If you want people to do something, you have to sell your ideas to them. Whether you want your child to clean their room, a co-worker to pitch in more, or even your boss to implement a new strategy, being able to sell your ideas is crucial.
Unfortunately, most people resort to telling or even yelling during these times. And those are the least effective ways to elicit real change or action in others. The good news is that there are three time-tested approaches for putting your ideas across that arouse interest and enthusiasm. So if you want to sell your ideas to others in a way that doesn’t alienate or come across as being bossy, here are three strategies … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Many of us try, unsuccessfully, to change people. Whether we want our partner to be more loving or our kids to be more responsible, we waste precious time trying to force the other person to change. The fact is that, no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot change another person.
Does this mean that people will never change? That the way someone is now is how they’ll be for the rest of their life? Of course not. But change does not happen by you forcing it. Rather, people often change based on your expectations for them. So in a sense, the way you change people is to influence them to want to make a change on their own.… >>> READ MORE >>> →
One of the easiest ways to solve problems is to ask questions. Unfortunately, many people get so mired in the problem that they end up blaming others or trying to control the situation instead. This typically leads to more stress.
Think about your own life for a moment. How often do you blame others for your own negative experiences or challenges? How often do you try to use authority or force to solve problems? We all do it from time to time. While in some cases these tactics may appear to work (at least temporarily), more often than not you have the ability to positively influence the situation by simply asking questions.
Notice I said “influence” the situation, not “change” … >>> READ MORE >>> →
How many times have you interacted with someone who you deemed difficult and wished you could somehow encourage change in the person? Maybe it was a co-worker, a family member, or even a child. It’s natural to want others to change and be more agreeable or friendly or even more like us. But is it possible to make people change?
Many people try to encourage change in others by using force. Depending on the relationship, they may use dominance to initiate the change (as in an employer/employee relationship). Or they may use nagging and criticizing (as in a family relationship). Or they may use coercion, bribing, or punishment (as in a parent/child relationship). However, they quickly learn that none of … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Disagreement between people causes stress; there’s no doubt about it. Whether the disagreement is large or small, it can quickly ruin a relationship.
Sometimes, even for small matters, the disagreement escalates to the point of verbal fighting. Once that occurs, the stress levels of both parties will be high, and agreement will be elusive. Fortunately, you always have a choice in how you handle a situation.
Chances are you can tell when a disagreement is escalating. This is when you must take control and direct the conversation. Rather than letting a disagreement get out of hand, you can reduce stress by doing the following.
Say to the other person, “I don’t want to win. I just want to understand what … >>> READ MORE >>> →
For many people, happiness seems like something elusive and unattainable. But if you look around at your family, friends, and co-workers, you will see that the happiest people are the ones who don’t pretend to know what’s right for others. They also don’t try to control anyone but themselves.
You will further see that the people who are most miserable are those who are always trying to control others. Even if they have considerable power, the constant resistance in some form by the people they are trying to control promotes stress, hinders optimum relationships, and greatly diminishes the happiness of everyone involved.
If you try to control others, you will be met with constant challenges. If you try to control … >>> READ MORE >>> →
When it comes to having an influence on others, it’s not only what you say, but also how you say it, as well as all the things you don’t say.
Words can be extremely powerful and influential. Every word spoken to another, especially a child, carries with it an underlying message about the person and his or her relationship to the world.
It’s the same for the non-verbal messages you give. Everything you do without using words can influence the other person and cause a response, whether positive or negative.
Once the other person internalizes a message, it becomes a belief that can affect many aspects of their life. Knowing this, you can certainly influence students to operate on Level … >>> READ MORE >>> →
If you want to have more control in situations and conversations, try asking more questions. One of the key ideas I suggest people write down during my seminars is this: “The person who asks the question controls the conversation or the situation.”
Let me demonstrate how this works. You walk into a store and the salesperson asks, “How are you today?” Isn’t there a natural tendency to answer?
Here is another situation. A friend with whom you are talking suddenly asks you a question. Do you stop and answer the question or do you continue with your monologue? Chances are you stop and answer the friend’s question.
If you want to discipline a student or child, control the situation by … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Coercion isn’t always recognizable. In fact, we all engage is subtle and not-so-subtle forms of coercion every day. Can you recognize coercion in your day-to-day activities?
Here is a simple example.
My wife was viewing the first ten minutes of a movie on TV and was so enthralled with it that she pressed the “record” button and then stopped viewing the program. She announced that she looked forward to sharing the movie with me and told me that she was saving it until such time as we could watch it together.
When that time came around, her enthusiasm pitched even higher. However, as she turned on the recording and the synopsis of the movie was shown, I found that I … >>> READ MORE >>> →
What is the best way to influence people? Every day of your life you are influencing others in some way. But which way is best? Here are common ways to influence people:
- Using coercion or force.
Threat or punishment is the approach here. This works as long as the threat is more powerful than the desire to resist it.
- Offering an incentive or reward.
With young people, the incentives are generally those that appeal for immediate satisfaction, rather than to those that build responsible character development and mature values. This approach is commonly used in homes and schools to get the young to do what the adult wants. It promotes a mindset of “What will I get for doing it?”
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
There is a story about an old and wise martial arts master who invited his new student to share tea and conversation and to begin the teacher-student relationship. The student—who already had much training from other teachers—looked eager and ready to learn and said, “Teach me, master, how to be a great fighter.”
The wise master reached over with the teapot and began to pour the tea. He continued to pour even after the cup filled to the top. Tea began pouring down the sides. The student panicked, “It is already full. Why are you still pouring?”
The master responded, “So too, is your mind. It is filled with previous knowledge and experiences. You must empty your mind of everything … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Benjamin Franklin understood that the art of persuasion is to induce the person to influence himself. He knew that persuading others to his point of view took patience and endurance. He assumed that people are often won over slowly, often indirectly. He believed that if you don’t win the bargain today, go after it again tomorrow—and the next day.
Here are some of Franklin’s strategies of persuasion and bargaining:
1. Be clear in your own mind about exactly what you are after.
2. Do your homework so that you are fully prepared to discuss every aspect and respond to every question and comment.
3. Be persistent. Don’t expect to “win” the first time. The first objective should be simply to … >>> READ MORE >>> →