Relationships

A short story about communications:

When the proud owner arrived at the vet to pick up his AKC (American Kennel Club) registered champion show dog, he noticed that the bill seemed awfully high for a bath and flea spray. So he mentioned that $100 seemed pretty pricey. That’s when he discovered his dog hadn’t been sprayed; it was spayed. The lawsuit that followed basically rendered the vet financially neutered.

The lesson in the story is to be sure that all those engaged in the discussion have the same meaning for what is being said. I was recently in a conversation where I totally misunderstood what my friend had said. Fortunately, I had resorted to my usual procedure: I asked for … >>>

Attentive listening is the most valuable tool we have for enriching the quality of relationships. Yet, it is often neglected.

Attentive listening means listening WITHOUT DISTRACTION. I have met very few people who have practiced this approach to the point of making it a skill.

My financial planner was one such person. Cory had the knack of conveying the feeling that, when you were with her, you had her undivided attention. I don't know if she learned the skill or if it was just natural with her, but I remember the charismatic impression it made on me.

On the other hand, I also remember the negative feelings engendered while attempting to converse with a principal with whom I once worked. … >>>

My wife, Evelyn, and I presented a keynote session at a marriage conference in Honolulu, Hawaii. Our presentation was entitled, “HOW TO USE YOUR PARTNER’S DIFFERENCES OF OPINION TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.”

At the conclusion of the session, participants shared their “keepers”—those ideas which they thought were most meaningful to them.

Here are a few of them:
–Communicate using positive, rather than negative, messages.
–Empower by offering choices. No one loses when options are recognized.
–If you want the other to change, alter your own behavior first.
–Treat your princess as one, and she will become one.
–Treat your prince as one, and he will become one.
–Listen to learn. Your partner’s different take on a situation can be an opportunity … >>>

I was brought up on a principle my mother instilled in me, namely, "If you can't say something nice about a person, then do not say anything at all." In other words, refrain from negativism.

The advice of my mother found itself the bedrock of my first principle to reduce stress: POSITIVITY. I now think of it whenever something negative pops into my head or if I am about to say something that can be interpreted in a negative way. I immediately ask myself, "How can I say that in positive way?"

In building and improving relationships, its opposite—negativity—is the biggest enemy. You do not want it in your mind. You do not want it in your house. You do not want it in your environment. You do not … >>>

You can still get in the last word: Apologize.

Thanks to Gene Griessman aka Abraham Lincoln.… >>>

My mother-in-law -used to say, “Be careful of asking for someone’s opinion. The person may give it to you.”

If someone asks you for your opinion and if the person perceives that your comments are derogatory, there is a problem.

Cognition and emotion go hand in hand, with the latter preceding the former. In other words, what we hear may prompt a negative feeling. Once a negative feeling has erupted, it doesn’t do any good to try to convince the person that the way he or she feels is wrong. You’ve got to deal with the way the person feels first.

An approach to resolving the situation is to ask the person whether the person is angry with you or … >>>

"Give and you shall receive." We know this, but how often do we practice it?

At the root of so many relationship problems is that people stop giving to each other—or they give the wrong things.

This is very common in parent-child relationships. parents are more likely to give children" things" rather than experiences. Because young people WANT "things," parents mistakenly believe that is what their children NEED.

Years ago, Charles Frances Adams (son of President John Quincy Adams, grandson of President John Adams, and President Abraham Lincoln's minister to England) wrote in his diary one day, "Took my boy fishing today. A wasted day." His son, Brook Adams, wrote in his diary the same day, "Went fishing today with my father. Greatest day of my life."

Any good relationship, whether … >>>

The Golden Rules for Living (author unknown) were shared with me.

I share them with you:

1.  If you open it, close it.

2.  If you break it, admit it.

3.  If you borrow it, return it.

4.  If you move it, put it back.

5.  If you unlock it, lock it up.

6.  If you turn it on, turn it off.

7.  If you make a mess, clean it up.

8.  If you value it, take care of it.

9.  If you cannot fix it, call someone who can.

10. If it is not yours, get permission to use it.

11. If you do not know how to use it, leave it alone—or ask.

12. If it is none … >>>

We are constantly making choices—both consciously and nonconsciously. We are also aware that timing is important.

With this in mind, here is a simple choice to make when having difficulty in dealing with others:
“Should I aim at influencing or at clarifying.”

If you choose to clarify your position, your chances of influencing increase.… >>>

When I gave a keynote in Montana I referred to one of its native sons, Buck Brannaman. He was the horse trainer who advised and worked with Robert Redford on the film, "The Horse Whisperer." Brannaman trained Redford and first doubled for him in the critical scene when the horse was gently taken to the ground so that the teenager could (if she would) mount the horse.

Brannaman is one of the more enlightened trainers who has discovered that training with noncoercive approaches is significantly less stressful and more effective than using coercive approaches.

The following is a thought from Brannaman's 2001 book, "Faraway Horses" (pp. 37-38):

"Did you ever wonder how a mare can get her colt to follow … >>>

Temper is what gets us into trouble.

Pride is what keeps us there.

… >>>

Here are five suggestions for improving relationships—with others as well as with yourself.

What we think is a simple sharing of opinion can be construed by the other party as denigrating.

In such cases, it doesn’t do … >>>