In the Raise Responsibility System, we speak of Levels of Behavior, with Levels C and D being the two highest. The main difference between the two lies in the difference in motivation. While an action at Level C and D can look identical, it is the difference in the MOTIVATION that identifies one person’s action as being at Level C and another person’s as being at Level D. When your students are acting at either level, discipline issues are greatly diminished. Here is an example to clarify the difference in the two levels: Students at Level C do home assignments, but only after being reminded by a parent. At Level D, students complete home assignments simply because they know that
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When people feel good about themselves, they naturally do better, produce more, and are just happier in life. So if you want to reduce discipline issues in your classroom and have a more enjoyable experience with youth, help people feel good, not bad. An old story shows how this type of outlook affects the other person: A young lady was taken to dinner one evening by William Gladstone and then the following evening by Benjamin Disraeli, both eminent British statesmen in the late nineteenth century. “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England,” she said. “But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the
READ MORE >>> →What does a discipline approach have to do with personal development? When a person subscribes to my newsletter, the automated system prompts an inquiry as to how the person found out about it. Responses range from parents seeking ways to reduce their stress and promote responsible behavior to teachers struggling with classroom discipline issues. Every once in a while someone explains that while they are not a parent or a teacher, they find the discipline information I provide enlightening and want to use it for personal development. That’s a very perceptive answer, because when you use the discipline approaches I outline (positivity, choice, and reflection), you are engaging in a paradigm shift. To quote Stephen Covey, author of The 7
READ MORE >>> →Teachers often tell me that even though the Raise Responsibility System discipline approach is referred to as simple-to-implement, they find that they continually have to be aware of being positive, offering choices, and asking reflective-type questions. When I hear this I always reply: “SIMPLE does not mean EASY.” The system is simple in that ONLY THREE principles—not a dozen or so—need to be practiced. In addition, the Raise Responsibility System (RRS) has only three parts: TEACHING the concepts, ASKING reflective questions, and ELICITING a procedure to redirect impulses. For example, learning how to drive an automobile is SIMPLE, but it only becomes EASY after you have driven for awhile. Likewise, deciding ahead of time not to eat dessert at a
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 15 Number 1
#1 Glasser, Deming, and Marshall
#2 Persistence
#8 Discipline Without Stress questions answered
In the human body, the amygdala (Greek for almond) is composed of two almond-shaped emotional storage areas above the brain stem. It developed before the thinking part of the brain did and prompts immediate reaction—the so-called “fight or flight” syndrome. As the amygdala does not differentiate between physical or psychological threat, so the mind often does not differentiate between fantasy and reality. You can tell yourself almost anything you want and you can believe it. Consequently, what you think has an effect upon how you feel. Other people—even children—can sense your feelings and your mood. They can even sense your feelings over the phone. Whether you have a negative or a positive feeling while you are talking, the other person
READ MORE >>> →At the heart of the concept of responsibility is the beautiful idea that it is about “response” (RESPONS-ability), which means that responsibility always has to do with relationships. In other words, responsibility is inherently mutual. You simply cannot use imposed discipline to make someone act responsibly. So often we treat and confuse responsibility with obedience, as if responsibility can be imposed. Just as imposed discipline does not work, neither does imposed responsibility. There is a failure in the structure of imposition because it lacks mutuality. Although we think we give responsibility, responsibility must be TAKEN if it is to be implemented—hence its mutuality. Responsibility has a counterpart: accountability. One reason that people resist imposed accountability is that the people at
READ MORE >>> →Counterwill is the natural human instinct to resist being controlled or coerced, and counterwill is often the cause of many classroom discipline problems. People don’t like being told what to do, so we react negatively when someone tells us to do something. Yet, we tend to be surprised when encountering counterwill in younger people. Somehow we forget that all people have feelings; even infants cry or smile depending upon the situation, and if they feel controlled or coerced they react negatively. The instinctive resistance stemming from counterwill takes many forms as demonstrated by the “no” of a toddler, disobedience or defiance of a youngster, and even laziness or lack of motivation of a teenager. Counterwill sometimes manifests itself as doing the opposite of what the young person is
READ MORE >>> →As the years quickly pass, the tendency to make New Year resolutions decreases. However, I encourage you to have the discipline to make at least two resolutions this year—even if you do not implement them. The reason is that resolutions carry an inference that you can change. This can be extended to thoughts of having control in how one reacts to situations in life—–that one is not a victim. Resolutions bring a sense of empowerment, that you are the master of your life. The last two lines of “Invictus” by William Henley embrace this concept: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” Here are a few resolutions that may work for you (or
READ MORE >>> →Many teachers have discipline challenges not only with students, but also with the parents. In such cases, the parent of the misbehaving child may become rude or downright hostile when you, the teacher, explain that their “little angel” has discipline issues at school. What can you do when parents misbehave and are in need of some discipline themselves? First, stay calm. Remember that you are being paid to teach the child, not the parents. It is a sad fact of life today that too many parents are confrontational rather than supportive. If you find yourself in a situation where a parent is getting enraged or offended because you are discussing discipline issues regarding their child, ask the parent, “What do
READ MORE >>> →When I present to a school or school district, or when my In-House Seminar Package is purchased, the client receives a 100-page Resource Guide. In it, I share one of my favorite stories. I share it with you here. Nicolo Paganini (1782-1840) is still considered one of the greatest violinists of all time. One day, as he was about to perform before a sold-out house, he walked out on stage to a huge ovation but felt that something was terribly wrong. Suddenly he realized that he had someone else’s violin in his hand. Horrified, but knowing that his only prudent choice was to begin, he started playing. That day he gave the performance of his life. After the concert, Paganini
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 14 Number 12
#2 External motivation and responsibility
#3 Names have motivational power
#8 Special education, ADHD, and the Hierarchy of Social Development
If you want to become a more effective teacher, then give up the need to control students. In other words, hand over to the students the responsibility of LEARNING TO CONTROL THEMSELVES. This is important for every child but especially important for those children who have repeated discipline challenges. The key is to use the Raise Responsibility hierarchy ALL the time so that it isn’t associated with corrective discipline. In fact, the more you use the hierarchy, the more that students will become open to using the understandings of the hierarchy to help themselves make better choices. The more you discuss the hierarchy in a variety of situations, the more it seems to become a natural tool that children begin
READ MORE >>> →Sometimes teachers contact me explaining that they have one student (or more) who will not respond to the Raise Responsibility System (which is detailed in the Discipline Without Stress book) and who often have repeated discipline challenges They wonder if there is something different they should do to encourage that student to understand the system or if they need to change how they implement the strategies in the Discipline Without Stress methodology. I believe the answer to this dilemma is very much tied to expectations about what it means to have a child “respond” to the Raise Responsibility System. I notice that sometimes when people say they are having difficulty in getting certain kids “to respond,” what they mean is
READ MORE >>> →During this holiday time of year, many of us visit with family and friends—some of whom we may not have seen in months. As you converse with these people, here is a suggestion to keep in mind: When you deal with family, loved ones, close friends, and other valued people, don’t begin a new conversation with the baggage from the last one—or even think about it. If you do, one incident or perceived slight can adversely influence that conversation, along with days or weeks of future communications. Goodman Ace, the legendary game show producer, had a classic observation: “If you can’t recall it, forget it.” Often, we can’t even recall why we were angry or upset. So, don’t try. Every
READ MORE >>> →The number one question I receive from people is this: “Can you give me an easy way to explain to someone the difference between punishment and discipline?” Here is the easiest distinction—one that is simple for most people to understand and remember: PUNISHMENT is what is done TO a person.DISCIPLINE is what is done FOR a person. For more information, please read the top Myths of Discipline.
READ MORE >>> →My late mother-in-law used always to say, “Be careful of asking for someone’s opinion. The person may give it to you.” Realize that if someone asks you for your opinion and if the person perceives that your comments are derogatory, there is a problem. It doesn’t matter if your opinion is based on fact and logic; all that matters is the other person’s perception of what you said. This is true whether interacting with an adult or a child. Cognition and emotion go hand in hand, with the latter preceding the former. In other words, what we hear may prompt a negative feeling. Once a negative feeling has erupted, it doesn’t do any good to try to convince the person
READ MORE >>> →During this Thanksgiving week, I like to take time to reflect on all the blessings I have in my life. One thing I’m always thankful for is the ability to continually learn and grow. As creatures of habit, we often find that learning a new way to do something is difficult simply because the new way is different. But I try to use the past as a guidepost, rather than as a hitching post. In fact, I think the greatest compliment one can give an individual in our changing world is that he or she is a student of something and constantly seeks to learn and grow. That is definitely something to be thankful for. I view learning as a
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