We all want better relationships with those we care about. Whether it’s a relationship with your partner, kids, friends, or co-workers, you have to work at strengthening the relationship every day. The good news is that when you strive for better relationships with others, you also improve your own mindset and self-esteem. Following are 5 tips for improving relationships with others as well as with yourself.
- Give affirmations. A simple acknowledgment can have dramatic results. This is especially important with young people. They want to assert their independence and autonomy. Just acknowledging that you have heard their point of view, regardless of agreement, can have a profound effect on how your growing young one feels about the relationship.
- Use quality
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
The questions you ask yourself determine both your mindset and your perception of the world around you. In fact, your internal questions influence every decision you make—good or bad.
Here’s a simple example of how your questions influence your thinking. Let’s say you’ve decided to buy a new four-wheel-drive vehicle. You probably ask yourself, “Which one should I get?” Now that your mind is focused on four-wheel-drive vehicles, you can be sure that the next time you are on the road, you will notice Jeeps, Explorers, and Range Rovers in record numbers. You will also start to see articles and advertisements featuring these types of vehicles, and you may even discover that some of your friends and acquaintances own one.… >>> READ MORE >>> →
Do you think the world is out to get you? Or do you think the world is filled with opportunities? The difference depends on your mindset. How you view the world affects every aspect of your life. Most important, your mindset affects relationships. We can see evidence of this every day.
For example, look around and you can often see two people engaged in similar tasks but providing different responses in how they help others.
One clerk at the counter invites the next customer up by saying, “Hello, how can I help you?” Another simply says, “Next!”
One bank teller, working in a bank adjacent to a senior retirement community, sees an older person approaching and says to the visiting … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Have you ever heard someone say, “If only I had put in more effort,” “If only I had more time,” “If only I could go back … yada, yada, yada”? Or, have you said these kinds of statements to yourself? We’ve all done it from time to time. Having these thoughts occasionally is perfectly normal and expected. The problem is when “if only” thinking becomes a habit.
“If only” is simply wishing that things were different. Wise and capable adults act with strength and the realization of what exists so they can positively influence outcomes. Growing is what life is all about. “If only” is the seed of a negative attitude that makes it less likely to overcome life’s challenges.… >>> READ MORE >>> →
When it comes to making the best out of any situation, sometimes all you have to do is change your perspective. The fact is that how you view things—whether an event, a situation, or a person—has a direct effect on the stress you feel … or don’t feel. Your perspective can make something seem positive or negative.
Perspective influences every aspect of life. For example, up close, the earth looks flat; from outer space, it’s round. A student may dislike a demanding teacher; the following year the student praises the teacher for being so thorough. A customer may seem difficult and rude; the next day you realize the customer revealed a huge problem and by fixing it you save your … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Positive self-talk is vital for stress reduction. In fact, I often say that it’s important to master your mind if you want to reduce stress. But what exactly does that mean? In short, it’s about using positive self-talk to focus your expectations. Do you expect success? Or do you expect failure? While most people claim to expect success, the reality is that their self-talk is setting them up for failure, which in turn leads to stress.
When you expect failure, you communicate your expectations to your subconscious mind. Your brain accepts the notion and prompts your mindset as if you will fail. You actually program yourself in a negative way to do the things that will lead to failure. This … >>> READ MORE >>> →
It’s true that life can be challenging at times. But no matter what you’re going through, it is possible to project positive expectations. And when you do, you’ll become more effective in everything you do.
Realize that becoming more effective is a way of traveling rather than a destination. In other words, it’s a state of mind, not a single event. That’s where projecting positive expectations comes into play.
The only advantage of being a pessimist is that all your surprises are pleasant. But that’s pretty small stuff compared to the big payoff that comes from projecting positive expectations.
The fact is that much of our happiness or unhappiness results from not by what happens, but how we LOOK at … >>> READ MORE >>> →
One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets. The fact is that your mindset and success are intimately intertwined.
For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone can easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 10 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank.
Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success. … >>> READ MORE >>> →
We’re often told, “Do what you love.” It’s great advice, because when you love what you’re doing, you can often reduce stress. But what if you have to do something you don’t love? Can it still be enjoyable?
Let’s take a lesson from Tom Sawyer to see how you can turn situations around.
A Lesson on How to Reduce Stress
Tom Sawyer had the responsibility of whitewashing Aunt Polly’s front picket fence. The fence was 30 yards wide and 9 feet high. Most people would agree this wouldn’t be a fun task.
On Saturday morning, Tom was whitewashing the fence when he saw Ben approaching. Tom put on a smile and showed Ben how he was really enjoying the … >>> READ MORE >>> →
If you want to reduce your negative thoughts, try the technique of compartmentalizing. Doing so will also help you reduce fear, anxiety, and tension.
Just as a train, submarine, and ship have different compartments, so can the mind. You can reduce your stress if you compartmentalize your negative thoughts. This may be easier for men who tend to think linear. But it can also be very helpful for women who tend to think in a more circular manner.
Think of your mind as having different compartments. When your thoughts bring feelings of anxiety, tension, or stress, place those thoughts in a compartment by itself. This compartment is watertight. Negative thoughts are sucked into this compartment. None other can enter.
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
If you feel that your life is stressful, you may need to alter your mindset.
The fact is that we all perceive life through filters developed from our temperament and experiences. Your mental set functions all the time, consciously or nonconsciously. Having a limited mental set hampers solutions to challenges, thus causing increased stress.
Therefore, a critical key to problem solving and stress reduction is expanding your mindset by cultivating an open questioning approach. Questions that engage your thoughts influence the quality of your life. By cultivating an open questioning state of mind, you broaden your universe and improve your ability to travel through it.
It’s easy to talk about having an open mind, but frequently mindsets are constrained by … >>> READ MORE >>> →
The words you choose to think and say play a big role in stress management. That’s because language shapes thinking. And what you think dictates how you feel.
For example, saying, “I am angry,” communicates a state of being. And the more you say it, the angrier you will likely get. In contrast, as soon as you change the language to an action verb as in, “I am angering,” you immediately become aware you we have a choice. When you feel that you have a choice in a situation, you will feel less stress. Changing the adjective to a verb empowers you to choose your response to an emotion and aids in stress management.
Taking conscious control of your self-talk … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Have you ever wondered what motivates people? While motivation is complex, I’ve long asserted that people are motivated to do good when they feel good. In other words, your mindset affects your motivation and performance tremendously.
Like teachers and parents, sports coaches are in the motivation business. Have you ever heard of Dean Cromwell? He was the track coach of the University of Southern California from 1912 until his retirement in 1949. No other coach in collegiate track has ever approached his records. His teams won 21 national championships, had 13 world record holders, and at least one of his protégés won an Olympic gold medal during his 39-year coaching career.
Cromwell was a master at motivation. He knew how … >>> READ MORE >>> →
People seeking discipline help need to first understand the power of their mind and how it impacts their interactions with young people. Having a positive mindset is indeed a powerful discipline tool.
You probably remember learning about the seventeenth century French philosopher Rene Descartes, who asserted the supremacy of the mind over the body when he wrote: “I think; therefore, I am.” This philosophical concept suggested that the physical body is separate from the mind, and it set the stage for Western philosophy and medicine.
We now know, however, that mind and body are inseparable and act upon one another. Thoughts and feelings are inextricably linked to the way a body functions. Yet we are generally unaware of the countless … >>> READ MORE >>> →
The opening paragraph of my book, Discipline Without Stress, deals with mindsets. It sets the stage for the entire book because my purpose is to influence young people to have mindsets where they WANT to be responsible and WANT to learn.
The following exercise (shared with me by Jack Canfield– coauthor with Mark Victor Hansen of The Aladdin Factor and the Chicken Soup series) gives students an experience of the power of imagery for both behavior and learning.
Students will need as much room as they would have in an aerobics class. Divide the class in two groups, A and B.
Say the following to group A:READ MORE >>> →
I want you to close your eyes and imagine in your mind … >>>
To change behavior of a young person, a positive approach always beats a negative approach. The way to accomplish this is to treat the youngster as if the person were already what you want the person to become. Perhaps Johann Wolfgang von Goethe articulated it best when he wrote,
If you treat someone as he is, he will stay as he is.
But if you treat him as if he were what he could and ought to be,
he will become what he could and ought to be.
If you have a daughter who is shy, rather than sending messages of her difficulties, treat her as if she were verbal, popular, and socially confident. This does not mean not to … >>> READ MORE >>> →