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STRESS MANAGEMENT for Living, Teaching, & Parenting

Posts Tagged reflective questions

Make Time for Self-Reflection

On July 15, 2021 / Effectiveness

Do you schedule self-reflection time into your day? Most people do not. However, if you want to reduce your stress, increases your focus, and develop the mindset to create your ideal life, making time for self-reflection is key.

Think of living your life like an artist painting a picture. An artist cannot be continually wielding the paintbrush. The painter must stop at times to step back, reflect on their work, and freshen their vision of the painting. Without this crucial step, the artist will never be able to express their full vision on the canvas.

In this way, living is also an art. We can’t become so absorbed in life’s technical process—the day-to-day tasks—that we lose sight of our general … >>>

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The Best Way to Help Students Succeed

On February 4, 2021 / Responsibility

All teachers and parents want to help students succeed. The question is: How? Research shows that one of the most important factors that determine students’ success (in terms of what is important to students) is their feeling or belief that someone in school cares about them.

Knowing this, I’ve long proposed that the best way to help students succeed is to ask them questions. Why? Because a significant factor in asking a question is that there is an assumption that you care about the person with whom you are conversing.

Therefore, when communicating with others, especially students, instead of thinking of the right thing to say, think of a question to ask. The sooner you adopt the mode of asking … >>>

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The Problem with “Why” Questions

On December 12, 2019 / Effectiveness, Stress Management

One of the most common questions people ask others is “why?”

“Why did you do that?”

“Why did you say that?”

“Why is this happening?”

Interestingly, the least effective question to ask in almost any situation is a “why” question.

A few reasons that I do not ask “why” questions to a person, especially during times of conflict or irresponsible behavior are:

The person may not know the motivation.
He or she may not be able to articulate the motivation.
The person may not want to tell you the real reason.
The person may give an excuse, rather than take responsibility.
There is no beneficial effect in asking, as it only satisfies curiosity.
It takes the focus away from changing

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Relieve Stress with Reflective Questions

On August 23, 2018 / Stress Management

Image of a question mark in front of mirrors. Relieve Stress with Reflective Questions

You can learn how to relieve stress with reflective questions. Simply put, reflective questions relieve stress. The reasons are twofold: (1) Just asking redirects your thinking which, in turn, changes your feelings, and (2) you realize that you have options—that you need not feel like a victim.

Reflective questions carry additional attributes aside from relieving stress because they place you in command. That, by itself, reduces tension, anxiety, and stress. Asking yourself reflective questions can relieve stress by also defusing frustrating situations and promoting responsible thinking.

Even if there seems to be a pause as you formulate a question, that’s okay because you are engaged in the process of thinking. Of course, thinking is the first step to have reflective … >>>

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Reflective Questions Relieve Stress

On September 13, 2016 / Relieve Stress, Weekly Tips

You can learn how to relieve stress with reflective questions. Simply put, reflective questions relieve stress. The reasons are twofold: (1) Just asking redirects your thinking which, in turn, changes your feelings, and (2) you realize that you have options—that you need not feel like a victim.

Reflective questions carry additional attributes aside from relieving stress because they place you in command. That in itself reduces tension, anxiety, and stress. Asking yourself reflective questions relieve stress by also defusing frustrating situations and promoting responsible thinking.

Even if there seems to be a pause as you formulate a question, that’s okay because you are engaged in the process of thinking. Of course, thinking is the first step to have reflective questions … >>>

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Reflective Questions Make Interactions Less Stressful

On August 9, 2016 / Blog, Responsibility

Asking reflective questions is the key ingredient to making interactions with youth less stressful. Whether you are a parent, teacher, or someone who interacts with children on a regular basis, you’ll find that reflective questions reduce tension, defuse frustrating situations, and promote responsible thinking in youth.

Asking reflective questions becomes easier with practice. Initially, when you decide to embark on this path, the process can seem difficult. Some teachers and parents actually make a chart of the reflective questions offered in the book, Discipline Without Stress (p. 19-20). They carry the list of questions with them and pull them out to review when the need arises. Remember, it doesn’t hurt for there to be a pause (as you formulate a … >>>

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Reflective Questions Reduce Stress

On June 28, 2016 / Reduce Stress, Weekly Tips

One of the keys to reducing stress between teachers/parents and youth is to ask the young person reflective questions during discipline situations. Recently, a teacher asked me, “What if the student refuses to answer any question you pose?”

Imagine asking someone multiple questions and the other person refusing to answer. That would surely result in increased stress. But rather than let this situation stress you out, you can overcome it by using two approaches: (1) Socratic dialog and (2) the Pygmalion effect. Here is what I mean:

1) Socratic dialog: Lead the person through a series of questions. In this case, use THREE questions—all of them prompting a “YES” response.

2) Pygmalion effect: Expecting the best from people can be … >>>

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With Discipline, Your Questions Matter

On June 14, 2016 / Discipline, Reflection

One of the key concepts of the Discipline Without Stress book and approach is to ask reflective questions. Always remember, though, that “why” questions are not reflective and often will not curb the discipline problem you are trying to correct.

So, what’s wrong with “why” questions, especially when trying to discipline a youngster? “Why” questions have an accusatory overtone. They also block communications because such questions prompt negative feelings.

Let’s prove the point. Say the following question out loud so you can hear yourself:

“Why are you doing that?”

Notice that when you asked this question, your voice pitch rose higher and your volume increased. Also, notice the effect on your emotions when you asked this “Why?” question.

Now, say … >>>

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Classroom Discipline with a Student

On March 7, 2015 / Discipline

I was asked by a third/fourth grade teacher, “What do you say to a student who thinks his answers are ALWAYS correct even when I prove he is wrong by giving examples of the correct math solutions and by other students demonstrating the correct answers by their methods?”

I responded:
ALWAYS keep in mind that the person who asks the question controls the situation.

The only way this child will change is by having him continually reflect. The skill required to resolve classroom discipline and learning challenges with a student is in asking questions that will have the student reflect.

So what reflective question(s) can you ask?
Here are a few that immediately come to my mind:
– How do … >>>

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My students are messy. How can I get them to clean up?

On July 31, 2013 / Creating desire, Discipline Answers, Motivating Students, Positivity, Procedures in the Classroom

Question:

My class is so messy! They leave trash everywhere and it takes them forever to clean up after centers, or art time or snack! How do you get kids to clean up? They will eventually clean it up because I keep telling them over and over, but I need some ideas!!

Response:

I try to approach it in this way in my primary class…

When I ring our chimes to get their attention at a clean up time, I typically make some positive reference to the activity which will directly follow. For instance, I might say….

Who’s interested to see what’s been brought for Show and Tell today?

Here’s the book we’re going to read today. I can’t wait

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

One Key Skill All Parents and Teachers Must Master

On July 9, 2013 / Parenting, Reflection, Relationships

Reflection is a powerful teaching and learning strategy that parents and teachers often overlook. The key to reflection is the skill of asking youngsters self-evaluative questions. Here are a few examples:

Are you angry at me or at the situation?
Does what you are doing help you get your work done?
What would an extraordinary person do in this situation?
Are you willing to try something different if it would help you?

Unfortunately, most parents and teachers ask ineffective questions such as, “Why are you doing that?” This is a pothole question. First, most people cannot articulate their motivation and second, the youngster may answer, “Because I have ADD.” Better never to ask a child a “Why?” question regarding behavior! … >>>

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Reflective Questions that Improve Decision Making in Older Children

On April 26, 2013 / Parenting, Responsibility

Four questions are particularly useful as a reflective activity to improve decision-making skills in older children. Although you can pose the questions orally, the responses can be in conversation or in writing. If the responses are to be written or typed on a computer, it should be the youngster’s decision whether or not to share with the parent. The parent merely requests that the written responses be kept should a future review of the situation prove necessary.

The set of four questions are:

1. What did I do? (acknowledgment)

2. What can I do to prevent it from happening again? (choice)

3. What will I do? (commitment)

4. What is my plan to help me fulfill my commitment? (procedure)… >>>

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Controlling the Conversation

On November 19, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

When you enter a store and the salesperson asks the common greeting, “How are you today?” do you ignore the person—or is there a natural tendency to give a response? During a conversation where you are explaining something and your friend suddenly asks you a question, do you continue talking and ignore the question or do you respond to it? Notice that in each of these scenarios, there is a natural tendency to respond to a question. And herein lies the most important and effective key to remember if you want to reduce your stress and promote responsible behavior: The person who asks the question controls the conversation.

A national magazine ran a cover article about frustrated parents who were … >>>

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One Trick for Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline

On November 5, 2012 / Discipline, Parenting, Responsibility

Self-disciplined people make a point to think before they act or speak. They think about where each particular choice will lead—to something positive or negative. They think ahead to see if they are going to be satisfied with the consequence that a particular choice will bring. If they are satisfied, they go ahead in that direction. If not, they think again and choose to act or speak differently—in a way that will bring a consequence that they can more happily accept. So, how do you help a child become more self-disciplined? The key is to hone the skill of asking reflective questions—questions that prompt the child to think. It’s not necessary for the youngster to tell the parent what … >>>

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Tag Questions

On September 20, 2011 / Effectiveness

A tag question is simply a question offered quickly and nonchalantly at the end of a statement or observation. It encourages review of the previous communication. When using tag questions, you make a statement, then leave it up to the person you are talking with to think about what you have asked.

Tag questions in particular give teachers and parents a tool to help a young person review what has been said or done.The tag prompts an opportunity to have the young person reflect—without requiring an accounting to the adult.

Here are some examples of tag questions:

So you think that will help the situation, do you?

You meant that you can go to your friend’s house when you finished … >>>

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Abraham Lincoln on Influence

On June 7, 2011 / Effectiveness

Forcing an issue often spoils the desired outcome.
—Abraham Lincoln

The old story of the salesman who lost a sale bears periodic repeating.

After he told his sales manager, “Well, I guess you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink,” his boss replied, “Your job is not to make the horse drink; it’s to make him thirsty.”

The “Art of Influence” is to INDUCE PEOPLE TO INFLUENCE THEMSELVES.

Posing a provocative question that prompts the other person to reflect is the most successful approach for increasing your effectiveness.… >>>

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Teaching Responsibility

On December 17, 2010 / Responsibility

Parents and teachers have a responsibility to promote appropriate behavior. Promoting responsibility is more than a one time occurrence.

A rich woman walked up to the golf pro at an expensive resort and said, “I’d like for you to teach my friend here how to play golf.”

“Fine,” said the pro, “but how about you?”

“Oh, I learned yesterday!” she replied.

I share this rather humorous story to illustrate that learning to promote responsibility is something like learning to play golf. You can’t master it all in one day. But I can tell you that, like golf, prompting people to act responsibly by asking reflective questions is a skill you can learn. As with any skill, the more you … >>>

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Reflective Questions

On March 31, 2010 / Effectiveness

Instead of thinking of the right thing to say, think of a reflective question to ask.

The sooner you inculcate the mode of asking reflective questions—instead of telling—the less stressful it will be for you, and the more successful you will become.

Reflective questions prompt evaluation of the person’s own behavior. An example to a young person is, “In the long run, is what you are doing in your own best interests?”

If the question is evaded, ask a second time.

Follow up with another question that stimulates thinking such as, “If what you are doing is not getting you what you want, what

could you do differently?”

If he says he doesn’t know, then you could ask, “What would … >>>

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