Effectiveness

The amygdala (Greek for almond) is composed of two almond-shaped emotional storage areas above the brain stem. It developed before the thinking part of the brain developed and prompts immediate reaction—the so-called “fight, freeze, or flight” syndrome. As the amygdala does not differentiate between physical or psychological threat, so the mind often does not differentiate between fantasy and reality. You can tell yourself almost anything you want and you can believe it. Consequently, what you think has an effect upon how you feel.

Other people can sense your feelings and your mood. They can even sense your feelings over the phone. Whether you have a negative or a positive feeling while you are talking, the other person can notice it.… >>>

When I present to a school or school district, or when my In-House Seminar Package is purchased, the client receives a 75-page Resource Guide. In it, I share one of my favorite stories. I share it with you here.

Nicolo Paganini (1782-1840) is still considered one of  the greatest violinists of all time. One day, as he was about to perform before a sold-out house, he walked out  on stage to a huge ovation but felt that something was  terribly wrong.

Suddenly he realized that he had someone else’s violin in his hand. Horrified, but knowing that his most prudent choice was to begin, he started playing.

That day he gave the performance of his life.

After the concert, Paganini … >>>

Itzhak Perlman, the prodigy violinist who contracted polio as a child, was  awarded a Kennedy Center Honor. He is considered the classical world’s most accessible virtuoso and, although he had no intentions of conducting, he found later that teaching and conducting were very important to him.

He believes that the most important thing is listening—really listening. Because he listens better now, he has more of an awareness of what he is doing. This is particularly important to him in his teaching as well.

He related how his first teacher would tell him what to do because if he didn’t she would “chop his head off.” His second teacher had a totally different way of teaching. When the violinist would play … >>>

As the years quickly pass, the tendency to make New Year resolutions decreases. However, I encourage you to make at least two resolutions—even if you do not implement them. The reason is that resolutions carry an inference that you can change. This can be extended to thoughts of having control in how one reacts to situations in life—that one need not be a victim.

Resolutions bring a sense of empowerment, that you are the master of your life. The last two lines of “Invictus” by William Henley embrace this concept:
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

Here are a few which may prompt one for you:
Before going to sleep each night, … >>>

Here are two statements from a most interesting book entitled, “BLINK – The Power of Thinking Without Thinking,” by Malcolm Gladwell.

1)
“. . . the information on our face is not just a signal of what is going on in our mind. In a certain sense it IS what is going on inside our mind.” . . . . “We discovered that the expression alone is sufficient to create marked changes in the autonomic nervous system.” (Page 206)

2)
“I began to listen with my eyes, and there is no way that your eyes don’t affect your judgment.” (page 251)

Unless a person is autistic (cannot differentiate objects from the emotional expressions of people), the person looking at you … >>>

The most effective approach to influence others is to consider what they want.

For example, one day Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son tried to get a calf into a barn. Unfortunately, they made the common mistake of thinking of only what they wanted. Emerson pushed and his son pulled, but the calf was doing just what they were doing. It was thinking only of what it wanted, so it stiffened its legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture. The housemaid saw their predicament. Although she couldn’t write essays and books, on this occasion she had more horse sense, or calf sense, than Emerson had.

She thought of what the calf wanted, so she put her maternal finger in … >>>

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!… >>>

A poster I had in my classroom to promote self-discipline:

“I would rather try and fail than not try and succeed.”

If you instill the PERCEPTION THAT SUCCESS IS ATTAINABLE, people will try. If they do not believe success is possible, regardless of how easy the task or how smart the person, the goal will not be attained.

One of the most enduring comments people say about others who have influenced their lives is, “He/she believed in me.”… >>>

Practicing something new may be simple—but often not easy. The reason is that any change feels different and, therefore, a little uncomfortable. We usually do those things which feel comfortable, rather than uncomfortable.

We know that practice makes perfect—assuming the practice is practiced correctly, and we know that visualizations assist in increasing effectiveness. However, a third approach complements both practice and visualization for even greater effectiveness. I am referring to incantations that engage not only your physiology and neurology but also engage your feelings.

For example, assume you are in the habit of TELLING your child (student, spouse, employee) what to do. You would like to start posing reflective questions so that ownership will belong to the other person you … >>>

How are you multiplying your effect on others? Take the practice of positivity, for example.

Are you making it a practice to self-talk in positive ways—attempting to make any lemon into lemonade?

With friends talking about others, are you focusing on good traits of others—rather than focusing on negative ones?

When conversing with parents, are you helping them redirect negative, coercive thoughts by prompting them to reflect?

With your children, do you communicate in ways so that they perceive conversations in a noncoercive, encouraging manner?

With fellow employees, are you acknowledging their contributions?

You can extend your effectiveness by practicing positivity in as many situations as you can find.… >>>

Reject rejection.

Rejection does not prevent success; fear of rejection does.

You should keep in mind that there is no rational reason to fear rejection. Reject the rejector, and go about your affairs.

The high school student applied to a prestigious university but was not accepted. The student was not accepted before the application was submitted and was not accepted after the application was submitted. In reality, the student is no worse off than if the application had not been submitted at all.

A few years ago when I was presenting for university extension programs around the country, one university where I had a desire to present did not hire me. My mentor in this endeavor was a psychologist, Dr. … >>>

If you want to increase your effectiveness with anyone—employee, spouse, child, or student—start by stating something positive.

The famous folk hero, Will Rogers, said, “In all your life, you will never find a method more effective in getting through to another person than to make that person feel important.”

Find something that is deserving of recognition or some behavior or result that you like. Then let the person know that you appreciate it. In simple terms, acknowledge successes of a person.

When you build on what prompts a person to feel good, you will soon see how much more effective you become.… >>>

Why start the morning as a “downer” when you can start your day in a positive, pleasant way!

Here is a little procedure you can use. Get up 20 minutes earlier than you need to do. Before turning on the TV or reading the newspaper—both of which can be full of discouraging news—read something uplifting.

The positive energy engendered will carry you through the day so that any situation you encounter can be handled more easily.

You will find it easier to enjoy your entire day simply by being uplifted in the morning.… >>>

Sometimes what we want others to do so focuses our attention that our actions become counterproductive.

You will find this worth reading to truly understand the significance of this truth. It is from a post on the Mailring.

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Hello, everybody. I feel a little frustrated and would like some words of wisdom or support.

INCIDENT #1:
I was pleased to be asked to speak to a group of new teachers on the nature of motivation. I printed out an article by Marvin Marshall and articles by Ryan and Deci. My principal has been impressed and intrigued by my philosophy and approach, which he sees as successful.

The very next day there was a Veteran's Day assembly for the … >>>

Darlene Collinson in British Columbia related to me a success story that we should all remember.

Her 81-year-old mother was in the hospital and needed to participate in physical therapy before she could be released. The nurses, physical therapists, and physicians were not successful in convincing the patient to engage in the physical therapy.

After hearing of this, Darlene asked her mother, “What do you want?”

Her mother replied, “I want to go home.”

Darlene simply inquired, “What do you need to do to make that happen?”

Her mother replied, “Do my physical therapy,” which she started to do in order to accomplish her objective.

As skillful influencers know, the art of influence is to influence the person to influence … >>>

Positive people are happy people. Happy people are pleasant to be around. Being around people you enjoy improves your own disposition and desire to put forth effort.

Being positive should not be confused with satisfaction. Telling someone to be satisfied makes little sense to me. For example, after a presentation I ask myself, “What did I do that was good?” and “What can I improve?”

We always have the opportunity to learn and grow. If we were satisfied, we would never grow. It is the feelings that emanate from growth that bring satisfaction, joy, and happiness.

If you wish to become more effective, unload the burden of thinking that you need to be satisfied in order to be positive or … >>>

I was a teacher for ten years. I am now an instructor at California State University where one of my student interns spoke very highly of your book. I have been struggling with my 5-year-old who knows his own mind. Coercion was not working!

I was at a complete loss until I read your book. I had never tried anything like it with my son or in the classroom.

I am writing to tell you that it has been a great help. My son is responding very well and the methods have improved our relationship.

Thank you for giving me a practical method for teaching responsibility.

Karen McCormick
Norco, California

Download Tips for parents for parenting tips.… >>>