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Choose Your Response During Stressful Situations

On December 27, 2016   /   Blog, Stress Management  

Stressful situations are bound to happen. But no matter what occurs, you can always choose your response. Consider this true story.

I was comfortably seated in an airplane ready for take-off on a flight to California. I had just started reading my book when the pilot announced a two-hour delay. Los Angeles International Airport was fogged in.

After a few minutes of additional reading, I looked up from my book. I was one of the few passengers who had not deplaned. Even with a good read, adding two hours to the flight seemed a little long to remain seated. I left my materials in the overhead storage compartment and returned to the airport terminal.

After a half-hour of strolling and … >>>

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Improve Your Listening Skills to Reduce Stress

On December 22, 2016   /   Blog, Stress Management  

How developed are your listening skills? Without good listening skills, you could be making your life much more difficult. The fact is that so much stress occurs when people don’t listen to each other. Listening—really listening—to others can improve relationships and make life much more enjoyable. To make this happen, though, you need to engage in true listening, or what I call “empathic listening.”

When it comes to listening, “active listening” is a term with which most are familiar. It means constructively engaging in the act of interpretation while capturing the information being presented. Stephen R. Covey in his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, points out that most often we do not listen with the … >>>

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Top Traits of Good Parents

On December 20, 2016   /   Blog, Parenting  

A few years ago I read an article about the top traits of good parents. Even though it’s been several years since the article’s publication, the information is timeless and I wanted to share it once again.

The following is from “WHAT MAKES A GOOD PARENT? A scientific analysis ranks the 10 most effective child-rearing practices” by Robert Epstein, Scientific American Mind, November/December 2010, pp. 46-51

The Top Traits of Good Parents

Here are 10 competencies that predict good parenting outcomes, listed roughly in order from most to least important. The skills—all derived from published studies—were ranked based on how well they predict a strong parent-child bond and children’s happiness, health, and success.

  1. LOVE AND AFFECTION. You support and accept
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How to Resolve Conflict

On December 15, 2016   /   Blog, Stress Management  

Wouldn’t you love an easy way to resolve conflict with others? The fact is that disagreement between people is bound to happen. And disagreement causes so much stress! We see it happen every day, especially on social media. Whether it’s online, in the news, or while conversing with a friend, whenever someone expresses a viewpoint that is different from our own, arguments and stress often occur.

But why?

Why is a differing opinion so stressful? Why do many people insist that everyone think like they do? Why should a difference of opinion cause stress? Why is it so hard to resolve conflict?

Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to these questions. And even if I did, I’m sure some people … >>>

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Classroom Procedures Improve Student Behavior

On December 13, 2016   /   Blog, Classroom Management  

Most teachers know that classroom procedures improve student behavior. Unfortunately, many teachers forget to implement them. Recently a teacher asked me for advice regarding seven students who repeatedly disrupted the class. These students would continuously get up for unnecessary tissues. It was almost like a game to them—to see who could get up the most times to retrieve as many tissues as possible.

For situations like this, there are three basic principles of the Discipline Without Stress methodology to follow.

1) You’ll get better results if you approach everything from a POSITIVE point of view, even when the situation itself might be negative.

2) In this approach, the students are asked to take responsibility. Rather than telling young people what … >>>

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Optimistic vs Pessimistic – Which are You?

On December 8, 2016   /   Blog, Stress Management  

Optimistic vs pessimistic – Which are you? While it’s natural for everyone to flip flop and take on either of two roles during key points in life, chances are there is one side you lean to more than the other. Hopefully it’s that of an optimist!

Optimists are more than just positive people. They are also healthier! Research shows that being an optimist is associated with a healthier immune system and an ability to better cope with physical pain. Other studies have connected a positive attitude to a quicker recovery from heart surgery and a reduced likelihood of re-hospitalization, as well as to a superior ability to handle the emotional upheaval of life-threatening illnesses like cancer.

Optimistic vs Pessimistic –

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The Importance of Friendship

On December 6, 2016   /   Blog, Stress Management  

The importance of friendship cannot be overstated. Having strong relationships with others (aka: friends) is vital to maintaining good health. In fact, according to health researchers, friends are good for your health because they:

  • Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
  • Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
  • Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
  • Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
  • Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise

As if those findings aren’t enough to highlight the importance of friendships, research further finds that adults who develop strong friendships have a lower risk of health problems, including depression, high … >>>

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Get Students to Do Homework

On December 1, 2016   /   Blog, Classroom Management, Learning  

How do you get students to do homework? That’s one of the most common questions I receive from teachers and parents alike.

Recently a 4th-grade teacher contacted me. He said that he was having a tough time getting his students to complete their homework. He believed in the Discipline Without Stress methodology and didn’t want to go back to the old way, where he would deduct points from the students’ overall grade if they failed to turn in homework (which was what his colleagues were urging him to do). This smart teacher knew there had to be a better way to get his students to do homework. But what?

How to Get Kids to Do Homework

I told him to … >>>

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Dealing with a Troubled Teen

On November 29, 2016   /   Blog, Discipline Help  

We’ve all seen or interacted with a troubled teen. They’re rebellious, defiant, and even rude in some cases. They certainly challenge parents and teachers who want what’s best for them yet are tired of dealing with them.

A parent wrote to me about her 15-year-old daughter. She said that her troubled teen was determined to boycott any parenting techniques the parents tried to employ, including suggestions from the Parenting Without Stress book.

According to the parent, the daughter asserted that she was moving out as soon as she turned 18. The parent also commented that the daughter usually made good choices on the big decisions, but was miserable to live with on a daily basis, especially when stressed. The … >>>

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One of the Most Effective Teaching Methods

On November 24, 2016   /   Blog, Learning  

Effective teaching methods aren’t just for teachers. They’re for anyone who needs to transfer information or knowledge to another person.

Teaching someone (whether old or young) new information can be a challenge. Have you ever tried explaining something to someone and felt like you must be speaking a different language? Perhaps the person was obviously confused or had a blank stare on their face. What can you do to make transferring information and knowledge easier?

The message of modern memory research is that the brain is wired to recognize and organize CONNECTIONS and that rote memorizing is usually ineffective. In other words, people are more likely to retain new information when they can relate it to what they already know.… >>>

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Negative Effects of Stress

On November 22, 2016   /   Blog, Stress Management  

There are many negative effects of stress. Stress makes us feel bad all over. It increases irritability and everyday activities become chores. We begin avoiding our usual activities—even things we enjoy. Stress also prompts us to make unsound, unwise decisions, including those that directly affect our finances and our jobs. It impinges on our appetites, having us feel like either eating too much or not enough. Sometimes we even begin to neglect our physical appearance.

Clearly, the effects of stress on the mind and body are numerous. Unfortunately, adults aren’t the only ones who experience stress. Children feel stress too.

Since stress can powerfully affect learning, you can predict that children living in high-anxiety households would not perform as well … >>>

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The Quest for Perfection

On November 17, 2016   /   Blog, Learning  

Striving for perfection has plagued many people. Recently a parent wrote to me the following: “My oldest son is very good at math but resistant to practicing his language arts. The source of his problem seems to be that he feels he is not ‘the best’ or ‘perfect’ in this area. I explained to him that he needed to allow himself to learn using an example of how I would need to learn if I wanted to fly an airplane. While I will continue these efforts at home, I would like to also send him to a tutor who employs your techniques. Do you have a list of tutors or teachers who use your methods?”

My Response about Perfection

I … >>>

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Learning and Memory

On November 15, 2016   /   Blog, Learning  

Learning and memory are acutely intertwined. When you’re trying to learn new information, think in terms of mastering small chunks rather than an entire course or concept. Why? Because the typical human brain can hold only about seven pieces of information (in contrast to experiences) for less than 30 seconds. If you need to remember information for longer than a few minutes or even a few hours, you will need to continually re-expose yourself to it. That’s simply how learning and memory work.

Neuroscientists refer to this as “maintenance rehearsal.” This is a form of remembering information that involves focusing on an object without thought to its meaning or its association with other objects. For example, when you repeat a … >>>

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Tips for Positive Classroom Management

On November 10, 2016   /   Blog, Classroom Management  

Classroom management strategies exist in every school around the world. I’ve had the pleasure of presenting my Discipline Without Stress methodology to teachers in many different countries. In my travels, I’ve noticed some key differences between how teachers in the U.S. tend to look at classroom management compared to those in other countries.

First, I’ve found that teachers in many other countries have more time to spend with each other in lesson planning. As a result, they focus on motivation and ways to have students WANT to put forth effort in learning. In contrast, teachers in the U.S. have very little employment time to plan lessons. They focus on what they (or the government) deem important to teach, and they … >>>

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Create a Positive Classroom Environment

On November 8, 2016   /   Blog, Classroom Management  

The classroom environment you create plays a large part in student success. It also dictates how stressful your teaching career will be.

I have been advocating for a more positive approach toward classroom management for quite awhile. What led me in this direction was that when I returned to the classroom after 24 years in counseling and administration, I realized that I was coming to school every day wearing a blue uniform and copper buttons. I had become a cop, which is not the reason I had returned to the classroom. Reflecting on how negative I was becoming, I searched for a new approach to create a positive classroom environment.

A Better Approach to the Classroom Environment

I knew there … >>>

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How to Help Struggling Students

On November 3, 2016   /   Blog, Learning  

Many teachers wonder what is the best way to help struggling students. These same teachers reveal that they often have to re-teach information to students. Doing so can be time-consuming and frustrating. Fortunately, there is a better way. It’s called pre-teaching.

Pre-teaching is often more effective and positive than re-teaching, and it is one of the best ways to help struggling students. This approach requires a shift in thinking and some pre-planning, but it does not necessarily require any more time than would be spent to help a less capable student who has not learned the material.

Pre-Teach to Help Struggling Students

We all know that no two students are alike. Some learn concepts very quickly, while others require more … >>>

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Tips for Effective Parenting

On November 1, 2016   /   Blog, Parenting  

One of the keys to effective parenting is to know the difference between implicit and explicit modeling and how you do both each day. The fact is that parents are the first teachers. Parents are always modeling how to behave.

Effective Parenting is All About Modeling

Modeling is accomplished two ways. The first way is EXPLICITLY. The second way is IMPLICITLY. Here is the difference:

Explicit modeling is directed by what you actually say and do, as in always saying “thank you” and urging the young person to do the same.

Implicit modeling is indirect and learned without intentions.

The following examples from the book Parenting Without Stress demonstrate the difference between explicit and implicit modeling.

  1. Tickets for a movie
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Classroom Procedures are Better than Rules

On October 27, 2016   /   Blog, Classroom Management  

Practicing classroom procedures is better than doling out punishment. Often, what a teacher or parent refers to as a rule is really a procedure. For proof of this, we need look no further than to one of the first rules primary students are given. They are taught the classroom rule of raising one’s hand to be recognized by the teacher before speaking out.

The same rule is taught year after year. I have even seen this rule posted in eighth-grade classrooms! Simply reminding students that this is a classroom procedure, rather than a rule, places the teacher in the position of a coach and eliminates an enforcement mentality.

We too often assume that children know what we know and what … >>>

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