Attempts to control often lead to counterwill—the natural human tendency to resist being controlled. This leads to power struggle, which then lead to more resistance, reluctance, resentment, and even rebellion. Rebellion is NOT inevitability a function of development.
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Visualization exercises are powerful tools to help you lower your stress level and promote success. That’s because what the brain actually witnesses and what the brain imagines stimulate exactly the same areas of the brain. Visualization exercise increases the probability of success because it is priming the neural circuits that will be used in the actual activity. This is the reason that visualization is an effective technique for success in any activity. And when you can imagine success in any endeavor, your stress related to the event decreases dramatically. The Power of Visualization Exercises James Nesmeth was an average golfer who shot in the 90’s. For seven years, however, he completely left the game; he did not touch a golf
READ MORE >>> →Tom Sawyer was a better psychologist than any behaviorist. Behaviorism relies on external approaches to control. In contrast, Tom inspired others to whitewash Aunt Polly’s nine feet high, 30 yards long fence. Here is how he did it—using an approach that behaviorism NEVER considers. On the Saturday morning Tom was engaged in the project, Ben was on his way to the swimming pool and commented to Tom, “What a shame you have to work on Saturday.” Tom replied, “This is not work. Work is something you are obliged to do. Besides, I don’t think there may be one, maybe two in a thousand who can do the work the way Aunt Polly wants it done. She’s not too particular about
READ MORE >>> →It cannot be stated strongly enough that physical activity is a great stress reliever. Exercise plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. But you don’t have to be an athlete or spend hours in a gym to experience the benefits. Just about any form of physical activity can work as a stress reliever. Exercise can burn away anger, tension, and frustration. Exercise releases endorphins that boost your mood and make you feel good. And it can serve as a valuable time out from your daily cares. Aerobic exercise, in particular, can be one of the most effective approaches for dealing with stress. It can improve your cardiovascular system and decrease your anxiety level. Experts recommend
READ MORE >>> →In my new book, Live Without Stress: How to Enjoy the Journey, I assert that visualization reduces stress. To that end, visualization—creating mental images—can improve the quality of life. Why? Those who use visualization attain a more positive energy level because it increases the sense of emotional well-being. Think about this: Before the first airplane was built, there were many people who visualized human flight. Before smart phones were developed, Internet communication with a hand-held device had to be visualized. There is no doubt that visualization is a critical cornerstone for any goal to be achieved. A Basic Understanding of Visualization Until just over 100 years ago, no person could ever tell another person the same story. For example, visualize
READ MORE >>> →You’ve probably heard the phrase, laughter is the best medicine. That’s because laughter reduces stress. Humor and laughter trigger the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being that reduces the negative effects of stress. Laughter makes you feel good. It’s infectious, and the sound of roaring laughter is contagious. The good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Laughter is engendered through humor, which helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook in difficult situations, disappointments, and loss. And this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use. All this combined are why the old phrase, Laughter is the best medicine, is so true. Nothing
READ MORE >>> →Helping others is a natural human instinct. And while most of us want to be kind and help others, sometimes we go too far and take on other people’s problems. This is a recipe for stress. Chances are your life is busy and stressful enough. The last thing you need is other people’s stressors resting on your shoulders. Of course, this does not mean we shouldn’t help others. Quite the contrary. Helping others is vital to the success of our society. No one is an island. We all need help from time to time. The key is knowing how much help to give. I’ve found that sometimes the best way to help people is to stop helping them. The Right
READ MORE >>> →READ The February 2017 Newsletter Promoting responsibility – Choices Offering choices is quite easy since choices are always available once you consider that not making a choice is also a choice. Improving relationships between teachers and students How do you deal with the impulsive students? If you find that disciplining your children and fostering a sense of responsibility in them is stressful or unsuccessful, the use of traditional parenting approaches may be the problem.
READ MORE >>> →For some students, earning high grades is an incentive. These students are very much interested in receiving good grades. However, some students are not interested in achieving high grades. Here is an example of how grades serve as an incentive: My name is George H. Orfe, and I am the principal who told you the story of the boy and the $5 his father gave him for each “A” grade. You asked that I relate the story to you. Here it is. I had a father of a fifth grader who gave his son $5 for each A on his report card. The first marking period the child received eight A’s and $40 from his father. The second marking period
READ MORE >>> →A man was walking down the street when he came upon three workers at a construction site. All of them were doing the same job. He asked the first worker what he was doing. The worker replied, “Breaking up these rocks.” The man then asked the second worker what he was doing. This worker said, “I’m earning a living.” The man then asked the third worker who responded, “I’m building a cathedral.” Clearly the third worker had a vision. He understood the larger significance of his work.
READ MORE >>> →If you have a strong-willed child, you know that discipline can be tough. Traditional techniques of rewarding desired behaviors, of prompting fear by threatening, by imposing punishments, and by “telling” simply don’t work on a strong-willed child, because these approaches all aim at obedience. When the focus is on obedience, the result is often reluctance, resistance, resentment, and even rebellion. These approaches set up stress for both adult and youth. As young people grow, the more we try to force obedience the more they resist. However, when the focus is on promoting responsibility in a noncoercive (but not permissive) approach, obedience follows as a natural by-product. That’s why the Discipline Without Stress methodology is so effective with a strong-willed child.
READ MORE >>> →Although we all encounter experiences that prompt feelings that lead to emotional stress, these feelings need not control us. Realize that I’m not talking about stopping emotions you feel about a situation. You cannot stop an emotion directly! You may have heard someone say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” But the person cannot help it. I repeat to emphasize the point: No human can directly stop an emotion. That’s why emotional stress occurs. However, there is a way—a rock solid way—to control emotions, as shared by my experience below. I suggest that you visualize the scenario so it will go into long-term memory. One day when I was an elementary school principal, a kindergarten teacher contacted the office for assistance
READ MORE >>> →Did you know that positive thoughts are the key to stress management? It’s true! Your mindset affects your stress level. In other words, what you think—whether positive or negative—will trigger certain emotions, which will then either invoke stress or reduce it. Your mind is a powerful tool in your stress management arsenal. I was brought up on the principle my mother instilled in me: “If you can’t say anything nice about a person, then don’t say anything at all.” She knew the value of positive thoughts! I extended this admonition to refer to my own self-talk. As such, I continually said to myself, “If I can’t say something nice to myself about myself, then don’t say anything at all—unless I
READ MORE >>> →In today’s world of social media and 24/7 news, information overload is real and potentially doing more harm than good—causing many to make poor decisions and feel an overwhelming amount of stress. How is this possible? Science tells us that with too much information (aka – information overload) people’s decisions make less and less sense and their stress level rises. This may seem counter-intuitive at first. After all, isn’t getting all the facts in the best interest of everyone? And if some information is good, then more information is even better, right? Wrong! Here’s a fact to consider: Decisions requiring creativity benefit from letting the problem incubate below the level of awareness, something that becomes ever-more difficult when information never
READ MORE >>> →Sometimes you need to let go of old thinking to reduce your stress levels. Unfortunately, most people have a hard time letting go of outdated thinking and old techniques. Consider the following story. An expedition of scientists went on a mission to capture a Tonkin snub-nosed monkey. Only an estimated 100-200 of this particular species exists, and they reside only in the jungles of Vietnam. The objective was to capture one of the monkeys alive and unharmed. Using their knowledge of monkeys, the scientists devised a trap consisting of a small bottle with a long narrow neck. A handful of nuts was placed in it, and the bottle was staked out and secured by thin wires attached to a tree.
READ MORE >>> →Dominating another person may feel good, but think of the effect it has on the other person—as well as on yourself. Just as no one likes to be told what to do, no one likes to be dominated. In addition, domination is a close cousin of stress because it raises a flood of stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol.
READ MORE >>> →Sometimes, making a big change in your life requires a paradigm shift. Stephen Covey, in his classic book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, refers to his now famously used term, “paradigm.” He writes: “A paradigm is like a new pair of glasses; it affects the way you see everything in your life.” For many people, the three practices that I teach to reduce stress are a paradigm shift in how they think. Three Practices Lead to a Paradigm Shift The first of the three practices is positivity—in other words being positive with oneself and others. We know that we do better when we feel good, as contrasted to doing good when feeling bad. With this in mind, Positivity is
READ MORE >>> →When I returned to the classroom after 24 years in counseling and administration, the lack of responsibility on the part of some students glared out at me. That’s when I asked myself, “How can I promote responsible behavior?” The outcome was the Raise Responsibility System, which you can find a plethora of information about on my website. In developing the program, I decided to be PROACTIVE, rather than always reacting after an inappropriate behavior. That’s when I developed the Levels of Development. Terms that Promote Responsibility Every so often someone writes me about the problems the person has with using the vocabulary with young people. Here is my response about two of the terms. Regarding the term “democracy”: I carefully
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