People do not argue with their own statements, and once a statement is made there is a natural desire to defend it. Here is a simple question for opening the gate to have the person reconsider: “If I share with you a better approach to achieve your objective, would you be willing to change your mind? Additional effective questions are outlined in the book that you can link to from my website.
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QUESTION: I have a problem. My entire school district has been requested to update our classroom discipline plans for review by the new superintendent before the end of August. My principal knows how I feel about the punitive discipline approach used across our district. Last year he allowed me leeway––I didn’t have to post rules, consequences, rewards. However, with this latest pressure, he told me that I will have to comply with the new superintendent’s wishes. I am wondering if there’s any way of making DWS “look” like a conventional discipline plan without “being” a conventional plan! RESPONSE: Well, it’s tough to take two opposite approaches and make one look like the other, BUT––survival seems key in a case like
READ MORE >>> →Just as young children don’t want to be carried while they are learning to walk, adolescents don’t want adults making decisions for them. The only way we can learn to walk is to practice walking. Similarly, the only way to assist maturation for responsible behavior is to practice decision-making. Each time you make a decision for another person, you deprive that person of an opportunity for maturity and responsibility. More about promoting responsibility can be downloaded at the site MarvinMarshall.com.
READ MORE >>> →Last week I spent an evening with Teresa, an old friend of mine who just happens to be a fabulous grade six teacher at a nearby school. As it always does, our talk eventually turned to two of our favorite subjects––teaching and whatever good books we’ve read lately! One thing I always admire about this friend is her ability to take an idea and run with it in the classroom. She inspires, elevates and motivates her students! Teresa often bases interesting lessons for her grade sixes on some little item she’s found in the newspaper, something she’s heard on a radio talk show or something that comes from a good book she is reading herself. She has a knack for
READ MORE >>> →In our second year of working with Discipline without Stress my teaching partner and I had a student with special needs. Chronologically he was old enough to be in grade three but emotionally and cognitively, grade one was a much better placement for him. Here is one experience with this boy that taught me a lot! **************************************************************************** This past Monday morning when it was time to go to the gym for our regular Monday morning assembly, Casey had a photograph that a parent must have given him outside; likely it was a snapshot of a birthday party that he had attended recently. Being focused on the urgency I felt about getting to the assembly on time, I didn’t notice how
READ MORE >>> →“Parenting Without Stress – How to Raise Responsible Kids While Keeping a Life of Your Own” is an award-winning book that is worth viewing at Piper Press.
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 9 Number 7
#4 The “Talking Stick”
#5 A story about collaboration
#6 An experience with 3rd graders
I recently came across a book from the public library and thought that I’d pass along the title for those who enjoy reading about Level D! The book is called “Everyday Greatness–Inspiration for a Meaningful Life.” It’s actually a book of excerpts from Reader’s Digest that have been organized into various themes. The Table of Contents looks like a list of virtues. In each theme there is commentary by Stephen Covey and then some related quotes. I find that I can more easily motivate my students when I feel motivated myself! Reading stories about individuals who have acted from a place of internal motivation encourages me to think deeply about the value of such behavior. In turn, this inspires me
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: Today was my first time using DWS in the classroom. I found it extremely difficult to break the habit of praising kids! I want to encourage rather than praise, but it just seems that praising is second nature to me. RESPONSE: When first trying DWS in the classroom there’s much to think about––so don’t be too hard on yourself! Remember Dr. Marshall’s advice: Implement now, perfect later! Just do your best and as you go along keep reflecting on things you would like to improve or change. You’re already doing this! Step by step, you’ll start to move in the direction of your goals. Don’t worry too much about the praise issue in these early days with DWS.
READ MORE >>> →Here are some additional ideas from Kerry of British Columbia. Note: More of Kerry’s and other posts have been categorized by her at Discipline Answers. As part of your sessions you could do some role playing. Students love drama activities. You could also read and discuss stories, identifying levels the characters play. Here are a few messages from the Discipline Without Stress mailring Archives that might give you some ideas: Messages #82, #559, #586 and #1179. Although most of the these posts are examples from the primary grades, they might spark an idea for how to use books at other grade levels, too. Members of the Discipline Without Stress mailring who teach middle school have said that even teenagers enjoy
READ MORE >>> →Kerry of British Columbia shows how to use the the Levels of Development. Discussions held with individuals can also be held with entire classes of students. By referring to the levels of development, you can help kids understand the difference between pseudo-self-esteem (an over-inflated ego!) and true self-esteem. Often it’s the person with the over-inflated ego who causes disruptions in the classroom, and so these kinds of discussions are particularly valuable. Once youngsters can recognize their own behaviour as “show-offish” (as opposed to clever), they can become inspired to use the hierarchy to help themselves build true feelings of confidence and competence. In other words, you can teach children that their level of behaviour is a CHOICE they continually make
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I am very interested in using this system in counseling students individually and in classroom guidance. My question is: Will the system work, even though I only see the students for 30 minutes every other week, and even if the classroom teacher is not using the system? From your experience are there any hints or suggestions to make the system work in this situation? RESPONSE (by Kerry): You’re in a great position to teach and use the RRSystem! It can certainly be used effectively in both situations you mention: –with the students you see on an individual basis and –as part of your classroom guidance lessons. With students you see individually, begin by teaching the hierarchy in the book,
READ MORE >>> →Jim wrote me the following regarding his teaching: I am a returning math teacher who has worked in business most of my life. Had a tough time teaching last year. Thought I could just teach the subject and didn’t give any thought to managing the classroom. Got a rude awakening. I figure if I can guide the students into being courteous to one another, we can then have meaningful conversations about math. One of the best ways to learn math is to express it in English. The suggestion I gave Jim is the one I gave to high school teachers in Georgia using math as an example. I suggested they start each lesson by giving students a problem. Grappling with
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 9 Number 6
#2 Suggestion for parents
#3 Focus on behaviors vs. goals
#5 The “Dot”
If someone interrupts you while you are working on something and have that mental momentum where you are in a state of flow, take just a moment to write down some key words that later will bring you back to your thought. If the interruption is at a lower priority than what you are engaged in, here is how to diplomatically deflect the interruption without hurting the other person’s feelings. It is a four-step process. Start with “I WANT TO . . . .” (1st part) I want to talk with you about it. “AND I NEED TO . . . . ” ( 2nd part) And I need to finish this before I do anything else. Ask a question.
READ MORE >>> →Admired people have others feel important. When you interact with someone—whether for 30 seconds or for 30 minutes—the test is, “When the person walks away, does that person feel better or worse?” If you see the person walking away feeling down or depressed, walk after the person and ask, “How about trying that again so that you feel better than when we started the conversation?” The conclusion is inescapable. When we work with others who prompt positive feelings, our spirits are raised—and so is our motivation.
READ MORE >>> →A mother of a young boy shared with me her frustration. One of her sons was constantly getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment she wanted to maintain during meal time. I suggested that she think of the EXACT OPPOSITE of what her son was doing. I then suggested that she put her son in charge of that responsibility. The conversation would go something like this: “Jay, I need your help. I want you to be in charge of having all members of the family remain seated during dinner.” ——– Here, then, is the two-step process: (1) Put the person in charge of the opposite of what the person is doing. (2) Articulate what you want
READ MORE >>> →You can view parts of "DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS® PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS: HOW TEACHERS and parentS PROMOTE RESPONSIBILITY and LEARNING" online at Amazon's "Search Inside." Here is how to do it. On Amazon's home page, in the SEARCH box on the left side, ENTER: Marvin Marshall. Then click on "Go." When the book appears, click on the book cover or the title. When the book is in view, click on "LOOK INSIDE." You can navigate these pages by using the left or right ARROWS in the MIDDLE of each page—or by using the "Previous Page" or "Next Page" links on the top and bottom of the pages. Notice the number of five (5) star reviews.
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