It is a hard fact but a true one: We can outgrow friendships just like we outgrow shoes. Understanding this concept can significantly help young people who have a strong desire to want to be like others and want to feel that they are their friend’s “best friend.” It is often “painful” for young people to see their “best friend” associate more with others than with themselves. Some good advice for young people (and for older ones, too) is to find new interests, make new friends, and find fun things to do. By being your own best friend, you will always have one friend on whom you can rely. Learning to like yourself—HAVING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF—is one of
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A poster I had in my classroom to promote self-discipline: “I would rather try and fail than not try and succeed.” If you instill the PERCEPTION THAT SUCCESS IS ATTAINABLE, people will try. If they do not believe success is possible, regardless of how easy the task or how smart the person, the goal will not be attained. One of the most enduring comments people say about others who have influenced their lives is, “He/she believed in me.”
READ MORE >>> →Schools use detention for discipline in an attempt to promote responsible behavior. The premise is that punishment redirects irresponsibility. (I wish I would think that the rationale is not for retribution.) When giving public seminars, I would often ask how many of the attendees were in schools that had detention. Most attendees raised their hands. I then asked how many found that very often the same students were serving detention. Inevitably, the same hands were again raised. I then would comment, “Doesn’t that say something about the ineffectiveness of detention?” Perhaps the best paragraph I have read on the issue is from LouAnne Johnson in her book, “The Queen of Education.” Using detention as a catchall cure for student misbehaviors
READ MORE >>> →In the epilogue of my book on discipline and learning, I quote the comic character Dagwood Bumstead when I refer to using a business model for education. His quote: “You know that makes a lot of sense if you don’t think about it.” The United States is operating under a federal “mandate” entitled, “No Child Left Behind.” The essence of the legislation is to blame schools for their poor performance and uses a negative approach with schools that do not meet the mandate’s requirements. Rather than going into the details of why the legislation is doomed to inevitable collapse, I share with you the famous “Red Bead Experiment” used by W. Edwards Deming. This management guru was the man who
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I have recently been researching your discipline system and it sounds pretty impressive. I was looking for studies that prove your system works, but unfortunately I have found none. The only thing I can find is testimonies from teachers posted on your web site. Would you be able to tell me where I can find some other sources that prove your system works (if there are any). Thank you. RESPONSE: Testimonials themselves are validations that the system works. See a variety of them at testimonials. The increasing number of subscribers to the monthly discipline and learning newsletter (now at over 15,000), the increasing number of mailring subscribers at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DisciplineWithoutStress, and the increasing book sales (50,000) give indication that something
READ MORE >>> →Practicing something new may be simple—but often not easy. The reason is that any change feels different and, therefore, a little uncomfortable. We usually do those things which feel comfortable, rather than uncomfortable. We know that practice makes perfect—assuming the practice is practiced correctly, and we know that visualizations assist in increasing effectiveness. However, a third approach complements both practice and visualization for even greater effectiveness. I am referring to incantations that engage not only your physiology and neurology but also engage your feelings. For example, assume you are in the habit of TELLING your child (student, spouse, employee) what to do. You would like to start posing reflective questions so that ownership will belong to the other person you
READ MORE >>> →Acknowledgments encourage and motivate. They serve to give recognition without the disadvantages to giving praise. Praise has a price. It implies a lack of acceptance and worth when the youth does not behave as the adult wishes. Using a phrase which starts with, “I like . . .” encourages a young person to behave IN ORDER TO PLEASE THE ADULT (LEVEL C). By contrast, acknowledgments affirm while fostering self-satisfaction and self-discipline for future LEVEL D motivation in the Hierarchy of Social Development. Notice the difference in the following examples: “I am so pleased with the way you treated your brother,” versus “You treated your brother with real consideration.” “I like the way you are working,” versus “Your working shows good
READ MORE >>> →My speaking at a private school and at two teacher training universities in Beijing and Kunming, China was as culturally informative as my previous presentations in Japan, Korea, and Malaysia. The mix of an emerging capitalistic economic system with a communist political system challenges traditional thinking. As a former teacher of comparative religions, I was also interested in the practices of Buddhism, Confucianism, and Doaism/Toasim. All three originated as philosophies to practice but are now observed as religions. Many temples have statues devoted to all three founders (Siddhartha Gautama, Confucius, and Lao Zi, respectively) side by side, and it is not uncommon to see all three religions practiced by the same person. Two factoids may be of interest to Westerners.
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I love what I have read so far on the websites and have ordered the book. My question is about the levels. Has there been any thought given to structuring the levels in the reverse order so that A is the highest level. I’m struggling a little with the students seeing that level D is higher than level A. It seems odd to strive for A work and D behavior in the school system. I thought of A-actualization, B- beneficial, C-coercion D- Disorder. Thanks for a great website! I look forward to reading the book. RESPONSE: Your concern is a natural one. It is the most common challenge for any adult first using the system. But it’s just NOT
READ MORE >>> →In my presentation at the National Council for Teachers of Mathematics (NCTM) conference, I shared the the Levels of Development as it relates to MATHEMATICS” to promote learning in that area. The procedure of having students paint verbal pictures of the level chosen BEFORE engaging in any subject area and then their reflecting on the level acted on AFTER the activity prompts and challenges—two natural motivators. Here is the “Levels of Development” as it relates to math: Level D (INTERNAL motivation to learn) • Displays a desire to learn • Stays focused during math lessons • Willingly practices to improve math skills • Practices without the necessity of adult supervision • Completes assignments because it is in one’s self-interest Level
READ MORE >>> →When you hear someone communicating negativity, imagine being surrounded by a Pyrex glass shield. It rebuffs all negativity—allowing only positivity to flow through. You will find that you can continue to converse and stay involved with those around you, but you won’t be affected by their negativity. As silly as this sounds, it works. To slightly rephrase how the poet, Anonymous, put it: — — — People may be illogical and self-centered. Treat them with positivity anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do positive things anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty may make you vulnerable. Be honest anyway. People favor top dogs. Fight for some
READ MORE >>> →How are you multiplying your effect on others? Take the practice of positivity, for example. Are you making it a practice to self-talk in positive ways—attempting to make any lemon into lemonade? With friends talking about others, are you focusing on good traits of others—rather than focusing on negative ones? When conversing with parents, are you helping them redirect negative, coercive thoughts by prompting them to reflect? With your children, do you communicate in ways so that they perceive conversations in a noncoercive, encouraging manner? With fellow employees, are you acknowledging their contributions? You can extend your effectiveness by practicing positivity in as many situations as you can find.
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 8 Number 10
#3 Switchtasking
#6 Implementing the teaching model
#8 Oppositional defiant behavior
I had the pleasure of speaking at the 50th anniversary of Phi Delta Kappa’s chapter at Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. Phi Delta Kappa is an international association devoted to leadership, service, and research in support of public education. The association publishes the PHI DELTA KAPPAN, the most widely quoted journal in education. In-depth, well-worth reading articles are its specialty. Dr. Doug Bedient, Phi Delta Kappa International president in the mid 1990’s was my host. At his invitation, I spent two days with faculty members interviewing prospective teachers. They shared their portfolios addressing the State of Illinois 11 Professional Teaching Standards. The experience was truly inspiring. It was a pleasure to witness the proficiency and competence of those soon to
READ MORE >>> →As a leader, teacher, or parent, one never knows how far one's influence extends. Susan Taylor stopped me at a national conference and thanked me. She is principal at Franklin School of the Newark Public Schools in New Jersey. I had presented at her school. Ten days later the twin World Trade Towers in New York City across the river from New Jersey were destroyed. Susan told me that by the end of that school day only 50 of her 500 students were left in school. It was understandable that panic reigned on the east coast of the United States that dreadful morning. She then told me that having the Raise Responsibility System in the school's knowledge bank assisted the
READ MORE >>> →The following are some questions and responses about the Raise Responsibility System (RRSystem), Part III of the DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS TEACHING MODEL: QUESTION: I am a 9th grade science teacher and I recently read your book, “Discipline without Stress, Punishments or Rewards.” It sounds like a great approach and I would like to implement it in my classroom, but I have four questions that I was hoping you could answer. 1. If an incident occurs in your classroom and you did not see who did it (for example, someone throws a paper airplane), how do you handle that? RESPONSE: Just announce that someone is operating on level B—that no one will be punished—that your only goal is for the person
READ MORE >>> →I recently received the following e-mail: “I found your web site from the monthly language magazine in Taiwan.” (Kerry Weisner and my article were published in the Chinese and English language journal, “Advanced” – January and February 2005 issues). The teacher asked me how to motivate students to have them like memorizing English vocabulary and grammar. I started my response by suggesting that almost everyone acknowledges that YOU LEARN BEST WHEN YOU TEACH ANOTHER and that learning is internalized when you live it. Therefore, the best way to get people to learn is to turn them into teachers because they learn the material best when they teach it. (This teaching technique was the prime approach that Stephen Covey used as
READ MORE >>> →Posted by J.E., a member of the Discipline without Stress mailring. Here is my latest success: Last Friday, three third graders left their homeroom in route to my class (science) and on the way, chose to yell and scream and play an impromptu game of tag. (At my school, we don’t walk the kids from class to class, and all the classroom doors lead outside, so they were coming across the playground.) Upon hearing the commotion, their homeroom teacher flew out of her room and wound up in front of mine, fuming at the gall of these kids. Since she got there first, I let her handle it. She said, nearly yelling, “Which one of you children decided to act
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