The Levels of Development (the first part of the discipline program of the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model) can be used with Kindergarten to high school students. The following comments come from a kindergarten and a high school teacher, respectively. I had a particularly challenging Kindergarten class and taught the hierarchy. I was surprised how quickly my youngsters were able to pick up the language and were able to label situations as ‘Anarchy’ and ‘Bullying.’ We used the ‘Happy Face’ poster and discussed how Level A and Level B usually result in tears. We talked about what Level C and Level D are like in the hallway, in the bathroom, etc. It was very effective. Kindergarten students were certainly able to reflect on their
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If you have a very challenging youngster, here is a technique that will give you and the child success. Give the disrupting child four clothespins. Clip them together to make a square. At the beginning of the school day place them on top of the student’s desk where they are readily visible and accessible. When the particularly challenging student acts irresponsibly, quietly ask for a clothespin. Taking the clothespin gives something tangible to attach to an undesirable behavior and an opportunity to have the child make a better choice. The student is prompted to reflect, “Is this behavior worth losing a clothespin, or can I figure this out on my own?“ When this approach is used to the point that
READ MORE >>> →The great American humorist Will Rogers said, “As long as you live, you’ll never find a method so effective in getting through to another person as having that person feel important.” He was right. When you make people feel important, you get their cooperation. Realize that Rogers was not talking about insincere flattery. He was referring to getting in the habit of recognizing how important people are. This should obviously apply to your children. Here’s a famous story that illustrates the power of making someone feel important. Cavett Robert, the founder of the National Speakers Association, looked out his window one morning and saw a skinny 12-year-old boy going door-to-door selling books. The boy was headed for his house. Robert
READ MORE >>> →“The moving finger writes; and, having writ,Moves on; nor all thy piety nor witShall lure it back to cancel half a line,Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.”—From The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam One of life’s greatest illusions is the belief that the past is responsible for the condition of your life. One way to understand this fallacy that the past determines your life is to imagine your body is a speedboat that is cruising through the water at 40 knots per hour. You look from the stern peering down at the water. What you would see in this imaginary scene is the wake, the “V” shape of turbulence in the water left behind. The boat represents
READ MORE >>> →After using the Raise Responsibility System in their home, a family had an amazing incident with their 15-year-old son. Here is the story in the mother’s own words: We live on a very large piece of property and my husband was preparing our son for driving by allowing him to drive the firewood truck from one area to another under guidance and supervision. He would also allow our son to move our vehicles around in the driveway. The expectation was always the same: This was a privilege and only possible when my husband was in the vehicle. One day while we were at work, our son decided to drive the car up and down the driveway on his own. The
READ MORE >>> →I received the following from the author of the most widely used book on discipline in university classrooms preparing future teachers: “I think you are the best thing going in discipline today.”—C.M. Charles, 11 Editions of Building Classroom Discipline Here are three simple reasons that the Discipline Without Stress (DWS) and the Raise Responsibility System (the discipline part of DWS) work: 1. It is totally noncoercive. The model creates an atmosphere where people feel safe; they know that they will not be harmed. 2. Students NEVER need to defend their behavior because their behavior is never referred to. Instead, something outside the person (a level) is referred to. 3. When people understand the difference between EXTERNAL motivation–Level C (to please
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 13 Number 8
# 2 Mindsets
# 3 Perceptions and Feelings
# 5 W. Edwards Deming on Education
Giving children specific feedback and encouraging them to evaluate their own work is a form of encouragement. If we think of praise as a general statement, such as, “You did a good job” or “I like what you did,” we have not given the youngsters feedback for a basis to evaluate or improve. We have also given a personal opinion. In contrast, if we think of encouragement as giving specific feedback, such as “You filled the whole page with color,” or “You wrote your whole name,” then we are removing personal opinion. We are stating our observation. When we encourage by giving feedback, we gently push the child to do his/her best. When we praise (using the definition of giving a general
READ MORE >>> →A common myth is that imposed punishments are necessary to change young people’s behavior. In reality, imposed punishment comes out of our desire to control. In contrast, when the desire is to teach and raise responsible citizens, teaching and guidance prevail. Despite succeeding in stopping irresponsible behavior in some cases, imposed punishments are ineffective with far too many young people as a method for helping them make lasting changes in their behavior. In fact, here are the top 10 problems with using imposed punishments as discipline: Imposed punishments… Are temporary Are adult-dependent rather than self-dependent Are inconsistently applied Are based on avoidance Lose their effectiveness over time Do nothing to help a young person learn to modify irresponsible behavior Foster
READ MORE >>> →I was asked how to handle a situation where a daughter wants a tattoo, but the parent does not want to see a tattoo on her body. I responded that the most effective approach is to induce the daughter to influence herself. The key to this approach is asking reflective questions and prompting the daughter to evaluate. Here are some reflective questions that I shared with her: “How about making a list of all the advantages and the disadvantages of getting a tattoo and then comparing the responses?” “Project ahead five years. Is the short term fun worth the long-term frustration when you will want it removed?” “Remembering that the emotion of making the decision will not outlast the emotion
READ MORE >>> →A common practice in classrooms around the world is to establish classroom rules, either by the teacher alone or by the teacher and students cooperatively. Rules are necessary in games, but in relationships they are counterproductive. Although the establishment of rules has good intentions, their implementation often produces deleterious effects. When Johns Hopkins University researchers analyzed data from more than 600 schools, they found six characteristics associated with discipline problems. Notice that the first three concerned rules. Rules were unclear or perceived as unfairly or inconsistently enforced. Students didn’t believe in the rules. Teachers and administrators didn’t know what the rules were or disagreed on the proper responses to student misconduct. Teacher-administrator cooperation was poor or the administration was inactive.
READ MORE >>> →Learning should not be compared to business. Business is a poor model for learning. Business leaders are out of their expertise when they suggest that competition in learning is comparable to competition in business. The examples where businesses display poor practices are so numerous that they could fill an entire book. Business is so different from education that in my education book the only place I use the term “work” is in the index where the word “homework” is referred to as “home tasks” or “home assignments.” This is a deliberate attempt to differentiate effort in learning from effort in employment. The entire epilogue of my education book, Discipline without Stress, is about how business is so different from learning that the
READ MORE >>> →I was asked, “Why do adults work?” The inquirer continued, “If not primarily for monetary reasons! We have a need and work is a means to achieve that end. Yes, there may be other drives but financial gain is the primary one. Why isn’t it the same with children? Find something else that motivates the child. I simply don’t believe that appealing to a 6-year-old’s sense of ‘what’s right’ will do the job. This might seem jaded but I’ve tested both ways and I see what works.” The following was my response: If a youngster likes chocolate, for example, and if receiving the reward is contingent on performing the requirement, then of course this incentive works. If the youngster, on
READ MORE >>> →Research has shown that optimism, whether “natural” or “learned,” results in better health. People who are optimistic have a better handle on dealing with their emotions, which has an impact on the immune system, heart, and other body functions. Positivity brings hope, which is a cousin of optimism. A series of tests on hope was given at the University of Kansas, and results were compared to the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) scores, which are supposed to determine success as a college freshman. It was found that the test scores on hope were better predictors of success than the SAT scores. Hope and optimism are learned. They are teachable. A starting point is always to ask yourself, “How can I say
READ MORE >>> →Question: My class is so messy! They leave trash everywhere and it takes them forever to clean up after centers, or art time or snack! How do you get kids to clean up? They will eventually clean it up because I keep telling them over and over, but I need some ideas!! Response: I try to approach it in this way in my primary class… When I ring our chimes to get their attention at a clean up time, I typically make some positive reference to the activity which will directly follow. For instance, I might say…. Who’s interested to see what’s been brought for Show and Tell today? Here’s the book we’re going to read today. I can’t
READ MORE >>> →To change behavior of a young person, a positive approach always beats a negative approach. The way to accomplish this is to treat the youngster as if the person were already what you want the person to become. Perhaps Johann Wolfgang von Goethe articulated it best when he wrote, If you treat someone as he is, he will stay as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he could and ought to be, he will become what he could and ought to be. If you have a daughter who is shy, rather than sending messages of her difficulties, treat her as if she were verbal, popular, and socially confident. This does not mean not to recognize
READ MORE >>> →Practitioners of the Raise Responsibility System move into a stress reducing mode, and young people become more responsible because: The youngster self-evaluates The youngster acknowledges inappropriate behavior The youngster takes ownership The youngster develops a plan The youngster develops a procedure to implement the plan The system is so effective because: Positivity is a more constructive teacher than negativity. Choice empowers. Self-evaluation is essential for lasting improvement. People choose their own behaviors. Self-correction is the most effective approach for changing behavior. Acting responsibly is the most satisfying of rewards. Growth is greater when authority is used without punishment.
READ MORE >>> →When you meet a new person, discipline yourself to ask two questions. Here is the background that led me to this conclusion and the specific questions. KFWB was the radio station I listened to most often when I was growing up in Hollywood, California. Al Jarvis was the disk jockey, and he would very often say, “It’s the little things in life that mean the most to all of us.” I have so often wondered at the truth of this wisdom. Our feelings are affected by so many small experiences that we have a tendency to think about most often. A small gesture on our part can make a lasting effect. For example, when one person welcomes the “newbie” as
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