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Manage the Conversation Rather than the Conflict

On April 3, 2016   /   Reduce Stress, Stress Management, Weekly Tips  

Have ever had a conversation with an emotional person? If you have, you realized the futility. Regardless of age, when the other person is seeing red, is angry, or extremely emotional, trying to reason is fruitless.

The smart approach is to take a break. Suggest it. Set a time to return. It can be as short as two minutes. It’s as simple as saying, “I need a break. Excuse me; I’ll be back in two minutes.”

Then how do you handle the situation? The key is to remember that the person who asks the question controls the conversation. So put forth questions that prompt responses. Examples are:

  • “What do you suggest our next step to be?
  • “What do you suggest
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What Makes a Great Teacher

On March 31, 2016   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

Great teachers understand that they are in the relationship business. Many students—especially those in low socio-economic areas—put forth little effort if they have negative feelings about their teachers. Superior teachers establish good relationships AND have high expectations. These teachers communicate in positive ways, such as letting their students know what the teacher wants them to do, rather than by telling students what NOT to do.

Great teachers inspire rather than coerce. They aim at promoting responsibility rather than obedience because they know that OBEDIENCE DOES NOT CREATE DESIRE.

Great teachers identify the reason that a lesson is being taught and then share it with their students. These teachers inspire their students through curiosity, challenge, and relevancy.

Great teachers are inspired … >>>

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Failure and Stress

On March 30, 2016   /   Reduce Stress, Stress Management, Weekly Tips  

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you failed by default.

It is far better to try to do something and not reach your expectations than not try. The reason is that as you continue to try, you learn more about your strengths and limitations. Only then do the right choices become easier and more natural.

Without realizing it, failing to try something you would really like to do promotes negativity, a cousin of stress.

With the risk of trying comes the reward, which always results in learning of some kind. In the final analysis, something is lost when we live … >>>

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Discipline Questions Answered

On March 29, 2016   /   An Overview of The RRSystem, Discipline, Impulse Control, The Raise Responsibilty System  

More and more people who want to discipline without coercion are learning about the Discipline Without Stress methodology and the Raise Responsibility System every day.

Step 1: TEACHING – (Students learn four levels of development) Being proactive by TEACHING AT THE OUTSET is in contrast to the usual approach of just responding to inappropriate behavior.

Step 2: ASKING – (Checking for Understanding) When a disruption occurs, have the student identify the unacceptable level chosen. Note: A major reason for the success of the system is that by identifying something OUTSIDE of oneself, the deed is separated from the doer. The person is not prompted to self-defend, which is one’s natural and usual approach.

Step 3: ELICITING – (Guided … >>>

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How to Combat Negativity

On March 24, 2016   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

A reader wrote, “I try to stay positive and think of things I can do when faced with a challenge. I’m finding that negativity is contagious and a select few can really bring me down, making it hard for me to stay positive. Do you have any suggestions for how to deal with the naysayers at school?”

My reply:

As you indicated, NEGATIVITY IS CONTAGIOUS. Combat it by being proactive. This is done by the simple truth that THE PERSON WHO ASKS THE QUESTION CONTROLS THE CONVERSATION.

Ask questions such as, “How is this conversation enhancing the enjoyment of our day?” “Is there anything else we could talk about so that we will leave feeling good rather than negative?”

Persevere! … >>>

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Urgent vs. Important

On March 23, 2016   /   Reduce Stress, Stress Management, Weekly Tips  

There is a marked difference between what is urgent and what is important.

An urgent task may not be very important in the long run, but it demands immediate attention. An important task is something that moves you toward your goal.

If the roof is leaking and water is dripping on your favorite reading chair, the urgent task is to move the chair. The important task is to fix the leak.

Here is another example to deal with the difference. If you are working on a project and a creative idea pops into you head that has nothing to do with the task at hand, write it down to attend to it later. If you leave the important task at … >>>

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One Question a Day

On March 22, 2016   /   Effectiveness  

Rather than the traditional daily school announcements, here is how a very successful school uses its announcements to prompt students to think about character development. Four days a week the morning announcements END WITH A QUESTION designed to prompt reflection and responsibility.

Posing a daily question directs the attention of everyone in the school (both students and teachers) to a specific issue or topic. Throughout the year, the school reinforces school-wide procedures, solves small problems, and encourage internal motivation through the announcements.

This practice of posing questions at the end of the morning announcement has been going on for many years, and the school sees a lot of good coming from them. Although the specific questions are tailored to the … >>>

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The Power of Likeability

On March 17, 2016   /   Effectiveness  

Likeability is the shortest path to believability and trust.

In this, the U.S.A.’s presidential year, it may be worthwhile to reflect on the one quality above others that prompts people to vote for a particular candidate. That factor: likeability.

The reason, as mentioned above, is that likeability is the shortest path to believability and trust.

Three practices are most effective for being likeable. They are (1) communicating in POSITIVE, rather than in negative, terms; (2) showing CHOICES or OPTIONS that are available; and (3) REFLECTING on how to overcome objections. My books at PiperPress.com discuss these three practices in details.… >>>

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Assumptions

On March 16, 2016   /   Reduce Stress, Stress Management, Weekly Tips  

Although assumptions are necessary, they often are the cause of needless stress.

On a recent Saturday morning, my wife drove to a medical laboratory, having read in the laboratory’s booklet that it would be open Saturdays. After arriving at the laboratory, she discovered that it was closed; there had been a misprint in the medical directory.

If she had been aware that she made an assumption, she might have made a phone call to the laboratory, found that it was not open, and saved herself time and energy.

Assumptions are beliefs taken for granted. They are so natural and involuntary that they usually do not enter our consciousness. However, once we understand that we are making an assumption, we can … >>>

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Impulse Control versus Intelligence

On March 15, 2016   /   Learning  

Did you know that kids who can control their impulses do better in school?

While most people believe that intelligence plays the key role in children’s academic achievement, a study by Pennsylvania State University researchers found that the ability to self-regulate—to pay attention to a task and inhibit impulse behavior—was more important than intelligence for early academic success.

The study focused on three-to-five-year-olds and showed that preschoolers’ capacity for self-control was the best predictor of their performance in math and reading in kindergarten. Scores on intelligence tests were not as closely correlated with academic achievement.

A child’s ability to monitor his or her thinking and behavior develops rapidly during preschool. The data gives concrete support to preschool programs that focus … >>>

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Class DoJo

On March 10, 2016   /   Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning  

The following request was sent me:

I would love to have your opinion on Class Dojo. It appears to be another carrot and stick approach that does NOT promote responsibility. As a resource teacher in my school board, I don’t feel comfortable telling other teachers what to do and how to teach; yet for the sake of the students, I know Class Dojo isn’t the answer. Could you please give me some advice on what to tell teachers?

MY RESPONSE:
Class Dojo is a classroom behavior management system where every student has his or her own avatar. All the avatars are public so that all students can see other students’ avatars. Teachers assign dojos (icons) to student avatars throughout a … >>>

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Acknowledging Appropriate and Acceptable Behavior

On March 10, 2016   /   Responsibility  

The following was written by my friend Kerry Weisner. She offers some excellent advice and observations on the topic acknowledging appropriate and acceptable behavior.

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Reflection and self-evaluation are key attributes of the Raise Responsibility System. By referring to the Hierarchy, adults can encourage reflection on the higher, desirable levels. After explaining/teaching the Hierarchy, the procedure is for the adult to ask the young person to identify the chosen level.

It is unnecessary and even counterproductive to attempt to evaluate the motivation levels of C (external) or D (internal). However, it can be very empowering for young people themselves to assess their own level in various situations. By becoming consciously aware of the powerful inner feelings of satisfaction arising … >>>

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Flexibility and Choice

On March 9, 2016   /   Reduce Stress, Stress Management, Weekly Tips  

There is an old story about the U.S.S. Enterprise that was traveling along the Eastern seaboard. It saw a light in front and thought that it was going to collide with the other ship. So the Enterprise sent a signal for the other ship to travel in a different direction. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise and you are on our course. Please go south.”

A message came back, “We cannot move.”

A second message was sent. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise. If you do not move, we will collide.”

Another message came back. “Sorry, we will not and cannot move.”

A last message was sent. “We are the mighty U.S.S. Enterprise. If you do not change course, we will destroy … >>>

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Implementing Procedures

On March 8, 2016   /   Discipline  

QUESTION: I’m finally starting to implement DWS in my classroom and I’m really loving it. I made some great posters to help the kids and it’s going well. However I’m having a hard time helping the kids come up with strategies to avoid misbehaving. The biggest problem we have is talking when they’re not supposed to. We go through the questions about what level that behavior is and whether it’s appropriate, which they are able to answer just fine. But when I ask them what can they do next time (or when they need to list strategies on their reflection sheets), all they ever say is “don’t talk”, or “ignore others.” What can I suggest to these kids to help … >>>

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The Value of Positive Images

On March 3, 2016   /   Effectiveness  

One of the things I often emphasize in working with students is making heavy use of positive images as it concerns personalities, capabilities, and behavior. This practice is powerful and especially useful for teachers who work with students with NBB (neurological-based behavior).

Body, mind, and emotions fully intermingle and each is understood in terms of the others. Feelings, learning, and physical behavior all work in conjunction and are inseparable. A change in behavior is as much emotion based as it is cognition based—that is, it has as much to do with feelings as with knowledge.

The human mind thinks not so much through the use of simple language but through the heavy use of pictures, images, and visions. Therefore, one … >>>

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Motivate for Responsible Behavior

On March 1, 2016   /   Responsibility  

We prepare teachers to teach reading, writing, arithmetic, and other useful skills and worthwhile information leading to knowledge—and, hopefully, wisdom. Unfortunately, teachers are not taught that which is most essential when first entering the classroom: How to motivate for responsible behavior AND motivate students to want to put forth effort in their learning.

As I often tell people, “OBEDIENCE DOES NOT CREATE DESIRE.”

Practitioners of the Raise Responsibility System (Roman Numeral III at http://marvinmarshall.com/files/pdf/teaching_model.pdf) understand that the ONLY part of the system STUDENTS need to understand are the four levels of personal and social development. Lower levels A and B are unacceptable, whereas the higher levels C and D are both acceptable. Also, THE SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEVEL C … >>>

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Benjamin Franklin’s Approach

On February 28, 2016   /   Reduce Stress, Stress Management  

Benjamin Franklin offered this advice that not only reduces stress from disappointments but increases your effectiveness: “Present your thoughts not as ultimatums but as suggestions to be considered.” 

He wrote that he made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions of others and all positive assertions of his own.

He even forbade himself the use of every word or expression that imported an opinion, such as “certainly’’ and “undoubtedly.” Instead he used expressions such as, “I conceive,” and “I imagine” a thing to be so and so.

When someone asserted something that Franklin thought to be an error or wrong, he denied himself the pleasure of contradicting the person even though he knew he was right.

Here’s what he … >>>

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Make Learning Emotional

On February 25, 2016   /   Learning  

Logic prompts people to think. Emotions prompt people to act.

This fact applies to learning, also. If you want students to remember what you teach, touch an emotional chord by painting a picture or by telling a story. Or, even better, get the students involved by acting out a story or doing some sort of hands-on activity that gets them involved in what you’re teaching.

There is a greater chance of the learning staying in long-term memory using these approaches than when the lesson just focuses on information itself.

What have you done in your classroom or home environment to make learning more emotional for your students or children? Please share your ideas in the comments below.… >>>

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