Perception influences stress. This is critical to understand in order to reduce stress. Put another way, change your perception of stress and stress itself changes. William James, the father of American psychology, phrased it this way, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” Understanding this and the fact that the brain cannot hold two active perceptions at the same time helps reduce stress.. The opening paragraph of my book, “Discipline Without Stress,” deals with mindsets and perceptions. It sets the stage for the entire book because what people perceive influences how they think and act. Here is an exercise you can experience suggesting the power of perception. First, close your eyes and imagine in your mind
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The importance of friendship cannot be overstated. Having strong relationships with others (aka: friends) is vital to maintaining good health. In fact, according to health researchers, friends are good for your health because they: Increase your sense of belonging and purpose Boost your happiness and reduce your stress Improve your self-confidence and self-worth Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise As if those findings aren’t enough to highlight the importance of friendships, research further finds that adults who develop strong friendships have a lower risk of health problems, including depression, high
READ MORE >>> →How do you get students to do homework? That’s one of the most common questions I receive from teachers and parents alike. Recently a 4th-grade teacher contacted me. He said that he was having a tough time getting his students to complete their homework. He believed in the Discipline Without Stress methodology and didn’t want to go back to the old way, where he would deduct points from the students’ overall grade if they failed to turn in homework (which was what his colleagues were urging him to do). This smart teacher knew there had to be a better way to get his students to do homework. But what? How to Get Kids to Do Homework I told him to
READ MORE >>> →Forgetting what you don’t need reduces stress because it relieves stress that can negatively impact your thoughts. When you decide to buy all new furniture for your home, what do you do? You probably have to get rid of most of your old furniture. Otherwise, there won’t be room for the new. The same thing is true of new ideas and new ways of doing things. Getting rid of negative and outdated thoughts prompts your thinking toward the new. Let go of ideas, habits, and even old resentments with which you may have grown comfortable. Instead, explore new ideas, new approaches, and new opportunities that can spark inspiration. Envision an empty space in any corner of your mind, and creativity will instantly feel it. The challenge is never
READ MORE >>> →We’ve all seen or interacted with a troubled teen. They’re rebellious, defiant, and even rude in some cases. They certainly challenge parents and teachers who want what’s best for them yet are tired of dealing with them. A parent wrote to me about her 15-year-old daughter. She said that her troubled teen was determined to boycott any parenting techniques the parents tried to employ, including suggestions from the Parenting Without Stress book. According to the parent, the daughter asserted that she was moving out as soon as she turned 18. The parent also commented that the daughter usually made good choices on the big decisions, but was miserable to live with on a daily basis, especially when stressed. The parents
READ MORE >>> →Effective teaching methods aren’t just for teachers. They’re for anyone who needs to transfer information or knowledge to another person. Teaching someone (whether old or young) new information can be a challenge. Have you ever tried explaining something to someone and felt like you must be speaking a different language? Perhaps the person was obviously confused or had a blank stare on their face. What can you do to make transferring information and knowledge easier? The message of modern memory research is that the brain is wired to recognize and organize CONNECTIONS and that rote memorizing is usually ineffective. In other words, people are more likely to retain new information when they can relate it to what they already know.
READ MORE >>> →The concept of compartmentalizing is useful for stress management and for reducing anxiety and tension. If you feel stressed out, consider the technique of compartmentalization to relieve your stress. Just as a train, submarine, and ship have different compartments, so can the mind. This may be easier for men who tend to think linear, but it can also be very helpful for women who tend to think in a more circular manner. Think of you mind as having different compartments. When your thoughts bring feelings of anxiety, tension, or stress, place those thoughts in a compartment by itself. This compartment is watertight. Negative thoughts are sucked into this compartment. None other can enter. This concept is a variation of pivoting
READ MORE >>> →There are many negative effects of stress. Stress makes us feel bad all over. It increases irritability and everyday activities become chores. We begin avoiding our usual activities—even things we enjoy. Stress also prompts us to make unsound, unwise decisions, including those that directly affect our finances and our jobs. It impinges on our appetites, having us feel like either eating too much or not enough. Sometimes we even begin to neglect our physical appearance. Clearly, the effects of stress on the mind and body are numerous. Unfortunately, adults aren’t the only ones who experience stress. Children feel stress too. Since stress can powerfully affect learning, you can predict that children living in high-anxiety households would not perform as well
READ MORE >>> →Striving for perfection has plagued many people. Recently a parent wrote to me the following: “My oldest son is very good at math but resistant to practicing his language arts. The source of his problem seems to be that he feels he is not ‘the best’ or ‘perfect’ in this area. I explained to him that he needed to allow himself to learn using an example of how I would need to learn if I wanted to fly an airplane. While I will continue these efforts at home, I would like to also send him to a tutor who employs your techniques. Do you have a list of tutors or teachers who use your methods?” My Response about Perfection I
READ MORE >>> →High quality work reduces stress. Follow the general principle for quality work in writing. Simply stated, the first draft should never be considered the final draft. Quality work requires effort. A story told about Henry Kissinger (former advisor to President Nixon) makes the point. Dr. Kissinger submitted a report when he first started working for the government. His supervisor inquired if the report was his best work. Kissinger worked on the report for an additional two days fine-tuning it and giving the report greater clarity before resubmitting it. Again, a similar inquiry was forthcoming, “Is this the best you can do?” The report was worked on for an additional day. After further revisions, Kissinger submitted his work with some anger and
READ MORE >>> →Learning and memory are acutely intertwined. When you’re trying to learn new information, think in terms of mastering small chunks rather than an entire course or concept. Why? Because the typical human brain can hold only about seven pieces of information (in contrast to experiences) for less than 30 seconds. If you need to remember information for longer than a few minutes or even a few hours, you will need to continually re-expose yourself to it. That’s simply how learning and memory work. Neuroscientists refer to this as “maintenance rehearsal.” This is a form of remembering information that involves focusing on an object without thought to its meaning or its association with other objects. For example, when you repeat a
READ MORE >>> →Volume 16 Number 11 November 2016 Newsletter #184 IN THIS ISSUE: Welcome Reducing Stress Promoting Responsibility Increasing Effectiveness Improving Relationships Promoting Learning Parenting Without Stress Discipline without Stress (DWS) What People Say 1. WELCOME MONTHLY QUOTE: If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone. —Maxwell Maltz ===== To celebrate the upcoming holidays of gratitude and giving, I have set aside a limited number of books. I am offering both my hard cover education book and my hard cover parenting book at substantial discounts: the education book of $39.95 for $19.98 and the parenting book of $29.97 for $19.97. Act early before supplies run out: Piper Press. ===== In last month’s newsletter, I mentioned that I would be starting
READ MORE >>> →Classroom management strategies exist in every school around the world. I’ve had the pleasure of presenting my Discipline Without Stress methodology to teachers in many different countries. In my travels, I’ve noticed some key differences between how teachers in the U.S. tend to look at classroom management compared to those in other countries. First, I’ve found that teachers in many other countries have more time to spend with each other in lesson planning. As a result, they focus on motivation and ways to have students WANT to put forth effort in learning. In contrast, teachers in the U.S. have very little employment time to plan lessons. They focus on what they (or the government) deem important to teach, and they
READ MORE >>> →Managing anger reduce stress when when procedures are rehearsed. A low tolerance for frustration can have people become easily angered. Some people have a very difficult time taking things in stride. They’ become especially infuriated and stressed when they believe that a situation is unfair. Here are some approaches that help curb anger and frustration. Deep breathing, meditation, or listening to a calming CD reduces angry feelings. Interestingly, the opposite approach of engaging in physical exercise can also reduce anger and stress. Anger can erupt from very serious issues in our lives. Frustrations occur at home, on the job, and in conversations. The key here is to focus on finding a solution to the specific issue. When you focus on a
READ MORE >>> →The classroom environment you create plays a large part in student success. It also dictates how stressful your teaching career will be. I have been advocating for a more positive approach toward classroom management for quite awhile. What led me in this direction was that when I returned to the classroom after 24 years in counseling and administration, I realized that I was coming to school every day wearing a blue uniform and copper buttons. I had become a cop, which is not the reason I had returned to the classroom. Reflecting on how negative I was becoming, I searched for a new approach to create a positive classroom environment. A Better Approach to the Classroom Environment I knew there
READ MORE >>> →Many teachers wonder what is the best way to help struggling students. These same teachers reveal that they often have to re-teach information to students. Doing so can be time-consuming and frustrating. Fortunately, there is a better way. It’s called pre-teaching. Pre-teaching is often more effective and positive than re-teaching, and it is one of the best ways to help struggling students. This approach requires a shift in thinking and some pre-planning, but it does not necessarily require any more time than would be spent to help a less capable student who has not learned the material. Pre-Teach to Help Struggling Students We all know that no two students are alike. Some learn concepts very quickly, while others require more
READ MORE >>> →Making tough decisions can be stressful. Let’s assume you are confronted with making hard decisions but have trouble making decisions. Yet, it is possible to reduce stress and anxiety when solving problems and decision-making by having a positive mindset. Success in almost any undertaking requires that you engage in risk-taking and that with each risk comes the element of fear. Reduce stress making tough decision by being bold. If you cower before making a tough decision, you will have a negative disposition, which may limit you options. If you meet a decision boldly, letting it motivate you to action, your success in decision-making increases. Think of the founding of the United States of America. The country was built on risk. The idea
READ MORE >>> →One of the keys to effective parenting is to know the difference between implicit and explicit modeling and how you do both each day. The fact is that parents are the first teachers. Parents are always modeling how to behave. Effective Parenting is All About Modeling Modeling is accomplished two ways. The first way is EXPLICITLY. The second way is IMPLICITLY. Here is the difference: Explicit modeling is directed by what you actually say and do, as in always saying “thank you” and urging the young person to do the same. Implicit modeling is indirect and learned without intentions. The following examples from the book Parenting Without Stress demonstrate the difference between explicit and implicit modeling. Tickets for a movie
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