Coercion isn’t always recognizable. In fact, we all engage is subtle and not-so-subtle forms of coercion every day. Can you recognize coercion in your day-to-day activities? Here is a simple example. My wife was viewing the first ten minutes of a movie on TV and was so enthralled with it that she pressed the “record” button and then stopped viewing the program. She announced that she looked forward to sharing the movie with me and told me that she was saving it until such time as we could watch it together. When that time came around, her enthusiasm pitched even higher. However, as she turned on the recording and the synopsis of the movie was shown, I found that I had no interested in the movie. My wife
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The nonconscious mind believes what the conscious mind tells it. When a thought flits through your mind, your nonconscious mind “hears” it, believes it, and records it. Your conscious mind may forget about it immediately, but it’s in a permanent file in your brain. Your nonconscious mind is the storehouse for your habits and all of what you do without consciously thinking about them, which means that your nonconscious mind has a profound effect on you.
READ MORE >>> →Happiness should be a high priority in your life. You even have a responsibility to yourself to participate in those activities that bring you satisfaction leading to your own happiness. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Some authors on the subject of happiness even go so far as asserting that people have a moral obligation to be happy. The reason is rather obvious. Happy people do far more good than unhappy people. When you are happy, you have a positive effect on people. When you are unhappy, you also influence—but in a negative way. Reflect on what life has given you. You will soon start to be grateful—and gratefulness is the greatest key to happiness. Do not confuse fun
READ MORE >>> →Fear is often a by-product of negative thoughts. Unfortunately, we have an innate capacity for fear. Well, fear not. My next tip will have you face your fears head-on and beat them once and for all! In 1919 psychologist John B. Watson conducted a controversial experiment to see whether fear could be learned.
READ MORE >>> →You may not know exactly why you feel this emotion, but when you do, you think something bad is about to happen. Not to worry, this tip will put your anxiety at ease! Since anxiety is not a healthy emotion and is difficult to ignore, the trick is to manage it and put it to your use, rather than trying to ignore it.
READ MORE >>> →Being able to reflect on your actions is key to reducing stress and prompting positive change in your life. The lack of reflection in your life can be likened to chewing—but not swallowing. The food is tasted, but unless digested, there is no nutritional value. That’s because no one really learns from an actual experience. It is the reflection about the experience that generates learning. The human brain is a meaning-seeking organism, and because much of what we are exposed to happens so fast, we need time to process, to internalize its meaning. In addition, the brain continues to process information long after we are aware of it. This is the reason why many of our ideas seem to “pop
READ MORE >>> →It’s almost amazing how the words we use can prompt emotions. Here is a classic example: A blind man was sitting in a public square with an empty can of pencils and a cardboard sign that read, “I’m blind. Please help.” A young woman walked by and changed the words on his cardboard sign. Many coins were soon heard being dropped into the blind man’s pencil can. The young woman had changed the blind man’s sign to read: “It’s a beautiful day and I can’t see it.” Read More
READ MORE >>> →Rewards can backfire. Here is a real-life example of how rewards can backfire with young people. If you’ve read any of my books or been a reader of this blog for a while, you know that I don’t believe in giving rewards to reinforce behaviors, to control, or to bribe (in the fashion they are used with children too often today). Rewards, in the form of stickers, pencils, stars, or any other attempt to manipulate behavior, only promote external motivation (a “what’s in it for me?” mentality). The real goal of discipline should be to teach students internal motivation (doing the right thing simply because it’s the right thing to do). A reader shows how rewards can backfire. “I had
READ MORE >>> →If your children fear you, they cannot be honest with you. In fact, very often lying stems from fear. Recently someone who purchased the eBook Children of Rainbow School contacted me. She wrote: “My children are fluent in the four levels—so much so that even my 3 1/2 year old is able to identify a given behavior with a particular level. We have two PDF printouts [from your web site] of the hierarchy on our fridge and the levels have become almost table talk. The problem doesn’t lie in the lack of knowledge about the different levels; the problem is a lack of honesty and not wanting to accept responsibility for what they’ve done (‘I didn’t do that,’ ‘It’s not
READ MORE >>> →I’ve long believed that creativity reduces stress. Turns out that I’m not the only one. Researchers have long been studying the connection between health and personality traits. Openness—which links to creativity and measures flexibility and willingness to entertain novel ideas—has emerged as a life-long protective factor. It seems that creativity reduces stress and keeps the brain healthy. Of the personality traits, only creativity decreased mortality risk. One possible reason creativity is a protective of health is because it draws on a variety of neural networks within the brain. Because the brain is the command center for all bodily functions, exercising it helps all systems to continue running smoothly. Keeping the brain healthy may be one of the most important aspects
READ MORE >>> →Staying unhappy is very easy. It even comes naturally to some people. Learn a tip that is sure to turn your frown upside-down. If you are in a funk, it is natural to be unhappy. But when you are in this state and do nothing about it, you are taking the easy way out. Is this in your own best interest? Abraham Lincoln proclaimed, “People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” When unhappy or feeling sad, it is a shame to take the easy way out.
READ MORE >>> →Counterwill causes stress, and counterwill is something we all experience at some time in our lives. What is counterwill? Counterwill is the name for the natural human resistance to being controlled. Adults as well as young people experience counterwill. Perhaps it’s no surprise that counterwill is the most misunderstood and misinterpreted dynamic in child-parent and teacher-student relationships. This instinctive resistance to force can take many forms: Refusal to do what is asked Reluctance and resistance when being told Disobedience or defiance Lack of motivation to do what the adult desires the young person to do Counterwill can also manifest itself in procrastination or in doing the opposite of what is expected. It can be expressed as passivity, negativity, oppositional defiance,
READ MORE >>> →In This Issue: Quote of the Month Stress Management Video Tip Parenting Without Stress Tip Discipline Without Stress Tip Live Without Stress Book Discipline Online Speaking and Presenting Charity for U.S. Schools What People Say Resources On Parenting: The key to truly enjoying parenting is to understand that—although you can control children—you cannot change them. So what do you do? You stay in authority but without using coercion so that relations remain positive. You remain in control by the questions you ask. Read More
READ MORE >>> →Parents and teachers often ask me questions about Discipline Without Stress, both its methodology and best practices. Following are some of the most common questions I received. I hope they help others in their quest to raise responsible children. (Q = Question. R = Response) Q: What would you do in the following scenario: You ask your children/students to identify the level they have chosen but they refuse to be honest and acknowledge the actual level chosen. R: If the youngster is in the 5th or 6th grade or above, I would NOT ASK. Instead I would say, “Reflect on the level you are choosing, and consider whether you want to continue on that level or rise to a higher
READ MORE >>> →Are you sure you know how to listen well? Listening and caring are prime sources of good relationships. They are so intertwined that if you experience one, you also experience the other. If you ask yourself how you know someone cares for you, one of your responses is likely to be that you know because the person listens to you.
READ MORE >>> →Many people experience stress while on social media sites. Part of the reason for the stress relates to the comments and interactions that take place. What often starts as an innocent post often takes a turn for the worse, as commenters virtually “duke it out” regarding who is right and who is wrong. Heated arguments ensue, often filled with name calling and downright meanness. Even people who would never dream of being mean to others in face-to-face interactions take part. Stress, Social Media, and Eye Contact Often, mean comments online arise more from a lack of eye contact than from anonymity. The fact is that people are meaner online than in real life. Many have blamed this on anonymity and
READ MORE >>> →Many parents experience stress when it comes to the topic of children’s screen time. How much is too much? Should you restrict it? Is screen time a necessary evil? Or is screen time a positive thing? The questions are endless. A reader sent me the following note about screen time. “My 15-year-old spends several hours on the computer and she does not part with her phone. She does activities and is a good student, but every free moment she has is spent on Facebook or texting. The network she is on allows for free texts to certain numbers. WI-FI is free so she has Internet access on her phone. She feels that if she has done her chores, then she
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