Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 8 Number 9
#2 Consistency in consequences
#4 Handling being interrupted
#6 Differences between Levels C & D
Without Stress Blog
My presentations in Seoul, South Korea, gave me insight into Third Culture Kids (TCK). The presentations were to English speaking teachers and parents at international schools. A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents' culture. TCKs build relationships to other cultures while not having full ownership in any. For example, the parents are Korean but the students have lived in different countries, usually because of a parent's corporate or embassy job. There are thousands of Korean youth who are TCKs. They have lived in a foreign country; when they return to Korea, they are not accepted by native Koreans—hence, the label, "Third Culture Kids." Their "home"
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I have a student who cut up confetti and placed it inside a folded, stapled paper. I warned him that not one piece had better be found on school property. Otherwise, I would have him him write an essay. I want to do what you would do at this point. RESPONSE: I would have a personal conversation letting him know that when he acts on LEVEL B he is making his own standards and acting in a way that is not acceptable. I would then say, "You have my full confidence that none of the confetti will leave the room, that it will be disposed of, and that you know how to do it." Then let him know that
READ MORE >>> →When you present something, follow this formula: WHAT it is you will explain. WHY it is important to know about it. HOW the listener can use it. Give an EXAMPLE of how it works. The more you use this simple approach, the more people will be motivated to put forth the effort to learn what you are teaching.
READ MORE >>> →A mistake is an honest acknowledgment of an error of judgment, devoid of any self-incrimination or self-diminution. We all commit them. If we used the option of allowing a simple acknowledgment of a mistake, how much clearer and more joyful life would be! A woman was standing in a grocery line in front of an elderly man. He hollered at her continually, telling her to move her merchandise closer to the cashier—even though there were other customers in front of her also patiently waiting in line. The lady finally turned and stated, “Your behavior is rude. Is that your intention or a mistake?” What an easy way to prevent hard feelings!
READ MORE >>> →Why start the morning as a “downer” when you can start your day in a positive, pleasant way! Here is a little procedure you can use. Get up 20 minutes earlier than you need to do. Before turning on the TV or reading the newspaper—both of which can be full of discouraging news—read something uplifting. The positive energy engendered will carry you through the day so that any situation you encounter can be handled more easily. You will find it easier to enjoy your entire day simply by being uplifted in the morning.
READ MORE >>> →People know when they act irresponsibly. But their knowing does not stop that type of behavior. Knowing the cause for behavior may be interesting, but has nothing to do with changing that behavior. Until responsibility is accepted, the person will not act differently—even when the person knows the reason. Therefore, rarely ask a person why the behavior occurred. “Why?” implies that the reason for the behavior makes a difference—but it does not. Knowing or knowledge does not lead to behavior change. Rather than asking “Why?” a more effective approach would be to ask, “What are we going to do about it?”
READ MORE >>> →I received the following e-mail and am sharing it with you in hopes that you may be as successful as this teacher and parent reported. ——— When my elementary school first implemented the Raise Responsibility System, I was somewhat apprehensive about how such a program would work in my classroom. I have always felt that I created a positive learning environment in my class and, frankly, this system seemed like just one more passing fad to add to our classroom management file. However, after reading Dr. Marshall’s book, “Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards,” I realized that if I was going to use this in my classroom, I should try it at home first. As a mother of two teenagers,
READ MORE >>> →Dear Marv, I had the opportunity to know about your book Discipline without Stress, Punishments or Rewards through some of your articles and your interesting monthly newsletter. What I really want is to purchase a copy of your book so that I can read it thoroughly and understand your approach more practically. But due to the current difficult situation in Iraq, we still have some complicated procedures in sending money abroad, and that's why I would like to ask you a favor, which is kindly inform me of a bookshop address in Jordan or Syria where your book is carried. I have been in teaching for 35 years. Your approach is a big wide step forward in the field of
READ MORE >>> →An understanding of mind-body connection is essential for reducing stress and influencing others. Thoughts have direct and powerful connections to all sorts of physiological functions. Think hard enough about jumping out of an airplane, and your heart will start to race and your palms to sweat. Perhaps the most dramatic and best-known case was described by Norman Cousins in his "Anatomy of an Illness As Perceived by the Patient." While I was re-organizing my library, I came across his description of his experience in the May 28, 1977 issue of The Saturday Review (pp. 4-6, 48-51). Cousins came down with a serious collagen illness, a disease of the body's connective tissues. One result of the disease is the reduction of
READ MORE >>> →Principals who desire to improve their schools, and teachers who want to improve their students’ academic achievements, need to keep in mind what psychologist Abraham Maslow conveyed years ago, viz., People must FEEL cared for and cared about BEFORE they will take risks necessary to achieve. Students too often receive messages in the form of words, gestures, actions, and bulletin board postings of achievements that convey to them that they must achieve well in order to be thought of as worthy. Too many educators fail to realize that, with so many students, the foundation of success rests in human relations. This is especially the case with young students and students in poverty—where relationships are their most prized possessions. At one
READ MORE >>> →Will what I am about to do or say bring me closer or will it push me away farther from the person with whom I am communicating?
READ MORE >>> →Sometimes what we want others to do so focuses our attention that our actions become counterproductive. You will find this worth reading to truly understand the significance of this truth. It is from a post on the Mailring. ———– Hello, everybody. I feel a little frustrated and would like some words of wisdom or support. INCIDENT #1: I was pleased to be asked to speak to a group of new teachers on the nature of motivation. I printed out an article by Marvin Marshall and articles by Ryan and Deci. My principal has been impressed and intrigued by my philosophy and approach, which he sees as successful. The very next day there was a Veteran's Day assembly for the entire
READ MORE >>> →While strolling and listening to the following story, I requested the storyteller send it to me so that I could share it using her own words. For obvious reasons, the author of the letter requested anonymity. —- After six years of using the Raise Responsibility System in our home, we had an amazing incident with our fifteen-and a-half-year-old son. We live on a very large piece of property and my husband was preparing our son for driving by allowing him to drive the firewood truck from one area to another under his guidance and supervision. He would also allow him to move our vehicles around in the driveway. The expectation was always the same. This was a privilege and only
READ MORE >>> →Everett McKinley Dirksen (1896 – 1969) was a U.S. Congressman and Senator from Illinois. As a Senate leader he played a highly visible role in the politics of the 1960s. He helped write the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and played the decisive role in its passage. The Dirksen Senate Office Building was named after him. One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Everett Dirksen, viz., “I am a man of principle and my first principle is the ability to change my mind.” So it is with me when I decided to emphasize “discipline” in my newsletters. A few comments influenced me to return to my original emphasis on “responsibility”: 1) Harry Wong, who reminded me that my mission
READ MORE >>> →Most of the extrinsic school rewards are of little motivational value to students who fail or fall behind. Once children have a year or two of struggle in primary grades, once they feel and know for themselves that they are “behind,” they resign themselves to lower status and acquire a defeatist attitude. The stickers, teacher approval, honor roll, family (and extended family) encouragement become less frequent, less meaningful, less sincere, and less valued. Even peer approval and acceptance begins to wane. Meanwhile, learning becomes more of an effort with fewer rewards and more discouragement, more negativism, more privileges withheld, and more on the punishment end of the reward-punishment continuum. –Bill Page, “At-Risk Students: Feeling Their Pain, Understanding Their Plight, Accepting
READ MORE >>> →I’d like to share a picture book by Jacqueline Briggs Martin that connects wonderfully to many different types of lessons. Snowflake Bentley won the Caldecott Medal in 1999. It could be integrated into science, literature, a snow and winter theme, a study of biographies, symmetry, art and beauty, and in addition could be used to highlight Level D of the DWS Hierarchy. Martin’s award-winning book tells the story of Wilson Bentley, who is sometimes referred to as “The Snowflake Man.” By learning about the life of Wilson Bentley, students have the opportunity to think about someone operating at a very high level of autonomy. This is always an inspiring thing to do! Being a picture book, it is best suited to
READ MORE >>> →Dear Dr. Marshall, I am the mother of 7 children working on my counseling degree. I spent the last school year as an intern at both an elementary and middle school. It opened my eyes as to why children become disruptive. Punitive teachers ratchet up the anxiety and hostility. Reading your book has shed further light on what does works and why. Thank you for writing such an inspirational book. Susan Reeve Tabernacle, NJ
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