Before implementing Discipline Without Stress in their classroom, many teachers ask me, “What are the most important things I should know or review before getting started?” Keeping the four-part Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model in mind, here are some critical understandings with regard to the Levels of Development: Levels A and B are always unacceptable. Choosing to act (either consciously or non-consciously) at these levels will result in the use of authority by the teacher. Don’t quibble with a student over determining whether a certain unacceptable action was at Level B or Level A. It doesn’t matter—both levels are unacceptable. Don’t get derailed trying to figure out WHY a student chose to do something that was unacceptable. Harsh as this
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The front page of the Los Angeles Times on April 9, 2014 featured a huge photo of 375 empty student desks, which represented the 375 students who drop out of the district’s schools each and every week. To reduce this drop-out rate, the superintendent of the district is asking for $837 million for a number of projects, including: More tutoring and greater access to counselors and other services for 11,600 foster youth. More instructional coaches and training materials for teachers of 154,110 students learning English. More assistant principals, counselors, social workers, special education workers and other support for students at 37 schools with low-performing students and high teacher turnover. 192 library aides and 15 middle school librarians. 130 new teachers
READ MORE >>> →In many classrooms across the country, teachers utilize the “colored card,” “stickers,” or “treasure chest” method of classroom discipline. Those who want to implement the Discipline Without Stress methodology wonder if it’s possible when the children are used to being rewarded so much. Sound familiar? The good news is that you can implement Discipline Without Stress effectively even if the other staff members at your school don’t follow a similar philosophy. Here’s how. First, there’s no need to announce to your students that you don’t give rewards for expected behavior and learning—unless they bring it up. If they are conditioned to being rewarded heavily, it’s quite likely that they will! If and when they do ask for a reward, you
READ MORE >>> →People often ask, “Does the Discipline Without Stress model really reduce stress? How is this possible?” Here’s my usual reply: None of the three phases of this discipline approach—teaching, asking, or eliciting—prompts stress on the part of the teacher (or the student). When a student misbehaves, the USUAL discipline approach is to tell, threaten, and/or punish. Each of these approaches is coercive and often results in some resistance. When a student does not obey, stress and aggravation escalate. Discipline Without Stress is proactive in that four levels of social development are TAUGHT. This automatically sets the teacher up to use simple cognitive learning theory: teaching (first phase) and then checking for understanding (second phase). Reference is always made to the
READ MORE >>> →Successful teachers have acquired certain habits that enable them to be more effective with their students. By doing so, the teacher gains more influence with their students, which results in the students making better decisions and choices all on their own, thus reducing discipline issues. Here are the 3 practices of successful teachers, which is from Part Two of the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model: 1. Word everything in a positive way. This isn’t about simply being cheery. Being positive in this discipline approach means that in a negative situation, the teacher learns to get in the habit of wording what they want to say in a positive way. Just a very simple example: Instead of saying “Stop running!” you
READ MORE >>> →Most people were raised hearing praise statements, and now that they are adults they give praise to their children and students today. However, as is discussed in Discipline Without Stress and Parenting Without Stress, acknowledgments are far better than praise. But how do you turn off the urge to praise? How do you turn praise into productive comments that encourage and acknowledge all who are choosing to do the right thing? After all, sometimes, it seems to be an automatic reaction to say “Good job!” just for the sake of saying something. Realize that changing praise into an acknowledgement is nothing more than a ‘twist’ in thinking, a small adjustment in how you phrase things. Instead of heaping on praise
READ MORE >>> →I recently read a story about a woman whose job is to help difficult teens in the foster care system “settle down” so they can successfully function in a regular family. She has a unique method of working with the teens that, as others say, seems to “work miracles” with these difficult youths. I was amazed at how similar her approach is to the Discipline Without Stress methodology. Here’s what she does: She said that in her mind, she chooses to think of these disturbed young people as “aliens” who have come from another planet. She pictures them as beings newly arrived on earth—with no idea of how this world works. She treats them as she would treat any foreign
READ MORE >>> →Positivity—thinking and communicating in positive terms—works wonders in drawing others toward us and having them do what we would like them to do. This is as true today and it was generations ago. In fact, I recently read an interesting story that depicts an ancient form of what I would call “discipline positivity.” In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused. Then each person in the tribe, regardless of age, begins to talk out loud to the accused, one at a time,
READ MORE >>> →Teachers often ask me how they can explain to their peers that they are not using rewards in the classroom any longer. Some are even fearful of the conversation. After all, it seems that so many teachers and parents rely on rewards and punishments as their preferred discipline methods. If you’re experiencing this concern, here’s how one teacher overcame it. Her experience is very insightful and may inspire you to do the same. A Teacher’s Experience: Sometimes it just helps to know you’re not alone in your thinking. In my case, once I had read enough on the topic and had developed a strong sense within myself that I personally no longer wanted to rely on rewards to discipline, I
READ MORE >>> →Getting children to care about their school work and do things neatly can be a challenge. As a result, many teachers offer rewards to encourage neatness. This, of course, is counterproductive, because it doesn’t instill the self-discipline to focus on producing neat work. Here are a few options to try instead of resorting to rewards. Talk about neatness. Whatever you put your focus upon will increase! Talk proactively. In other words, before a lesson begins discuss with the students what a great job would look like. This helps those children who really have no idea of what a good job looks like and it helps the other students who might not care too much about neatness otherwise. It sets everyone up for success. Have
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 14 Number 3
#2 Thoughts on rules
#3 Parenting and rules
#7 Quotes on Discipline
I just posted a new video from my Discipline Without Stress training modules. If you want a quick lesson to improve your teaching, parenting, or leadership skills, view the video here. If you like what you see, please share the link with your social networking and other friends. The video gives a good overview of one of the reasons why Discipline Without Stress is more effective than traditional and coercive discipline approaches. I guarantee that if you implement what I share with you, both your professional and your personal life will become more effective and enjoyable. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the video. Please leave your comments below.
READ MORE >>> →When it comes to the topic of using extrinsic rewards with children (such as money or stickers), people often say it’s okay because it’s the same thing as an adult getting a paycheck at the end of the week. In reality, it’s very different. Employment is a social contract. A person (the employee) provides a service, and in return the employer gives remuneration. The only thing a fee for service has in common with rewards (as acknowledgments or as incentives) is that they both MAY involve legal tender. When was the last time you looked at your paycheck and thanked your employer for the reward? Additionally, would you go to work every day if you didn’t get paid? If you
READ MORE >>> →When I was in high school I had an English teacher who used a very simple strategy to interest and motivate students. It didn’t take much time or effort on his part and was just a simple thing, but it was enough to get me to want to attend his class every single day. What did he do? He simply put up a new thought-provoking quote, in large letters, in the same place, on the same side chalkboard every day. He never referred to the quote. (I suspect that intuitively he knew that doing so might produce counterwill.) He never asked our opinions or started a discussion and most often the quote was not related in the least to the
READ MORE >>> →If a child breaks a rule, what is the parent or teacher’s natural tendency? To enforce the rule and dish out consequences (discipline) as a result of that rule being broken. But if a child doesn’t follow a procedure, what is the adult’s natural tendency? To teach that procedure—to restate it, to seek understanding, to coach, to correct. That’s a big difference. Unfortunately, too many parents and teachers today are relying on rules rather than teaching procedures, and as a result they’re making their parenting and/or teaching journey much more difficult and stressful. If your objective is to empower children, to motivate them to put forth effort in their learning, and to have them want to behave responsibly, referring to
READ MORE >>> →Getting children to do what you want them to do can be a struggle. And when the struggle gets too stressful, many parents resort to discipline, either by imposing punishments (“If you don’t clean up this mess you’re going into timeout”) or by offering a reward (“If you clean your room we can go out for ice cream”). However, these external motivators are nothing more than coercive tactics that do little help children develop the internal motivation to want to do something. Rather than disciplining the child to force compliance, try turning the situation into a competition, which will spark the child’s internal motivation to win. For example: Instead of: “If you don’t clean your room you’re going into timeout.”
READ MORE >>> →No one is good at everything. We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses. Children are no different. Why, then, do so many teachers and parents expect perfection from their children in all areas—straight A’s in school, a star athlete, cast as the lead in the school play, volunteers in the community, plays the piano, etc? Some even go so far as to discipline a child for a weakness, by imposing a punishment if something isn’t up to spar or offering a reward if the child “tries harder.” Of course, we should have high standards for youth. As Henry David Thoreau said, “Men are born to succeed, not fail.” Renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow agreed with this concept
READ MORE >>> →If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know by now that I discourage the use of imposed punishments, rewards, and telling as discipline strategies, and instead take a more stress-free approach to teaching and parenting. In fact, my parenting and teaching model is called Discipline Without Stress, and the three tenets of the model are positivity, choice, and reflection—all of which need to be fed. Doing so not only reduces stress, but it also increases parental and/or teacher effectiveness and improves relationships. Why? Here’s a brief synopsis of each. Practice Positivity: Negative comments prompt negative feelings. Positive comments engender positive feelings, reduce discipline issues, and promote responsible behavior. Parents and teachers who are effective in influencing
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