One of the most important things we can teach children is that effective people persist. They don’t give up easily. In fact, a major quality that classifies people as gifted is that they stick to a task. What is it that allows a person to persevere? According to Art Costa (http://www.habits-of-mind.net), they have a repertoire. These people have many different ways to solve a problem. Why is this important? Because if you have only one way to solve a problem, and if you try it and it doesn’t work, you will have a tendency to give up. But people who persist will try one plan, and if that approach doesn’t work, they go to another plan. If that one doesn’t
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A parent contacted me about her 6-year old son. She was extremely frustrated because the youth does not pay attention at school and is distracting in class. She revealed that at home everything is fine. The boy’s teacher is also frustrated, so she gave him a behavior book, in which the teacher records the child’s behavior for the day. The boy brings that book home each day, and if any negative behavior is noted, he is punished accordingly. The imposed discipline ranges from early bedtime to no toys/cartoons to no computer or video game time. Each day the boy promises to behave, but he never does. The parent asked me what to do because she disliked doling out imposed punishments
READ MORE >>> →Winston Churchill once commented, “The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity.” What do you typically see? The pessimist allows problems to rent cognitive space. But why think of problems when you can fill your head with solutions? How you respond to a new idea is an example of what you put in your head. Do you immediately dismiss it? Do you see it as foolishness? Or do you allow yourself to examine the idea, to try it on for size, and think, “It just might be worth trying?” The positive person is open to the new, the different, and the innovative. How you respond to new ideas could be the difference
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 14 Number 11
#1 Biography of William Glasser
#5 The End of Stress
#7 Discipline on National Public Radio
Many teachers and parents have some reluctance to using terms like “anarchy” and “democracy” to describe the levels of the Hierarchy of Social Development, especially with young children. At first, I shared that reluctance. These terms seem so advanced, especially for youngsters in kindergarten and preschool. But the only reason they seem advanced is because we ourselves were so much older when we first came across these words. It may be helpful to remember that young children are constantly coming across new words and abstract concepts. Children absorb new words quite readily. They have no context for deciding whether any particular word is more “advanced” or “difficult” than any other. For them, it’s just a new word. After all, they
READ MORE >>> →A teacher recently contacted me and explained that the school she worked in was very entrenched in the idea that discipline = punishment. The students buy into this idea in that they seem to depend on punitive reactions from their teachers and parents. She wanted to know how to help the children move from being punishment-minded to being self-disciplined. Here is how I replied: Punishment, which is very often confused with discipline, operates on the theory that young people must be hurt to learn—that they must be harmed to instruct. Can you recall the last time you felt bad and did something good? People do not think positively with negative feelings. Punishments kill the very thing we are attempting to
READ MORE >>> →The Golden Rules for Living (author unknown) were shared with me. I share them with you. 1. If you open it, close it.2. If you break it, admit it.3. If you borrow it, return it.4. If you move it, put it back.5. If you unlock it, lock it up.6. If you turn it on, turn it off.7. If you make a mess, clean it up.8. If you value it, take care of it.9. If you cannot fix it, call someone who can.10. If it is not yours, get permission to use it.11. If you do not know how to use it, leave it alone—or ask.12. If it is none of your business, do not ask. SUGGESTION: Use the first part
READ MORE >>> →A fascinating biography about William Glasser has recently been published. William Glasser, M.D. was a renowned psychiatrist and author of many books including Schools without Failure, Choice Theory, and Reality Therapy. Dr. Glasser made major contributions to the fields of therapy, mental health, and education. His particular contribution to teaching were classroom meetings and having young people responsible for their behavior. Here are some of the quotes from Dr. Jim Roy’s book that you can find on my website: “Not teaching students how to function is like asking them to play a game without teaching them the rules.” “Unless we can get rid of coercion we will never make even a dent in the problems of education. “ Discipline Without Stress (DWS)
READ MORE >>> →Children learn by example. What they see you do on a daily basis is what they will do in life as well. Therefore, in order to promote responsibility in youth, all adults need to develop the discipline of self-reflection. Self-reflection focuses on looking inward—how to control passions, redirect impulses, restrain oneself from temptation, monitor one’s ego, assess the balance between the amount of time devoted to entertainment and time devoted to learning, and such things as what the individual needs to do in order to develop good character traits and become a good, contributing member of society. Many of the early Americans—George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and of course Benjamin Franklin, to name but few—focused on what they could and would
READ MORE >>> →Siblings are prone to bickering and fighting. Sometimes, however, the fighting gets out of hand and becomes excessively physical. When this occurs, it’s common for each sibling to have a very different version of how the incident started, making disciplining either of them very difficult and unfair. As a parent, how can you stop sibling fighting, and how can you get the children to respect each other (and you) again? How can you get them to act responsibly without the threat of imposed discipline? The stress of daily fights isn’t good for anyone, so here is one effective approach. Next time a fight occurs, have each sibling write down his/her version of how the fight started and then come up
READ MORE >>> →A teacher new to the Discipline Without Stress methodology asked me a clarification question about explaining Level C behavior to children. As she said, “I have a hard time trying to explain to kids that this level is acceptable … BUT WATCH OUT … it might not be! This is what I’m not sure how to handle. I know it’s best if the hierarchy is simple and easy to understand because then using it is straight forward, but since Level C has a potential negative aspect as well as the positive one it seems important to help kids understand.” I responded by using the analogy of a traffic signal. Red = NO (Don’t go.) (Levels A and B)Yellow = Proceed
READ MORE >>> →If Schools Were Democracies, What Would Change? was the topic of a recent conversation between Deborah Meier and Leo Casey of the Albert Shanker Institute in Education Week. The essence of the discussion follows: Some people think that schools should be some form of democracy. People who believe schools should be democratic (as in democratic classrooms) often lack experience working in democratic institutions because democracies are so inefficient. I responded to the discussion below. 2:45 PM on October 7, 2014 The question is inappropriate. Democracy means rule by the people. Schools are established for many reasons, one of which is perpetuate the culture. Teachers are hired because they know more than students. A school based on democracy would, by definition, give equal rights and power to many students and
READ MORE >>> →On October 17, 2014 National Public Radio (NPR) aired a podcast about Classroom Discipline on their program, This American Life. The program shared stories about parents and schools struggling with what to do about misbehaving kids from three (3) years-of-age to high school students. This article discusses three of the incidents. In the first story, four teachers were asked to confront a student who would not take his hat off in class—contrary to the classroom discipline rules of the school. Each of the four (4) teachers interviewed had no specific procedure to handle the situation. All agreed that they would react in a way that they hoped would be successful. None were. In a second confrontational discipline case, a student would not hang up his coat—again
READ MORE >>> →I came across the following advice that I shared in my newsletter over a decade ago. Its message is still applicable today. And while it requires much self-discipline to practice it, the rewards are worth it. Living is an art, and we have a responsibility to enjoy it. An artist cannot be continually wielding the paintbrush. The painter must stop at times to freshen the vision of the object, the meaning of which the artist wishes to express on the canvas. Living is also an art. We dare not become so absorbed in its technical process that we lose our consciousness of its general plan. We should pause every so often in our brushwork to reflect and refresh our vision.
READ MORE >>> →Lying is a common source of discipline problems in schools. Often, students lie to protect/defend themselves. Regardless of the reason for the lying, teachers want to know how to stop it from occurring. A foundational characteristic of the Raise Responsibility System is that the deed is separated from the doer, the act from the actor, a good person from an inappropriate or wrong action. Therefore, reference is NOT made to the behavior. Instead, reference is made to the LEVEL of behavior. Referring to a level is “outside” of oneself, thereby negating a feeling or “need” to self-defend. This concept of referring to levels needs to be revisited when first starting to use the system. So is the second part of
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 14 Number 10
#4 Think twice before using “You”
#6 Happiness is earned
#7 Classroom discipline mistakes
Since so many teachers have problems with classroom discipline, the following is shared to help teachers with discipline problems. (Italics have been added.) I’m a 9th grade high school teacher in Long Beach, CA. You and I spoke on the phone about a year ago. Most of us grew up with the old ‘rules and consequences’ model, so I naturally followed it when I became a teacher 21 years ago. Now I don’t know whether our culture changed, or the kids changed, or I changed. But apparently no one ever told my students that bad behavior should be punished. Its like many of them are totally foreign to the concept. Why? I don’t know. But I was very tired of the stress that comes from running
READ MORE >>> →When teachers and parents first learn about the Discipline Without Stress approach, they are eager to give it a try. But as with any change in life, they soon think that changing their teaching, parenting, or discipline style is too difficult. In reality, change of any type is not difficult; it just feels difficult because it is different from what we are accustomed to doing. If you’re accustomed to imposing punishments, using rewards, or lecturing children, suddenly switching to the three disciplines of positivity, guided choices, and reflection is very different, and as such, it feels difficult. Here’s proof that change is different rather than difficult. Fold your arms. Now fold them in the opposite manner. Feel funny? That’s because
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