Responsibility

Here is a marvelously successful idea to have students understand the motivation of those students who operate on Level B—in this case bullies who pick on others. I used it well in Seoul, Korea to demonstrate how older students take advantage of young students and thereby lose harmony in the Confucian-based society of honoring others.

Use a ruler to demonstrate a teeter-totter (see-saw). Hold it flat and describe that this is how it looks when it is balanced. People who are getting along and making responsible choices keep the teeter-totter in balance.

However, when one person starts to pick on another, the teeter-totter gets out of balance. The person who is picked on starts to feel as if he/she is … >>>

If you reflect on your self-talk, you will conclude that your thoughts often involve past experiences or future visions. However, what you actually do is often done habitually and/or nonconsciously.

Taking action is a current activity—not a past or future one. In addition, action requires more than thought. For example, if there are three frogs on a lily pond and one decides to jump, you may conclude—in error—that there would be two frogs left. However, deciding to jump is not the same as jumping. In this situation, three frogs would still be left.

More than thinking about the past or the future, it is thinking about the present and taking action in the present that leads to responsible behavior.… >>>

People know when they act irresponsibly. But their knowing does not stop that type of behavior.

Knowing the cause for behavior may be interesting, but has nothing to do with changing that behavior. Until responsibility is accepted, the person will not act differently—even when the person knows the reason.

Therefore, rarely ask a person why the behavior occurred. “Why?” implies that the reason for the behavior makes a difference—but it does not. Knowing or knowledge does not lead to behavior change.

Rather than asking “Why?” a more effective approach would be to ask, “What are we going to do about it?”… >>>

While strolling and listening to the following story, I requested the storyteller send it to me so that I could share it using her own words. For obvious reasons, the author of the letter requested anonymity.

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After six years of using the Raise Responsibility System in our home, we had an amazing incident with our fifteen-and a-half-year-old son.

We live on a very large piece of property and my husband was preparing our son for driving by allowing him to drive the firewood truck from one area to another under his guidance and supervision. He would also allow him to move our vehicles around in the driveway. The expectation was always the same. This was a privilege and only … >>>

Everett McKinley Dirksen (1896 – 1969) was a U.S. Congressman and Senator from Illinois. As a Senate leader he played a highly visible role in the politics of the 1960s. He helped write the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and played the decisive role in its passage. The Dirksen Senate Office Building was named after him.

One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Everett Dirksen, viz., “I am a man of principle and my first principle is the ability to change my mind.”

So it is with me when I decided to emphasize “discipline” in my newsletters. A few comments influenced me to return to my original emphasis on “responsibility”:

1) Harry Wong, who reminded me that my mission … >>>

The following was post by Kerry at the mailring.

I usually post the announcement questions that our school uses each day. Originally,  when we did a book study of Discipline Without Stress, we decided to change the format of our daily announcements to make them more in line with the DWS philosophy.

Instead of TELLING kids things like, “Don’t run on the pavement,” we decided we’d be more effective if we asked a question of the students in order to get them to do their own thinking. Nowadays, we might ask, “Why is it a smart idea to walk rather than to run on the pavement leading to the playground?”

We use these announcements/questions to deal with problems in … >>>

Dad, can I speak to you about something?” asked Tom.

“Let me guess. You want to borrow the car?” his dad joked.

“No, it’s nothing like that. It’s about Jim and something that happened at school today.”

“Isn’t Jim that kid on the track team with you?”

“Yeah.”

“You two are pretty good friends, aren’t you?”

“Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about. You see, there’s another guy on the team named Eric who got into a fight with Jim after practice. I tried to break it up, but the coach pulled all three of us aside. I told the coach that I was only trying to keep the peace, but then I defended Jim.”

Suddenly Tom … >>>

Until the 1960’s, school books were replete with vocabulary words like integrity, industry, work, diligence, perseverance, self-reliance, self-examination, honesty, character, and responsibility. There was a glorification of hard work and an emphasis on education and self-discipline.

Assuming that textbooks have an influence on curriculum and instruction and that they, therefore, have an effect on children’s behavior and character, perhaps it is time to re-examine the contents of our school books as well as the vocabulary we use.

In his classic book, “1984,” George Orwell demonstrated the power of words with the example of the term “freedom.” If there were no such term, how would the concept be imagined, envisioned, and communicated? When we use the word in conversations with the … >>>

Kerry Weisner, the writer of Discipline Answers, notes that the only thing that she has often seen schools do with the Virtue Project that would not fit with the Discipline Without Stress approach is rewarding students for displaying various virtues—in other words, using the old “catch them being good” behaviour modification ploy.

As an example, I have noticed many schools offer raffle tickets to students who display kindness during “Kindness Month” or who are helpful during “Helpfulness Month,” thereby unwittingly encouraging operation on Level C. To me, it seems that such schools are missing out on a wonderful opportunity to help young people become aware of the benefits of operating on the highest level of all—Level D—the level at … >>>

I had the honor of presenting the keynote at the International Character Education Conference in the newly dedicated Joan Kroc Institute for Peace and Justice at the University of San Diego.

I shared with the attendees some Principles of Effective Character Education as I quoted from the CHARACTER EDUCATION PARTNERSHIP:

Schools, ESPECIALLY IN THEIR APPROACH TO DISCIPLINE, SHOULD STRIVE TO DEVELOP INTRINSIC COMMITMENT TO CORE VALUES. They should MINIMIZE RELIANCE ON EXTRINSIC REWARDS and punishments that direct students’ attention away from the real reasons to behave responsibly: the rights and needs of self and others.

More information on this topic is at the character education link. … >>>

Dear Marv,

Hello from Benchmark School in Phoenix, AZ.

My name is Wendy Brady and you spoke at our school. I wanted to drop you a quick note about a compliment our 4th grade students received.

We recently had a guest speaker come to visit our 4th grade. He was Wyatt Earp and he performed a monologue on Wyatt Earp’s life and experiences.

After the performance, which took about one hour, Wyatt commented that in the past 3 years he had not come across a group of better-behaved school children. (He travels the world doing this show.) He was shocked at how well the students listened—no interruptions, respectful, etc. He told the teachers that he really enjoyed the experience because … >>>

When dealing with others—regardless of age—here is an interesting question to ponder regarding behavior:

“If everyone did it, what would happen?”

More reflective questions are available at http://marvinmarshall.com.… >>>

I received the following in a recent e-mail:

“I am a principal of an educational program in a juvenile detention facility in Pittsburgh. I have read your book six times and I continue to learn more each time I read it. I also bought 15 copies for teachers to read. Your newsletters are also a great reminder of how to work positively with students.

“Last year, I started a Choices program for those students with challenging behaviors. After developing the philosophy and procedures of the program, our program contracted with a behavioral specialist to be in charge of the Choices Room.

“In the school, we use four levels of expectations that are color coded. Students are taught the expectations and … >>>

The following is from a mailring post at the mailring by Kerry Weisner of British Columbia who partners as a primary teacher and also teaches at-risk high school students. Although the post is in reference to Kerry’s primary classroom, THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE MESSAGE IS APPLICABLE AT ALL GRADE LEVELS AND TO YOUTH OF ALL AGES. (The post is slightly edited for conciseness.)
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“We recently had a problem. A change in the school schedule led to a situation where our students had much less adult supervision at noon hour eating time than had been customary. Many students began to misbehave. We were really angry. Our first reaction was to jump to eliciting consequences. In giving it more thought though, … >>>

Positivity (conscious optimism) prmotes responsibility.

This positive attitude begins between the ears.

The most important thing people can control is their state of mind. A state of mind is something that one can control. It can be created.

Thinking and acting responsibly—or irresponsibly—begins, therefore, with how a person shapes one's own thoughts.

As leaders, teachers, and parents, we have an oligation to help young people shape and control their thoughts. We can do this by painting positive pictures that empower. Sometimes a simple word can make the difference as in, "You have to go to school today" vs. "You get to go to school today."

Since how we think induces how we feel, negative thoughts have a tendency … >>>