No matter what you call it or how you disguise it, rewards cause problems. Those who have followed my blog for any length of time or who have read any of my books know that I am a proponent of the fact that rewards don’t work. Here is yet another real-life example that proves my point that rewards cause problems. You may find the following story disturbing enough to share it with others: The elementary school hired a substitute during the absence of the regular teacher. Upon returning from lunch, a student asked the substitute if the class had earned a star to put on the bulletin board for the quiet way in which the class had returned. The substitute
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You can learn how to relieve stress with reflective questions. Simply put, reflective questions relieve stress. The reasons are twofold: (1) Just asking redirects your thinking which, in turn, changes your feelings, and (2) you realize that you have options—that you need not feel like a victim. Reflective questions carry additional attributes aside from relieving stress because they place you in command. That in itself reduces tension, anxiety, and stress. Asking yourself reflective questions relieve stress by also defusing frustrating situations and promoting responsible thinking. Even if there seems to be a pause as you formulate a question, that’s okay because you are engaged in the process of thinking. Of course, thinking is the first step to have reflective questions relieve stress. Some
READ MORE >>> →The human body was designed to move, which is why movement improves learning. People seem to be realizing this fact for adults, hence the movement for standing desks. But children need movement too! Expecting young people sit quietly for long stretches of time is not only bad for their health, but it also makes learning more difficult. The more you have young people sit quietly and attend, the more opportunities you should give them to stand, stretch, and converse. Movement brings more oxygen to the brain; therefore, learning becomes more efficient. Additionally, many children are kinesthetic learners, meaning they need to have their body engaged and moving in order to comprehend and retain information. If you are a teacher who
READ MORE >>> →There are many different leadership styles. Which one is best depends on the group you are leading. Wymond Eckhardt was a long-time friend and National Park Ranger who spent months in the wilderness with his mule, “Molly.” (It is common to refer to all female mules as “mollies.”) Wymond was an expert in mules and their behavior. For many years, he was in charge of housing them for the annual Mule Day Parade in Bishop, California. Here are a few differences between a mule and a thoroughbred horse. You get on a horse, and he’ll step into a hole. A mule will go around it. If a mule comes to a bridge with a hole in it, the mule won’t even cross the bridge.
READ MORE >>> →Volume 16 Number 9 September 2016 Newsletter #182 Archived IN THIS ISSUE: Welcome Reducing Stress Promoting Responsibility Increasing Effectiveness Improving Relationships Promoting Learning Parenting Without Stress Discipline without Stress (DWS) Reviews and Testimonial 1. WELCOME MONTHLY QUOTE: “They said I couldn’t sing, but they didn’t say I didn’t sing.” —Meryl Streep after singing at Carnegie Hall from the movie “Florence Foster Jenkins” Recently published Without Stress Tips: 28. Stress and Driving 29. Stress and Consistency 30.The Bible and Stress 31. Reduce Stress by Education 32.Focus to Reduce Stress http://withoutstresstips.com PiperPress has been updated so viewers can now easily see the FREE downloads. 2. REDUCING STRESS I received the following email last week and include it in this section because it illustrates
READ MORE >>> →There was once a navy jet pilot who was terrified at first when landing his aircraft on the deck of an aircraft carrier. “Everything was in motion,” he said. “The ship was tossing up and down, the waves were moving, the airplane was moving, and trying to get it all to move together seemed impossible.” An old pro gave the young pilot some advice that solved the problem. “There is a yellow marker in the center of the flight deck that always stays still,” the veteran told him. “Always line up the nose of the plane toward that mark and fly straight toward it.” That’s pretty good advice for coping with stress. Always have a goal—a “mark” to work toward—and
READ MORE >>> →Praise is patronizing, so stop praising students. Praise also has a price. It implies a lack of acceptance and worth when the youth does not behave as the adult wishes. Using a phrase that starts with, “I like,” encourages a young person to behave in order to please the adult. By contrast, acknowledgment simply affirms and fosters self-satisfaction in the young person. Notice the difference in the following examples of praising students versus acknowledging them: Praise: “I am so pleased with the way you treated your brother.” Acknowledgment: “You treated your brother very well.” ——— Praise: “I like the way you are working.” Acknowledgment: “Your working shows good focus and control.” ——— Praise: “I’m so proud of you for your
READ MORE >>> →Behavior Modification or behaviorism in the form of PBIS is widely used in schools and homes. In fact, this approach of catching kids dong what the teacher wants and then giving rewards to reinforce the behavior is still mandated by state school administrators around the country. Ask any teacher who has implemented this external approach in the form of PBIS (Positive Behavior and Intervention Supports) to promote responsible behavior and you will hear that, after using this approach for any length of time, it becomes counterproductive. PBIS fails in a number of ways for promoting expected appropriate behavior: • PBIS is unfair because it is IMPOSSIBLE to reward every student for everything the adult desires. • Adults are not consistent
READ MORE >>> →A sage once said, “Education is what you have left over after you have forgotten everything you have learned in school.” This is a powerful insight. Education, or learning, is always renewable because learning should never end until life ends. This mindset can be a significant approach to reducing stress by implementing the three practices. To dig deeper, let’s compare learning with training. Training is imitative; education is creative. The difference between a trained person and an educated person can be likened to the difference between a parrot and its owner. Training teaches you to solve problems according to procedures others have tested and proved. Once you have learned the procedure, you keep repeating it for as long as it
READ MORE >>> →When it comes to children doing well in school and life, the importance of self-control can’t be ignored. In fact, there is growing research on “self-regulation”—people’s ability to stop, think, make a plan, and control their impulses. These are the same skills needed to do well in school and in life. Researchers have become keenly interested in psychologist Walter Mischel’s famous “marshmallow study” from the 1960s in which a researcher would place a marshmallow in front of a hungry 4-year-old and tell the child that they could eat the marshmallow right then—or have two if they waited until the researcher returned. About a third of the children could distract themselves, exhibit self-control, and wait. Followed for years, these disciplined kids
READ MORE >>> →Leadership would be easy if it weren’t for those we lead. As anyone in a leadership position knows, getting people to actually want to do the tasks you need them to do can be a challenge. Without their motivation to want the same goals and objectives as you have, people will not fully commit to what you want. So what does a leader do? Unfortunately, many managers and leaders rely on external motivators to get people to do things. For example, using rewards as enticements and threats of punishment are approaches aimed at obtaining obedience and compliance. They overpower, rather than empower. Telling people what to do and then rewarding them if they do as expected, or threatening them if they
READ MORE >>> →Most people want to improve relationships with those in their life. Unfortunately, relationships (whether with friends or family) are often a cause of stress for many. Whenever diverse personalities are involved, miscommunications and mishaps are bound to occur. If you’d like to improve relationships with others, here are 5 keys for getting along with anyone. 1) Focus on issues, not personalities. Many people unknowingly use trigger words that can disable a conversation and may ultimately destroy a relationship. Such words as “dumb,” “stupid,” and “unprofessional” criticize the person, rather than the content of their ideas or specific actions. How many times have you said to someone, “That’s a dumb idea”? A better approach would be to cite alternatives to the
READ MORE >>> →Here is an interesting biblical interpretation. The King James Version of Psalm 23, “The Lord is My Shepherd,” contains the phrase: “I will fear no evil for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” The “rod” in this context, refers to the governing of flock so they don’t wander. The flock refers to sheep, but metaphorically it refers to people. There are some who use the biblical reference of the “rod” to justify using spankings as a primary and frequent form of discipline—as in “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” This phrase is a modern day proverb that means if a parent refuses to discipline an unruly child, that child will grow accustomed to
READ MORE >>> →A common response I receive at my presentations on the topic of rewarding relates to the idea that people will only work if they are given a reward. This idea that dangling money and other goodies in front of people will “motivate” them to work harder is the conventional theory in our society. But the fact is that compensation is not a reward. There are two assumptions here. The first is that people would not work if they were not rewarded. The fact that many people volunteer and invest time in learning skills without compensation puts this idea to rest. In addition, studies on employment conclude that as long as compensation is at a satisfactory level, one’s salary rates among
READ MORE >>> →Being consistent can reduce stress levels. “Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” This quote, attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, is a very odd thought to put to print. Did Emerson actually write this? After all, he did write the classic essay entitled, “Self-Reliance.” When you look around, it is rather obvious that, quite contrary to what Emerson seems to have suggested, consistency is a hallmark of logic and efficiency. What, then, could a man of Emerson’s caliber have meant when he attributed consistency to that of a small mind? If we go back to the original source of the statement in his essay, we find the problem. Emerson actually wrote, “FOOLISH consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored
READ MORE >>> →What do you want in life? It’s a difficult question, for sure, and one that can easily cause stress when you’re not sure of the answer. Not getting what you want in life is frustrating. Yet it occurs often. One of the reasons we do not get what we want is that sometimes we are a lot clearer about what we don’t want than about what we do want. For example, have you ever had a conversation like the following: Friend 1: Where do you want to go dinner tonight? Friend 2: Well, not that Italian place. We ate there a few nights ago. Friend 1: Okay, how about the Mexican place? Friend 2: No, I don’t want Mexican tonight.
READ MORE >>> →If you find that disciplining your children and fostering a sense of responsibility in them is stressful or unsuccessful, the use of traditional parenting approaches may be the problem. Why? Because traditional parenting approaches—including lectures, rewards, and punishments—rely on external motivators to change the child’s behavior and for obtain obedience and compliance. Telling young people what to do, rewarding them if they do as expected, and threatening or punishing them if they don’t are counterproductive, increase stress, and diminish strong parent/child relationships. Whether the approach is telling-based, rewards-based, or punishment-based, the bottom line is that it’s manipulation, which is never permanent. All of these approaches are something you do to another person and have little long-lasting effect. This is in contrast
READ MORE >>> →Volume 16 Number 8 August 2016 Newsletter #181 Archived IN THIS ISSUE: Welcome Reducing Stress Promoting Responsibility Increasing Effectiveness Improving Relationships Promoting Learning Parenting Without Stress Discipline without Stress (DWS) What People Are Saying 1. WELCOME MONTHLY QUOTE: Growth is its own reward. A few months ago I started to share my experience in Finland and their educational system. However, so many projects have intervened since that I regret not posting the other articles and explaining the reasons that Finland’s educational system performs with the best countries in the world. The articles can be read by searching at WithoutStress in the upper right corner for “Finland.” Recently published Without Stress Tips: 24 Action Without Thought 25 Perfectionism 26 Vision, Success, and Stress 27 Reduce
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