Reflection is a powerful teaching and learning strategy that parents and teachers often overlook. The key to reflection is the skill of asking youngsters self-evaluative questions. Here are a few examples: Are you angry at me or at the situation? Does what you are doing help you get your work done? What would an extraordinary person do in this situation? Are you willing to try something different if it would help you? Unfortunately, most parents and teachers ask ineffective questions such as, “Why are you doing that?” This is a pothole question. First, most people cannot articulate their motivation and second, the youngster may answer, “Because I have ADD.” Better never to ask a child a “Why?” question regarding behavior!
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A prime reason that the discipline and learning system (Discipline Without Stress) is so successful is that it teaches young people to understand differences between internal and external motivation. In the research book, Intrinsic Motivation and Self Determination in Human Behavior by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, they conclude, “In other words, verbal rewards (i.e. cognitive feedback) left intrinsic motivation unchanged in a situation where tangible rewards undermine it.” (p. 60) The Discipline Without Stress system promotes giving positive feedback, especially recognition, but does not suggest giving tangible rewards. One reason is that once a tangible reward is given, motivation inevitably changes. Will the incentive be pursuing the objective for the satisfaction derived or will it be to get the external
READ MORE >>> →Imposed consequences for discipline—whether they are referred to as “logical” and/or “natural”—are basically punishments, eventhough they may be “punishment light.” The reason is that these discipline approaches are imposed. Discipline Without Stress works with young people. This is in contrast to consequences that does things to them. It makes no difference if the intention is to teach a lesson; imposed punishments increase the likelihood that the person will feel punished. Any form of punishment where something is done to another person prompts negative feelings, resentment, and resistance. “Discipline Without Stress” elicits consequences and, therefore, avoids these problems typically associated with punishment. The reason is that young people do not feel like victims when they have designed their own consequence and have been guided to focus on learning from
READ MORE >>> →The concept of a “Theatre of the Mind” was described by Maxwell Maltz, a cosmetic surgeon and author of Psycho-Cybernetics. It is a system of ideas that could improve a person’s self-image. His self-discipline system was developed after he discovered that people who had cosmetic surgery to improve their self-esteem failed to do so. Maltz concluded that in order to improve one’s “outer image,” the “inner image” must also be addressed. In essence, if one’s self-image is unhealthy or negative, all cosmetic efforts will be to no avail. His ideas focus on visualizing as the cornerstone of change. His “Theatre of the Mind” is constructed in a person’s imagination, as in a real motion picture house. It is a private theater, with a
READ MORE >>> →When a youngster makes a mistake or does something wrong, focus on the future, not on the past. It is counterproductive to harp on past unsuccessful behaviors. For example, if you focus on the past, it might sound like, “You should have been more careful!” However, if you focus on the future, it would sound like, “What can we think of so that it won’t happen again?” (Notice the use of the collaborative “we,” rather than “you.”) The past cannot be changed. If you talk about what was done wrong, the person will only resent it (and you) because the act cannot be undone. Focusing on the past will result in criticizing, blaming, complaining, threatening, or punishing—none of which are
READ MORE >>> →The idea of using a repair room for discipline challenges was sent to me by Cathy Rogers, a National Board Certified Teacher in Verona, Kentucky. —– I began using the Raise Responsibility System in my classroom of 7 and 8-year-olds. After learning the different levels, the students and I discussed that our class, when working in levels C and D, was a “learning machine.” When someone was behaving on level A or level B, our learning machine became like a bicycle with a broken piece; the piece needed to be fixed, and the machine could not work correctly until that was done. We need everyone’s contributions to be a whole. We decided to call our area of the room where students are sent when they
READ MORE >>> →Positive Behavioral Intervention and Supports (PBIS) is based upon using external approaches to promote responsible behavior and discipline. A little history is in order. B. F. Skinner (1904-1990) was the famed Harvard University psychologist who became popular with his practice of behaviorism, which is an extension of classical conditioning that is identified with Pavlov’s dog. The dog smells food and salivates. By pairing an artificial stimulus with a natural one—such as ringing a bell when the food appears—the dog associates the two. Ring the bell; the dog salivates. (Pavlov was smart enough not to use a cat; cats, like humans, are too independent.) Operant conditioning, commonly referred to today as behaviorism is concerned with how an action may be controlled
READ MORE >>> →The nature of childhood has dramatically changed in the last few generations. Young people spend time in front of the television, a passive activity that robs them of playtime and imagination. Hours are also spent in front of computers. These types of activities—relying on technology—are often lone activities in that people generally engage in them by themselves. As a result, learning about personal relationship skills and developing social intelligences are largely ignored. In contrast to former generations, young people today are more independent, more anxious, more impulsive, more disruptive, and more disobedient. To many parents, youth today seem like a real pain. Although the young today are different, they aren’t worse. Current generations are not like any other in history.
READ MORE >>> →Jim Cathcart’s book, The Acorn Principle, argues that an acorn is capable of becoming a mighty oak, but it will never become a giant redwood—no matter how much you feed or push it. The lyrics to “Plant a Radish” from the musical The Fantastics makes the same point: —– Plant a radish; get a radish.Never any doubt!That’s why I love vegetables; you know what they’re about. Plant a turnip; get a turnip.Maybe you’ll get two.That’s why I love vegetables; you know that they’ll come through. They’re dependable! They’re “befriendable”!They’re the best pal a parent’s ever known.While with children, it’s bewildering.You don’t know until the seed is nearly grownJust what you’ve sown. SoPlant a carrot; get a carrot.Not a Brussels sprout!That’s why I
READ MORE >>> →During my seminars I show a cartoon illustrating two young children raking leaves. The mother is saying to her neighbor that she told her children they could not rake the leaves. The humorous cartoon points out that if you tell kids not to do something, they want to do it. I recently saw a stage production of the musical The Fantastics. One of the songs had the following lyrics, which makes the same point: ———- Dogs got to bark, a mule’s got to bray.Soldiers must fight and preachers must prayAnd children, I guess, must get their own wayThe minute that you say no. Why did the kids pour jam on the cat?Raspberry jam all over the cat?Why should the kids
READ MORE >>> →Some people see the light only when they feel the heat. Two seventh grade students, Jason and Robert, illustrate this point. They already had three referrals sent home and were the type of students who would “push” as far as they can—the kind who prompts a teacher to wake up in the morning with a first thought of, “I hope Jason and Robert are absent today.” Their teacher had gone as far as he could to help the boys become more socially responsible. The students understood “After three strikes, you are out.” This was still the first quarter and the teacher had expected to send the boys to the office, as all their other teachers had done. To his surprise,
READ MORE >>> →A prime thrust of teacher training programs should be teaching what to do when a new teacher first enters the classroom. Teaching is the only profession that does not train its practitioners to do what is necessary when they first enter the profession. In the case of teaching, this means entering the classroom and immediately getting the respect of their students; creating a climate of trust so they will not be harmed physically, emotionally, or psychologically; and creating an atmosphere where students want to be. A recent report by the National Council on Teacher Quality in their recent study, “Teacher Prep Review 2103 Report,” indicated that teaching how to create such a classroom atmosphere is lacking in most teacher training
READ MORE >>> →The “Discipline Without Stress” (DWS) System is the only discipline and learning system that is totally noncoercive. This does not mean it is permissive. When disruptive discipline problems occurs, authority is used—but not coercion. Notice that the term, “system,” is used. See the Discipline Without Stress Teaching model. The approach is proactive, which is Stephen Covey’s first habit of highly effective people. A hierarchy is taught at the outset to prompt students to reach the highest level. Desire, caring, integrity, kindness, generosity, perseverance, and responsibility cannot be mandated. These qualities can only be taken, not given by an external agent. The system creates desire so young people want to be responsible, want to put forth effort in their learning, and want to the
READ MORE >>> →Successful teaching requires an understanding of curriculum, instruction, classroom management, and discipline. For example, classroom management and discipline are distinctly different topics. When they are lumped together s if they were synonymous, this lack of understanding hinders success. Curriculum refers to what is to be taught. The curriculum is determined by state departments of education, boards of education, the “federal agenda,” professional associations, the community—and, more recently, corporate performance accountability models for learning. It is the teacher’s responsibility to make the curriculum relevant, interesting, meaningful, and/or enjoyable. A first step would be for the teacher to ask the question, “Why should my students be learning this?” Then inform the students. Instruction has two components: (1) teaching and (2) learning. The
READ MORE >>> →Some of the decisions we make as parents are based on inaccurate assumptions. We may know exactly what we are thinking and what we mean, but the child may have a completely different perspective. Consider these two examples: A father is walking through the forest with his three-year old daughter. As they are walking, he repeatedly tells her to stay on the path. The little girl is walking all around. She looks at a tree, then a bush, and meanders here and there. The father continually says, “Stay on the path. I told you to stay on the path.” Eventually, he gets so angry with her that he pulls her over, shakes her a bit, and shouts, “I told you
READ MORE >>> →The North Carolina Positive Behavioral Support Initiative is part of the North Carolina State Improvement Program funded through the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Although the initiative is aimed at helping individuals with disabilities, it is now mandated in many classrooms. In my last series of public seminars conducted in Phoenix, Denver, Billings, Portland, and Salt Lake City in April of 2013, almost every teacher in attendance indicated that PBIS was mandated. The state’ mandate reads, “All schools in North Carolina will implement Positive Behavior Support as an effective and proactive process for improving social competence and academic achievement for all students.” Here is an example from Carlette Jackson Hardin’s book, “Effective Classroom Management,” pages 142-143: The substitute
READ MORE >>> →The “theatre of the mind” is very successful for facilitating vivid mental pictures in many areas—including discipline. This type of visual mental rehearsal has become a key strategy in the field of sports psychology. Rehearsing what one had previously visualized is not only stress-reducing, but it also significantly assists in focusing on the task at hand. This is the reason why so many professional athletes state that their success comes in large part from their ability to concentrate. In relation to discipline, when young people focus on responsible behavior by visualizing appropriate behavior and rehearsing it in their “theatre of the mind,” they find it easier to manage irresponsible impulses and behave more responsibly.
READ MORE >>> →When I spoke in South Africa about Discipline Without Stress, I saw how the country was undergoing the most radical changes of any modern country. The country’s political system and culture were moving away from complete separateness (apartheid) of its various groups of people to one of open democracy. The traditional African approach of dealing with discipline problems through consultation, bargaining, and resolving disputes through negotiation was quite refreshing. The approach of collaboration, rather than confrontation—even in handling discipline problems—appeared more effective, less coercive, and less stressful than confrontational approaches.
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