Effectiveness

Parenting Styles and the Discipline Without Stress Model

On September 2, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

A recently published “Report on the Four Parenting Styles” by Hugo M. Rabson from University of Phoenix details four prevalent parenting styles in the United States, including the pros and cons of each. It also asserts one style of parenting is better than the others. Here are each of the styles outlined and how they compare to the Discipline Without Stress method.

1. Permissive: When a parent utilizes permissive parenting, he/she provides inconsistent feedback and requires little of his/her children. Children raised under this style tend to experience low self-esteem and develop poorer social skills. While the Discipline Without Stress method is noncoercive, it is certainly NOT permissive.

2. Authoritarian: Parents who are authoritarian are controlling, punitive, rigid, and cold. … >>>

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Back-to-School Wisdom for Parents and Teachers

On August 29, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

The back-to-school season is upon us, with many classrooms already buzzing with new activity and others waiting to be filled with eager students next week. As you send your children to school these first few days or welcome them into your class, keep the following words of wisdom in mind. 

  • “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” –Albert Einstein
  • “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” – Nelson Mandela
  • “An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don’t.” –Anatole France
  • “An investment in knowledge pays
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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New Study Reveals Problems with Standardized Testing

On August 27, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

A Gallup Poll about the public’s opinion on The Common Core Standards and the use of standardized test in education was released last week. In a previous post I commented on the findings about The Common Core Standards. Today I’d like to address the perceptions of standardized tests.

According to the poll’s findings, when asked whether “a significant increase in standardized testing” has “helped, hurt, or made no difference” in local school performance:

  • 22% percent said that it has helped. Back in 2007, 28% said it had helped.
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Help Youngsters Feel Important

On August 15, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

The great American humorist Will Rogers said, “As long as you live, you’ll never find a method so effective in getting through to another person as having that person feel important.” He was right. When you make people feel important, you get their cooperation.

Realize that Rogers was not talking about insincere flattery. He was referring to getting in the habit of recognizing how important people are. This should obviously apply to your children.

Here’s a famous story that illustrates the power of making someone feel important.

Cavett Robert, the founder of the National Speakers Association, looked out his window one morning and saw a skinny 12-year-old boy going door-to-door selling books. The boy was headed for his house. Robert … >>>

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A Boat Analogy for Decisions

On August 14, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

 “The moving finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on; nor all thy piety nor wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.”
—From The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

One of life’s greatest illusions is the belief that the past is responsible for the condition of your life.

One way to understand this fallacy that the past determines your life is to imagine your body is a speedboat that is cruising through the water at 40 knots per hour. You look from the stern peering down at the water. What you would see in this imaginary scene is the wake, the “V” shape of turbulence in the water left … >>>

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Rewards, Employment, and Responsibility

On August 2, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Learning, Responsibility  

I was asked, “Why do adults work?”

The inquirer continued, “If not primarily for monetary reasons! We have a need and work is a means to achieve that end. Yes, there may be other drives but financial gain is the primary one. Why isn’t it the same with children? Find something else that motivates the child. I simply don’t believe that appealing to a 6-year-old’s sense of ‘what’s right’ will do the job. This might seem jaded but I’ve tested both ways and I see what works.”

The following was my response: 

If a youngster likes chocolate, for example, and if receiving the reward is contingent on performing the requirement, then of course this incentive works. If the youngster, on … >>>

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Can Positivity Lead to Long Term Success?

On August 1, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

Research has shown that optimism, whether “natural” or “learned,” results in better health. People who are optimistic have a better handle on dealing with their emotions, which has an impact on the immune system, heart, and other body functions.

Positivity brings hope, which is a cousin of optimism. A series of tests on hope was given at the University of Kansas, and results were compared to the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) scores, which are supposed to determine success as a college freshman. It was found that the test scores on hope were better predictors of success than the SAT scores.

Hope and optimism are learned. They are teachable. A starting point is always to ask yourself, “How can I say … >>>

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A Positive Approach to Improving Effectiveness

On July 31, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

To change behavior of a young person, a positive approach always beats a negative approach. The way to accomplish this is to treat the youngster as if the person were already what you want the person to become. Perhaps Johann Wolfgang von Goethe articulated it best when he wrote, 

If you treat someone as he is, he will stay as he is.

But if you treat him as if he were what he could and ought to be,

he will become what he could and ought to be.

If you have a  daughter who is shy, rather than sending messages of her difficulties, treat her as if she were verbal, popular, and socially confident. This does not mean not to … >>>

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Benefits of the Raise Responsibility System

On July 30, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

Practitioners of the Raise Responsibility System move into a stress reducing mode, and young people become more responsible because:

  • The youngster self-evaluates
  • The youngster acknowledges inappropriate behavior
  • The youngster takes ownership
  • The youngster develops a plan
  • The youngster develops a procedure to implement the plan

The system is so effective because:

  1. Positivity is a more constructive teacher than negativity.
  2. Choice empowers.
  3. Self-evaluation is essential for lasting improvement.
  4. People choose their own behaviors.
  5. Self-correction is the most effective approach for changing behavior.
  6. Acting responsibly is the most satisfying of rewards.
  7. Growth is greater when authority is used without punishment.
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Discipline Yourself to Ask Two Questions

On July 29, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

When you meet a new person, discipline yourself to ask two questions. Here is the background that led me to this conclusion and the specific questions.

KFWB was the radio station I listened to most often when I was growing up in Hollywood, California. Al Jarvis was the disk jockey, and he would very often say, “It’s the little things in life that mean the most to all of us.”

I have so often wondered at the truth of this wisdom. Our feelings are affected by so many small experiences that we have a tendency to think about most often. A small gesture on our part can make a lasting effect. For example, when one person welcomes  the “newbie” as … >>>

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A Discipline Problem: Overdue Library Books

On July 26, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

The school librarian sent out overdue library notices on three different colors of paper in an attempt to retrieve books. The first color was a notice that the book was overdue. The second colored notice announced that a book was really late and that the next notice would be a detention. The third was a notice that the book was three weeks overdue and that the student had to serve a detention.

The librarian was sending out more than 200 notices each week. The process had turned into a bit of a joke with students who realized that the first two notices really didn’t count.

Using the Discipline Without Stress approach, the librarian sent the following notice the next … >>>

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Using the Levels of Development with Very Young People

On July 24, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness, Levels of Development  

The Levels of Development uses just four (4) concepts, or vocabulary terms, to describe two unacceptable behaviors (Level A and Level B) and two other terms to describe the concepts of external motivation (Level C) and internal motivation (Level D). The use of these terms leads to improved self-discipline.

Some primary teachers feel uncomfortable using the terms associated with unacceptable behaviors—anarchy and bullying. Rather than ignoring these negative concepts, young people are empowered when they can identify, articulate, and resist them.

The way to learn a concept is to have a way to describe it. This is the reason that one of the most fundamental approaches to … >>>

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A Significant Question for Effectiveness

On July 20, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

Our thoughts automatically become attuned to that which is presented to us. For example, the mother asks her son whether he would prefer peas or carrots. The youngster likes neither choice.  However, there is a natural tendency to choose from these restricted options.

Other options exist, and they will be discovered if the simple question is asked, “Are there any other choices?”

 … >>>

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Positivity, Frank Sinatra, and “On the Sunny Side of the Street”

On July 17, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

As a professional speaker, I treat my vocal chords as athletes and musicians treat their key assets. So one of my procedures is to sing in order to enhance my vocal variations and tone of my voice. I do this by singing a few mornings each week.

One of the songs I often sing with is a recording of Frank Sinatra’s “On the Sunny Side of the Street.“ I especially enjoy the lyrics since they bring to mind my “positivity” principle to practice.

Here are the lyrics:

Grab your coat and snatch your hat, leave your worries on the doorstep.
Just direct your feet to the sunny side of the street.

Can’t you hear that pitter pat and that … >>>

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Breathing Techniques Help Youth Deal with Impulse Control

On July 16, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

A new study from the University of California, Los Angeles, found that teens who went through a four-week program where they learned about yoga-based breathing techniques had better impulse control than teens who didn’t go through the program. The program, called “YES! for Schools,” was developed by the nonprofit International Association for Human Values.

Researchers had 524 Los Angeles area high school students go through the four-week program. They also recruited 264 teens to be in a control group that didn’t go through the program. After the four weeks, the students who went through the program reported feeling less impulsive than those who didn’t. The researchers noted that the findings are important because lack of impulse control is linked with … >>>

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Listening by Using Rapid Repeat

On July 12, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

Some scientists say that about every 11 seconds our minds talk to us. When we’re listening to someone else speak to us about 250 words a minute, our minds, which are capable of dealing with thousands of words per minute, go wandering off, as in, “Did I turn off the coffee maker this morning?” “Do I remember where I parked the car in the parking structure?” “What shall I wear for the event tonight?”  

One way to tie up our self-talk or to continually focus on the speaker is to use the rapid repeat technique. Like anything new, it takes some practice. Here’s how it works: As you’re listening to someone, … >>>

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Why Contingencies are a Positive Discipline Technique

On July 11, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Practicing the principle of positivity improves relationships, increases effectiveness in influencing others to change their behaviors, and makes discipline much easier.

Negative comments engender negative attitudes. Consequences (the usual discipline technique) are usually perceived negatively, and they do not change the way a youngster wants to behave. Additionally, announcing consequences ahead of time is often counterproductive with young people because it focuses on the consequences, rather than on the desired behaviors. Plus, such information encourages certain types of students to push until the limit is reached. If a consequence is necessary, a more effective approach is to elicit the consequence—which should be reasonable, respectable, and related to the situation.

Positive comments, on the other hand, engender positive attitudes. People who … >>>

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Noncoercive Discipline and Logical and Natural Consequences

On July 7, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Imposed consequences for discipline—whether they are referred to as “logical” and/or “natural”—are basically punishments, eventhough they may be  “punishment light.”  The reason is that these discipline approaches are imposed.

Discipline Without Stress works with young people. This is in contrast to consequences that does things to them. It makes no difference if the intention is to teach a lesson; imposed punishments increase the likelihood that the person will feel punished.

Any form of punishment where something is done to another person prompts negative feelings, resentment, and resistance.

“Discipline Without Stress” elicits consequences and, therefore, avoids these problems typically associated with punishment. The reason is that young people do not feel like victims when they have designed their own consequence … >>>

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