Many parents take the caretaker role too far by accepting responsibility for making the child happy and putting their own desires aside. This approach is not good for the parent or for the growing child. When the child continually asks the parent to do something, and the parent does what the child requests, the parent sooner or later may feel some resentment and even anger. Notice the implicit learning: It teaches that the child does not need to value the parent’s desires or the parent’s time—that the child comes first. The child not only learns to be manipulative but also becomes more demanding of the parent’s time. It would be better for the parent to sometimes say, “I’ll do that
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Dr. Marshall recently brought teacher attention to a youtube lecture highlighting the third part of his Discipline without Stress Teaching Model, The Raise Responsibility System. As many university instructors do these days, Joe Jerles posted this classroom management lecture online so that his own students could access his teaching easily and repeatedly for study purposes. Jerles is teaching from the textbook, Effective Classroom Management by Carlette Jackson Hardin. Chapter 9 of the book deals specifically with Dr. Marshall’s Discipline without Stress approach. Joe Jerles’ youtube presentation may be of interest to anyone wanting to learn more about the Discipline without Stress approach. Dr. Marshall points out a few things to notice while viewing the video: Even kindergarten students understand the vocabulary and concepts. After
READ MORE >>> →Many parents complain that their children are forgetful. How many times have you said, “He’d forget his head if it wasn’t attached to his shoulders”? One way to help a child develop in an area he or she is lacking is to put the child in charge of something related to the weakness. For example, a forgetful or unreliable child can lead by being in charge of a message center, such as a “Things to Remember” board (on or near the refrigerator). Things that are important, such as appointments and activities, are on the board and read each day. The youngster can post messages on the board. The strategy also ensures that the youngster, being in charge of the board,
READ MORE >>> →It’s often said that parents are a child’s first role model. This is so true, as evidenced by the following story a parent sent in. “My son started putting himself in timeouts probably because that’s what I did with myself. If I got frustrated or angry or impatient with him, I would excuse myself and say, ‘I am going to go sit on the porch and take a break; I’ll come back and talk with you when I’m calm.’ He usually came to look for me to apologize for his behavior or to see if I was all right.” What kind of responsible behavior are you modeling for your children?
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 13 Number 9
#2 Teach young people to solve their own problems
#3 The past does not determine the future
#5 On the Sunny Side of the Street
Many children would rather be bad than stupid. So one reason why they misbehave is they don’t want to be failures. The Raise Responsibility System is the foundation for handling irresponsible behavior. However, some students require special discipline attention in order to help them become more responsible. Here are three suggestions to try. 1. Coach Think of young people as lacking skills, rather than as being noncompliant. Few students are maliciously non-compliant. We teach young people how to swing a baseball bat, how to play a musical instrument, and how to drive a car. We do not give up on them, nor do we resort to imposed punishment. We coach them. 2. Give Start Directions Students with short attention spans
READ MORE >>> →Practicing the principles of positivity, choice, and reflection reduces stress. These three principles also improve relationships, increase effectiveness in influencing others to change their behaviors, and make discipline easier. Here are some key points to remember: Negative comments engender negative attitudes, while positive comments engender positive attitudes. People who are effective in influencing other to positive actions phrase their communications in positive terms. Rather than use consequences, which are usually perceived negatively and do not change the way a person wants to behave, they use contingencies, which promise with the positive and place the responsibility on the young person—where it belongs. If a consequence is necessary, a more effective approach is to elicit the consequence—which should be reasonable, respectable, and
READ MORE >>> →If you’re having discipline challenges with a child or student, the natural tendency is to try to change the person’s behavior. That’s why coercive discipline techniques like using imposed punishments, rewards, and telling are so prevalent. But remember that no one changes another person; people change themselves. To that end, if you want the people around you to change, the best place to start is with yourself. Change your own approach to handling the behavior. Change how YOU motivate the person to want to change. To determine the best changes to make in yourself that will result in other person being motivated to change, ask yourself this important question: “If I were a child, would I want me as a
READ MORE >>> →Very often, what a teacher refers to as a rule is really a procedure. We need look no further than to one of the first rules primary students are given. They are taught the classroom rule of raising one’s hand to be recognized by the teacher before speaking out. The same rule is taught year after year. I have even seen this rule posted in eighth grade classrooms! Simply reminding students that this is a procedure, rather than a rule, places the teacher in the position of a coach and eliminates an enforcement mentality. We too often assume that students know what we know and what we would like them to do. This assumption is faulty. Teach procedures—such as how
READ MORE >>> →Now that school is in session all over the country, many parents are asking for help dealing with homework—specifically how to handle a child who simply refuses to do homework. For parents, it’s natural to think that getting children to do their homework is part of their job. As such, they may fight with their children, impose discipline when youngsters refuse to do their homework, or even beg and plead for children to complete their assignments. All of these scenarios take the responsibility for completing homework off the children and instead places it on the parent’s plate. So what’s the solution? First, realize that no one can force another person to learn. Children need to be motivated. If there is
READ MORE >>> →Offering choices raises responsibility because it is related to the issue of control. A person who makes choices gains control, and having control is a requirement for taking responsibility. Choice, control, and responsibility are inseparable: Make a choice, and control is enhanced. Fail to choose, and control is diminished. Deny responsibility, and control is given up. Choose responsibility, and control increases. Here is an example shared with me by a friend who understood the basic need of all humans—of any age—to feel some sense of control over their lives. My elderly mother was recovering from a very difficult surgery. Because of her weakened condition, she had lost her ability to walk and there was doubt about whether she would
READ MORE >>> →Positivity is like a magnet. People are drawn to the positive and repelled by the negative. This simple truth about human nature is so important that it forms the first part of the foundation for the Raise Responsibility System. Positivity has power, especially when you’re attempting to discipline youth. Positivity is an attitude that, with practice, you can develop for yourself and with your children. When you do, you will be amazed at how your stress becomes significantly reduced, your effectiveness increased, and your relationships improved. Here are 4 facts about positivity and the impact it has on discipline: Negative comments provoke negative attitudes. Positive comments prompt positive attitudes. Keep discipline positive by always speaking in positive terms. The pictures
READ MORE >>> →A recently published “Report on the Four Parenting Styles” by Hugo M. Rabson from University of Phoenix details four prevalent parenting styles in the United States, including the pros and cons of each. It also asserts one style of parenting is better than the others. Here are each of the styles outlined and how they compare to the Discipline Without Stress method. 1. Permissive: When a parent utilizes permissive parenting, he/she provides inconsistent feedback and requires little of his/her children. Children raised under this style tend to experience low self-esteem and develop poorer social skills. While the Discipline Without Stress method is noncoercive, it is certainly NOT permissive. 2. Authoritarian: Parents who are authoritarian are controlling, punitive, rigid, and cold. They
READ MORE >>> →The back-to-school season is upon us, with many classrooms already buzzing with new activity and others waiting to be filled with eager students next week. As you send your children to school these first few days or welcome them into your class, keep the following words of wisdom in mind. “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” –Albert Einstein “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” – Nelson Mandela “An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don’t.” –Anatole France “An investment in knowledge pays
READ MORE >>> →A Gallup Poll about the public’s opinion on The Common Core Standards and the use of standardized test in education was released last week. In a previous post I commented on the findings about The Common Core Standards. Today I’d like to address the perceptions of standardized tests. According to the poll’s findings, when asked whether “a significant increase in standardized testing” has “helped, hurt, or made no difference” in local school performance: 22% percent said that it has helped. Back in 2007, 28% said it had helped. 36% said it has hurt. 41% percent said it has made no difference. In all, over three-quarters of Americans believe that the increase in student testing has made no difference or has
READ MORE >>> →According to a Gallup poll released this week, nearly two-thirds of Americans don’t know what the Common Core State Standards are. As many readers of this blog are aware, the Common Core State Standards are a set of learning standards that are supposed to prepare students for a 21st-century economy by emphasizing critical thinking skills and informational texts in reading, and depth in important math concepts. Interestingly, while the Common Core Standards were designed to make American students more competitive in the global marketplace, the Gallup poll also showed that only four in ten of those familiar with the initiative think it can actually accomplish that goal. Currently, 45 states and the District of Columbia are revamping their curricula to
READ MORE >>> →The greater dangerfor most of usis not that our aim istoo highand we miss it,but that it istoo lowand we make it.— Michelangelo (1475 – 1564) Ask the key to success in real estate and you will hear, “location, location, location.” Ask the key to appropriate behavior and learning and you will hear, “expectation, expectation, expectation.” Questioning why some cultures and subcultures produce citizens who have developed the characteristics of behaving appropriately, perseverance, and those requirements necessary for a civil society and you will soon conclude that the key has to do with expectations. My way of communicating Michelangelo’s message is concluding my presentations with two words: EXTEND YOURSELF!
READ MORE >>> →I recently met with a gentleman who relocated his family from Finland to the United States this summer due to a work assignment. He and his wife have three children, ages 9, 12, and 15, so getting them enrolled and settled into their new school was a top priority for them. I asked him what he thought of the U.S. schools and how they compared to what his children attended in Finland. His answer didn’t surprise me. “The teachers at the schools seem very nice, but why is everyone so focused on test scores here?” he replied. “I understand that the schools want to place my children in the correct learning environment, but don’t they realize that test scores aren’t
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