Many teachers and parents reward good behavior in students with stickers, prizes, and even food. I see this occur at schools, at homes, and especially out in public. Do you routinely reward good behavior? If so, I urge you to stop the practice today. Why? Offering rewards is a behavior modification approach to mold desirable behavior directly—without rooting it in ethical behavior, such as whether the behavior is right or wrong, good or bad, just or unjust, moral or immoral. This approach operates at the lowest level of moral judgment, which is that behavior is good because it is rewarded. When I speak with parents and teachers, I often hear the stories of regret in terms of rewards. The narrative
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Are you a control freak? Do you try to control people and events? If so, you’re not alone. But being a control freak is a source of considerable stress. So if you want to reduce the stress in your life, reduce what you try to control. If you look around at your family, friends, and co-workers, you will see that the most successful people, the ones with the least amount of stress and the happiest, are the ones who don’t try to control anyone but themselves. You will further realize that the people who are most miserable and have more stress are the ones who try to control others. Even if they have considerable power, the resistance promotes stress and
READ MORE >>> →Click to Read Excerpts: Switching from Imposing Discipline to Promoting Responsibility No one has an inherent desire to obey—to be told what to do—not even children. However, when responsibility is promoted, obedience follows as a natural by-product. Of course, learning how to promote responsibility in others takes practice and patience. Going from the mindset of imposing discipline to one of promoting positivity, offering choices, and asking reflective questions takes time. No matter how long you’ve been parenting, teaching or supervising, making the switch to the new methodology will be fraught with ups and downs. The key is to be persistent.
READ MORE >>> →We all want to sleep better at night. But lack of sleep is real for many people and a key trigger for stress. In fact, sleep is one of the most frustrating activities in many people’s lives. As a result, sleep concerns have created huge industries for products and services. Not getting enough sound sleep affects mood and has long-term health consequences. Chronic disruption of sleep patterns is strongly linked to cardiovascular disease and a number of other health issues including an increased risk of developing Type 2 diabetes; weakened immunity and an increased tendency to get sick; weakened cognitive function including memory, alertness, and decision-making; increased impulsiveness, risk-taking, and addictive behavior; eating more; and ingesting more unhealthy foods. So
READ MORE >>> →An urgent task may not be very important in the long run; however, an urgent task may demand immediate attention. In contrast to something urgent, an important task is something that moves you toward your goal.
READ MORE >>> →The power of words may seem obvious but the fact is that most of us, most of the time, are not mindful of the effect of our words. We often choose our clothes more carefully then we choose our words. What we say—both to ourselves and to others—is critically related to the reduction of stress. Here is an exercise to help you determine how much control you have over the language you use. For the next 24 hours, resist saying any unkind words about or to anybody—including yourself. If you believe that you can do this, then a wonderful opportunity awaits you for improving relationships and for reducing future stress. However, if you believe the exercise is too difficult, think
READ MORE >>> →As a youth I developed an attitude that I still use to this day: Be kind to myself. I learned at an early age that I was not perfect, that I made mistakes, and that sometimes I was sorry for what I did or said. Realizing that I could not undo the past and rather than punishing myself with negative thoughts and feelings, I decided to embrace the attitude of the great baseball player, Satchel Page, who said: “Don’t look back; something may be gaining on you.” When you choose to be kind to yourself and others, your outlook on life changes and your stress level diminishes. Being mean and mentally punishing yourself does no good; rather, it causes enormous
READ MORE >>> →Negative self-talk comes naturally to make people. Unfortunately, negative self-talk creates a lot of unnecessary stress. Our self-talk is filtered in response to both internal and external stimuli. Our thinking is internal, while stimuli to our senses are external. In other words, we are affected by what we see, what we hear, what we touch, what we taste, and what we smell. Just imagining something can prompt the same feeling as an actual event. The same goes with our self-talk. Henry David Thoreau put it this way: “It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.” The important point here is that we can eliminate negative self-talk and develop positive self-talk just by being aware of our
READ MORE >>> →Have you ever found yourself in an argument, and felt so sure that you were in the right—so much so it stressed you out? Well, rest easy, the next tip has set sail and your ship is about to come in.
READ MORE >>> →Your future focus is important because what you focus on is what you become. Do you tend to focus on events from the past or on images of the future? One way to know for sure is to look at the words you continually say to yourself. If you find that you often use the word “should,” chances are you are focusing on the past. Eliminate “should” from your self-talk immediately. In terms of self-talk, the word “should” has little or no constructive value. It usually pertains to the past—what should have been done or what should not have been done. Realize that the past cannot be undone. It is silly to water last year’s flowers or events that no
READ MORE >>> →Aging is inevitable, and for many people, a stressful process to deal with. But you can take steps to keep your mind and body healthy, which significantly reduces your stress levels. First and foremost, move every day and stay as strong as long as you can. The human body is designed for movement, and muscles are not meant to be inactive. Just like any other muscle, your heart functions best when challenged. Walk, swim, jog, or use a treadmill, stair climbing machine, or some other weight-bearing movement in order to include moderate cardiovascular conditioning in your daily program. Aerobic exercise helps maintain a healthy weight, lowers blood pressure, and keeps the arteries more flexible. In addition, aerobic exercise is one
READ MORE >>> →We all have experienced toxic people in our life. While toxic people may play to their advantage with us, we have a choice to play the victim or not. Be aware that this is a choice. By simply being aware of this, you are able to determine how far someone can go before he or she pushes your buttons. Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness and is a key approach to reducing your stress. Toxic people may attempt to consume you by having you swim in their problems. They really don’t want to see solutions. They are often comfortable in their unhappiness. They can waste your time by pressuring you to join their pity party. Don’t allow others to determine
READ MORE >>> →Dealing with difficult people is a part of life. The good news that these difficult people don’t have to control you or your emotions. When you feel offended by someone’s words or deeds, consider viewing the situation in multiple ways. For example, I may be tempted to think that a co-worker is ignoring my messages, or I can consider the possibility that he has been very busy, has family problems, has heard bad news about his health, or simply that he may have a hearing loss. When we avoid personalizing other people’s behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. Remember, people do what they do because of their situation, more often than because of us—or what we do. Resist
READ MORE >>> →Benjamin Franklin offered this advice that not only reduces stress from disappointments but increases effectiveness: “Present your thoughts not as ultimatums but as suggestions to be considered.” He wrote that he made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions of others and all assertions of his own. He even forbade himself the use of any word or expression that gave an opinion, such as “certainly’’ and “undoubtedly.” Instead he used expressions such as, “I conceive,” and “I imagine” a thing to be so and so. When someone asserted something that Franklin thought to be in error or wrong, he denied himself the pleasure of contradicting the person even though he knew he was right.
READ MORE >>> →Are you a perfectionist? Many people are. If you are one of them, it’s time to abandon your perfectionist nature now. While a goal of excellence, superior work, and outstanding work can all be achieved, perfectionism cannot. In fact, perfectionism, the striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high standards, is too often a burden that results in excessive stress. Perfection is a goal that humans should not strive to achieve because it can prompt a crippling condition or an overly critical self-evaluation. Being a perfectionist prompts reluctance to admit mistakes and can be a major cause of creating stress. Remember that failing is a natural outcome of trying, and it is a great teacher. That is, it can be if
READ MORE >>> →Click to Read Excerpts: When raising and disciplining children, many teachers and parents rely on rules. They devise rules for homework, rules for chores, rules for behavior, and so on. In practice, however, the use of the term “rules” is often counterproductive. Rules are used to control—not inspire. Although essential in games, rules are counterproductive in relationships. Think of it this way: If a rule is broken, a mindset of enforcement is naturally created. The adult’s thinking goes something like, “If I don’t do something about this, it will occur again and I’ll lose my authority.” The situation between the adult and child immediately becomes adversarial. Read More
READ MORE >>> →Have you ever made an assumption about someone or something? Of course you have. We all have done it. Unfortunately, assumptions are the mother of so many screw-ups because they are often based on false beliefs. These can lead to botched situations, missed opportunities, troubled relationships, and ultimately stress. Consider this example: A father is walking through the forest with his three-year-old daughter. As they are walking, he repeatedly tells her to stay on the path. The little girl is walking all around. She looks at a green fern, a red bush, and meanders here and there. The father repeatedly says, “Stay on the path. I told you to stay on the path.” Eventually, he gets so angry with her
READ MORE >>> →W. Edwards Deming was the American who showed first the Japanese and then the world how to improve quality while simultaneously reducing manufacturing costs. The Deming Prize is the oldest and most widely recognized quality award in the world given to both individuals and organizations. The underlying principle of the Deming approach is continuous self-inspection and self-improvement. In traditional approaches, quality control is a specialized task placed at the end of the manufacturing process. If the product failed to pass inspection, the cost of producing the product was wasted. Deming showed how to build quality into the manufacturing process by empowering workers through collaboration. The result was zero defects and improved the quality at less cost. Deming believed that, in an atmosphere
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