Posts Tagged Promote Responsibility

Why We Should All Lead by Example

We’ve all heard the phrase “lead by example.” Basically, it means that if we want someone to do something, we need to be willing to model that activity, mindset, or behavior. This concept is especially important when it comes to promoting responsibility in youth.

When you lead by example, you are using a powerful tool to encourage, nurture, empower, and establish expectations. For example, see how modeling promotes integrity, as illustrated in the following:

The owner of a grocery store hired a teenager to watch the store on Saturday mornings. One Saturday, the owner returned unexpectedly and took some carrots to feed the rabbits outside of the store. Before leaving with the carrots, the owner placed money for the carrots … >>>


Warm Up to Your Fear

Fear is often negative self-talk about a perceived situation. You’ve probably heard that FEAR is actually an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. However, even knowing this, there are times when it is most difficult to think that a situation is not real. So rather than attempting to eradicate your fear, warm up to it.

Too many people have the mindset of “If I’m afraid, I can’t do something.” But the truth is that you can do it even if you are afraid; it’s just less comfortable than doing something you are not afraid to do. But if you do it a couple of times, you won’t be afraid to do it anymore, and it will become more and more … >>>


Do the Levels of Development Really Work?

When something sounds too good to be true, it’s natural for people to be skeptical about it. This is true for everything from weight loss products to money making opportunities to even my very own Levels of Development.

People often wonder, “Can the Levels of Development and the Without Stress Methodology really change behavior and promote responsibility in youth?” After receiving countless testimonials and working with children and staff first hand, I can say without hesitation that it works.

Consider this email I received recently:

My name is Melissa Stuart. I was a teacher in California for 28 years and am now teaching in McKinney, TX. I used your program in CA. I loved it and believed in it. >>>


Promote Student Responsibility

When I returned to the classroom after 24 years in counseling and administration, the lack of responsibility on the part of some students glared out at me. That’s when I asked myself, “How can I promote responsible behavior?”

The outcome was the Raise Responsibility System, which you can find a plethora of information about on my website. In developing the program, I decided to be PROACTIVE, rather than always reacting after an inappropriate behavior. That’s when I developed the Levels of Development.

Terms that Promote Responsibility

Every so often someone writes me about the problems the person has with using the vocabulary with young people. Here is my response about two of the terms.

Regarding the term “democracy”:
I … >>>


The Best Way to Promote Responsibility

One vital thought to keep in mind when promoting responsibility with the young is this: “Do not do something for them that they can do for themselves.”

When you want the young person to do something and he or she does not, oftentimes stress is induced—on the adult. The youngster is aware of your emotions and (nonconsciously) derives a sense of power from it. What he is doing—or not doing—is seen as directing your emotions.

Here’s how it often plays out: The youngster has a number of things to do and is laxidazical about doing them. You remind the youngster—to no avail. Time passes. Another reminder is forthcoming with the same result. At this point, many parents resort to discipline … >>>


A New View on Rules, Consequences, and Rewards

Many school districts require their teachers to post rules, consequences, and rewards in the classroom. The theory is that if children know what the rules are and what happens if they break them or follow them, discipline issues will cease. This, of course, doesn’t work. Here’s a better approach that will instill responsibility in your students, reduce discipline issues, and appease the administrators in your district.

1. Post classroom expectations or standards, instead of rules.
Standards are much different than rules. Standards engender student empowerment. They promote an esprit de corps in the classroom, similar to what occurs with any team. Standards serve as expectations, and expectations are responsibility lifting. They tap into internal motivation and foster commitment, rather than … >>>


Evidence that the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model Works

This past Sunday (April 20, 2014), the highly-rated 60 Minutes TV program highlighted the Excellent Boys Charter School in Brooklyn, New York. This school uses a similar approach to what Marva Collins developed in Chicago. Both schools have high expectations, empower their students, and do not allow victimhood thinking—exactly what I will show teachers how to accomplish next week when I present in Chicago. This is yet another indication of how successful the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model can be.

I often receive letters from teachers and administrators about the Discipline Without Stress model. Here is one I received recently from a school in Bronx, New York:

“I highly recommend taking advantage of working with Dr. Marvin Marshall. He provides

>>> READ MORE >>>

How to Turn Praise into Acknowledgment

Most people were raised hearing praise statements, and now that they are adults they give praise to their children and students today. However, as is discussed in Discipline Without Stress and Parenting Without Stress, acknowledgments are far better than praise. But how do you turn off the urge to praise? How do you turn praise into productive comments that encourage and acknowledge all who are choosing to do the right thing? After all, sometimes, it seems to be an automatic reaction to say “Good job!” just for the sake of saying something.

Realize that changing praise into an acknowledgement is nothing more than a ‘twist’ in thinking, a small adjustment in how you phrase things. Instead of heaping on … >>>


Does Discipline Really Change Behavior?

Many parents rely on outdated discipline techniques—such as imposed punishments and rewards—in an attempt to change their child’s behavior. But does discipline really change how a person acts?

The answer is “no.” Consider these two basic facts of life:

  • Any control of another person is temporary.
  • Attempting to control another person is really an attempt to change that person.
  • Although you can control others, you cannot change anyone but yourself.

As long as parents believe they can change their child, they’ll have a natural tendency to employ force or coercion, especially when the young person doesn’t do what the parent wants. But the fact is that you can’t change others. You can only change yourself.

Certainly, a parent can use … >>>


What Teachers Can Do to Promote Responsibility

I always say that responsibility is taken, never given or told. In other words, using outdated discipline techniques like imposed punishments and rewards won’t result in students acting responsibly. They must have the internal motivation to want to act a certain way.

With that said, there are things teachers can do to create an environment that fosters their students’ desire to be responsible. Here are a few:

  • When a student acts out, before resorting to the usual discipline techniques, remember that no one comes to school to get into trouble. Think of students as lacking skills to handle impulses—or that the behavior is the student’s best effort at the time to handle a frustration. Few students are maliciously disruptive.
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The Benefit of Being Effective

Being an effective parent and person in general is all about having the discipline to make good choices. We all have the freedom to choose how we act, what we say, how we respond to situations and challenges, how we treat other people, and how we deal with an impulse. Each choice, no matter how small, is always accompanied by a cost, a consequence, or a result. If, for example, you watch a television program, it was at the “cost” of not doing something else. If you get angry and kick the machine you are working on, the cost or consequence can be a broken toe. If you create a relationship with a server at a restaurant by asking the … >>>


5 Reasons Why Rewards Don’t Reduce Discipline Challenges

Too many parents and teacher rely on rewards. They believe that if they reward children for doing something good, the need for discipline will decrease. In fact, rewards don’t reduce discipline issues because they don’t teach children how to be responsible. Here are 5 reasons why rewards don’t work.

1. Rather than a discipline strategy, a reward is actually a bribe. Young people do not need bribes to be good.

2. Rewards can be great incentives—if the person chooses to work toward the reward. If the person is not interested in the reward or does not work toward receiving the reward, it is not much of an incentive.

3. Rewards can be wonderful acknowledgments. They serve to give … >>>


3 Ways to Promote Responsibility

In many areas of the country, school is going back into session this week after the customary winter break. If you’ve resolved to focus on promoting responsibility with your students this year, here are three simple steps to kick start the process. After you see some results from these suggestions, come back to this blog for more ways to promote responsibility in youth, which naturally decreases discipline issues.

1. Teach students to ask themselves questions: Encourage students to ask themselves questions. The questioning process starts the thinking process. When students begin to ask themselves “Why?” and “How?” questions, both alertness and interest increase. There are only three things we are more likely to answer than a question—the telephone, the doorbell, … >>>


Asking is Better than Telling

Answering a question with a question is one of the most effective approaches a parent (or anyone) can use. Whether in everyday, casual conversation or in a discipline situation, questions are much more effective than telling.

For example, if the young person asks you a question of which you are not sure how to respond (or if you want the young person to give more thought to the subject), put the conversational ball back by asking a question in a non-confrontational way. Some questions to consider are:

  • “What do you mean?”
  • “What makes you ask that?”
  • “What do you think … (the reason is … we should do next … the best option is … etc.)?”

The beauty of this … >>>


Ineffective Discipline

Many teachers and parents reward young people for appropriate behavior. They believe this discipline approach is more effective and positive than using punishments.  

In reality, using rewards as a discipline strategy is nothing more than a behavior modification approach to mold desirable behavior directly—without rooting it in ethical behavior (right or wrong, good or bad, just or unjust, moral or immoral). Using rewards operates at the lowest level of moral judgment, which is that behavior is good because it is rewarded.

Whenever I speak to parents or teachers who have used this manipulative approach, they reveal that while they thought using rewards was working when the children were young, now that the children are older they see the difficulties the … >>>


Reflective Questions Are a Gift

When you use reflective questions, you are directing the other person’s thinking. It is this questioning process that starts the thinking process, both for you and for the other person. This kind of question is a gift to the person being asked because it induces clarity of thought. Similarly, the answer can be a gift to the person asking because it is a quick way to obtain and understand the other person’s viewpoint.

Asking reflective questions increases the parent’s awareness of a child’s perceptions, thereby significantly increasing the parent’s understanding of the child. This clarification leads to both increased effectiveness and improved relationships. A key purpose of all communications is to gain understanding, to get clarity of the other >>>


Why a Positive Approach to Discipline Makes Sense

Young children are cute and we feel comfortable empowering them; we find it easy and it feels natural to communicate with them in positive ways. But we often treat them differently when the same children become adolescents. Should we?

  • If a youngster doesn’t know how to ride a bike, we teach.
  • If a youngster doesn’t know how to mow the lawn, we teach.
  • If a youngster doesn’t know how to demonstrate good manners, we teach.
  • If an adolescent doesn’t know how to behave, we teach? Or do we punish?

Few young people are maliciously non-compliant. Too often, instead of using a positive approach to promote responsible behavior, we resort to negative methods. Rather than resorting to punishing, we can create … >>>