How many times have you blamed an event or person for your negative reaction? If you’re like most people, it has happened often. Everything from traffic jams, to comments made by others, to sudden changes of plans can make people upset. But what if I told you that these events, no matter how bad you think they are, are not the cause of your stress? Epictetus (A.D. 55-135) wrote: “It is not the event itself that is the problem; it is the perception of that event.” In other words, the things that happen to us aren’t problems; rather, it is our reaction to the events that determine whether we feel stress or not. This bit of information has made one
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Assumptions are beliefs taken for granted. They are so natural and involuntary they usually do not enter our consciousness. We assume that when we get out of bed, the floor will be beneath us and that when we mail a letter the intended recipient will receive it. However, there are also assumptions we make that may not be valid. For example, we may assume that someone is angry with us by the manner in which that person speaks to us. Yet it could be that the person is feeling frustrated by an event entirely unconnected to us and is simply “taking it out” on the first person encountered—in this case, you. Read More
READ MORE >>> →If your workplace stress is due to your co-workers, this tip may help. You may not be able to pick with whom you work, but you can pick how to get along with them in order to reduce stress. Stress can be reduced when people collaborate in the workplace—rather than compete. This inefficiency can prompt stress. Since I developed my without stress tips approach—primarily from my teaching—an example from the classroom can best help understand the point. Watch Now
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If you’re tired of continually lecturing your students or children, or if you’re finding that rewards and punishments rarely change behavior long-term, it’s time to start asking reflective questions. When you use reflective questions, you are directing the other person’s thinking. It is this questioning process that starts the thinking process, both for you and for the other person. This kind of questioning is a gift to the person being asked because it induces clarity of thought. Similarly, the answer can be a gift to the person asking because it is a quick way to obtain and understand the other person’s viewpoint. Asking reflective questions increases your awareness of a child’s perceptions, thereby significantly increasing your understanding of the child.
READ MORE >>> →An old Chinese proverb says, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” The questions, “Anything I can do?” or “I’ve had a similar experience and I can relate to your situation” can help you respond in a difficult situation with sensitivity, rather than with sarcasm that can promote stress. Watch Now
READ MORE >>> →Trying to relax during a stressful situation can be a challenge. After all, it’s hard to relax when your mind is racing and when events are stressing you out. If you find taking a break to relax difficult when the pressure is on, consider the following approach. During the last days of World War II, someone commented to President Harry Truman that he appeared to bear up under the stress and strain of the presidency better than any previous president, that the job did not appear to have aged him or sap his vitality, and that this was remarkable—especially in view of the many problems which he faced as a wartime president. His response was, “I have a foxhole in
READ MORE >>> →In my book, Live Without Stress, I have a comprehensive chapter on finance. Although having enough money to satisfy basic needs is critical to not having stress, sufficient financial resources are not the key to wealth. Read on to find my definition of wealth. Many people believe that making more money creates wealth. And a person can devote time to make more money. But it’s impossible to create more time. Watch Now
READ MORE >>> →You can learn how to relieve stress with reflective questions. Simply put, reflective questions relieve stress. The reasons are twofold: (1) Just asking redirects your thinking which, in turn, changes your feelings, and (2) you realize that you have options—that you need not feel like a victim. Reflective questions carry additional attributes aside from relieving stress because they place you in command. That, by itself, reduces tension, anxiety, and stress. Asking yourself reflective questions relieves stress by also defusing frustrating situations and promoting responsible thinking. Watch Now
READ MORE >>> →Every parent and teacher struggles with child discipline from time to time. They want to use authority in their approach, but not necessarily be labeled as authoritarian. The keys to the success of using authority without being punitive are in using positive communications, empowering by offering choices, and by prompting reflection. These practices instill the mindset that the objective is to raise responsibility, rather than to punish. I talk about each of these in detail in my books Discipline Without Stress and Parenting Without Stress. Punishment fosters evasion of responsibility and also has the disadvantage of increasing the distance between parents and children. A far more effective approach than punishment is to treat any situation as a teaching and learning
READ MORE >>> →When you find yourself in a stressful situation do you feel overwhelmed? There was once a navy jet pilot who was terrified at first when landing his aircraft on the deck of an aircraft carrier. “Everything was in motion,” he said. “The ship was tossing up and down, the waves were moving, the airplane was moving, and trying to get it all to move together seemed impossible.” Watch Now
READ MORE >>> →If you feel that your life is stressful, you may need to alter your mindset. The fact is that we all perceive life through filters developed from our temperament and experiences. Your mental set functions all the time, consciously or nonconsciously. Having a limited mental set hampers solutions to challenges, thus causing increased stress. Therefore, a critical key to problem solving and stress reduction is expanding your mindset by cultivating an open questioning approach. Questions that engage your thoughts influence the quality of your life. By cultivating an open questioning state of mind, you broaden your universe and improve your ability to travel through it. It’s easy to talk about having an open mind, but frequently mindsets are constrained by prejudices
READ MORE >>> →To reduce your stress and improve relations with young people, always consider giving options or choices. The choices can be limited, but the sooner a young person starts to make choices the more responsible that person becomes. Offering options is an easy strategy to encourage decision-making. For example, simply asking a child, “Would you prefer to wear your brown pants or your blue ones?” or “Would you like to eat your carrots or peas first?” structures options and promotes decision-making. Read More
READ MORE >>> →A sage once said, “Education is what you have left over after you have forgotten everything you have learned in school.” Education, or learning, is always renewable because learning should never end until life ends. You always have the option of looking at any new learning as a positive experience, the choice to engage in the activity (remembering that with the risk comes the reward), and reflecting on the joy of your new learning. Watch More
READ MORE >>> →If you want to have more control in situations and conversations, try asking more questions. One of the key ideas I suggest people write down during my seminars is this: “The person who asks the question controls the conversation or the situation.” Let me demonstrate how this works. You walk into a store and the salesperson asks, “How are you today?” Isn’t there a natural tendency to answer? Here is another situation. A friend with whom you are talking suddenly asks you a question. Do you stop and answer the question or do you continue with your monologue? Chances are you stop and answer the friend’s question. If you want to discipline a student or child, control the situation by asking
READ MORE >>> →It can be quite stressful for parents to know how to discipline a child. Those who are religiously oriented sometimes turn to the Bible to defend their reasons for spanking. Let’s take a quick moment to interpret what the Bible might have really been saying. Here is an interesting biblical interpretation. The King James Version of Psalm 23, “The Lord is My Shepherd,” contains the phrase: “I will fear no evil for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Watch Now
READ MORE >>> →When enforcing rules, imposing punishments, or doling out rewards, be aware that these approaches aim at obedience, rather than promoting responsibility—and that obedience does not create desire. The most effective approach to have young people do what adults want them to do is to tap into their emotions. Following rules requires thinking—not feelings. Yet feelings and emotions drives the majority of our decisions. I use the word “Responsibilities” rather than “Rules” because I am able to have young people WANT to become responsible. I do this by tapping into the good feelings a person gets from being responsible. Once young people are exposed to the Levels of Development, they want to raise themselves to the highest level—simply by the nature
READ MORE >>> →Many recent scientific studies have shown that congested traffic conditions can heighten stress levels in drivers. The longer the distance one has to drive, the more dramatic can be the level of a person’s stress. When experiencing stress, you may be affected totally—not only in your body but also in your emotional reactions, your personal thoughts, and your relations with others. Watch Now
READ MORE >>> →Schools and teachers are under a lot of pressure to meet standards. The pressure of taking standardized tests gets passed on to students. Standardized tests can create crippling anxiety in students, and anxious kids perform below their true abilities. Students with test anxiety manage to get something down on paper, but their capacity to think clearly and solve problems accurately is reduced by their nervousness. This anxiety can expand to college admissions exams and lead to reduced motivation. Even little kids aren’t immune to test anxiety. Researchers have seen evidence of it in students as young as first and second graders. Their worries tend to manifest in nonverbal signs such as stomach aces, difficulty sleeping, and a persistent urge to
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