Kathy Collard Miller introduced me to Brookes Nohlgren who edited both my education book and my parenting book. Kathy wrote the following to me after hearing me present. “I can’t wait to recommend Marvin Marshall’s book at my parenting classes and seminars. He gives practical knowledge that inspires us to think in new effective ways. I’m already using his principles in my personal relationships.” Kathy Collard Miller, Professional Speaker and Seminar Leader and Author of WHEN COUNTING TO TEN ISN’T ENOUGH
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QUESTION: I am a recipient of your “Promoting Responsibility” newsletter, and I would like to pose a question. I believe in responsibility; however, my problem is feeling OVER-RESPONSIBLE for many things which shouldn’t be my responsibility. However, fearing that I may be looking for excuses not to do something, I take the blame for things that aren’t really my fault or shoulder tasks that I shouldn’t be doing. Where is the path and method of knowing the difference of knowing when it is my duty and when I should impose the responsibility or blame on others? My other problem is related to that of being responsible, I have become independent, not trying to look to others to blame or solve
READ MORE >>> →If you look around at your family and friends, you will see that the happiest people are the ones who don’t pretend to know what’s right for others and don’t try to control anyone but themselves. You will further see that the people who are most miserable are those who are always trying to control others. Even if they have a lot of power, the constant resistance in some form by the weaker people they are trying to control, deprives them of happiness. If you try to control a friend, the friendship will be short-lived. Yet, sometimes we try to control those who are most dear to us. If we don’t use a controlling approach with friends because it would
READ MORE >>> →I’m intrigued when I see two people engaged in similar tasks but provide different responses to helping others. One bank teller smiles and says, “Hello, how can I help you?” Another says, “Next!” One bank teller says, “I don’t have any two-dollar bills.” (I use two-dollar bills for tipping skycaps and bellmen.) Another says, “Although I don’t have any two-dollar bills, if you can wait a moment I’ll see if I can obtain some for you.” One teller, working in a bank adjacent to a senior retirement community, sees an older person approaching and says to the visiting supervisor, “See how grumpy these old people are?” An adjacent teller waits patiently for the elderly senior citizen to approach her window
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 10 Number 9
#4 Improving relationships and procedures with children
#6 Parenting questions answered
#7 Discipline and high school restroom procedure
Avoid the victimization mentality for yourself—and for others. Victim type thinking is toxic and disempowering. Empowerment is so much more effective. And even if it were not, you would still be happier in an empowerment mode than in a victimhood mode. Believing that learning is prohibited because students come from unstructured homes, from poverty, or have some other situation that cannot be changed is a mindset of victimhood thinking. Certainly, some home situations diminish optimum learning, but they do not prevent learning. Regardless of the situation, people can be taught that they can be masters of their fate, that they can be victors rather than victims. Students can be taught that they have the power to choose to learn or
READ MORE >>> →For those of you who travel to New york City (the Big Apple) and would like something out of the ordinary, following are two suggestions not found in many guidebooks. Henry Clay Frick was the coke magnate who joined forces with Andrew Carnegie, the world’s largest steel maker in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century. Coke (the coal type) is necessary for the manufacture of steel. Frick was an early art collector, and his acreage in Pittsburgh now houses not only his mansion but a wonderful museum. When he become more involved in finance, Frick built a second mansion in Manhattan (70th Street at 5th Avenue), just east of Central Park. The “Frick Collection,” in this majestic marble structure,
READ MORE >>> →How do I counter claims from traditionalists who believe punishment is mandatory? They believe that if a coach does not punish, a coach doesn’t have any discipline. RESPONSE: Standards must be kept. However, I focus on the positive and use contingencies—rather than focusing on punishments, which are negative. As a former athletic director of a large urban high school, here is how I approached it: It is a privilege to be on an athletic team. Membership on a team can be one of the greatest experiences a young person can have. Second point to students: This is a team endeavor. The team comes first. Therefore, only those things that add to the team’s best interests are allowed. Here is the kicker
READ MORE >>> →Here’s a very simple picture book with a poignant message that can be appreciated by readers of any age. It’s brilliant! Told in just 7 sentences it is the quintessential story of “what might have been.” It will touch your heart and inspire you to reach out to others! Mr. Duck and Mr. Rabbit are neighbors. Every day they pass––yet never once does either of them notice the other, let alone smile or say hello. Day after day, season after season, good weather or bad, happy mood or sad, the two pass without so much as a word or a glance; each lost in his own thoughts. We witness them… rushing by, strolling by, biking by, always passing––right by. Being that
READ MORE >>> →Attentive listening is the most valuable tool we have for enriching the quality of relationships. Yet, it is often neglected. Attentive listening means listening WITHOUT DISTRACTION. I have met very few people who have practiced this approach to the point of making it a skill. My financial planner was one such person. Cory had the knack of conveying the feeling that, when you were with her, you had her undivided attention. I don't know if she learned the skill or if it was just natural with her, but I remember the charismatic impression it made on me. On the other hand, I also remember the negative feelings engendered while attempting to converse with a principal with whom I once worked.
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 10 Number 8
#3 Increasing effectiveness by changing one word
#4 Relationships, dogs, and coercion
#6 Parenting by a grandmother
The brain thinks in pictures, not words. Not that you remember your last dream, but if you asked yourself whether you visualized the dream in words—as you are reading now—or you visualized in pictures (images), you will conclude that you dreamt in visuals. (Remember that in human history reading is a relevantly recent development, and only in very recent times has the printed word become available to the "common folk.") Being aware that people think in pictures—that they construct visuals in their minds—can help you become more effective. When in an airport recently, I heard the gate agent say to a young boy, "Don't go down the ramp." I knew a problem had been created. Just a few minutes after
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I’d like to put my student’s names on clothespegs and then move them to different Levels of Development chart if they misbehave or do something at a high level? Does this fit with the Discipline Without Stress approach? RESPONSE: Although it might seem as if clothepegs on the Levels of Development chart create a concrete visual to help remind children that they always have choices with regard to their level of operation, putting student names on the Levels of Development would not be compatible with the Discipline Without Stress philosophy. Here are some reasons why I personally wouldn’t choose to attach student names to the levels: It’s not possible for any person to judge the motivational level of another. For example,
READ MORE >>> →You have a responsibility to yourself to think and participate in those activities that bring you a fulfilled life, one that brings you happiness. Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish-American writer wrote, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Here are a few thoughts that may assist in this most important endeavor. What is important is how FREQUENTLY, not how intensely, you are happy. The thrills of winning in Las Vegas, an intense joy of a personal encounter, or having a peak of ecstasy are wonderful moments. But happiness comes from being content most of the time. This occurs when you have thoughts and feelings of well being, an inner sense of balance and
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I usually involve the students in the creation of classroom rules. To me, we are just agreeing upon how we can make our classroom a safe and fun place to be. I don’t know if it’s really so different from a Discipline without Stress approach of having procedures, but “no rules.” Isn’t this just a matter of semantics? RESPONSE: My teaching partner and I used to have “classroom rules” and like you, we routinely planned a time for kids to create the rules on the first day of school. In my experience this approach produced a different type of thinking within my own mind than the mindset created when I started to experiment with “procedures” rather than rules. For
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I’ve read the book and understand the point of internal being more important that external. However, I teach in a self-contained class with kids that are moderately cognitively delayed. I will have kids with autism and some with oppositional defiant disorder too. They will not have internal motivation for a while (they CAN get it, for sure, but I do worry about the meantime.) Currently I use a level system and there are privileges on each level. I’ve also been reading DWS and Love and Logic just to help me pump up the positive and put more responsiblity on the students. I already do this stuff quite a bit, and it is the way I raise my own children. Any
READ MORE >>> →“Several years ago, I had the opportunity to do a lengthy interview with B.F. Skinner. I concluded that I do not subscribe to much of what he taught—for example, his rejection of all inferred states such as attitudes and motivation. “Dr. Marvin Marshall’s book addresses a fundamental problem that every society must solve: how to produce individuals who will take responsibility for doing the important tasks that need to get done. He focuses on what is the essence of good citizenship in the home, school, and nation. Using some of the latest findings of social science, Dr. Marshall has developed an approach that enables parents and teachers to help young people grow into responsible citizens and live satisfying and rewarding
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I am using the Raise Responsibility System and feel like I am not only training my students, but training myself, also. It’s taking practice to learn to say “Certainly, when you have….” instead of “No!” But it’s working when I do. It feels odd to simply say “Thank you” when a student tells me the level of behavior he or she was acting on and move on. Most of the time it works powerfully. They look at me with a baffled expression and we go on with class. Sometimes, there is an atmosphere that doesn’t seem to be working, and I’m not sure what to do next. I went back to the old method of names and checks on the
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