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3 Tips for Less Stressful Relationships

On April 18, 2019   /   Relationships  

Of all the things that cause stress in people’s lives, relationships rank high on the list. Whether it’s between adults, family, friends, or children, relationship challenges are inevitable.

Here are three tips for significantly improving relationships and making them less stressful.

1. Give Affirmations

A simple acknowledgement can have dramatic results. This is especially important with young people. They want to assert their independence and autonomy. Just acknowledging that you have HEARD their point of view, regardless of agreement, can have a profound effect on how your growing young one feels about the relationship.

2. Use quality listening time.

Quality time is quality-driven, not necessarily quantity-driven. Simply give your full attention to the person speaking. By using eye contact, a … >>>

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How Teachers and Parents Can Promote Good Behavior

On April 15, 2019   /   Classroom Management, Discipline Help  

Promoting good behavior is something both teachers and parents want for the children in their lives. And it’s always easier to do when the teachers and parents work together.

Following is an email I received from a teacher about students, parents, and good behavior.

“I am interested in implementing your ideas in my classroom. They make such sense to me, and I am very excited! What do you recommend for communicating about student behavior with the parents? In previous years I used a behavior classroom chart and a six-weeks calendar where daily behavior is recorded and sent home each day. I do not want to use that system any longer. However, I will have parents who will want to know … >>>

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The Benefits of Using Positive Words

On April 4, 2019   /   Effectiveness, Stress Management  

Using positive words may be the most successful approach to reduce stress and increase your effectiveness. The reason is that this type of vocabulary empowers AND feels good.

Compare each in the following examples:

“I HAVE to go” versus “I GET to go.”

“I have no choice” versus “I am choosing to …”

“No!” versus “Not yet.”

“I only have two choices” versus “I have two choices.”

“I have a DEADLINE” versus “I have a DUE date.”

(The former connotes DEATH while the latter connotes BIRTH.)

We now know scientifically that what Henry Ford stated was accurate: “If you think you can, you can; if you think you can’t, you can’t. Either way you are right.” The words you use … >>>

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Empower Youth to Overcome Challenges

On March 21, 2019   /   Relationships  

If you want to help children overcome challenges, then personal connections are the key. In fact, strong relationships can curb almost any problem. Letting people know you care is the most important thing you can communicate.

Here are two questions to ask yourself—especially when working with young people:

1) Does the person feel safe with me no matter what happens?

2) Have I used kind and encouraging words in my relationship with the person?

Unfortunately, when it comes to discipline and helping youth overcome challenges, many adults use counter-productive approaches. In an attempt to discipline or “mold the youth,” they enforce rules. But if a child breaks a rule, what is the parent’s natural tendency? Response: to enforce the rule … >>>

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Ask for Help to Reduce Stress

On March 14, 2019   /   Effectiveness  

Do you ask for help? Many people rarely do, even when they need it the most. Why is it so hard to ask others to help us? Some people’s ego deprives them of the benefit that comes from asking for help. We see this in the stereotype of men not asking for directions when they’re lost, assuming the car has no global positioning service (GPS).

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it’s a way to display strength and a way to elicit collaboration. In fact, one of the most powerful phrases in all of life is “I wonder if you could help me with something.” This phrase breaks down barriers and enables anyone to easily ask … >>>

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Discipline and Childhood Trauma

On March 7, 2019   /   Discipline  

Childhood trauma is more common than you think. And when a child has experienced trauma, it can lead to discipline issues. From abuse at home to bullying at school to the loss of a parent due to death or divorce, such events can leave a negative and lasting mark on youth.

Sometimes the child acts out very aggressively, with little understanding or remorse for their behavior toward others. At the same time, they may refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior. This makes discipline especially difficult for adults. On the one hand, they know the child has been through a lot and try to give more leeway. But on the other hand, the troubling behavior simply cannot continue.

Here is

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Positive People are More Likable

On February 21, 2019   /   Relationships  

Positive people are more likable. Think about the people in your life. Do your favorite people tend to be positive or negative? My guess is that they are the more positive people you associate with.

The fact is that you will be more likable to others when you focus on being positive.

When I was young, my mother often told me that if I can’t say something nice about a person, then don’t say anything at all.

This is great advice, not only for your communications with others, but also with yourself. In other words, if you can’t say (or think) something nice about yourself, then don’t say (or think) anything at all. Instead, exert discipline to turn your thoughts … >>>

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Bullying in Schools

On February 14, 2019   /   Responsibility  

We all know that we have a bullying epidemic in this country. But few adults realize how bad it is in today’s schools. Did you know that approximately 160,000 students skip school each day for fear of being bullied? And over 70% of students say they have witnessed another person being bullied.

So what exactly constitutes bullying? According to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, “Bullying is any unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time … It can include making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.”

Bullying often has long-lasting … >>>

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Use Your Words to Reduce Stress

On February 7, 2019   /   Stress Management  

Did you know that the words you use to speak to yourself and others have the power to reduce stress? It’s true. I often write and speak about how one word can change feelings and actions, which in turn can either elevate stress or reduce it.

Here’s an example of something people at work often say, “I HAVE to attend this meeting.” Using the word “have” in this instance prompts negativity. However, if we change just one word in the sentence, we can change the feeling the sentence evokes. Here it is: “I GET to attend this meeting.” The word “get” in this instance prompts a positive orientation.

Words are powerful. Here is an example of how a few words

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Increase Your Positive Self-Talk

On January 31, 2019   /   Effectiveness  

A prime goal of my approach is to increase people’s positive self-talk. I believe in the importance of positive self-talk so much that I’ve devoted pages to this topic in each of my books.

Researchers have acknowledged that in order to know yourself, you have to talk to yourself. They have studied children’s private speech for decades, but only recently have researchers focused on self-talk in adults. We use inner speech or self-talk for all sorts of things. We depend on it to solve problems, read and write, motivate ourselves, plan for the future, learn from our mistakes, learn language, and help regulate emotions.

Beyond helping people regulate their behavior in the present moment, positive self-talk is essential for learning … >>>

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Make Relationships Less Stressful

On January 24, 2019   /   Relationships  

Do you think society, including relationships, has become more stressful or less stressful over the years? Most people think it’s more stressful today than it was just a decade ago. One of the factors contributing to the stress is the rate of change everyone and everything is going through.

A number of factors have changed society over the years, not the least of which is technology. Unfortunately, however, technology has not helped to improve relationships. In fact, in far too many situations technology has actually hindered relationships, leading to increased stress levels. As a result, people continue to use ineffective approaches—mainly coercion—to influence others.

Here are two former American giants who made the point that coercion is ineffective.

Benjamin Franklin … >>>

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Positivity Reduces Stress

On January 17, 2019   /   Stress Management  

Communicating in positive terms to yourself and to others triggers enthusiasm, capability, and self-confidence. Allow me to share some additional advantages when your self-talk and communications to others are in positive—rather than in negative—terms. I also want to emphasize that positivity applies especially to teachers who are engaged in classroom management and classroom discipline.

Benefits of Positivity

Positivity feels good. It brings joy, gratitude, and energy. It negates despair and instead prompts hope, pride, and inspiration.

Positive emotions engage people’s attention. It changes your outlook on life because it expands your worldview.

It prompts people to look around more.

Positivity changes how your mind works. It builds psychological strength and mental habits, such as looking for humor that promotes good … >>>

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5 Essential Stress Management Tips

On January 10, 2019   /   Stress Management  

Everyone needs some simple stress management strategies. Here are 5 easy, natural stress relief tips that enable you to de-stress immediately.

Stress Management Tip 1: Pivot

You see an accident and an emotion immediately erupts.

You hear a compliment and a nice feeling immediately follows.

You smell your morning coffee and you feel good.

You taste your favorite desert and a wonderful feeling follows.

You touch something soft and enjoy the feeling.

After each of the five senses an emotion follows.

Likewise, you think a negative thought and immediately become anxious.

The brain-body connection is such that feelings immediately follow our senses and our thoughts.

Note that you cannot stop emotions, but by changing your thinking you can redirect your … >>>

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Do What You Love to Reduce Stress

On January 3, 2019   /   Stress Management  

We’re often told, “Do what you love.” It’s great advice, because when you love what you’re doing, you can often reduce stress. But what if you have to do something you don’t love? Can it still be enjoyable?

Let’s take a lesson from Tom Sawyer to see how you can turn situations around.

 

A Lesson on How to Reduce Stress

Tom Sawyer had the responsibility of whitewashing Aunt Polly’s front picket fence. The fence was 30 yards wide and 9 feet high. Most people would agree this wouldn’t be a fun task.

On Saturday morning, Tom was whitewashing the fence when he saw Ben approaching. Tom put on a smile and showed Ben how he was really enjoying the … >>>

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An Analogy for the Levels of Development

On December 27, 2018   /   Responsibility  

The life cycle of a butterfly not only fascinates but the life cycle of a butterfly in real life can serve as an analogy to the Levels of Development. Once young people understand the basics of building a hierarchy, then their physical growth can be compared to a butterfly life cycle. With this understanding, they become empowered to act more responsibly. Additionally, they reduce their stress and the stress of others with whom young people interact.

The four stages of the life cycle of a butterfly can be related to the four physical states of human development and the Levels of Development.

Began by reminding young people of the life cycle of a butterfly. There are four stages … >>>

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Don’t Aim for Obedience

On December 20, 2018   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

Are you aware of the advantages and disadvantages of conformity and the importance of obedience?

Conformity and obedience are natural and necessary in any society. This is how cultures perpetuate their values and traditions. However, obedience can promote stress on the part of all concerned.

Here is an example: The parent requests or demands that the teenager makes the bed before going to school. The teen obeys. We would refer to this as Level (C) cooperation or conformity on the Levels of Development.

In a similar scenario where the parent expects the teen to make the bed each morning, the teen does so without being told. We would refer to this as Level (D) taking the initiative on … >>>

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Classroom Rules are Counterproductive

On December 13, 2018   /   Discipline, Relationships  

Classroom rules are counterproductive and prompt stress between adults and young people. This is because rules place the adult in an adversarial relationship. Relying on rules is coercive and promotes obedience rather than responsibility.

The reason is simple. If a student breaks a rule, our tendency is to enforce the rule. The assumption is that if the rule is not enforced, people will take advantage of it. Therefore, in order to remain in control, we must enforce all rules.

Rules are essential in games. But in relationships, reliance on rules is counterproductive because the enforcement mentality automatically creates adversarial relationships. Enforcing rules too often promotes power struggles that rarely result in win-win situations.

Rules aim at obedience. But obedience does … >>>

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Positive Discipline Reduces Stress

On December 6, 2018   /   Discipline  

Using positive discipline when you communicate is the best way to get others to do what you want. If you’re natural inclination is to say, “No, don’t do that,” you’re actually creating more stress. There is a better, more positive way, to discipline.

Allow me to explain the reason that using the negative is ineffective.

Think of your last dream—not that you remember it, but think of how your brain envisioned it. Did you dream in words—or in pictures, illusions, or images? The brain thinks visually, not verbally. Simply stated, the brain does not think in words; it visualizes. This is the reason that using negatives is ineffective and why using positive discipline is so much better.

When people tell … >>>

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