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Parenting

Reap the Joy of Parenting

On September 5, 2012 / Parenting

A joy of parenting is watching a child develop and mature. Possessiveness has been a hallmark of parenting for hundreds of generations. Today, parents can no longer consider children their possessions. Children have rights and are watched over by the general society. An indication of this is the fine line drawn between punishment and child abuse.

Perhaps the paramount desire of parents has to do with simultaneously giving roots and wings. Parents model, foster values, and teach by what they say and do. They provide the shelter, clothing, affection, and security so necessary for a healthy environment. All of these provide roots. Parents also give wings and hope that the direction of flight will be toward responsible living. Perhaps the … >>>

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Positivity Is Constructive

On August 27, 2012 / Parenting

What we think and say becomes our habit. When our self-talk is negative, we have a tendency to communicate with others in a negative way. This is particularly true with our children. So often when we want our children to change, we attempt to influence them by using negative communications rather than positive ones that would actually prompt them to want to do what we would like. Even the worst salesperson knows enough not to make the customer angry. Yet, because we allow our emotions to direct us, we often ignore this commonsense approach and send negative messages. You can easily tell if your communications are sending negative messages if what you say blames, complains, criticizes, nags, punishes, or threatens.… >>>

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Disadvantages of Punishments and Rewards

On July 9, 2012 / Learning, Parenting

I received an e-mail stating, ” I Googled ‘disadvantages of punishment and rewards’ and found your website.”

My website was the 28th website listed on Google. Needless to say, I was grateful for the person’s finding me and subscribing to my free, monthly newsletter, “Promoting Responsibility & Learning.”

In the future, there will be more and more sites devoted to the disadvantages of using punishments and rewards for teaching and parenting. The reason is that the more these external approaches are used, the more obvious they are seen as being coercive and ineffective in changing people’s long-term motivation.

Rewards ask, “What will I get for doing it?” and punishments ask, “What will you do to me if I don’t?” These … >>>

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Impulse Control and School Achievement

On June 18, 2012 / Discipline, Parenting

Kids who can control their impulses do better in school.

It is common for people to believe that intelligence plays the key role in children’s academic achievement. However, a study by Pennsylvania University researchers found that the ability to self-regulate—to pay attention to a task and inhibit impulsive behavior—was more important than intelligence for early academic success.

A child’s ability to monitor his or her thinking and behavior develops rapidly during school. Parents who are interested in boosting their children’s school readiness should engage them in some activities that involve taking turns, paying attention for sustained periods, and for prompting them to reflect on their self-control.

One procedure that can be practiced to help in impulse control is explained in … >>>

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Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

On June 8, 2012 / Parenting

The number of U.S. children being raised by their grandparents rose sharply as the recession began, according to an analysis of census data.

Two million, nine hundred thousand children were being raised primarily by their grandparents. This was up 16% from 2000, with a surge from 2007 – 2008. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry believes that many children living with grandparents enter that arrangement with pre-existing problems stemming from abuse and loss of parents.

Here are some suggestions for grandparents raising grandchildren:

(1) Rather than establishing rules which have an enforcement mentality, teach procedures for what you desire. Do NOT assume your grandchildren know what you want.

(2) Communicate in positive ways, such as in what you … >>>

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Contingencies, Positivity, Choice, and Reflection

On November 1, 2011 / Parenting

The following is from an e-mail I received:

“I am reading the book right now and have already tried some things on my 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter.

“I’ve always used choices with her. It makes life simpler with little ones. But I have not always used contingencies. Saying, “If you clean up, you can go to the park” sounds so much better and works much faster than saying, “If you don’t clean up, then you can’t go to park.”

“It is so much easier for youngsters to take responsibility when you communicate in terms that are positive and prompt them to reflect on the choices they make.”

———-

Notice—as mentioned—that in addition to communicating in positive terms and prompting reflection, the … >>>

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Parenting and Learning

On March 8, 2011 / Parenting

Parents who have an interest in fostering effective learning have a responsibility to their children to nourish them with foods rich in nutrients. Feeding excessive sugar to young children at breakfast is a sure way to increase overactivity and reduce concentration for learning.

Another consideration pertains to food sensitivities and allergies. The Feingold diet should be investigated for children with tendencies towards AD/HD.

Parents can also promote exercise. Physical (and especially aerobic) exercise not only reduces stress it also contributes to a good night’s sleep—which, in turn, assists in increasing attention span.

Controversy will continue regarding whether AD/HD is attributed to modern lifestyles or has always been with selected humans but only has become apparent when literacy sit-down learning was … >>>

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A Key Thought from the Education and Parenting Books

On January 11, 2011 / Discipline, Parenting

Life is a conversation. Interestingly, the most influential person we talk with all day is ourself, and what we tell ourself has a direct bearing on our behavior, our performance, and our influence on others. In fact a good case can be made that our self-talk creates our reality.

Both the parenting book and the education book show how to engage in self-talk so that stress is reduced, effectiveness is increased, and relationships are improved. The education book is primarily for classroom teachers. Anyone working with other people—regardless of age—can benefit from the parenting book.… >>>

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Telling vs. Asking

On January 5, 2011 / Effectiveness, Parenting

No one likes to be TOLD what to do. Think of a time when someone told you what to do or told you that you had to do something. Notice how it conjures up a negative feeling.

I grew up with a friend who, when told what to do by a parent, would find an excuse NOT to do it. Even if it was something he wanted to do, such as going outside to play, he would find an excuse to stay indoors just because he was TOLD.

Depending upon the other person’s mental frame at the time, when we tell a person what to do—regardless of how admirable our intentions—the message is often PERCEIVED either as an attempt to … >>>

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A Key to Effective Parenting

On December 31, 2010 / Parenting

A magazine headlined the following: “DO KIDS HAVE TOO MUCH POWER? Yes, say many parents.”

Major points of the article include overindulgence and the coddling of children in an attempt to insulate them from any discomfort.

The article noted that it is a little ironic that the success and new found prosperity—the very accomplishments and good fortune that parents so desperately desire to share—actually put children at risk.

Indulged children are often less able to cope with stress because parents have created an atmosphere where their whims are indulged. Such children grow up assuming that they’re entitled and that life should be a bed of roses.

Young people manipulate parents by their constant asking —and thereby controlling the situation. Parents … >>>

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How to Handle Resistance with a Youngster

On October 28, 2010 / Parenting

PARENTING QUESTION:

When I tried to have my 6-year old leave a public swimming pool, she resisted to the point of almost making a scene. Not wanting to create a disturbance, as embarrassed as I was I resorted to having the lifeguard assist in my endeavors. I immediately thought of you and wondered how you would have handled this discipline situation. Any suggestions?

RESPONSE:

Children mature when they begin to realize that other people’s interests are also involved in their decisions. Having a youngster become aware of this is one of the most important charges a parent has.

If I were in that situation, I would ask my daughter, “Do you want to go swimming in the future?” This … >>>

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Parenting and Schoolwork

On October 23, 2010 / Parenting

QUESTION:

My son’s attitude about school is that he only wants to get by with the minimum. He’ll do his homework, and then doesn’t bother to hand it in. His teachers say he’s intelligent, but he’s failing three classes. Last year he had the same problem, failing two classes.

RESPONSE:

From other statements you have related to me, you are trying to control him. His not doing what you tell him to do gives HIM control. It is his way of exercising power. He won’t change if you keep telling him what to do—if you keep evaluating and advising him.

William Glasser, M.D., in his book, “UNHAPPY TEENAGERS – A Way for Parents and Teachers to Reach Them” shares … >>>

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Undoing the Past

On October 22, 2010 / Parenting

Do you know anyone who can undo the past?

When people do something wrong and you tell them that they made a mistake (and then proceed to tell what should have been done), the person will resent it—even if you are right.

The reasons are simple. You come across as a grouch, and the other person suffers a loss of dignity. People can’t do anything about a mistake that has already been made. They no longer have control over a situation in the past—and no one enjoys not being in control.

Telling people what should have been done has no constructive value; the past can’t be undone. But people can LEARN from the past. When others make mistakes, share suggestions … >>>

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Hobson’s Choice

On October 16, 2010 / Effectiveness, Parenting

A man drove on a long and lonely unpaved road in Arizona on his way to watch Hopi Indian ceremonial dances. Afterwards, he returned to his car only to find that it had a flat tire. He replaced it with the spare and drove to the only service station on the Hopi reservation.

As he stepped out of his car, he heard the hissing of another tire going flat.

“Do you fix flats?” he inquired of the attendant.

“Yes,” came the answer.

“How much do you charge?” he asked.

With a twinkle in his eye, the man replied, “What difference does it make?”

This is what is called a “Hobson’s Choice,” named after Thomas Hobson (1544-1631) of Cambridge, England. Hobson … >>>

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Testimonial and Book Editor Recommendation-Kathy Miller

On October 12, 2010 / Discipline, Parenting

Kathy Collard Miller introduced me to Brookes Nohlgren who edited both my education book and my parenting book. Kathy wrote the following to me after hearing me present.

“I can’t wait to recommend Marvin Marshall’s book at my parenting classes and seminars. He gives practical knowledge that inspires us to think in new effective ways. I’m already using his principles in my personal relationships.”

Kathy Collard Miller, Professional Speaker and Seminar Leader and

Author of WHEN COUNTING TO TEN ISN’T ENOUGH… >>>

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Good at Home; Problem at School

On February 23, 2010 / Parenting

QUESTION:

I am at the end of my tether with my 6-year old son. He does not pay attention and is distracting in class. At home everything is fine. He has got a behavior book that he brings to school so his teacher records his behavior for the day. He brings that home and he is punished accordingly, such as early bedtime, no toys/cartoons. He promises to behave, but he never does. Could you please point me in the right direction.

RESPONSE:

Take him for a walk and have a conversation with him. (Boys will not open up like girls. Boys will open up more if they are doing something—playing checkers, walking, or involved in some activity.)

After starting the … >>>

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The Levels and Motivating a First Grader

On February 5, 2010 / Parenting

The following communication, written by Mary Lou Cebula, an elementary school principal in Warren Township, New Jersey was forwarded to me. She has given me permission to share it.

A mother called me the other day to tell me Dr. Marshall’s levels of development are working even at home. Her first grade son is very tired at the end of each day. On the previous evening he had soccer practice after school and about 6:30 p.m. she was trying to get him to take a bath. He was lying on the bathroom floor naked and crying, “I am not going to take a bath and I am not getting my picture taken!” (The next day was picture day.) His … >>>

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