A parent recently contacted me asking for advice. She said that her first grade daughter got in trouble at school (on the very first day of class) because the child is very strong-willed and refused to obey her teacher. Since the teacher was not using the Raise Responsibility System, she naturally resorted to traditional and punitive discipline techniques, which only resulted in the child declaring that she hated school and her teacher. This was not a good start to the school year for sure! Here’s what I told the parent: “Explain to the teacher that your daughter is extremely independent and that the teacher will have more success—and reduce stress on everyone’s part—if the teacher aims at EMPOWERING your daughter,
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Many parents lament that their children’s attitude about school is that they only want to get by with the minimum. Even if the youth does the assigned homework, they often forget to turn it in. Their teachers often report that these are intelligent children, yet they are not doing well in their studies. Does this sound familiar? What’s a parent to do? When I talk to these parents, I often point out that the problem lies in the fact that the adult is trying to control the youngster. By them not doing what the adults tell them, the youth are exercising control and power. Realize that they won’t change if the parents keep telling them what to do, no matter
READ MORE >>> →If you look around at your family, friends, and co-workers, you will see that the happiest people are the ones who don’t pretend to know what’s right for others and don’t try to control anyone but themselves. You will further see that the people who are most miserable are those who are always trying to control others. Even if they have a lot of power, such as over students, the constant resistance in some form by the weaker people they are trying to control deprives them of happiness. If you try to control your students, you will be met with constant discipline challenges. If you try to control a spouse or partner, the relationship will be stressful. If you try
READ MORE >>> →I often write and talk about helping students avoid victimhood-thinking. But it’s equally important for teachers to avoid the victimization mentality as well. Thinking like a victim is toxically disempowering. Empowerment is so much more effective. And even if it were not, you would still be happier in an empowerment mode than in a victimhood mode. While many teachers believe that they do avoid such negative thinking, one recent staff discussion demonstrated that a change in mindset would be required for some teachers to leave the victimhood realm. Believing that learning is prohibited because students come from unstructured homes, from poverty, or have some other situation that cannot be changed is a mindset of victimhood thinking—ON THE PART OF THE
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 14 Number 8
#2 Parents wanting behavior reports
#5 The Resource Guide for behavior challenges
#7 Helping school police officers
Teaching consistently ranks as one of the top 20 most stressful professions. And too much stress in anyone’s life makes happiness hard to maintain. But the fact is that as a teacher, you have a responsibility to yourself to think and participate in those activities that bring you a fulfilled life—one that brings you happiness. Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish-American writer wrote, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Here are a few thoughts that may assist in this most important endeavor. What is important is how FREQUENTLY, not how intensely, you are happy. The thrills of winning in Las Vegas, an intense joy of a personal encounter, or having a peak of
READ MORE >>> →I’ve seen the following message circulate over the years. As so many teachers and parents are spending the next few weeks preparing for another school year, I thought this would be a good time to share this wonderful reminder about what it really takes to make a difference in someone’s life. Recall the following: 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.4. Name five people who have won a Nobel or Pulitzer prize.5. Name the last half-dozen Academy Award winners for best actor (female and male).6. Name five of the last decade’s World Series winners. How did you do? The point is
READ MORE >>> →At some point, all parents have had to deal with a child who did not want to listen or comply with what needed to be done. Whether it was getting the child to buckle his or her car seat or leave a fun place (such as a public swimming pool or beach), the child resisted to the point of making a scene. What’s a parent to do? Discipline the child by imposing a punishment? Bribe the child by offering a reward? Neither. Following are the best discipline approaches for this situation. First, understand that children mature when they begin to realize that other people’s interests are also involved in their decisions. Having a youngster become aware of this is one
READ MORE >>> →Whenever my students gave me an excuse for something within their control, I didn’t discipline them in the traditional ways. Rather, my standard comment to them was, “Responsibility finds a way; irresponsibility finds an excuse.” The purpose of this mantra was to encourage responsible thinking and behavior. Since being responsible requires thinking, effort, and choosing from a range of difficult decisions, many young people nonconsciously convince themselves that it is too insurmountable a challenge. Some blame others for their problems without any thought as to responsible responses to their challenges. Others hope that someone will come along and make everything right. People can operate more responsibly if they have a strategy. One strategy is to ask young people the following
READ MORE >>> →One vital thought to keep in mind when promoting responsibility with the young is this: “Do not do something for them that they can do for themselves.” When you want the young person to do something and he or she does not, oftentimes stress is induced—on the adult. The youngster is aware of your emotions and (nonconsciously) derives a sense of power from it. What he is doing—or not doing—is seen as directing your emotions. Here’s how it often plays out: The youngster has a number of things to do and is laxidazical about doing them. You remind the youngster—to no avail. Time passes. Another reminder is forthcoming with the same result. At this point, many parents resort to discipline
READ MORE >>> →We all want to be liked—teachers are no different. Unfortunately, one of the major mistakes many new teachers make is attempting to have their students like them by befriending them. This often takes the form of encouraging students to call them by their given name rather than by their surname, and generally to place themselves on the same level as their students. Certainly, teachers should be friendly, but friendship is not the way to build likability—nor is it the building block young people need. Encouragement and empowerment are the essentials, as they also lead to increased self-discipline. I recall the story of a first grader who did not learn how to read and had to repeat the first grade. At
READ MORE >>> →Human nature is based on a deficit model—to fix what is wrong. In a very real sense, our attention is geared at fixing others. For example, after a meeting with teachers, the student said to his mother, “Why didn’t they talk more about my social studies—what I am good at instead of what I am not good at? All they want to do is fix what is wrong with me.” The mother responded by saying, “They are trying to help you.” The student retorted, “No, they are trying to fix me.” Such are the perceptions of the parent and child. What should it be for the teacher? The answer lies in the question, “What optimizes learning?” Great teachers know that
READ MORE >>> →All parents and teachers want children to keep their end of agreements. For example, if a child says he will take out the garbage, the parent expects that’s what will happen. If a student says she will do her homework, the teacher expects her to follow through. When the youth doesn’t do what he or she promised to do, adults often try to discipline the child, dishing out punishments or imposing consequences. This approach is ineffective. Why? Because punishment is based on the idea that a person needs to be hurt in order to learn. This is fallacious thinking. When punishment is imposed, the person being punished feels like a victim. Victims take no responsibility for their behavior. In addition,
READ MORE >>> →Self-esteem is a person’s sense of self-worth and is manifested in large part by a person’s self-talk. One of the advantages researchers report about positive self-talk is that it encourages persistence—a key characteristic for success. Negative self-talk creates a negative mindset that can lead to avoiding failure rather than reaching for success. The more young people are encouraged and are talked to in positive ways the greater chances are for their own self-talk to be positive, which will greatly reduce discipline issues. As a teacher or parent, you have a tremendous opportunity to promote positive self-talk in young people. If you’re dealing with a child who is at-risk and needing frequent discipline, realize that these youth focus more on the
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 14 Number 7
#2 Handling PBIS and DWS
#3 Dale Carnegie’s wisdom
#5 Teacher tenure laws
I’ve just enjoyed reading an excellent thought-provoking book published in 2013, titled Mind over Medicine, written by Lissa Rankin MD. In one section of the book, Dr. Rankin shares an experiment conducted by social scientists. They were curious about whether or not learned helplessness in senior citizens could be counteracted by increasing their feelings of control, choice and personal responsibility. Because of my familiarity with using these same principles in my teaching by employing Dr. Marshall’s Discipline without Stress approach, my ears perked up! On page 130 of the book, Dr. Rankin explained: Researchers working with residents of a nursing home designed a study to evaluate the physical health of residents in response to positive changes made in the facility.
READ MORE >>> →Maintaining order in your classroom or your home is critical. As you do so, though, never forget this basic truth about discipline: Children do not mind a tough teacher (or parent) but they despise an unfair one. Being unfair can run the gamut from imposing a harsh punishment one day and a lenient one the next, or not giving a reward for something even though the same behavior earned a reward last week. Once children view you as unfair, you’ve lost them. This is why when it comes to discipline situations, imposed punishments simply don’t work. There’s no way to be consistent or fair with such measures. In fact, imposing the same consequence on all students/children is the least fair
READ MORE >>> →Charter schools were conceived in large part as an alternative to underperforming public schools. Charter schools allow educators and entrepreneurs to create new teaching models. More flexibility will allow more successful approaches for dealing with not only instruction but also behavior and discipline problems that impinge on the effectiveness of schools. The ability to experiment created enthusiasm nationwide for the charter school movement. Charter school enrollment has doubled since 2006. Today more than 2.2 million K-12 students are enrolled in the 6000 charters schools operated in 42 states and Washington, DC. A main advantage that charter schools have over other public schools is that the tremendous amount of paperwork is significantly decreased. In fact, the reduction of paperwork and administrative
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