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Emotion and Cognition

On August 13, 2008 / Discipline

In persuasion and influence, emotion takes precedence over cognition.

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Young people misbehave because it has them feel good; otherwise, they would not misbehave. People don’t voluntarily do things that feel bad.

Punishment prompts bad feelings and, therefore, is counterproductive to changing irresponsible behavior in any lasting way.

A more effective approach is to help the young person find a response that will engender better feelings than the feelings that comes with the misbehavior—or the imposed punishment.… >>>

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Thomas Friedman is a three-time Pulitzer Prize winning journalist with the New York Times and author of the best-selling book about globalization, “The World Is Flat.” He recently introduced a new phrase to the English language: CONTINUOUS PARTIAL ATTENTION. This was explained as, “when you are on the Internet or cell phone or Blackberry while also watching TV, typing on your computer and answering a question from your child. That is, you are multitasking your way through the day, continuously devoting only partial attention to each act or person you encounter.”

The August/September, 2006, issue of “Scientific American MIND” included an article about how the brain decides on what to focus conscious attention.

A professor asked his class to watch … >>>

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Accepting Criticism

On August 11, 2008 / Relationships

If we think that life is growth and that we should strive to grow—not only intellectually but emotionally as well—we accept comments by others (oftentimes called criticism) as being in our own best interest.

Accepting such comments with a positive spirit depends on two criteria: (1) we trust the person and understand that what the person is sharing with us is in our own best interests and (2) the comments are specific to the situation. Certain terms are avoided, such as ALWAYS, as in, “You always….” or you NEVER, as in, “You never….”

Think of a physician giving you a diagnosis. You don’t react negatively. You accept it because you have faith that what the physician is sharing with you … >>>

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Satisfaction vs. Happiness

On August 8, 2008 / Effectiveness

Positive people are happy people. Happy people are pleasant to be around. Being around people you enjoy improves your own disposition and desire to put forth effort.

Being positive should not be confused with satisfaction. Telling someone to be satisfied makes little sense to me. For example, after a presentation I ask myself, “What did I do that was good?” and “What can I improve?”

We always have the opportunity to learn and grow. If we were satisfied, we would never grow. It is the feelings that emanate from growth that bring satisfaction, joy, and happiness.

If you wish to become more effective, unload the burden of thinking that you need to be satisfied in order to be positive or … >>>

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School Announcements As Questions

On July 31, 2008 / Responsibility

The following was post by Kerry at the mailring.

I usually post the announcement questions that our school uses each day. Originally, when we did a book study of Discipline Without Stress, we decided to change the format of our daily announcements to make them more in line with the DWS philosophy.

Instead of TELLING kids things like, “Don’t run on the pavement,” we decided we’d be more effective if we asked a question of the students in order to get them to do their own thinking. Nowadays, we might ask, “Why is it a smart idea to walk rather than to run on the pavement leading to the playground?”

We use these announcements/questions to deal with problems in … >>>

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4 Benefits of Using the Levels of Development

On July 30, 2008 / Discipline, Discipline Answers

FOUR (4) PROGRAM ATTRIBUTES of the LEVELS OF DEVELOPMENT

Using the Levels of Development separates the act from the actor, the deed from the doer—irresponsible behavior from a good person. Separation is critical so people don’t feel the natural impulse to defend themselves, their behavior, or their choices.

Using the Levels of Development brings attention to the fact that people are constantly making choices.

Using the Levels of Development fosters intrinsic motivation so that young people WANT to behave responsibly and WANT to put forth effort to learn.

Using the Levels of Development fosters character development without mentioning values, ethics, or morals.

To understand how the Levels of Development are used, click on Levels of Development.… >>>

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Parenting

On July 29, 2008 / Effectiveness

I was a teacher for ten years. I am now an instructor at California State University where one of my student interns spoke very highly of your book. I have been struggling with my 5-year-old who knows his own mind. Coercion was not working!

I was at a complete loss until I read your book. I had never tried anything like it with my son or in the classroom.

I am writing to tell you that it has been a great help. My son is responding very well and the methods have improved our relationship.

Thank you for giving me a practical method for teaching responsibility.

Karen McCormick
Norco, California

Download Tips for parents for parenting tips.… >>>

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Rules and Consequences

On July 28, 2008 / Discipline

QUESTION: I came across your system while browsing the Internet and I really like the way it is set up. The only problem I have is determining consequences. My district wants a set list of rules and consequences.

RESPONSE: Rules are necessary in games, but rules between people automatically set up an adversarial relationship because, when a rule is broken, the person in authority (teacher) becomes a cop—an enforcer of a broken rule. This is a counterproductive position for good teaching.

QUESTION: My special education students really need the consistency of knowing what happens if they misbehave.

RESPONSE: I have a different take. These students need a different procedure when one procedure loses its effectiveness. Therefore, the superior teacher is … >>>

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Reflection for Improvement vs. Competition

On July 22, 2008 / Learning

The following focuses on how to establish a learning community where competition is at an absolute minimum and collaboration is optimal. It is how Kerry and her teaching partner, Darlene, continue to share how they use the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model.

We try to focus on improvement and effort at academic times instead of on achievement. We don’t assign marks on anything and never mention specially those who have done very well. We focus on having students judge their own work (by comparing it to previous work) and make their own goals for improvement. We offer encouragement on a private basis and try to offer positive feedback rather than praise. We aim to have all students, regardless of … >>>

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Personal Relationships with Difficult Students

On July 21, 2008 / Discipline

Kerry and her teaching partner, Darlene, continue to share how they use the three practices (Part II) of the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model.

We try to develop excellent personal relationships with our most challenging students. In this way, we know that we have a better chance of having them WANT to cooperate with us. We often ask these students to be our helpers. We get them on OUR side right from the beginning. Although we want to have excellent relationships with all of our students, our first priority is to HAVE OUR MOST IMMATURE STUDENTS ATTACH TO US. The work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld has really helped us in this. I can’t recommend his workshops and DVD’s too … >>>

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Procedures and Level C

On July 15, 2008 / Discipline

Kerry and her teaching partner, Darlene, continue to share how they use the Hierarchy from Discipline Without Stress.

After teaching the hierarchy, we rarely refer to the bottom two levels. Perhaps once or twice a week we may need to do this but seldom more than that. We find that the key to success with the hierarchy is to focus almost exclusively on the higher two levels by always motivating the kids to aim for Level C—or higher if they want.

We find we can help students achieve Level C motivation most of the time by being proactive in our use of the hierarchy. BEFORE DOING MOST ACTIVITIES, WE PROACTIVELY DISCUSS OR TELL STUDENTS WHAT LEVEL C LOOKS LIKE.

In … >>>

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Teaching Procedures

On July 14, 2008 / Effectiveness

Whenever something new is introduced, plan to thoroughly teach carefully the procedures—not just once or twice but at least a few times. Every detail is demonstrated and includes, for example, what to do in the cafeteria with dirty spoons, plastic containers, juice boxes, straws and garbage after snack or lunch time. Kerry has her students practice each procedure at least at least eight times. She actually moves the kids around the room after snack time eight times and has them sit on the floor at the back sink and near the cloakroom where the garbage and juice box containers are located in order to have students experience the procedures that she wants them to follow.

She does the same for … >>>

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A Better Approach than Rewarding

On July 11, 2008 / Learning

The following is from a post at the mailring.

QUESTION:
I’m being encouraged by my principal and special education department to use behavior charts and rewards to get students to behave more responsibly. Their argument is that these kids are still on the “concrete” level and must be treated like preschoolers. I’m supposed to be on them all the time until their behavior is automatic.

RESPONSE:
I can see why you are uncomfortable with carrying out the suggestions of your principal and special education experts. They’re asking you to control your students through manipulation—and in effect, be responsible for their behaviour. This is a very stressful way to approach classroom discipline because it is actually impossible to make someone else … >>>

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Improving Relationships Question

On July 10, 2008 / Relationships

Here is a simple but highly effective idea to improve relationships:

Periodically ask yourself, “Am I a joy to be around?”… >>>

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Tell What You Want—Not What You Don’t

On July 9, 2008 / Effectiveness

We often want to assist people by telling them what to avoid. Upon analysis, you will discover that so often when you tell a person what to avoid, the opposite results. The reason is that the brain does not envision "don't" or any other negative-type word. The brain envisions pictures, illusions, visions, and images.

Here is an example: Don't think of the color blue. What color did your brain envision?

Here is another example:
Think of any house pet—except a little white kitten with a bright red bow around its neck.

The park sign, "Don't walk on the grass" is less effective than "Please use walkways."

The teacher who tells the student not to look at his neighbor's paper is … >>>

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Emotions and Learning

On July 4, 2008 / Learning

Among many questions asked during my school presentations around the world, one in particular prompted me to really reflect. The question was, “What is it that makes your approach so successful?” My response was that I think of how the brain and body are so interrelated that one affects the other. Therefore, I think of how the brain and body react whenever I communicate.

For example, if I compliment you, a good feeling is prompted. In contrast, if I tell you to do something, or criticize you, or blame you for something, then a negative feeling ensues. The mind first processes information (external stimuli); then emotion kicks in. But we oftentimes do not act on cognition; it’s emotion that prompts … >>>

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The Teen-Age Brain and Peer Pressure

On July 3, 2008 / Discipline

This topic of the teen-age brain has been an interesting one to me since so much of what I have read suggests that the development of teenagers’ brains is somewhat “arrested” and that this may be the cause of so much of their behavior.

It has been said that it is easier for adults—in contrast to teenagers—to suppress bad responses to peer influence. Adults are better able to keep themselves doing what is appropriate, rather than subscribing to temptation.

“Discipline without Stress” teaches (a) a hierarchy so young people understand the differences between internal motivation and external motivation—and to be cautious about negative peer influences (b) impulse management—the necessity for having a procedure to redirect impulses and temptations, and (c) … >>>

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Discipline Without Stress—The Book

On July 2, 2008 / Discipline

Thank you for your book! It so nicely synthesizes what we know about “best practice” teaching and classroom management. I love the framework and the language that you use. Since discovering your book, many people on our staff have been doing a book study and plan on implementing your system in our classrooms.

I used much of the system last year and it was my best year of teaching ever!

I am not great at “posing” questions yet, but, “You cannot learn a skill and be perfect at the same time.”

Thanks for writing that!

Sonya Overman
Chamberlain Elementary School
Northern Indiana

Sample chapters from the book are online at the book.… >>>

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