MIND YOUR THOUGHTS FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
Your thoughts turn into words.
Be careful of the words you use.
The words you use can prompt your actions.
Be careful of how you act.
Your actions can easily become your habits.
Be careful of your habits.
Your habits shape your values.
Be careful of your values.
Your values shape your character.
You are in large part the result of your
Thoughts, words, actions, habits, values, and character.… >>>
Offering youngsters choices is a key part of Parenting Without Stress. The choices parents offer can be either “limited” or “unlimited.”
Limited choices allow the child to select from a restricted number of options offered by the parent, whereas in unlimited choices, the child is encouraged to come up with an option of his or her own. Generally, the younger the child, the more limited the choices. For example, “Do you want cereal or an egg for breakfast?” would be a limited choice, while “What do you want for breakfast?” would be unlimited and more appropriate as children mature. However, if the response to an unlimited question is not practical, the choices can again be limited.
In situations when … >>>
READ MORE >>> →Teaching Edgar Guest’s poem will assist kids’ character development.
It Couldn’t Be Done
Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. lf he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it.”
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his … >>>
Stress may be silently sabotaging kids’ success in school.
A little stress is good. It heightens alertness and improves performance. But as stress exceeds a certain level, distress emerges and has a negative effect on both learning and performance.
Here are a few examples of how stress can turn into distress according to learning theory:
1. Continually speaking to kids in negative terms
2. Relying on rules and imposing punishments, rather than teaching procedures
3. Continually promoting obedience, rather than promoting responsibility
4. Using coercion, rather than encouragement, empowerment, and inspiration
Reflecting on how your communications effects teaching and learning can help reduce distress.… >>>
READ MORE >>> →Mindsets are attitudes, dispositions, intentions, and inclinations. If Johnny’s mindset is one of little or no interest in learning (and this includes learning appropriate behavior), Johnny will not learn much. Therefore, a major task of adults working with young people is to promote mindsets that promote learning and appropriate behavior.
James Sutton is a psychologist in Pleasanton, Texas, who trains child service professionals. Jim emphasizes how perceptions are as important as reality. If a child is afraid, behaviors will reflect that fear, regardless of whether there is anything to be afraid of or not. Jim’s experiences have led him to conclude that there are youngsters who are damaged more by their perceptions of their lives than by the realities … >>>
READ MORE >>> →As 2012 draws to a close and 2013 approaches, it’s natural for people to make New Year’s resolutions. The typical ones include losing weight, saving money, and making healthy lifestyle changes. But if you’re a parent, here’s one you may not have considered: “Making parenting less stressful.”
Is stress-free parenting even possible? Yes! You simply need to know the path to take.
Remember, getting to any destination requires knowing where you want to go and then boarding the train that will take you there. The old story about Oliver Wendell Holmes illustrates this point:
… >>> READ MORE >>> →As the train conductor made his way down the aisle, the Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, Oliver Wendell Holmes, saw him coming. The
Many parents often say, “If I want something done right I have to do it myself.” Yet effective parents know that delegation of tasks is essential to build trust in the family. When you hold onto tasks and don’t delegate, you deprive your children of an opportunity to grow and learn responsibility.
Accept the fact that growth comes through struggle. Babying your children hinders their development and implies that you don’t trust them. Therefore, focus on treating your children as if they are who, how, and what you would like them to be. Treating children as if they are responsible and empowered increases their chances of becoming so.
Once the child completes a task, the objective should be to focus … >>>
READ MORE >>> →A water bearer in China had two large pots; each hung on the ends of a pole that he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it … >>>
READ MORE >>> →Take a moment to think about a time when you were successful in getting something you really wanted from someone. Did you tell the person you wanted it, or did you ask? When we want something that is really important to us, we know better than to tell; it sounds too demanding. This is precisely why telling children to do something rarely works.
Limiting your telling requires constant attention. The tendency to tell is most easily changed by replacing it with some other approach. Because young people are sensitive about being told what to do, and because parental help is perfectly appropriate, focus on sharing information. Think of your advice as something to inform, to have the … >>>
READ MORE >>> →Historically, people lived in the same small village their entire lives. There was little change in their lives—not only in their residence bur in the community’s values and in the occupations or with the few people with whom they came in contact. Today we live in a time of “constant change.” We say, in fact, that the only constant is change. How then do we best handle change? The answer is through developing an inner gyroscope.
A gyroscope (dictionary definition) is a device, used to provide stability or maintain a fixed orientation, consisting of a wheel or disc spinning rapidly about an axis which is itself free to alter in direction.
As parents, we want our children to acquire a … >>>
READ MORE >>> →When children are too young to understand concepts such as internal motivation, appropriate behavior can still be taught without using rewards or coercion. For example, when a child does something that is not appropriate, lightly touch the child’s wrist and shake your head no. Persevere. You may have to do this a number of times before understanding sets in.
For example, when Dad is carrying little Tyler in the supermarket, Tyler starts to kick Dad in the stomach, laughing with each kick. Dad immediately puts Tyler down, steps back, and rubs his tummy where it hurts, and continues walking.
Another young child, Jenny, stalls and pokes around before getting into the car when the mother is in a hurry. … >>>
READ MORE >>> →Learned helplessness is a condition characterized by a sense of powerlessness. It can rise up from a traumatic event, constant negative self-talk, constant scolding, or constant failure to succeed in a task.
When I was pregnant and reading every baby book in sight, I continually came upon the admonition: Say ”No” as little as possible to babies and toddlers. That means taking all bric-a-brac off the tables, puting chemical bottles on high shelves, and looking around the home for potentially hazardous situations that can be eliminated.
Saying “NO” can have many interpretations—including telling a child that what she is doing is wrong—rather than showing how to do something correctly. One approach empowers; the other disempowers.
Refrain from scolding. Scolding makes … >>>
READ MORE >>> →Positivity involves more than just having a positive outlook; it is also about remaining positive in negative situations. Here is an example:
A mother considered herself a positive person because she was naturally upbeat and smiled a lot, but she hadn’t realized that she was only positive and upbeat when things were going well.
She started thinking about her three-year-old son and realized that she often was negative with him when she was feeling stressed. She made a conscious decision to work on her positivity to see if being positive in negative circumstances would be more effective than nagging and getting stern.
One day, just as they were about to leave the house, she noticed that her little boy … >>>
READ MORE >>> →Students in several Asian nations continually outperform their U.S. counterparts on international tests for science, reading, and especially math. Finland is the only Western nation near the top of those rankings year after year.
The Finn’s don’t approach education with the drill-and-kill ferocity employed in Korea and Singapore or with the emphasis on endless testing familiar to U.S. students. In fact, Finland has become an educational star by doing the opposite of what’s happening in many U.S. schools and school districts.
Since the 1970s, Finland has changed its traditional education structure into a model of a modern, publicly financed education system with widespread equity, good quality, large participation, and all of this at reasonable cost.
More than 99 percent of … >>>
READ MORE >>> →Three characteristics usually determine whether a comment is one of praise or one of acknowledgment:
1. Praise often starts with a reference to oneself: “I am so proud of you for . . . .” or “I like the way . . . .” Even “I noticed that . . . .” can be a trap because it focuses on what you think rather than on simply acknowledging what your child has done.
2. Praise is patronizing. If you would not make the comment to an adult, then think twice before making it to a young person.
3. Praise is often stated as a general comment, such as, “That’s good.” An acknowledgment, by contrast, calls attention … >>>
READ MORE >>> →A mother should validate—rather than deny—a child’s feelings.
Let’s examine a case of shyness.
The child says to the parent that she does not like being a shy person.
The mother says, “There’s nothing wrong with being shy.”
The mother just negated the child’s opinion and feeling about herself. The parent has supplanted the child’s opinion about shyness with the mother’s own opinion. The child now feels guilty about having a different opinion. And yet, the child still feels bad about being shy.
Point:
The child’s responsibility is to work toward removing own her pain.
The parent’s responsibility is to listen, empathetic, and perhaps offer a suggestion—but NOT to negate the child’s feeling. … >>>
READ MORE >>> →This post is about a communication I received from a teacher in Pakistan and my response to help her motivate a student.
Her communication:
“Thank you very much to enlighten us with your great thought-provoking ideas. I am a very regular reader of your newsletters. My question is: As a teacher, one cannot inculcate any skill to a child if there is no will. How can we work on will of a student?”
My response:
Excellent question!
You are right when you refer to not being able to inculcate a skill in a child who has no will. Therefore, the question becomes, “How can you create interest so that the young person will WANT to do what you would like?”… >>>
READ MORE >>> →Acknowledgments and praise are not the same. Praise is judgmental and infers parental approval. In contrast, acknowledgments simply recognize.
You may ask, “What’s wrong with praise?” Although intended to be a positive reinforcement, praise creates certain pitfalls that acknowledgments do not. For example, praise is conditional upon the judgment of the person giving the praise. It is usually given because the adult feels a desire to approve some behavior. However, what is truly important is for children to receive self-satisfaction without the need for adult approval.
Acknowledgments accomplish the intent of praise but without praise’s disadvantages. Acknowledgments foster feelings of being worthwhile without relying on the approval of others. The long range effect of acknowledgments is to engender self-confidence and … >>>
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