To reduce your stress and improve relations with young people, always consider giving options or choices. The choices can be limited, but the sooner a young person starts to make choices the more responsible that person becomes.
Offering options is an easy strategy to encourage decision-making. For example, simply asking a child, “Would you prefer to wear your brown pants or your blue ones?” or “Would you like to eat your carrots or peas first?” structures options and promotes decision-making.
Parenting Tip: Remember that being positive in your communications is a more constructive teacher than sending negative messages. Your children do better when they feel good, not when they feel bad.
Speaking to children about what you WANT—in contrast to what you DON’T want—prompts feelings of being valued, supported, respected, motivated, and challenged. Communicating in positive terms also triggers enthusiasm, capability, and pride. These approaches promote maturity while bringing more joy to parenting.
It’s almost amazing how the words we use can prompt emotions. Here is a classic example:
A blind man was sitting in a public square with an empty can of pencils and a cardboard sign that read, “I’m blind. Please help.” A young woman walked by and changed the words on his cardboard sign. Many coins were soon heard being dropped into the blind man’s pencil can. The young woman had changed the blind man’s sign to read: “It’s a beautiful day and I can’t see it.”
Quote of the Month Stress Management Video Tip Parenting Without Stress Tip Discipline Without Stress Tip Live Without Stress Book Discipline Online Speaking and Presenting Charity for U.S. Schools What People Say Resources
On Parenting: The key to truly enjoying parenting is to understand that—although you can control children—you cannot change them. So what do you do? You stay in authority but without using coercion so that relations remain positive. You remain in control by the questions you ask.
I’ve heard people mention that consequences can be set up with students ahead of time in the Raise Responsibility System (RRS). I find this confusing because I remember reading in Dr. Marshall’s book that he thinks it’s counterproductive to tell students about consequences ahead of time. Can you explain?
Excerpts: Switching from Imposing Discipline to Promoting Responsibility
No one has an inherent desire to obey—to be told what to do—not even children. However, when responsibility is promoted, obedience follows as a natural by-product.
Of course, learning how to promote responsibility in others takes practice and patience. Going from the mindset of imposing discipline to one of promoting positivity, offering choices, and asking reflective questions takes time. No matter how long you’ve been parenting, teaching or supervising, making the switch to the new methodology will be fraught with ups and downs. The key is to be persistent.… >>>
Excerpts: When raising and disciplining children, many teachers and parents rely on rules. They devise rules for homework, rules for chores, rules for behavior, and so on.
In practice, however, the use of the term “rules” is often counterproductive. Rules are used to control—not inspire. Although essential in games, rules are counterproductive in relationships.
Think of it this way: If a rule is broken, a mindset of enforcement is naturally created. The adult’s thinking goes something like, “If I don’t do something about this, it will occur again and I’ll lose my authority.” The situation between the adult and child immediately becomes adversarial. Read More… >>>
Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection. —Winston Churchill ===== The eBook version of LIVE WITHOUT STRESS: HOW TO ENJOY THE JOURNEY will soon be available online at Amazon’s Kindle store for $9.99. Comments from people who have read the draft are available.
CONTENTS: Part I INSIGHTS THAT REDUCE STRESS 1 Assumptions 2 The Brain-Body Connection 3 External vs. Internal Motivation
Part II PRACTICES THAT REDUCE STRESS 4 Positivity 5 Choices 6 Reflection
If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone. —Maxwell Maltz
To celebrate the upcoming holidays of gratitude and giving, I have set aside a limited number of books. I am offering both my hard cover education book and my hard cover parenting book at substantial discounts: the education book of $39.95 for $19.98 and the parenting book of $29.97 for $19.97. Act early before supplies run out: Piper Press.
In last month’s newsletter, I mentioned that I would … >>>
If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor. —Neil Simon
I have taken a risk. Since I have written two books about reducing stress and will soon publish “LIVE WITHOUT STRESS: How to Enjoy the Journey,” I have taken the risk of changing my prime website. My resources, blogs, Wednesday’s tips and this newsletter are all being transferred to my the new website. (The hurricane in the Southeastern seacoast of the United States may slow the process.)
Volume 16 Number 8 August 2016 Newsletter #181 Archived
IN THIS ISSUE:
Parenting Without Stress
Discipline without Stress (DWS)
What People Are Saying
MONTHLY QUOTE: Growth is its own reward.
A few months ago I started to share my experience in Finland and their educational system. However, so many projects have intervened since that I regret not posting the other articles and explaining the reasons that Finland’s educational system performs with the best countries in the world. The articles can be read by searching at WithoutStress in the upper right corner for “Finland.”
Recently published Without Stress Tips:
24 Action Without Thought 25 Perfectionism 26 Vision, Success, … >>>