on Discipline

On September 20, 2007   /   Discipline  

I will be presenting public seminars, listed below:

October 30, 2007 – Omaha, Nebraska

November 27 – Long Beach, California

November 29 – Los Angeles, California

December 3 – Covina, California

December 5 – Anaheim, California

December 7 – Pasadena, California
… >>>

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Overdue Library Books

On September 20, 2007   /   Responsibility  

Here is how a school librarian who knows the Marvin Marshall approach uses it to have students return books. Before adopting this smart approach, the librarian would send out overdue library notices on three different colors:The first color was a notice that the book was overdue.

The second colored notice announced that a book was really late and that the next notice would be a detention.

The third was a notice that the book was three weeks overdue and that the student had to serve a detention.

The process had turned into a bit of a joke with students who learned that the first two notices really didn’t count. The librarian was sending out more than 200 notices each … >>>

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Using the Vocabulary with Primary Students

On September 20, 2007   /   Discipline  

Periodically, I receive e-mail from a primary teacher who has second thoughts about using the vocabulary of the Social Development Hierarchy. The problem so often is that the adult is uncomfortable with the terms “anarchy” and “bullying.”Two points are important regarding the vocabulary of the hierarchy:
(1) The way to learn a concept is to have a way to describe it. This is the reason that one of the most fundamental approaches to success in school is vocabulary development. This seems rather obvious since vocabulary words are taught as soon as youngsters enter school.

(2) Adults associate the two unacceptable lower levels as negatives. When these words are used, adults conjure up negative thoughts and feelings about them. … >>>

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Thinking Out of the Box

On September 20, 2007   /   Effectiveness  

We think in the box because it is the only box given us. That is, our thoughts almost automatically become restricted to that which is presented to us.The mother asks the youngster whether he would prefer fish or liver for dinner. Sometimes neither of the options is preferable, but we have a tendency to choose from these restricted options presented to us.

The more a person’s self-talk begins with, “Are these my only choices?” the more options will be discovered. A typical example is the oft-quoted question, “Is the glass half empty or half full?” The optimist responds that the glass is half full. The pessimist responds that the glass is half empty.

But the pragmatist responds, “You’ve got … >>>

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Behaviorism and the Broken Window Theory

On September 19, 2007   /   Discipline  

The behaviorist approach is to reinforce desired behavior and ignore undesired behavior on the theory that, because the desired behavior is reinforced, it will be repeated while the undesirable behavior will be extinguished.This may be true in training animals, but when inappropriate behavior is allowed to continue in the classroom and it is ignored, chances are that such behavior will continue. In fact the irresponsible behavior may even become worse because ignoring inappropriate behavior may encourage more of it.

Social scientists, in contrast to behaviorists, have a different approach. It originated form the so-called “broken windows” theory of urban decay. This approach holds that if a single window is left unrepaired in a building, in fairly short order, the … >>>

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Evaluating the System

On September 18, 2007   /   Discipline  

The following e-mail was sent to me:”I am quite interested in the concept of intrinsic motivation and thought the process for raising responsibility in the classroom, as you discuss in your discipline book, was certainly a strategy to be experimented with. I am aware that your ideas are based on research, specifically that of Deci. Has the strategy been tested in the sense of a research study?”

My response:

People who have implemented my teaching model have given testimonial.. However, I do not see how the model can be evaluated with any amount of accuracy. There are just too many variables as can be seen on the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model.

Each of the following categories would need … >>>

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Keep Your Thoughts Positive

On September 18, 2007   /   Effectiveness  

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.Keep your words positive because your words become your actions.

Keep your actions positive because your actions become your habits.

Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.

Keep your values positive because your values determine your life.… >>>

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Logical and Natural Consequences and Discipline Without Stress

On September 17, 2007   /   Discipline  

“Logical” and/or “natural” consequences are not used in Discipline without Stress. The reason is  secause they are imposed and, therefore, a form of punishment. The Discipline without Stress approach is to work with the student, rather than doing things to the student.It doesn’t matter if the adult’s intention is to teach a lesson; imposed punishments increase the likelihood that the student will feel punished by the adult.

While punishment may effectively stop misbehavior in the short term, there are often many unintended and negative side effects to the use of punishment. Any form of punishment where something is done to another person prompts negative feelings resentment, resistance, and even rebellion and retaliation.

A discipline approach that elicits consequences … >>>

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Skinner vs. Marshall

On September 16, 2007   /   Learning  

“I had the opportunity to do a lengthy interview with B.F. Skinner. I concluded that I do not subscribe to much of what he taught—for example, his rejection of all inferred states such as attitudes and motivation. . . . Marvin Marshall addresses a fundamental problem that every society must solve: how to produce individuals who will take responsibility for doing the important tasks that need to get done. Using some of the latest findings of social science, Dr. Marshall has developed an approach that enables parents and teachers to help young people grow into responsible citizens and live satisfying and rewarding inner-directed lives.” —Gene Griessman, Ph.D.

Burrhus Frederic Skinner (1904-1990) was the famed Harvard University psychologist who became … >>>

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This Discipline System Differs from Others

On September 15, 2007   /   Discipline  

Discipline without Stressis the only discipline and learning system that is totally noncoercive. But it is not permissive.

Notice that the term, “system,” is used. It is an entire teaching model that can be The approach is proactive, Stephen Covey’s first habit of highly effective people. Rather than the usual reactive approach of waiting until a problem arises and then reacting to it, teaching occurs at the outset so young people always have something upon which to reflect.

Coercive (punishments) and manipulative approaches (rewards) are not used. Both rely on an external agent. Use of these approaches require an adult to be present. However, a person’s influence is judged more on what others do when the person … >>>

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Clarifying Teaching and Learning

On September 15, 2007   /   Learning  

An understanding of each distinctive concept of curriculum, instruction, classroom management, and discipline is essential for effective teaching.For example, although classroom management and discipline are related, they are distinctly different topics and should not be lumped together as if they were synonymous.

Curriculum refers to what is to be taught. The curriculum is determined by state departments of education, boards of education, the “federal agenda,” professional associations, the community—and, more recently, corporate performance accountability models for learning.

It is the teacher’s responsibility to make the curriculum relevant, interesting, meaningful, and/or enjoyable. A first step would be for the teacher to ask the question, “Why should my students be learning this?” Then tell the students.

Instruction has two components: (1) teaching… >>>

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PBIS (Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports) Stepping Backwards

On September 15, 2007   /   Discipline, Learning  

“All schools in North Carolina will implement Positive Behavior Support as an effective and proactive process for improving social competence and academic achievement for all students.” SO READS THE MANDATE.

The North Carolina Positive Behavioral Support Initiative is part of the North Carolina State Improvement Program funded through the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). This act is aimed at helping individuals with disabilities. Unfortunately, the approaches used in so many special education classes use 19th and 20th century external, manipulative, and coercive approaches.

Here is a simple case of punished by rewards: Susie does all the right things Nancy does. Nancy is rewarded, but Susie is not. Susie is punished by the system. Where is the fairness? Yet, this … >>>

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Self-talk

On September 15, 2007   /   Discipline Answers, Effectiveness  

“Life is a conversation. Interestingly, the most influential person we talk with all day is ourself, and what we tell ourself has a direct bearing on our behavior, our performance, and our influence on others. In fact, a good case can be made that our self-talk creates our reality. “After I wrote this as the opening of my book, I became more acutely aware of my own-self talk and that my decisions are based on how I talk to myself. Of course, my self-talk is determined by what I think. Chances are that when I think that I will trip down the stairs, without even realizing it, I have programmed my brain. In contrast, when I think in positive … >>>

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The Clearing House Article about Discipline Without Stress

On June 16, 2005   /   Learning  

The CLEARING HOUSE asked the author to explain his system. 

The article explains the totally noncoercive—but not permissive—discipline and learning system. The article explains the difference between classroom management and discipline; the three principles to practice of positivity, choice, and reflection; the Raise Responsibility System; a conclusion, suggested readings; and references. … >>>

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