Very often, people don’t fully understand why they do or think things. Are thoughts, feelings, and actions driven by internal motivation or external motivation? Let’s look at feelings and how internal and external factors affect them. Most people have a hard time untangling the sources of various positive and negative feelings and are prone to misunderstand their causes. In a classic demonstration of this, the current day’s weather affected how people being interviewed rated how well their entire life had been up to that point. They were more likely to characterize their whole existence as sunny when the weather was nice. Conscious awareness of this reaction, however, brought about an immediate change. When the interviewers called attention to the weather
READ MORE >>> →Without Stress Blog
If you want to help children overcome challenges, then personal connections are the key. In fact, strong relationships can curb almost any problem. Letting people know you care is the most important thing you can communicate. Here are two questions to ask yourself—especially when working with young people: 1) Does the person feel safe with me no matter what happens? 2) Have I used kind and encouraging words in my relationship with the person? Unfortunately, when it comes to discipline and helping youth overcome challenges, many adults use counter-productive approaches. In an attempt to discipline or “mold the youth,” they enforce rules. But if a child breaks a rule, what is the parent’s natural tendency? Response: to enforce the rule
READ MORE >>> →Do you ask for help? Many people rarely do, even when they need it the most. Why is it so hard to ask others to help us? Some people’s ego deprives them of the benefit that comes from asking for help. We see this in the stereotype of men not asking for directions when they’re lost, assuming the car has no global positioning service (GPS). Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it’s a way to display strength and a way to elicit collaboration. In fact, one of the most powerful phrases in all of life is “I wonder if you could help me with something.” This phrase breaks down barriers and enables anyone to easily ask
READ MORE >>> →EXCERPT FROM THIS MONTH’S EDITION: Positive people are more likable. Think about the people in your life. Do your favorite people tend to be positive or negative? My guess is that they are the more positive people you associate with. The fact is that you will be more likable to others when you focus on being positive. When I was young, my mother often told me that if I can’t say something nice about a person, then don’t say anything at all. This is great advice, not only for your communications with others, but also with yourself. In other words, if you can’t say (or think) something nice about yourself, then don’t say (or think) anything at all. Instead, exert
READ MORE >>> →Childhood trauma is more common than you think. And when a child has experienced trauma, it can lead to discipline issues. From abuse at home to bullying at school to the loss of a parent due to death or divorce, such events can leave a negative and lasting mark on youth. Sometimes the child acts out very aggressively, with little understanding or remorse for their behavior toward others. At the same time, they may refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior. This makes discipline especially difficult for adults. On the one hand, they know the child has been through a lot and try to give more leeway. But on the other hand, the troubling behavior simply cannot continue. Here is
READ MORE >>> →When introduced to the Raise Responsibility System, many parents and teachers initially struggle with the idea of offering choices as it pertains to child discipline. Since the more traditional, authoritarian approach to child discipline and child raising focuses on telling youth what to do, offering choices seems like a radical idea at first. To prove this point, here is a question a reader sent me: “How is offering choices teaching children that there are some things in life they had to do regardless of their mood or sense of power (like bathing, attending school, later holding a job, and being responsible for themselves when their choices are limited)? If everything become negotiable, if they think they will always have choices,
READ MORE >>> →Positive people are more likable. Think about the people in your life. Do your favorite people tend to be positive or negative? My guess is that they are the more positive people you associate with. The fact is that you will be more likable to others when you focus on being positive. When I was young, my mother often told me that if I can’t say something nice about a person, then don’t say anything at all. This is great advice, not only for your communications with others, but also with yourself. In other words, if you can’t say (or think) something nice about yourself, then don’t say (or think) anything at all. Instead, exert discipline to turn your thoughts
READ MORE >>> →We all know that we have a bullying epidemic in this country. But few adults realize how bad it is in today’s schools. Did you know that approximately 160,000 students skip school each day for fear of being bullied? And over 70% of students say they have witnessed another person being bullied. So what exactly constitutes bullying? According to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, “Bullying is any unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time … It can include making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.” Bullying often has long-lasting
READ MORE >>> →Live Without Stress: How to Enjoy the Journey opens with a quotation: “If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, tension, and stress. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.” —George Burns, American entertainer, 1896-1996 Living without stress was the key to Masazo Nonaka’s (1905 – 2019) long life—recognized by the Guinness World Records as the world’s oldest man in April 2018 when he was 112 years old. He passed on at 113 in on January 20, 2019 in Hokkaido, Japan. His granddaughter, Yuko, told the Kyodo News that his long life was due to his trying to “live without stress.” A
READ MORE >>> →A lot of good information in this month’s newsletter. At a Glance: At the heart of the word responsibility lies the concept of the ability to respond: RESPONS-ABILITY. Although we think we give responsibility, responsibility is only effective when it is taken. Therefore, by its very nature responsibility between people is mutual—as are all successful attachments. Responsibility has a counterpart of accountability. One reason that people resist imposed accountability is that the people in superior positions tell others what they are accountable for but not what they, themselves, are accountable for. READ NOW
READ MORE >>> →Did you know that the words you use to speak to yourself and others have the power to reduce stress? It’s true. I often write and speak about how one word can change feelings and actions, which in turn can either elevate stress or reduce it. Here’s an example of something people at work often say, “I HAVE to attend this meeting.” Using the word “have” in this instance prompts negativity. However, if we change just one word in the sentence, we can change the feeling the sentence evokes. Here it is: “I GET to attend this meeting.” The word “get” in this instance prompts a positive orientation. Words are powerful. Here is an example of how a few words
READ MORE >>> →A prime goal of my approach is to increase people’s positive self-talk. I believe in the importance of positive self-talk so much that I’ve devoted pages to this topic in each of my books. Researchers have acknowledged that in order to know yourself, you have to talk to yourself. They have studied children’s private speech for decades, but only recently have researchers focused on self-talk in adults. We use inner speech or self-talk for all sorts of things. We depend on it to solve problems, read and write, motivate ourselves, plan for the future, learn from our mistakes, learn language, and help regulate emotions. Beyond helping people regulate their behavior in the present moment, positive self-talk is essential for learning
READ MORE >>> →Do you think society, including relationships, has become more stressful or less stressful over the years? Most people think it’s more stressful today than it was just a decade ago. One of the factors contributing to the stress is the rate of change everyone and everything is going through. A number of factors have changed society over the years, not the least of which is technology. Unfortunately, however, technology has not helped to improve relationships. In fact, in far too many situations technology has actually hindered relationships, leading to increased stress levels. As a result, people continue to use ineffective approaches—mainly coercion—to influence others. Here are two former American giants who made the point that coercion is ineffective. Benjamin Franklin
READ MORE >>> →Communicating in positive terms to yourself and to others triggers enthusiasm, capability, and self-confidence. Allow me to share some additional advantages when your self-talk and communications to others are in positive—rather than in negative—terms. I also want to emphasize that positivity applies especially to teachers who are engaged in classroom management and classroom discipline. Benefits of Positivity Positivity feels good. It brings joy, gratitude, and energy. It negates despair and instead prompts hope, pride, and inspiration. Positive emotions engage people’s attention. It changes your outlook on life because it expands your worldview. It prompts people to look around more. Positivity changes how your mind works. It builds psychological strength and mental habits, such as looking for humor that promotes good health.
READ MORE >>> →If you look underneath depression you will find anger. Look under anger, and you will discover sadness. Analyze sadness and you will find the root of all that is masquerading for depression—fear! It is impossible to think clearly when you are flooded with fear, anxiety, or negative thinking. The more you are anxious or negative, the more such thinking will be reinforced. Do it often enough and it can become a habit. So, when anxiety, fear, or negativity arouses you, immediately redirect your thinking by getting involved with some other thought or engage in a new activity. This is the most effective and efficient approach. The reason is that emotion always follows cognition. Watch Now
READ MORE >>> →Somebody asked a centipede which leg he started out with when he went for a walk. This centipede thought and thought and thought about it—and was never able to walk again. Point: Some human actions come naturally. Try to consciously walk down a flight of stairs by putting one foot ahead of the other, and you will trip. Such is the case with young people learning how to talk. Call attention to their stumbles and you will soon develop a perfectionist—or in this situation a stutterer. Read More
READ MORE >>> →Everyone needs some simple stress management strategies. Here are 5 easy, natural stress relief tips that enable you to de-stress immediately. Stress Management Tip 1: Pivot You see an accident and an emotion immediately erupts. You hear a compliment and a nice feeling immediately follows. You smell your morning coffee and you feel good. You taste your favorite desert and a wonderful feeling follows. You touch something soft and enjoy the feeling. After each of the five senses an emotion follows. Likewise, you think a negative thought and immediately become anxious. The brain-body connection is such that feelings immediately follow our senses and our thoughts. Note that you cannot stop emotions, but by changing your thinking you can redirect your
READ MORE >>> →