She was a vibrant picture of health and an inspiring speaker. The audience was stunned to see a slide of her when she was morbidly obese. She had lost 125 pounds and spoke about how diet and exercise saved her life. The question was asked what she did when she wanted to go off her diet and when she didn’t feel like exercising. She described her 15-Minute Rule. She explained that when she had a craving for something that she knew she shouldn’t eat, she told herself, “I CAN eat that, but I will wait 15 minutes.” Invariably something happened in those 15 minutes that got her mind off food. She would make a phone call, check her e-mail, write
READ MORE >>> →Archive
“For those teachers and school leaders who want to get serious about improving student achievement, this book will be very helpful. Its attention to classroom management skills, motivating students, and establishing a positive relationship with students are key ingredients to ensuring that students aspire to great things starting with academic accomplishment.” —Gordon Cawelti, Educational Research Service and Former Executive Director, Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD) A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted online. Any school in the United States can receive the book at no charge for each teacher by completing the application.
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I recently read your education book and I plan to try the approach with my 3rd graders. Previously, I taught 6th grade and used an assertive discipline system. I teach in a Success for All school which requires teachers to award team points for appropriate behavior. Students are rewarded based on the number of points their team earns each week. How do you think the Raise Responsibility System will work if I have to give rewards for expected behaviors? RESPONSE: First, a comment about assertive discipline: As you may have discovered, a fundamental characteristic of this coercive approach is to overpower when a student does not obey. The RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM is 180 degrees in the opposite direction. It
READ MORE >>> →The idea of communicating a caring interest to those with whom we work—as parents, teachers, administrators, or leaders—was first documented in a classic study on human relations and is known as the “Hawthorne Effect.” It emanated from a study that took place in the late 1920’s at Western Electric’s Hawthorne plant near Chicago. Researchers went into the factory to see if, by increasing room lighting for a group of employees, the productivity would increase. Improvements did indeed seem to boost worker output. But much to their surprise, when the researchers analyzed a comparable group with no change in the lighting, their productivity also improved. Further study and analysis of this puzzling result showed that productivity increased because the workers were
READ MORE >>> →A key strategy to parenting and influencing others is to be a good listener. But there is a paradox to this skill because in order to have influence with another, the influencer has to be open to being influenced. Simply stated, the more a person is open to others, the greater is the ability to influence. This may seem a paradox, but if you understand this paradox, you can be more effective in influencing others. Here is the point: Listening can also refer to oneself. Warren Buffett, the ace stock picker and empire builder, gives credit to his partner, Charlie Munger, for the Orangutan Theory: “If a smart person goes into a room with an orangutan and explains whatever his
READ MORE >>> →Parents, teachers—really anyone— find what they expect. A man pulled into a gas station on the outskirts of town. As he filled his tank, he remarked to the attendant, “I’ve just accepted a job in town. I’ve never been to this part of the country. What are people like here? “What are people like where you came from?” the attendant asked. “Not so nice,” the man replied. “In fact, they can be quite rude.” The attendant shook his head. “Well, I’m afraid you’ll find the people in this town to be the same way.” Just then another car pulled into the station. “Excuse me,” the driver called out. “I’m on my way into town. I’m just moving to the area.
READ MORE >>> →I have taken the liberty to share a comment about the discipline and education book and my home website. The book and staff development material are available free for any school in the USA that desires to use the totally noncoercive —but not permissive—approach. Applications are available at the DisciplineWithout Stress, Inc. website. “Marv Marshall makes a compelling argument that stress, punishment, and rewards are counterproductive in raising or teaching children. At best they merely create temporary compliance. More likely, they corrode relationships, deter risk-taking, overlook the underlying causes of behavior, and subvert the learning process. Marshall points the way to successful strategies such as reframing perceptions and initiating specific intervention techniques. Parents, teachers, and principals should read this book—and
READ MORE >>> →PARENTING QUESTION: When I tried to have my 6-year old leave a public swimming pool, she resisted to the point of almost making a scene. Not wanting to create a disturbance, as embarrassed as I was I resorted to having the lifeguard assist in my endeavors. I immediately thought of you and wondered how you would have handled this discipline situation. Any suggestions? RESPONSE: Children mature when they begin to realize that other people’s interests are also involved in their decisions. Having a youngster become aware of this is one of the most important charges a parent has. If I were in that situation, I would ask my daughter, “Do you want to go swimming in the future?” This question
READ MORE >>> →A short story about communications: When the proud owner arrived at the vet to pick up his AKC (American Kennel Club) registered champion show dog, he noticed that the bill seemed awfully high for a bath and flea spray. So he mentioned that $100 seemed pretty pricey. That’s when he discovered his dog hadn’t been sprayed; it was spayed. The lawsuit that followed basically rendered the vet financially neutered. The lesson in the story is to be sure that all those engaged in the discussion have the same meaning for what is being said. I was recently in a conversation where I totally misunderstood what my friend had said. Fortunately, I had resorted to my usual procedure: I asked for
READ MORE >>> →Perhaps one of the biggest challenges most of us face is knowing how to live a balanced life within a 24-hour day. To do so requires some discipline. Between our employment, learning to improve our skills, inundation from the media, the attraction of the Internet including e-mail and blogs, so many good books to read, wanting to get enough sleep, maintaining social relationships, and the list goes on and on, balancing life is a challenge. How do we do it? It is no wonder that seminars on time management, books on simplification, and even garage and even closet organizers for all the “stuff” we accumulate are selling so well. One way to become more effective is to evaluate how we
READ MORE >>> →Many people are searching for acceptance outside of themselves when they haven’t yet learned to accept themselves. Self- acceptance means being O.K. with WHO you are and WHERE you are. It means being kind to yourself even when you make mistakes, fail, or do really stupid things. It requires developing some self-discipline and should be a parenting priority. Self-acceptance is a close relative to self-esteem. It is difficult to have one without the other, and, if you have one, you will tend to have the other. There may be many reasons why people have low self-acceptance but most fall into one or more of the following areas: a perceived desire to be perfect, a focus on imperfections rather than on
READ MORE >>> →Numerous people have contacted me requesting permission to duplicate the discipline, parenting, and learning, “RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM.” They wanted to reproduce materials from the book and desired permission to do so. I informed them that they have permission to duplicate anything and everything from my home website. The system uses the approaches of Stephen Covey (being proactive), William Glasser (noncoercion and responsibility), and W. Edwards Deming (empowerment, collaboration, and quality). I am a strong believer that “the more you give the more you get.” Since I desire others to enjoy classroom teaching as much as I have (with very few discipline challenges), I not only gave permission but also assisted them in their endeavors. Specific information about implementing the system
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: My son’s attitude about school is that he only wants to get by with the minimum. He’ll do his homework, and then doesn’t bother to hand it in. His teachers say he’s intelligent, but he’s failing three classes. Last year he had the same problem, failing two classes. RESPONSE: From other statements you have related to me, you are trying to control him. His not doing what you tell him to do gives HIM control. It is his way of exercising power. He won’t change if you keep telling him what to do—if you keep evaluating and advising him. William Glasser, M.D., in his book, “UNHAPPY TEENAGERS – A Way for Parents and Teachers to Reach Them” shares a
READ MORE >>> →Do you know anyone who can undo the past? When people do something wrong and you tell them that they made a mistake (and then proceed to tell what should have been done), the person will resent it—even if you are right. The reasons are simple. You come across as a grouch, and the other person suffers a loss of dignity. People can’t do anything about a mistake that has already been made. They no longer have control over a situation in the past—and no one enjoys not being in control. Telling people what should have been done has no constructive value; the past can’t be undone. But people can LEARN from the past. When others make mistakes, share suggestions
READ MORE >>> →Listening is the single most important of all communications skills. It is more important than stirring oratory, more important than a powerful voice, more important than the ability to speak multiple languages—more important than a flair for the written word. Good listening is truly where effective communications and relationships begin. It’s surprising how few people really listen well. Those who do are the ones who have learned the SKILL of listening. The simple truth of the matter is that people love being listened to. It’s true in the business world. It’s true at home. It’s true of just about everyone we come across in life. Dale Carnegie wrote that the secret of influencing people lies not so much in being
READ MORE >>> →Jim Cathcart (author of RELATIONSHIP SELLING and the ACORN PRINCIPLE and a sought-after international speaker) relates how he worked in the mountains in Arkansas repossessing vehicles when payments were not made on the loan. Needless to say, he and what he was about to do, were not welcomed by the mountain men. As Jim was about to be ushered off the property, he would say, “OK, I’m leaving.” Then he added, “But look out for the guy who comes next time.” “What do you mean?” would be the response. Jim then would describe that since he was not successful in getting any money towards the payment of the loan, the guy who would come collecting next was twice his size,
READ MORE >>> →A man drove on a long and lonely unpaved road in Arizona on his way to watch Hopi Indian ceremonial dances. Afterwards, he returned to his car only to find that it had a flat tire. He replaced it with the spare and drove to the only service station on the Hopi reservation. As he stepped out of his car, he heard the hissing of another tire going flat. “Do you fix flats?” he inquired of the attendant. “Yes,” came the answer. “How much do you charge?” he asked. With a twinkle in his eye, the man replied, “What difference does it make?” This is what is called a “Hobson’s Choice,” named after Thomas Hobson (1544-1631) of Cambridge, England. Hobson
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 10 Number 10
#5 Promoting learning in an alternative school
#6 Asking instead of barking by parents
#7 Using puppets to teach the discipline levels