Posts Tagged positivity

Positivity, Choice, and Reflection in a Nutshell

On October 24, 2012   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

Positivity, choice, and reflection are to be fed. They reduce stress, increase parental effectiveness, and improve relationships. Why? Here’s a brief synopsis of each.

  • Negative comments prompt negative feelings. Positive comments engender positive feelings and responsible behavior. Parents who are effective in influencing their children to positive actions phrase their communications in positive terms. Positivity creates an atmosphere in which children feel valued, supported, respected, motivated, capable, and proud.
  • Either consciously or nonconsciously, people are always choosing how to respond to any situation, stimulus, or impulse. Teaching young people about choice-response thinking—that they never need think of themselves as victims—is one of the most valuable thinking patterns we can give them. This type of thinking teaches the difference between
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Paint Positive Pictures

On October 10, 2012   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

Practicing positivity requires painting positive mental pictures. Let’s see how this works. Imagine you have just arrived at a restaurant that does not take reservations. The lobby is full of people waiting to be seated. The host says to you, “I don’t have any tables right now. You’ll have to wait 30 minutes.” Now picture the same situation again, except this time the host says to you, “I’ll have a wonderful table for you in half an hour.” Notice the difference in how you received the information. The chances that you’ll actually wait to eat at the restaurant are greater in hearing the second message.

Why? Because the brain thinks in pictures, rather than in words, so the words you … >>>

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Use Creative Solutions

On October 8, 2012   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

The more frequently we remember to take a positive approach, the greater the chances of reducing stress, building trust, avoiding conflicts, and increasing satisfaction and contentment. Creative thinking, however, may be called for in order to achieve these benefits.

This was the case with the two boys and the husband who invariably left their soiled clothes on the floor rather than putting them in the hamper. The sight of the dropped clothes so bothered the wife and mother that she indiscriminately scolded all members of the family. She then asked herself, “How can I turn this into a positive situation for me, as well as for them?” She came up with an idea.

She told her family that whenever she … >>>

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3 Tips for Promoting Positivity

On October 1, 2012   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

We’ve all read books about the power of being positive, and we’ve probably listened to a few speakers expound on the topic. Why, then, are many people still so negative, both at home and at work? Perhaps people have been so focused on why they need to be positive rather than on how to do it. To help put positivity in perspective, here are a few strategies for practicing it that will affect all areas of your life.

1. Check your perception.

Do you perceive that people in your life are deliberately acting irresponsibly or pushing your buttons, or do you view the behavior as the person’s best attempt to solve a frustration? Your perception directs how you will react… >>>

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Avoid Negative Language

On September 19, 2012   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

Your words have the power to make a situation positive or negative. For example, if you start a phrase with the word “unfortunately,” you immediately create a negative mindset in the person receiving the message. The word conjures up that something bad or unpleasant is about to follow, and whatever you say after “unfortunately” will be viewed negatively. The same holds true with the word “but” because it has a tendency to negate whatever comes before it; for example, “Yes, you can go with your friends but you need to be back by nine o’clock.” Substituting the word “and” for “but” eliminates the negative connotation: “Sure you can go with your friends and be back by nine o’clock.” It creates … >>>

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Positivity Is Constructive

On August 27, 2012   /   Parenting  

What we think and say becomes our habit. When our self-talk is negative, we have a tendency to communicate with others in a negative way. This is particularly true with our children. So often when we want our children to change, we attempt to influence them by using negative communications rather than positive ones that would actually prompt them to want to do what we would like. Even the worst salesperson knows enough not to make the customer angry. Yet, because we allow our emotions to direct us, we often ignore this commonsense approach and send negative messages. You can easily tell if your communications are sending negative messages if what you say blames, complains, criticizes, nags, punishes, or threatens.… >>>

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Project Positive Expectations

On August 22, 2012   /   Effectiveness  

Attitude is the mind’s paintbrush; it can color any situation. The teacher who says, “This is a very important test. Be careful,” paints a negative picture that shakes confidence. Saying, “This is a very important test and I know you can handle it and do well,” paints a positive picture.

Which would you rather hear when you walk into a restaurant: “I can’t seat you for thirty minutes” or “In thirty minutes I will have a wonderful table for you”? The result is the same, but the perception is different. The child who wets his bed conjures up one image when the parent says, “Don’t wet your bed tonight” and a completely different picture when the youngster hears, “Let’s see … >>>

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Positive phone calls home

On November 12, 2011   /   Building Relationships, Discipline Answers  

I’ve learned a great lesson from my teaching partner, Darlene, who has wonderful “people skills.” We share a grade one class. She begins the year with a quick phone call to every family, starting with those children who look like they may eventually have some behavior issues. She simply asks the parents to let her know how the child is adjusting to school and whether or not they feel comfortable coming. The parents are happy to have this conversation and are encouraged by it.

By starting home phone calls so quickly, she generally has only positive comments to make––usually kids are on their best behavior on the first days of school!  This gets her off on the right … >>>

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Using positivity in a negative situation

On November 12, 2011   /   Discipline Answers, Positivity  

I think I work with the most masterful and quick-witted teacher alive! Here’s just one very small example of how Darlene took a negative situation (partly created by me!) and instantly found the positive kernel inside that could make a child feel encouraged and hopeful.

For the month of June Darlene and I decided to work with our grade one class to create a musical circus performance for our school.  We knew it was a crazy time of year to do a major production but earlier in the year we’d promised the kids that we would make a circus in May.  When various school-wide plans interfered with that timing, we felt we had to keep our promise and do the … >>>

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Contingencies, Positivity, Choice, and Reflection

On November 1, 2011   /   Parenting  

The following is from an e-mail I received:

“I am reading the book right now and have already tried some things on my 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter.

“I’ve always used choices with her. It makes life simpler with little ones. But I have not always used contingencies. Saying, “If you clean up, you can go to the park” sounds so much better and works much faster than saying, “If you don’t clean up, then you can’t go to park.”

“It is so much easier for youngsters to take responsibility when you communicate in terms that are positive and prompt them to reflect on the choices they make.”

———-

Notice—as mentioned—that in addition to communicating in positive terms and prompting reflection, the … >>>

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The Optimism Bias

On June 5, 2011   /   Effectiveness  

The June 6, 2011 issue of Time Magazine headlined an article “The Optimism Bias” (pp 40-46).

The article began, “We like to think of ourselves as rational creatures” and then gave the following  definition: “The belief that the future will be much better than the past and present is known as the optimism bias.”

A key ingredient of optimism is hope because it keeps our minds at ease, lowers stress, and improves physical  health.

The article relates optimism and hope to how memory may work: The core function of the memory system could be to imagine the future—to enable us to prepare for what has yet to come. The system is not designed to perfectly replay past events. It is … >>>

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The Key to Communicate to Influence

On April 7, 2011   /   Effectiveness  

Every so often messages and stories are repeated in order to bring them back to our attention.

Often we are not conscious of the power of our communications.

The words and phrases we use in our daily interactions have three major influences:
(1) They influence how we think and experience the world,
(2) They shape the way others see us, and
(3) They determine how much cooperation and success we have with other people.

We can use words which are landmines–which will blow up our odds of getting cooperation–or we can be persuasive in a positive way. For example, if I introduce a phrase with the word, “unfortunately,” it conjures up that something bad will follow. I have communicated in … >>>

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Looking for the Gold

On November 23, 2010   /   Effectiveness  

The following is one of my favorite stories in my parenting book in the chapter describing the practice of positivity.

Andrew Carnegie, the first great industrialist in America, at one point had 43 millionaires working for him. A reporter asked him how he hired all of those millionaires. His answer was that none of them were millionaires when he hired them.

The reporter inquired, “Then what did you do to develop them so they became millionaires?”

Carnegie responded that you develop people the same way you mine gold.

He said, “You go into a gold mine and you expect to remove tons of dirt to find an ounce of gold. But you don’t go into the mine looking for the … >>>

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Welcoming a new student

On July 16, 2010   /   Discipline Answers, Positivity, RRSystem in Action  

One day last February we learned that a new boy would be joining our grade one class.  In an effort to be proactive, my teaching partner, Darlene, planned a class meeting the day before he arrived.  She wanted to encourage the students to welcome the new child and she also hoped to avoid a situation with which we’ve had some difficulty in the past.

In previous years when we’ve had a new addition to our class, we’ve sometimes experienced the following problem:  If the new youngster starts to feel anxious and begins to cling to Mom when it’s time for her to leave, we’ve been surprised to see that there have always been one or two other kids in the … >>>

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Role-playing Level C – It’s a good idea!

On August 26, 2009   /   Discipline Answers, Positivity, RRSystem in Action, The Raise Responsibilty System  

Sherry, a fabulous grade six teacher at my school, mentioned to me one day that when she sees a child operating on Level B in her classroom, she uses the opportunity to do some role-playing.  After she has asked the student to assess the level of their own behavior (and they can accurately assess it as Level B,) she says very respectfully to the child, “Now, would you like an opportunity to try this again––operating at a higher level?”

This week I tried using Sherry’s idea in my grade one classroom.  Here’s one example:

Two boys sat down on the carpet near each other as we were getting ready to read a story. The boys weren’t right beside … >>>

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With all these reflective questions, B students are getting all the attention!

On August 24, 2009   /   Checking for Understanding, Discipline Answers  

QUESTION:

I want to recognize my Level C and D students more but it seems that the B ones are getting all the attention; I keep having to asking them reflective questions!  For example, if they are all squirmy and loud in the hall I have been asking them, “Do you think your behavior is “up here?” (D/C),  or “down here?” (B/A).   Most kids will be honest and say they are “down here.” Then I might say, “What should we do if this problems continues?”  and the child tells me a consequence for their “down here” behavior.  This is  part of the philosophy––right?––eliciting consequences from the students? My fear is that my Level C and D … >>>

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Sharing My Latest Discipline without Stress Success!

On October 7, 2008   /   Discipline Answers, RRSystem in Action  

Posted by J.E., a member of the Discipline without Stress mailring.

Here is my latest success:
Last Friday, three third graders left their homeroom in route to my class (science) and on the way, chose to yell and scream and play an impromptu game of tag. (At my school, we don’t walk the kids from class to class, and all the classroom doors lead outside, so they were coming across the playground.) Upon hearing the commotion, their homeroom teacher flew out of her room and wound up in front of mine, fuming at the gall of these kids.

Since she got there first, I let her handle it. She said, nearly yelling, “Which one of you children decided to … >>>

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Focusing on the positive!

On September 28, 2008   /   Discipline Answers, Teaching the Hierarchy  

It seems that every year my teaching partner and I introduce the DWS Hierarchy a bit differently from the year before.  As we’ve become more familiar with the bigger picture of using DWS throughout the course of an full school year, we worry less and less about the initial introduction.  Over the years, we’ve experienced that the beginning lesson is not something we need to view as a “make or break” situation.  Our young students in grade one need many many “introductions” to the Hierarchy in order for all of them to really understand it, so we know that the the first lesson will simply be one of many to come.

This year though, our introduction of the Hierarchy came … >>>

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