Stress levels can be elevated by your driving habits. Many recent scientific studies have shown that congested traffic conditions can heighten stress levels in drivers. The longer the distance one has to drive, the more dramatic can be the level of a person’s stress. When experiencing stress, you may be affected totally—not only in your body but also in your emotional reactions, your personal thoughts, and your relations with others. Sometimes it takes an unwanted experience to change driving habits. I know this from an experience I had after receiving a California Highway ticket a few months ago. Southern California has carpool lanes that can only be crossed when the pavement has white lines. As I was impatiently driving in
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Asking reflective questions is the key ingredient to making interactions with youth less stressful. Whether you are a parent, teacher, or someone who interacts with children on a regular basis, you’ll find that reflective questions reduce tension, defuse frustrating situations, and promote responsible thinking in youth. Asking reflective questions becomes easier with practice. Initially, when you decide to embark on this path, the process can seem difficult. Some teachers and parents actually make a chart of the reflective questions offered in the book, Discipline Without Stress (p. 19-20). They carry the list of questions with them and pull them out to review when the need arises. Remember, it doesn’t hurt for there to be a pause (as you formulate a
READ MORE >>> →This article is about PBIS, using rewards to control, and how they contrast with W. Edwards Deming’s approach of collaboration being better than competition for improved learning, responsibility, and empowerment. Chances are that you own a product manufactured by a Japanese company. Before WWII, Japanese products were referred to as cheap junk. Bur today you own a Japanese product because of its quality. The person who changed this was W.Edwards Deming, an American who was put in charge of reconstructing Japanese manufacturing after that war. The most prestigious Japanese award today is the Deming Prize. You can read about Deming’s approach in the Phi Delta Kappan cover article: Dr. Deming described 14 Points for improving quality. He was firmly committed to cooperation and collaboration,
READ MORE >>> →Any time we engage in an activity, we are taking a risk. This is how we live our lives—from getting out of bed in the morning and not losing our balance so we don’t fall—to crossing the street and hoping a car doesn’t appear from nowhere to hit us. Now with this in mind that we are always taking risks, let’s look at a procedure that we can use when we ponder taking a risk that we have not taken before. The process of risk taking is not complicated. To reduce anxiety and stress, just analyze the situation. Before embarking on an undertaking, examine the venture, and answer these questions: What is the best thing that could happen as a
READ MORE >>> →We are in the midst of a major election year in the United States. Even though we still have three months until Election Day, I can already see the heated communications from people of all walks of life. And the one thing all these conversations have in common is stress. Because of the opposing viewpoints of the candidates and the population in general, discussions can quickly escalate. Friendships can be lost. And family members can pit against each other. Even when you and other person have opposing viewpoints, you can have a civil conversation that does not involve stress, yelling, or strained relationships. The key is to accept the other person’s point of view. Realize that accepting the opposing viewpoint
READ MORE >>> →One of the great approaches to successful living and reducing stress is to develop positive visions. For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone can easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 10 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank. Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success. They vision that they can accomplish the task. Off the ground, there is
READ MORE >>> →Perfectionism and Stress Perfection is a goal that humans should not strive to achieve because it can prompt a crippling condition or an overly critical self-evaluation. A goal of excellence can be reached. But perfectionism, the striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high standards, is too often a burden. A focus on perfection has opened pathways, for many young people in particular, to live with the idea that they have to be perfect for people to accept them—especially with young girls who develop anorexia nervosa and bulimia. With young people as early as kindergarten age, perfectionism can become so tyrannical that they develop anxiety attacks. This leads to the thinking pattern that they cannot perform or engage in the activity
READ MORE >>> →Stress is related to perceiving life as manageable or unmanageable. Circumstances present problems or challenges—depending on our perspective. Up close, the earth looks flat; from outer space, it’s round. The difference is in the perspective. Similarly, without our being mindful of what is happening, we are creating our own perception of reality that often leads to stress. Anticipation or anxiety can lead to stress. The human mind is so powerful, the connection between perception and physiological response so strong, that we can send off the flight or fight response by merely imagining ourselves in a threatening situation. This ability can be a source of power or an invitation to illness. When I asked my family physician, “What are the effects
READ MORE >>> →When I was a young teen-ager, I had a clear glass covering the top of my desk in my bedroom. From time to time, I would collect thoughts that made an impression on me and place them under the glass so I could review them. The quote I remember most came from Bernard Baruch, an advisor to presidents—among his many other achievements and contributions. I quote him: “I believe above all else in reason, in the power of the human mind to cope with the problems of life. “To nothing so much as the abandonment of reason does humanity owe its sorrows. “Whatever failures I have known, whatever errors I have committed, whatever follies I have witnessed in public or
READ MORE >>> →One of the most successful approaches to solving disputes and reducing stress comes from the Native American aphorism: “Before we can truly understand another person, we must walk a mile in that person’s moccasins.” Before we can walk in another person’s moccasins, we must first take off our own. This means to perceive as with the other person’s eyes, hearing, mind, and spirit. Misunderstandings between people cause much stress. That’s because one of the deepest desires of humans is to be understood. But how do you do it? The “Talking Stick” is one approach. One reason for its success in solving disputes and problems is that it uses something tangible. The “stick” can be a spoon, a stuffed animal, or
READ MORE >>> →WITHOUT STRESS NEWSLETTER Volume 16 Number 7 July 2016 Newsletter #180 Archived IN THIS ISSUE: Welcome Reducing Stress Promoting Responsibility Increasing Effectiveness Improving Relationships Promoting Learning Parenting Without Stress Discipline without Stress (DWS) What People Are Saying 1. WELCOME MONTHLY QUOTE: Success in life is not in knowing the right answer; it’s in knowing how to ask the right question. —Harry Wong ==== Recently published Without Stress Tips: 20 How to Avoiding Saying “NO” 21 How to Handle a Monkey 22 Sitting Is the New Smoking 23 Your Subconscious and Expectations WithoutStressTips.com ==== My books “Discipline [and Teaching] Without Stress” and “Parenting Without Stress” will be joined this year by my newest book, “Live Without Stress.” So, I have changed my
READ MORE >>> →When it comes to personal development, many people rely on goals to help them achieve new levels of success. Unfortunately, if they don’t reach their stated goal, they experience much stress. While goals are indeed a great tool for personal development, focusing on a goal does not prompt feedback and can increase stress. Therefore, a more effective approach to personal development is to focus on behavior and, more specifically, procedures. For example, let’s assume that you want to improve your free throws in basketball. Setting a goal of how many you can make in a row will not be as helpful as a procedure for keeping your elbows in and following through. If you miss a free throw, you can
READ MORE >>> →Whether you expect to succeed or expect to fail, your expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies. When you expect failure, you communicate your expectations to your subconscious mind. Your brain accepts the notion and prompts your actions as if you will fail. You actually program yourself to do the things that will lead you to fail. This creates anxiety that contributes to stress and negative feelings. In contrast, when you expect to succeed, you prompt your subconscious to succeed. This optimism and positivity may lead to many things, including an extra effort that could be the difference between success and failure and the move to seek out people who can contribute to your success. In short, your subconscious can be the spark
READ MORE >>> →The healthier your brain is, the better you’ll be able to handle stress. Since the brain is a muscle, it needs exercise and nutrition to perform optimally. Following are some suggestions for increasing your brain power: 1. EXERCISE Exercise can improve the brain’s executive functions of planning, organizing, and multi-switching to name a few. Exercise is also well known for its mood-boosting effects, and people who exercise are less likely to develop dementia as they age. Exercise increases blood flow to the brain, which also increases the delivery of oxygen, fuel, and nutrients that encourage growth, communication, and survival of neurons. Exercise also improves sleep quality and immune functions. Senior citizens have shown that as little as 20 minutes of
READ MORE >>> →Disagreement between people causes stress—there’s no doubt about it. Sometimes the disagreement elevates to the point of verbal fighting. Once that occurs, the stress levels of both parties will be high, and agreement will be elusive. Fortunately, you always have a choice in how you handle a situation. Rather than let a disagreement escalate, you can reduce stress by doing the following: Say to the other person, “I don’t want to win; I just want to understand what you are saying. My objective is to CLARIFY, NOT INFLUENCE. You’re saying that you believe A B and C. I believe A B and D. So we really agree more than we differ.” At the worst you have clarified. At the best
READ MORE >>> →One of the keys to reducing stress between teachers/parents and youth is to ask the young person reflective questions during discipline situations. Recently, a teacher asked me, “What if the student refuses to answer any question you pose?” Imagine asking someone multiple questions and the other person refusing to answer. That would surely result in increased stress. But rather than let this situation stress you out, you can overcome it by using two approaches: (1) Socratic dialog and (2) the Pygmalion effect. Here is what I mean: 1) Socratic dialog: Lead the person through a series of questions. In this case, use THREE questions—all of them prompting a “YES” response. 2) Pygmalion effect: Expecting the best from people can be
READ MORE >>> →For parents and teachers, dealing with youth discipline causes a lot of stress. That’s why I created the Discipline Without Stress methodology. It promotes responsibility in youth while enabling adults to reduce stress. One of the cornerstones of the Discipline Without Stress book and approach is to elicit consequences rather than impose punishments. Some people struggle at first to understand the difference between imposing a punishment and encouraging the youth to determine the consequence for his or her action, so here is a brief explanation. A consequence is very different from a punishment. A punishment is something that is imposed by another party. It usually has no connection to the behavior and frequently belittles or shames the offender. It is
READ MORE >>> →One of the best ways to reduce stress is to gain control of various areas of your life. Of course, you can’t control everything, but there are probably many things you can take control of, rather than letting others dictate what you must do. Why is control so important to being able to reduce stress? In a classic study, scientists put two rats in a cage, each of them locked in a running wheel. The first rat could exercise whenever he liked. The second was yoked to the first and forced to run when his counterpart did. Exercise usually does reduce stress and encourage neuron growth, and indeed, the first rat’s brain bloomed with new cells. The second rat, however,
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