Success isn’t always about winning. This is a very important point for parents to understand. A woman having lunch at a small cafe was seated next to a family celebrating their son’s basketball game. Their conversation was so lively that the woman joined in. “You must have been on the winning team,” she said. The kid grinned from ear to ear. “No, we lost by 20 points. The other team had a killer defense. We were only able to make one basket.” Did YOU make the basket?” she asked. With his mouth filled with cake and ice cream, the boy shook his head “no.” His father reached across the table to give him a high five. His mother hugged him
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Parents and teachers have a responsibility to promote appropriate behavior. Promoting responsibility is more than a one time occurrence. A rich woman walked up to the golf pro at an expensive resort and said, “I’d like for you to teach my friend here how to play golf.” “Fine,” said the pro, “but how about you?” “Oh, I learned yesterday!” she replied. I share this rather humorous story to illustrate that learning to promote responsibility is something like learning to play golf. You can’t master it all in one day. But I can tell you that, like golf, prompting people to act responsibly by asking reflective questions is a skill you can learn. As with any skill, the more you practice
READ MORE >>> →I received the following correspondence: I am a music teacher. Last year, I came to a point where I was ready to quit—not just threaten—but actually quit teaching after 18 years. That’s when I ran across your book, and it saved my career as well as my life! I immediately went back the next day to my classroom and implemented the process. WOW! What a difference for me and the students. I no longer have to be a “gritchy” person! I love and live what you have shared in your book “Discipline Without Stress” and it has definitely reduced stresses in my classroom. Also, my students are becoming self-reliant, internally motivated, and responsible. I’ve used it, I’m using it, I
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 10 Number 12
#3 Optimism and effectiveness
#5 Eric Jensen on promoting learning
#7 Discipline problem with unnecessarily using Kleenex
In this season of gratitude and giving, I would like to share one of the many joys I received. (Warning: It may be odoriferous.) On the second day of using Raise Responsibility System, a miracle happened. The student who had driven me crazy all year chose to take a time out for reflection at his desk (instead of outside in the hall) after he farted five times in less than ten minutes during story time on the rug. Farting at will is one of his special talents. I explained that if he chose to sit at his desk, he would still have to allow the rest of us to concentrate. He agreed. When after two minutes he began belching loudly,
READ MORE >>> →REDUCING PERFECTIONISM (Conclusion) Have the student choose two activities and anticipate the length of time he anticipates each activity will take. Then, set a timer. Let him know that he has enough control over himself to stop the first activity and start on the second. When the anticipated time for the first activity has expired, have him start on the second. At the end of the allotted time for the second activity, have him visit the first activity and determine how much more time still would be necessary for it to be of QUALITY work. The process is repeated for the other activity. Next assignment: Have him outline a typical day in 15 minute blocks. After reviewing it, make the
READ MORE >>> →REDUCING PERFECTIONISM (Continued) Give the student an assignment. Have him explain the following aphorism, “You cannot be perfect and learn at the same time.” A few examples may help. (1) Have him assume that he is playing the piano and makes a false note. Ask him if he will conclude that he has no musical talent? (2) Have him assume he is playing baseball and strikes out. Ask him if he will assume that he has no athletic skills? (3) Have him assume that he misspells a word on a spelling test. Ask him if he will assume he has no writing skills? Let him know that PERFECTIONISM is a burden no one is strong enough to carry without permanent
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I stumbled upon an article entitled, “Reducing Perfectionism,” and it was enlightening. I am a principal of two rural buildings and I often direct my teachers to articles and readings that will promote success in the classroom. I was wondering if you had any ideas or strategies for a child we would like to help. His teacher is frustrated because he takes so very long to complete his work. He is very neat, precise and there is no issue with his learning. He is successful, but his tendency is to be perfect. It must look right, by his perception, before moving on; it’s this moving on that we need to trigger. I am open to any strategies that may
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I’d appreciate your advice on handling a few children who persist in behaving at Level B, even after I have “checked for understanding” and have proceeded with “guided choices.” Today I told one of my students who hit another child, “I want you to stay in our classroom, but if you act on Level B again, you are telling me that you want to keep on making your own rules for the class.” RESPONSE: Next time, ASK the student if he would like to stay in the classroom. Then ASK him on what level he would need to behave to remain in the class. Follow this up by ASKING him what he will do when he gets the same
READ MORE >>> →In August 1986, Lee Iacocca, then President of Chrysler, addressed the company’s car dealers at their annual convention held that year in Atlantic City, NJ. Iacocca’s message was to tell his dealers how they could increase their business in the next year. To succeed, he said, “All you have to do is memorize four words. Here they are: ‘Make someone like you.’” Jim Cathcart’s book, “Relationship Selling,” was a forerunner and still a best seller on the importance of this concept. You see, even the slowest salesperson realizes that you can’t make the customer angry and sell him something at the same time. Here are some questions to ponder in your relationships with others: If I were a child, would
READ MORE >>> →The following is one of my favorite stories in my parenting book in the chapter describing the practice of positivity. Andrew Carnegie, the first great industrialist in America, at one point had 43 millionaires working for him. A reporter asked him how he hired all of those millionaires. His answer was that none of them were millionaires when he hired them. The reporter inquired, “Then what did you do to develop them so they became millionaires?” Carnegie responded that you develop people the same way you mine gold. He said, “You go into a gold mine and you expect to remove tons of dirt to find an ounce of gold. But you don’t go into the mine looking for the
READ MORE >>> →The old story told of a banker who often dropped a coin in a beggar’s cup bears repeating. Unlike most people, the banker would insist on getting one of the pencils the beggar had with him. The banker would say, “You are a merchant, and I always expect to receive good value from the merchants with whom I do business.” That daily routine went on for some time, but one day the poor street beggar was gone. Time passed, and the banker forgot about him. Years later the banker walked by a little store, and there was the former beggar, now a shopkeeper. The shopkeeper said, “I always hoped you might come by some day. You are largely responsible for
READ MORE >>> →In our shrinking world of globalization and problems associated with different languages, the European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications—rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English. In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c.” Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replased with “k.” Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I hope you can help me with my strong-willed daughter. She is very bright and got herself into some difficulties by not wanting to obey her first grade teacher. RESPONSE: Explain to the teacher that your daughter is extremely independent and that the teacher will have more success—and reduce stress on everyone’s part—if the teacher aims at EMPOWERING your daughter, instead of overpowering her in attempts to get her to obey. Encourage the teacher to talk in positive terms and use a phrase such as, “I know you can do this because I have seen how capable you are.” If you daughter is empowered, obedience will follow as a natural by-product.
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 10 Number 11
#3 Increasing effectiveness by creative collaboration
#6 A mom’s parenting advice
#7 Discipline Without Stress from a primary teacher
QUESTION: Marv, the counselors at my school have requested time at their counselors meeting next month to present something about your Raise Responsibility System. They have been in my presentations and are implementing it this year in their counseling sessions with the classes. They are VERY excited about it and have already realized success. They are meeting with me to discuss their presentation. I have requested that they wait until I have contacted you to find out what you want presented. I explained that I had received permission to present here in our school. However, I do not think it is fair to you for them to try to teach what they are doing with it in their classrooms unless
READ MORE >>> →Parents and others working with young people may want to consider the willow tree. The willow tree bends with the wind; it is flexible and flowing. The oak tree is rigid, hard, stiff, and inflexible. During a storm, the willow stays intact while the oak looses branches. This is an important concept in life—especially regarding relationships. Being rigid and inflexible seldom brings about optimal results for all concerned.
READ MORE >>> →The late Norman Vincent Peale once said, “There is only one group of people who do not have problems, and they are all dead. Problems are a sign of life, so the more problems you have, the more alive you are.” Although a tongue-in-cheek philosophy of life, there is some truth to this pronouncement. Some people have relationship problems, others financial, some career, others health, some social, others business. No one is immune to problems in life. Problems are not positive or negative. In a sense they are neutral depending upon how you choose to see them and your responses to them. Epictetus made the point more than 2,000 years ago: “People are disturbed not by events but by their
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