In my books, on my blog, and in my speaking, I advocate collaboration rather than public competition to increase student learning. A prime reason is that the number of winners in competition is severely restricted—usually to one. This means that competition in learning produces more losers than winners. A major advancement in learning would be to desist from the nearly imperceptible yet continual demoralization of K-12 students by fostering competition between students as a way to increase learning. Competition is a marvelous motivator to increase performance but is devastating to young people who feel that they never stand in the winner’s circle. This very significant yet unintended consequence of academic competition contributes to the reduction of intrinsic motivation for learning
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Implementing the three practices of positivity, choice, and reflection may feel awkward at first. This is natural. Unlike youth, who find little risk in attempting new activities, adults have established patterns and often feel anxious and uncomfortable when attempting something different from what they have already been doing. Realizing this at the outset will make it easier to attempt something new. Doing something new or different requires making new habits, new neural connections. Practice makes permanent, and you will soon find that practicing the simple suggestions will become easier. Think of a rocket or a space mission. Most of the energy, most of the thrust, has to do with breaking away—to surge past the gravitational pull. Once you get past
READ MORE >>> →Most people say that they want to be happy, but they have no idea how to achieve it. Stress from work, family, the news media, and many other sources make happiness seem impossible for many. But happiness is indeed a worthwhile objective, especially since science tells us that happy people are more effective than unhappy people. So how can you achieve happiness on a daily basis? There is no magic secret to happiness. In reality, happiness is the result of a myriad of little decisions made every day. To be happy, simply REFLECT BEFORE you make those little decisions. Two questions to ask yourself are, “What’s my goal in doing this?” and “How will I feel if I achieve it?”
READ MORE >>> →Many years ago, a reader from Australia sent me the following note: If we want kids to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible, we have to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible ourselves. As has been said, “Modeling is not just a way to teach; it is the only way to teach.” Choice is essential to the teaching and learning of values. You cannot mandate generosity, caring, responsibility, honesty, etc. These values can only be promoted in an environment of choice. You can only show honesty, caring, responsibility, etc. when you can choose not to behave in these ways. Many kids these days have huge amounts of freedom, but they do not have the responsible behavior to handle their freedom.
READ MORE >>> →An understanding of mind-body connection is essential for reducing stress and influencing others. Thoughts have direct and powerful connections to all sorts of physiological functions. Think hard enough about jumping out of an airplane, and your heart will start to race and your palms to sweat. Perhaps the most dramatic and best-known case was described by Norman Cousins in his “Anatomy of an Illness As Perceived by the Patient.” While I was recently re-organizing my library, I came across his description of his experience in the May 28, 1977 issue of The Saturday Review (pp. 4-6, 48-51). Cousins came down with a serious collagen illness, a disease of the body’s connective tissues. One result of the disease is the reduction
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 15 Number 9
#2 Conscious Optimism
#4 A Listening and Caring Question
#6 A Magic Response for Parents
Principals who desire to improve their schools, and teachers who want to improve their students’ academic achievements, need to keep in mind what psychologist Abraham Maslow conveyed years ago: People must FEEL cared for and cared about BEFORE they will take risks necessary to achieve. Students too often receive messages in the form of words, gestures, actions, and bulletin board postings of achievements that convey to them that they must achieve well in order to be thought of as worthy. Too many educators fail to realize that, with so many students, the foundation of success rests in human relations. This is especially the case with young students and students in poverty, where relationships are their most prized possessions. At a
READ MORE >>> →Recently a teacher asked me, “Can we really expect ALL children (even kindergartners) to understand and abide by the Discipline Without Stress’ 4 levels of behavior without ANY rewards?” Here is my reply: YES, but you start by differentiating between ACCEPTABLE levels and UNACCEPTABLE levels. See the posters and cards at https://withoutstress.com/Shop. Also (and this is critical), be sure you have taught, practiced, and practiced again EVERYTHING you want your students to do. A MAJOR ERROR EVEN EXPERIENCED TEACHERS MAKE is ASSUMING that students, of any age, know what to do without first learning, practicing, and ritualizing the procedure or skill. Once STUDENTS (especially young ones) HAVE LEARNED what YOU want them to do, they will want to do it.
READ MORE >>> →In the Discipline Without Stress methodology, Guided Choices are used when a student has already acknowledged level B behavior and disrupts the lesson again. The most effective approach is to ELICIT a consequence or procedure to help the student help himself to avoid future unacceptable behavior. This should be done in private by stating, “What you have done is not on an acceptable level.” Then ask, “What do you suggest we do about it?” Be ready to ask, “What else?” “What else?” “What else?” until what the student says is acceptable and will assist the student in not repeating the behavior. The advantages of ELICITING the consequence are multiple:1. An adversarial relationship is avoided.2. The student has ownership in the
READ MORE >>> →Why do you think young people misbehave? When I ask people this question, most say that it’s because the youth don’t know any better, have had poor role models in life, or just because—no reason at all. The fact is that young people misbehave because it makes them feel good; otherwise, they would not misbehave. People (including youth) don’t voluntarily do things that feel bad. This is why it’s important to remember that in discipline, persuasion, and influence, emotion takes precedence over cognition. Connect to the youth’s emotion to make discipline effective. Punishment prompts bad feelings and, therefore, is counterproductive to changing irresponsible behavior in any lasting way. A more effective approach is to help the young person find a
READ MORE >>> →If you believe that life is growth and that people should strive to grow both intellectually and emotionally, then you need to accept comments by others (oftentimes called criticism) as being in your own best interest. Accepting such comments with a positive spirit depends on two criteria: (1) You trust the person and understand that what the person is sharing with you is in your own best interests.(2) The comments are specific to the situation. Certain terms are avoided, such as ALWAYS, as in, “You always….,” or NEVER, as in, “You never….” Think of a physician giving you a diagnosis. You don’t react negatively. You accept it because you have faith that what the physician is sharing with you is
READ MORE >>> →Many people think that satisfaction brings happiness in life. In reality, it’s the positive people, not the satisfied people, who are happy people. Happy people are pleasant to be around. Being around people you enjoy improves your own disposition and desire to put forth effort. Being positive should not be confused with satisfaction. Telling someone to be satisfied makes little sense to me. For example, after a presentation I ask myself, “What did I do that was good?” and “What can I improve?” Asking something like, “Am I satisfied with my effort?” would be of little value. We always have the opportunity to learn and grow. If we were satisfied, we would never grow. It is the feelings that emanate
READ MORE >>> →Whenever I share the Discipline Without Stress methodology with teachers and parents, they often ask me, “What is it that makes your approach so successful?” My response is that I think of how the brain and body are so interrelated that one affects the other. Therefore, I think of how the brain and body react whenever I communicate. For example, if I compliment you, a good feeling is prompted. In contrast, if I tell you to do something, or criticize you, or blame you for something, then a negative feeling ensues. The mind first processes information (external stimuli); then emotion kicks in. But we oftentimes do not act on cognition; it’s emotion that prompts us to act. Think of any
READ MORE >>> →We often want to assist people by telling them what to avoid. Upon analysis, however, you will discover that so often when you tell a person what to avoid, the opposite results. The reason is that the brain does not envision “don’t” or any other negative-type word. The brain envisions pictures, illusions, visions, and images. Here are some examples: Don’t think of the color blue. What color did your brain envision? Think of any house pet except a little white kitten with a bright red bow around its neck. The park sign, “Don’t walk on the grass” is less effective than “Please use walkways.” The teacher who tells the student not to look at his neighbor’s paper is having the
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 15 Number 8
#2 Positive Mindsets
#7 Using Guided Choices
#8 Discipline Online comment
When turtles are born, they know everything they need to know to live for 50 or so years. Since learning is one of the joys of living, I don’t think turtles have very much fun. Learning brings growth, and both the process and result of learning can be enjoyable. Watch anyone at any age who is involved in any mental activity for any length of time and ask the person the reason for the involvement. The response will inevitably include the fun factor. A characteristic of successful leaders, teachers, and parents is that they make learning enjoyable; they make it fun. On the other hand, think of someone who has given up learning because, like the turtle, the person already
READ MORE >>> →If you ask yourself how you know someone cares for you, one of your responses is likely to be that you know because the person listens to you. Ask a husband about a good wife, and he is likely to say that he knows his wife cares for him because she listens to what he has to say. Ask a wife about a good husband, and she’ll respond that he listens to her. When the parent says, “It’s about time you started listening to me,” the youngster may be thinking, “It’s about time you started listening to me.” Even if we are saying something that is not really worth listening to, we still want someone to listen to us. Ask
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