Practicing classroom procedures is better than doling out punishment. Often, what a teacher or parent refers to as a rule is really a procedure. For proof of this, we need look no further than to one of the first rules primary students are given. They are taught the classroom rule of raising one’s hand to be recognized by the teacher before speaking out. The same rule is taught year after year. I have even seen this rule posted in eighth-grade classrooms! Simply reminding students that this is a classroom procedure, rather than a rule, places the teacher in the position of a coach and eliminates an enforcement mentality. We too often assume that children know what we know and what
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You cannot learn and be perfect at the same time. Reduce stress by not fearing errors. You can mentally manage stress errors and relieve stress when you learn that an error is a learning opportunity. Let’s take the case of the little boy who is mounting a bicycle for the first time. He grabs hold of the handlebars. He swings his left foot over the bar to the opposite side of the bike, and plants that foot on the ground. Both feet are now straddling the ground. He then mounts the seat. The child lifts his feet into the stirrups and the entire bike wobbles. The child pushes off and the bike veers sideways, turns on its side, and the
READ MORE >>> →Is bribing students for good behavior ever a good choice? Consider these questions: If a police officer pulls you over for speeding, should you bribe the officer to not give you a ticket? Of course not! If a co-worker misses a deadline on a project, should you bribe them to get their work done on time? No! If a student in your class doesn’t do their homework, should you bribe them to complete it? Never! If your child misbehaves, should you bribe them for good behavior? No way! In all these instances, bribes are not a good idea. So why then do so many adults still try to “reward” youth in order to manipulate behavior? After all, a reward is
READ MORE >>> →For decades I’ve said that internal motivation drives behavior. I’ve seen this truth daily throughout my career. It’s the reason why I wrote the book Discipline Without Stress—to help teachers teach students the difference between internal motivation and external motivation and how each impacts their behavior. In the Discipline Without Stress discussion group, a teacher made a comment about wanting to use Discipline Without Stress to “give young people a meaningful voice in their education.” One of my dear colleagues and friends, Kerry Weisner, responded with her viewpoint. Here is her reply: “Giving kids ‘a meaningful voice in their education’ is not my goal when I use ideas from DWS in my teaching or parenting. Perhaps I misunderstand what you
READ MORE >>> →Not engaging in unnecessary obligations can reduce stress. We may create unnecessary mental stress when we engage in an activity simply because we feel it is our obligation to do so. Here is a consideration you should use to manage stress. My friend, Gene Griessman, an expert in time management, articulated this to me. Gene also travels around the world giving presentations on Abraham Lincoln. I’ve heard Gene present a number of times. While visiting the President Carter Library in Atlanta, Georgia, I even purchased his tape. (As a former history teacher, among other subjects, I have visited most of the presidential libraries.) At a convention of the National Speakers Association, I asked Gene how he enjoyed the keynote speaker. Gene said to me,
READ MORE >>> →No matter what subject you teach, you can practice positive discipline for inattentive students. Inattentive students are certainly a challenge, but they need not derail your lesson plan. After all, at some point all students will ignore a lesson going on in class. Perhaps they are preoccupied with a personal challenge. Maybe they are tired. Or perhaps the information simply doesn’t interest them. Losing a student’s attention once in a while is normal. However, sometimes certain students ignore the lesson every day. Rather than listen to the teacher, they routinely do other things, such as homework for another class. This is when positive discipline is needed. Here is a question a teacher wrote me recently: “I have a student in
READ MORE >>> →When it comes to child discipline, are you still using traditional approaches, or have you realized that tradition doesn’t always work? Tradition is the means by which many people solve problems, cope with life, and transmit values. Realize that tradition extends everywhere: how we eat, where and when we sleep, what we wear, what we say to ourselves and others, etc. Tradition is the way many people make decisions and solve problems. However, the decisions only work if we inherit the same problems our ancestors did. Unfortunately, traditional approaches to many problems too often do not work these days because we’re living in a world of new problems in a rapidly changing society. Peter Drucker, the famous management guru, once
READ MORE >>> →Living without revenge, and forgiveness is the topic of this weekly tip. You can relieve stress if you refrain from taking revenge. Forgive, forget, and walk away. Making enemies is inherent in the human condition. Very few people will live their entire lives without making some “enemies.” Forgiving enemies is very difficult for many people. Having a desire to take revenge is natural if the person has spread false rumors, been unethical, or caused us harm. We could find ourselves carrying a grudge for many years. This approach is counterproductive. For example, take the case of Harvey Mackay who fired an employee. The whole story can be found in his book. The former employee took what he had learned from
READ MORE >>> →Have you ever wondered what motivates people? While motivation is complex, I’ve long asserted that people are motivated to do good when they feel good. In other words, your mindset affects your motivation and performance tremendously. Like teachers and parents, sports coaches are in the motivation business. Have you ever heard of Dean Cromwell? He was the track coach of the University of Southern California from 1912 until his retirement in 1949. No other coach in collegiate track has ever approached his records. His teams won 21 national championships, had 13 world record holders, and at least one of his protégés won an Olympic gold medal during his 39-year coaching career. Cromwell was a master at motivation. He knew how
READ MORE >>> →Volume 16 Number 10 October 2016 Newsletter #183 IN THIS ISSUE: Welcome Reducing Stress Promoting Responsibility Increasing Effectiveness Improving Relationships Promoting Learning Parenting Without Stress Discipline without Stress (DWS) Reviews and Testimonial 1. WELCOME MONTHLY QUOTE: If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor. —Neil Simon I have taken a risk. Since I have written two books about reducing stress and will soon publish “LIVE WITHOUT STRESS: How to Enjoy the Journey,” I have taken the risk of changing my prime website. My resources, blogs, Wednesday’s tips and this newsletter are all being transferred to my the new website. (The hurricane in the Southeastern seacoast of the United States may slow the process.) My first “Discipline
READ MORE >>> →Workplace collaboration and stress is an important workplace factor. Stress can be reduced when people collaborate in the workplace — rather than compete. Unfortunately people in the workplace often compete. This inefficiency can prompt stress. Since I developed my without stress tips approach—primarily from my teaching experiences—an example from my teaching can best help you understand the point. Picture this: A teacher is administering an examination, and each student is expected to come up with the right solutions to the problems. In this setting, some will succeed and some will fail, but few will solve all the problems. Those who do find the right answers will not share them with others because that would be cheating. In contrast to this
READ MORE >>> →Conflict resolution is a skill everyone needs. Why? Because arguments are a natural part of life, even between best friends, close family members, and long-time co-workers. Realize that arguments are really just disagreements. So if you can find something to agree upon, you can engage in real conflict resolution. Unfortunately, so many arguments focus on the past and attempt to blame by focusing on what and who should have done what. Even worse, when something goes wrong and you try to explain, the other person often interprets it as an excuse, which then extends the argument. The reason is that the other person thinks you are not being accountable. Rather than get defensive, ask yourself if what the person is saying is basically true. And
READ MORE >>> →The power of positive thinking has been studied for a long time. One key thing that’s been found is that a positive attitude is linked to better health. According to Dr. Martin Seligman, director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, “Optimism and pessimism affect health almost as clearly as do physical factors.” That’s because optimists generally have positive future expectations. Because they expect good things to happen, they tend to work toward those things. This is what the power of positive thinking is all about. In contrast to optimists, “A pessimist habitually views setbacks as permanent, unchangeable, and pervasive,” says Dr. Seligman. Pessimists often feel helpless when things go wrong and tend to believe that bad luck repeats itself.
READ MORE >>> →An old Chinese proverb says, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” The questions, “Anything I can do?” or “I’ve had a similar experience and I can relate to your situation” can help you respond in a difficult situation with sensitivity, rather than with sarcasm and stress. Even if you are not sure what is behind someone’s aggressive behavior, the few seconds it takes to pause can keep you from saying something you will regret. It will also prevent you from creating a stressful situation for yourself and the other person who is already stressed. There have always been and always will be difficult people in the world. However, you
READ MORE >>> →Most adults try to control a defiant child. But control rarely works. If you’ve tried to control a defiant child, regardless of their age, you’ve likely been met with counterwill. “Counterwill” is the name for the natural human resistance to being controlled. Although adults experience this phenomenon, we seem to be surprised when we encounter it in children. Counterwill is the most misunderstood and misinterpreted dynamic in adult-child relations. This instinctive resistance can take many forms—the reactive “No!” of the toddler, resistance when hurried, disobedience or defiance, and lack of motivation. Counterwill can manifest itself in procrastination or in doing the opposite of what is expected. It can be expressed as passivity, negativity, or argumentativeness and is such a universal
READ MORE >>> →What are our children’s rights and responsibilities? We all want our children to be responsible at home and at school. And children certainly feel that they have rights. What is often overlooked, though, is how intertwined rights and responsibilities are. In fact, you can’t have one without the other. That’s why it’s important for young people to understand that their rights are often accompanied by responsibilities, and they need to know what each is specifically. Here is a list created several years ago by 14-16 year old students and their teacher of Cowichan Valley Alternative School in Duncan, British Columbia, Canada. It accurately shows the rights and subsequent responsibilities each young person has. Children’s Rights and Responsibilities List I have
READ MORE >>> →Here are some suggestions that are easy to implement: Take breaks. Computer workstation ergonomics exercises reduce stress are not listed in priorities. The exception is this first one. Take a 3 – 5 minute break every hour. Simply engage in another activity, even if it’s just to get up and stretch. Changing activities will stimulate your brain. It actually make you more focused and productive when you return to your computer. Give your eyes a rest. Every hour on the hour, look away from your desktop for at least 30 seconds. Varying the focal point of your eyes from close-up to distance can ease eyestrain and reduce fatigue. Relax your arms. Keep your forearms level with your desktop to avoid neck cramping and
READ MORE >>> →Both parents and teachers wonder what is the best discipline for children. For many adults, doling out punishments in the form of time-outs, principal referrals, or grounding is the norm. Those who know my work realize that I disagree with these approaches. So that then begs the question: “What is the best discipline for children?” Based on what people have read about the Discipline Without Stress methodology, some may conclude that I am against all punishments. This is a wrong assumption. I have no problem with ADULTS using punishments for justice, fairness, or safety. With young people, however, the problem is not the punishment or the consequence for inappropriate behavior (levels A and B); rather, it is the question of
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