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Decisions and Responsibillity

On July 28, 2009 / Responsibility

Just as young children don’t want to be carried while they are learning to walk, adolescents don’t want adults making decisions for them.

The only way we can learn to walk is to practice walking.

Similarly, the only way to assist maturation for responsible behavior is to practice decision-making.

Each time you make a decision for another person, you deprive that person of an opportunity for maturity and responsibility.

More about promoting responsibility can be downloaded at the site MarvinMarshall.com.… >>>

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Parenting Without Stress

On July 17, 2009 / Discipline

“Parenting Without Stress – How to Raise Responsible Kids While Keeping a Life of Your Own” is an award-winning book that is worth viewing at Piper Press. … >>>

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Discipline Without Stress Mailring

On July 8, 2009 / Discipline

Here are some additional ideas from Kerry of British Columbia. Note: More of Kerry’s and other posts have been categorized by her at Discipline Answers.

As part of your sessions you could do some role playing. Students love drama activities. You could also read and discuss stories, identifying levels the characters play. Here are a few messages from the Discipline Without Stress mailring Archives that might give you some ideas: Messages #82, #559, #586 and #1179.

Although most of the these posts are examples from the primary grades, they might spark an idea for how to use books at other grade levels, too. Members of the Discipline Without Stress mailring who teach middle school have said that even teenagers … >>>

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Using the Levels of Development

On July 7, 2009 / Discipline

Kerry of British Columbia shows how to use the the Levels of Development.

Discussions held with individuals can also be held with entire classes of students. By referring to the levels of development, you can help kids understand the difference between pseudo-self-esteem (an over-inflated ego!) and true self-esteem.

Often it’s the person with the over-inflated ego who causes disruptions in the classroom, and so these kinds of discussions are particularly valuable. Once youngsters can recognize their own behaviour as “show-offish” (as opposed to clever), they can become inspired to use the hierarchy to help themselves build true feelings of confidence and competence.

In other words, you can teach children that their level of behaviour is a CHOICE they … >>>

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Creative Use of the RRSystem

On July 3, 2009 / Discipline

QUESTION:

I am very interested in using this system in counseling students individually and in classroom guidance. My question is: Will the system work, even though I only see the students for 30 minutes every other week, and even if the classroom teacher is not using the system? From your experience are there any hints or suggestions to make the system work in this situation?

RESPONSE (by Kerry):

You’re in a great position to teach and use the RRSystem! It can certainly be used effectively in both situations you mention:
–with the students you see on an individual basis and
–as part of your classroom guidance lessons.

With students you see individually, begin by teaching the hierarchy in the … >>>

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Motivating Students/Westminster High

On July 1, 2009 / Discipline

Jim wrote me the following regarding his teaching:

I am a returning math teacher who has worked in business most of my life. Had a tough time teaching last year. Thought I could just teach the subject and didn’t give any thought to managing the classroom. Got a rude awakening.

I figure if I can guide the students into being courteous to one another, we can then have meaningful conversations about math. One of the best ways to learn math is to express it in English.

The suggestion I gave Jim is the one I gave to high school teachers in Georgia using math as an example.

I suggested they start each lesson by giving students a problem. Grappling with … >>>

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Handling Disruptions

On June 15, 2009 / Relationships

If someone interrupts you while you are working on something and have that mental momentum where you are in a state of flow, take just a moment to write down some key words that later will bring you back to your thought.

If the interruption is at a lower priority than what you are engaged in, here is how to diplomatically deflect the interruption without hurting the other person’s feelings. It is a four-step process.

Start with “I WANT TO . . . .” (1st part)
I want to talk with you about it.

“AND I NEED TO . . . . ” ( 2nd part)
And I need to finish this before I do anything else.

Ask a question. … >>>

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Motivation and Feelings

On June 9, 2009 / Effectiveness

Admired people have others feel important. When you interact with someone—whether for 30 seconds or for 30 minutes—the test is, “When the person walks away, does that person feel better or worse?”

If you see the person walking away feeling down or depressed, walk after the person and ask, “How about trying that again so that you feel better than when we started the conversation?”

The conclusion is inescapable. When we work with others who prompt positive feelings, our spirits are raised—and so is our motivation.… >>>

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Put the Person in Charge

On June 4, 2009 / Responsibility

A mother of a young boy shared with me her frustration. One of her sons was constantly getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment she wanted to maintain during meal time.

I suggested that she think of the EXACT OPPOSITE of what her son was doing. I then suggested that she put her son in charge of that responsibility.

The conversation would go something like this:
“Jay, I need your help. I want you to be in charge of having all members of the family remain seated during dinner.”

——–

Here, then, is the two-step process:

(1) Put the person in charge of the opposite of what the person is doing. (2) Articulate what you want … >>>

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Search Inside the Book

On June 2, 2009 / Discipline

You can view parts of "DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS^® PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS: HOW TEACHERS and parentS PROMOTE RESPONSIBILITY and LEARNING" online at Amazon's "Search Inside."

Here is how to do it. On Amazon's home page, in the SEARCH box on the left side, ENTER: Marvin Marshall. Then click on "Go."

When the book appears, click on the book cover or the title. When the book is in view, click on "LOOK INSIDE."

You can navigate these pages by using the left or right ARROWS in the MIDDLE of each page—or by using the "Previous Page" or "Next Page" links on the top and bottom of the pages.

Notice the number of five (5) star reviews.… >>>

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Professors’ Dilemma

On May 25, 2009 / Discipline

I spoke in Cambridge, Massachusetts to college and university professors who prepare future teachers.

I suggested that they have a dilemma. They wish to expose future teachers to various approaches to discipline. With this in mind, they use textbooks which share a number of discipline approaches, such as C.C..Charles’ Building Classroom Discipline. (Incidentally, the Raise Responsibility System is included in the more recent editions.)

Unfortunately, when their students are asked at the end of their course whether or not they feel confident to walk into their first classroom knowing good classroom management procedures and having a discipline approach that is “user friendly” for both teacher and student, these future teachers inevitably answer in the negative.

We expose future teachers … >>>

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The System in the Juvenile Justice System

On May 20, 2009 / Responsibility

QUESTION:

I am a psychologist who wholeheartedly supports your approach and philosophy. I am also part of a local community visioning process. Our juvenile justice system is working to introduce a “Balanced and Restorative Justice” initiative, which is a wonderful concept that aligns beautifully with your system. However, they have been approached by another project. Not surprisingly, many of those involved (probation officers, etc.) want to implement this other program as soon as possible.

However, as I reviewed its manual, I found that at its core it is about controlling kids through a one-size-fits-all “consequence” (taking away everything they want) and trying to censor and control everything the kids hear, see, wear, and do—simply another behavior-mod program.

Do you have, … >>>

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Defiant or Vulnerable?

On May 13, 2009 / Effectiveness

Dr. James Sutton, a consulting psychologist and authority on oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and long-time friend, wrote me the following:

Marv, I loved the story about the girl, the newcomer, who refused to make her bed (a story I had previously told). To me, this is about fear of new situations and circumstances, a feeling of being terribly vulnerable, rather than a really deep defiant stand.

I’ve seen it with adults coming into drug and alcohol treatment. When they are terrified of being thrust into a new and semi-threatening situation, their response is almost always one of anger. Although this anger is generally directed at the closest authority figure, it’s not really personal, but it can sure LOOK that … >>>

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Sharing Learning

On May 11, 2009 / Relationships

We all know that the best advertising is a referral. When you see an enjoyable movie or read a good book, there is a natural inclination to share what you have enjoyed. The same holds true for learning. If you have learned something, there is a desire to share it with others.

Please take a moment and reflect on your successes with the teaching model of (1) understanding the differences between discipline and classroom management, (2) using the three principles to practice (positivity, choice, and reflection), (3) the three parts to the Raise Responsibility System (teaching, asking, and eliciting), and (4) using he Hierarchy of Social Development to improve academic performance.

If by using these you have become more successful … >>>

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Immediate Results from Using the Levels of Development

On May 8, 2009 / Discipline

At a Texas conference, an elementary school assistant principal approached me and said, and I quote verbatim, “I’m addicted to you.” Needless to say, this captured my attention, and I asked for an explanation to this rather embarrassing compliment.

She explained that after reading the Phi Delta Kappan article, she decided to try the approach described in the article.

After she told me of her immediate successes using the levels of social development, I encouraged her to consider writing an article which perhaps could be published in a state or national journal. She sent the beginning few paragraphs of the article to me. The following is from her writing:

“I had 20 students on behavior contracts that ranged from … >>>

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How Can You Say “No” Without Saying “No”!

On May 6, 2009 / Relationships

Following are some ideas how you can you say “No!” without saying “No”:

1. Acknowledge the importance of the request.
“I understand why that’s important to you.”

2. Inform the person that you have a problem with it.
“But I have a problem with it.”

3. Describe the problem as you see it.
“Your doing that would mean it would put a burden on everyone else.”

4. Elicit from the person something else.
“Let’s think of something that would be fair to everyone.”… >>>

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Paint What You Want

On April 24, 2009 / Responsibility

A photographer was taking the graduation picture in a large middle school. The girls positioned themselves in the front rows as directed—with the boys in the rear rows.

To ensure that the boys acted on their best behavior, one of the teachers approached a group of boys who were just standing there and said, “Now boys, don’t push the girls down the risers.”

The boys hadn’t even thought of it!

Remember that the brain thinks in visuals, in pictures—not in text or words. With this in mind, with what message were the boys left?

The next time you don’t want someone to do something, consider whether your message will tempt in a way which is counterproductive. The easiest way to … >>>

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Disobedient Student Behavior

On April 20, 2009 / Discipline

QUESTION:
This has been my most challenging year of teaching ever. I have been at the end of my rope many times. I have looked all year for something new to help me and my students. I was very excited to learn about your ideas at the IRA
(International Reading Association) convention. I know good classroom management begins on day one, but do you have any survival tips for the end of year? I really want to end the year positively so that we all feel good on the last day. It seems impossible as the problems have been worsening all year—everything from no supplies and tardiness to flat refusal to follow even simple directions like, "Please come here." I … >>>

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