QUESTION: This is an embarrassing situation for me. I have a strange problem with my son that I have never heard about before. He is fifteen years old and has been stealing my clothes or his sister’s clothing and cutting them up into little pieces with scissors or cutting our underwear into a thong. We have had him seeing a psychiatric therapist for over a year, with no resolution to this problem. He seems to do this without any warning or reason. I can’t link it to anger at us, although he may just not be expressing his anger. It seems like an act of anger. He doesn’t talk or express his emotions much at all. I have required him to earn the money to buy us new clothing
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When I gave a keynote in Montana I referred to one of its native sons, Buck Brannaman. He was the horse trainer who advised and worked with Robert Redford on the film, "The Horse Whisperer." Brannaman trained Redford and first doubled for him in the critical scene when the horse was gently taken to the ground so that the teenager could (if she would) mount the horse. Brannaman is one of the more enlightened trainers who has discovered that training with noncoercive approaches is significantly less stressful and more effective than using coercive approaches. The following is a thought from Brannaman's 2001 book, "Faraway Horses" (pp. 37-38): "Did you ever wonder how a mare can get her colt to follow
READ MORE >>> →Do you compare crayons? Comparing is such a natural activity that we become a victim of its effects. Every time you compare yourself with another and think lesser of yourself, you fall into the abyss of a useless activity. Your feelings fall with you, and you have gained nothing. On the other hand, the opposite occurs when you feel better because you think you are better than the other person. Your feelings soar. But to what avail? Does it add to your humanity to know that you are "better" than someone else? We may never break the "comparing" habit, but a start would be to put some money in a jar every time you compare yourself with someone. You may
READ MORE >>> →Living is an art, and we have a responsibility to enjoy it. Living is an art, and we have a responsibility to enjoy it. An artist cannot be continually wielding the paintbrush. The painter must stop at times to freshen the vision of the object, the meaning of which the artist wishes to express on the canvas. Living is also an art. We dare not become so absorbed in its technical process that we lose our consciousness of its general plan. We should pause every so often in our brushwork to reflect and refresh our vision. Having done so, we will take ourselves back to our objective with clarified vision and renewed energy. An artist cannot be continually wielding the
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I am starting to present the social development hierarchy to my students. I have used “behavior plans” in the past, but they have only promoted “sneaky” behaviors. I hope to instill “proper” behavior by the students. They are reluctant thus far. Are there any pointers to help the reluctant student? QUESTION I teach Special Ed in an elementary school. I am starting to present the social development hierarchy to my students. I have used “behavior plans” in the past, but they have only promoted “sneaky” behaviors. I hope to instill “proper” behavior by the students. They are reluctant thus far. Are there any pointers to help the reluctant student? RESPONSE: Let the students know that they are victims when they act on their impulses–that
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: Why is change so difficult? RESPONSE: Change is not difficult; it just feels difficult because it is different from what we are accustomed to doing. QUESTION: Why is change so difficult? RESPONSE Change is not difficult; it just feels difficult because it is different from what we are accustomed to doing. Here’s proof. Fold your arms. Now fold them in the opposite manner. Feel funny? That’s because you are not accustomed to it. We do things because it “feels right”–regardless of how unsatisfactory or unsuccessful it is. Anything new will feel a little funny or awkward. You need to practice it a minimum of seven times before the brain makes new neural connections so it “feels right.” Fold your arms
READ MORE >>> →Temper is what gets us into trouble. Temper is what gets us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there. Pride is what keeps us there.
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 9 Number 12
#4 Being authentic and relationships
#6 Parenting and desires vs. needs
#7 Discipline and consistency
If you truly want to manage your time effectively, stop thinking in terms of amount and start thinking in terms of priority. If you truly want to manage your time effectively, stop thinking in terms of amount and start thinking in terms of priority. Divide priorities into musts and wants. Ensure that you have ample time for the musts, then fill in the wants as needed, and ignore everything that isn’t on the priority list–unless you have still more time left over. If not doing your wants creates problems, they will become priorities. If not doing them doesn’t matter, they will disappear. And if all of your musts are work-related, throw out the list and start again. Divide priorities into musts
READ MORE >>> →We have a moral responsibility to be happy. We have a moral responsibility to be happy. We owe it to our wife, husband or partner; our fellow workers; our children; our friends–indeed to anyone who comes into our lives. If for no other reason, people act more decently when they are happy. If we equate happiness with success, we will never achieve the amount of success necessary to make us happy. There is always more success than we can achieve. As long as what we do is JOYFUL and MEANINGFUL, happiness will ensue. Neither is money the cause of happiness. Some unhappy poor people have the illusion that money will make them happy. (Unhappy rich people donít even have that.)
READ MORE >>> →“This is an important, highly readable book for beginning teachers struggling to find techniques that work—as well as for experienced teachers and administrators tired of maladaptive educational practices. Coupling solid research with countless practical examples, Dr. Marshall has made a valuable contribution to the literature. I highly recommend this book for everyone’s professional library.” “This is an important, highly readable book for beginning teachers struggling to find techniques that work—as well as for experienced teachers and administrators tired of maladaptive educational practices. Coupling solid research with countless practical examples, Dr. Marshall has made a valuable contribution to the literature. I highly recommend this book for everyone’s professional library.” Larry Litwack, Ed.D., Professor Counseling and Applied Educational Psychology Northeastern University Editor-in-Chief International Journal of Reality Therapy A
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION:| I am returning to teaching after a 30-year absence and find that CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT is my biggest challenge. Typical high school behaviors I have experienced include LACK OF INTEREST, MANIPULATION, INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, and DISREGARD FOR RULES. QUESTION I am returning to teaching after a 30-year absence and find that CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT is once again my biggest challenge. Typical high school behaviors I have experienced include LACK OF INTEREST, MANIPULATION, INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, and DISREGARD FOR RULES. I recently attempted to implement the Raise Responsibility System in my substitute teaching assignments and have experienced some degree of success. Students seem to be somewhat dumbfounded when I explain the behavior levels and start to quiet down and get busy soon after I begin the first
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: QUESTION: I viewed your website and agree totally with your ideas. However, in order for your ABCD model to work, would it not require compliance throughout the hierarchy? RESPONSE I don't think you would want people to comply to anarchy or bossing others. Also, you can only operate on one level at a time–although we operate at different levels at different times. Complying to directions is natural and acceptable. parents teach youngster to say, "Thank you," other cultural amenities, and manners. These are not "intrinsic." They need to be taught and learned. This is the prime reason why I refer to "internal" motivation, rather than "intrinsic" motivation. All young people are on level C as they grow. At a
READ MORE >>> →Here are five suggestions for improving relationships—with others as well as with yourself. Here are five suggestions for improving relationships–with others as well as with yourself. First, give affirmations. A simple acknowledgement can have dramatic results. This is especially important with young people. They want to assert their independence and autonomy. Just acknowledging that you have heard their point of view–regardless of agreement–can have a profound effect on how your growing young one feels about the relationship. Second, use quality listening time. Quality time is quality-driven, not necessarily quantity-driven. Simply give your full attention to the person speaking. By using eye contact, a nod now and then, and occasionally interjecting a clarification communicates that you are “with” the person–that you are
READ MORE >>> →I share with you the greatest two-word tip of all time. I share with you the greatest two-word tip of all time. These two words are the single, best advice in improving your effectiveness in any endeavor. I encourage you to write these two words down and perhaps tape them to your bathroom mirror so you will look at them every morning as you begin your day. These two words can enhance your career and bring more satisfaction and joy to your life. They can literally change your life. If you are a classroom teacher, use the two words with your students. If you are in an educational or leadership position, use these two words to prompt improvement in others.
READ MORE >>> →Until the 1960’s, school books were replete with vocabulary words like integrity, industry, work, perseverance, self-reliance, self-examination, honesty, character, and responsibility. There was glorification of hard work and an emphasis on education and self-discipline. Many of our founding fathers wrote down principles which directed their thoughts and actions. Among the best known of these people were Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson. The vocabulary words noted above were the basis of many of the principles found in these people’s journals. To the chagrin of many of us who want to retain high standards of civility, it is very common to hear expletives and formerly unacceptable four-letter words used in daily conversations. Not long ago, I was talking with a group of students who brought up the topic of
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: QUESTION I have heard you say that not knowing a consequence is more effective than telling a student what the consequence is. How is that since we are required to post consequences for inappropriate classroom behavior? RESPONSE When the concept of posting consequences was first introduced, I was an assistant principal of a high school of 3,200 students. My experiences at that suburban school, as well as my counseling and administrative experience in urban schools in Los Angeles, prompted the thought–which I still believe: When dealing with inappropriate behavior, not knowing is more powerful and effective than knowing. When someone knows a consequence for an inappropriate behavior, the risk is reduced. But when the person does not know the
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: Dear Dr Marshall, I am mother of two young children (age 3 and 2). I just finished reading the second chapter of your book about motivating. How can I apply the theories for young children? I think without giving rewards and punishments it is hard to make them learn appropriate/inappropriate behavior. Is it too abstract for a preschooler to understand internal motivation? RESPONSE: Yes, your children are too young to understand the concept of internal motivation. However, you can teach them appropriate behavior without using rewards or punishments. Here are a few techniques: 1. When the child does something that is not appropriate, lightly touch a wrist and move your head sideways (in a "no" "no" motion). Persevere. You
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