QUESTION: I am starting DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS next week. I have the DCBA poster on the wall. But what I need is a list of verbal prompts for me to post, such as “Oops, what shall we do now?” Otherwise, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns of telling—instead of asking—or imposing, instead of eliciting a solution. Anybody have such a thing? I am so excited to try this—but nervous, too. RESPONSE: From a post by Kerry: One of the most challenging things about moving to DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS is remembering to use the three principles of being positive, asking (rather than telling), and empowering by giving choices. It doesn’t happen overnight, and I don’t think anyone will tell
READ MORE >>> →Without Stress Blog
20th century parent to child regarding self-discipline: "Eat your food. Think of all the starving people in India and China." 21st century parent to child: "Do your homework—or someone in India or China may get your job."
READ MORE >>> →As a teacher, I've been on a journey my whole 12-year career and I'm finding parenting is a similar type of journey. I am reading the book right now and have already tried some things on my 3-1/2 year old daughter this weekend. I have quite a strong-willed child who has hit the terrible 3's. (The 2's were so much easier for my husband and me.) I've always used choices with her for discipline, which makes life simpler, but I didn't use contingencies—just, "If you don't clean up then you can't go to the park." Saying, "If you clean up, you can go to the park," sounds so much better and works much faster with her. But I have to
READ MORE >>> →This week I had a neat experience while teaching a grade 7 student at my newest job at the middle school. I just thought I’d share. For those who don’t know me, I have three teaching positions, all of which are shared with the same partner. Darlene and I share a grade 1 classroom, each working one end of the week, and on our other days we share two literacy positions, working with individual students at an alternate high school and a regular middle school. It’s hectic but we love it! At our high school and middle school jobs, we work with a great range of students, some struggling with courses like English 10, but most with much lower skill
READ MORE >>> →From an e-mail I received: Your comment about discipline and how to work with youngsters reminded me of a time when my son, Adam, was two years old. Every thing out of his mouth was No, No, No! My husband had just had it with him and said, “Adam, don’t you say ‘No’ to me again; I’ve had enough young man.” Adam looked at him, full of steam and said, “NOT!” I couldn’t help but start laughing. You are right. “Not” doesn’t have the same effect as “No.” Thanks for bringing that back to mind. Sabrina Boehm
READ MORE >>> →The following is from an e-mail I received after presenting in Dearborn, Michigan: You taught the teachers at my school (The Dearborn Academy) about several ways to increase responsibility and self-discipline in our students. I am happy to tell you that many teachers implemented their new skills in their classes today. I used several myself. Two times today students a asked me what to do. I asked them what they thought they should do. Both times they said that they didn’t know, and both times I replied with, “Well if you knew what to do, what would it be?” I was happy to hear both of the students tell me exactly what they were supposed to do. It worked! I
READ MORE >>> →While presenting in Warren, New Jersey, I had the pleasure of meeting Vanita Braver, M.D., a child and adolescent psychiatrist. She sent me her first two books from her planned nine book series, “Teach Your Children Well.” Since the foundation of my approach is to foster responsibility and since I present and keynote at many character education conferences, I was delighted after reading these first two books from the series. When Dr. Braver first showed me the manuscript, I sent her the following endorsement: Children who have low self-esteem are unhappy children. They are unhappy because they think negative thoughts about themselves. An excellent approach to changing this way of thinking is to expose them to stories that teach how
READ MORE >>> →“All of my students can now recognize their own chosen level and label it appropriately. They know almost instantly when they need to make a better discipline choice. This takes much less time away from instruction and keeps the classroom climate stress-free and positive.” Dianne Capell, Department of Defense Primary Music Teacher Formerly of Ikego Elementary School, Zushi, Japan Currently using Discipline Without Stress in Naples, Italy
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: Hi Marv! I am a bit concerned about how I go about using DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS with developmentally delayed 3 – 5 year olds. Basically, my class will be filled with developmental levels ranging from 18 months to 3 yrs. Any suggestions? Thanks! RESPONSE: I suggest what you are already doing, viz., have patience, teach procedures, have students practice them, challenge them to improve, and acknowledge them on their actions when they do. These and continual encouragement of what they are doing right will help develop habits of self-discipline. The one addition would be—after teaching a procedure—to ask your students to SHOW YOU, rather than our usual inclination to just SHOW THEM. If you have ever taken a computer
READ MORE >>> →A major faulty assumption of many teachers—especially middle and high school teachers—is to assume that students know WHAT and HOW TO DO what teachers desire. The following are examples of procedures that teachers should consider establishing. They should be prioritized and not attempted all at once. Procedures precede product. This simply means that the more procedures are taught before content, the more effective the teaching and the fewer behavior and discipline problems will result. Procedures that I established include: 1. How students enter the classroom. 2. Activities when first entering the classroom. (Students should ALWAYS do something that raises curiosity; piques interest; reinforces/reviews; or practices a skill, e.g., journal writing. DEAD TIME IS DEADLY TIME.) 3. How to take roll
READ MORE >>> →One of the most perceptive comments ever made to me was stated in an elevator. I was at a conference of the National Speakers Association and found myself in an elevator with Nick Carter who had worked with the dean of personal motivation, Earl Nightingale. During our elevator ride, Nick made a most interesting comment to me: “We run our life by procedures.” I immediately thought about the procedures I use in my personal life and then reflected on procedures I used as a classroom teacher (primary, upper elementary, and every grade 7-12). Whenever a student(s) did something that irked me—that could be considered a “discipline problem”—I would establish a procedure. For example, when I suddenly heard the pencil sharpener
READ MORE >>> →May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey be plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have never a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!
READ MORE >>> →Dr. Alan R. Zimmerman, a fellow member of the National Speakers Association, writes an electronic newsletter and has some thoughts on forgiveness that deserve sharing. There are times when you’ve been wronged, but the other person neither shows remorse, nor apologizes, nor makes amends. To help you help yourself, a particular type of forgiveness should be employed. Without it, you become stuck with the hot emotion of bitterness or revenge. How do you deal at those times when you’ve been wronged? How do you get through the hurt caused by someone else’s thoughtlessness or malicious disregard? First, accept the fact that LOVE AND PAIN GO TOGETHER. If you love someone or something, you are vulnerable. Love anything and your heart
READ MORE >>> →Thanks to John Esposito for allowing me to share the following incident and story to promote self-discipline. ———— Our school has a 25% population of Native American students. I had a 4th grade student in the office for a discipline issue. I work hard to be as noncoercive as possible according to your approach. After discussing the incident and getting to the point of doing the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, I decided to relate the story of Two Wolves. Someone gave it to me and I do not know its origin. It goes like this: An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on
READ MORE >>> →Although I have visited many museums around the world and have visited impressive libraries such as J.P.Morgan’s private collection in New York City, the New York City Library, and the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C., I was not prepared for the emotional response I had visiting the Long Room at the Library of Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland. I was in this interesting city to speak at the William Glasser European Conference on the topic, “Using Glasser, Covey, Deming, McGregor, and Maslow to Promote Responsible Behavior and Learning.” The presentation was on my article published in the Fall 2004 issue of the INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF REALITY THERAPY. Reality Therapy is the name of the pioneering work by William Glasser.
READ MORE >>> →"Building Classroom Discipline" by C.M.Charles is perhaps the most widely used college text in courses preparing prospective teachers for necessary classroom skills, especially in the area of discipline. The Raise Responsibility System was included in the 8th edition. The following comment appears on pages 106-107: "Marshall's Raise Responsibility System has major strengths beyond those found in other systems of discipline. It makes sense and rings true for teachers. It focuses on developing responsibility, an enduring quality that remains useful throughout life. It removes the stress that students and teachers normally experience in discipline. It is easy to teach, apply, and live by. It is long-lasting because it leads to changes in personality. Educators find these strengths especially compelling, hence, the
READ MORE >>> →In the following article I refer to the idea that most things in life are understood in their context. The following statements may help make my point—and offers examples showing that English is not the easiest second language to learn. 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 8 Number 11
#2 Reflection
#3 “Working with challenging students
#5 Jigsaw classrooms